Irish mn'ers, how much can you relate to UK mumsnetters?

[Anotherdayanotherdollar]

I read a lot of different threads on here, and recently I have come across so many issues/practices that I think just don't happen in Ireland. Now, I could be completely off the mark here, obviously there's local/cultural differences everywhere!

I don't know any parents who attend childrens birthday parties with their children (unless family etc),

I'm not aware of any dads who work "compressed hours" to care for their children. Although I know a lot of parents who work opposite shifts I suppose.

Funerals and the culture and practices surrounding death are all very different.

I don't have an abundance of parks/softplay/childrens activities nearby. If I did I'm sure they'd be too expensive to just pop in after school etc. 2 within 40 mins drive of me are €8-10 per hr.

Most children just go to their local school (baptism barrier dependent)

New mums here all seem to be inundated with visitors in hospital after their babies are born. I've never come across a new mum who isn't having visitors for the first week/fortnight etc so that they can bond.

Just a few examples there. So, are these typical observations of Irish people? Or just where I live/work? I know that local amenities are dependent on funding etc but it just seems that despite our close proximity to the UK there are big differences in day to day life.
I hope that all comes across ok. I'm just curious really.

Could be Scottish too, definitely used in Ireland.

Ive never heard in all my life that people outside Dublin arent affectionate as part of a couple.

What the actual fuck?

Re schools: major difference is that parents in Ireland buy books/workbooks/copies every year. It’s quite a significant expense.

Irish admin being terrible - yes , it is awful. Drives me mad and I'm Irish.

I thought of another thing. Pain relief during childbirth. Seems to be so much handwringing about epidurals/midwives being stingy about epidurals. Here the midwives have been very open and straightforward about epidurals when I've given birth. They just want to know do you want one so they can get it sorted for you. Or if you change your mind about wanting one as I did with dc1 - no problem even at 8cm, none of this 'too late' business.

I grew up in a household with presses! I still call the airing cupboard the "hot press".

There is definitely anti-Irish sentiment around, less so but it does exist. I suspect it belongs to the same people who are anti-blacks/muslim/gay etc - so the intolerent and possibly ignorant.

My boss forgets I'm of Irish extract from time to time - because I am vairy posh and home counties - and drops some real clangers. However, he is old-skool needs to retire so I'm hoping that younger generation people don't have the same ignorant, rude, offensive attitudes.

I think the death, funeral as quickly as possible is RC. I know when my granddad died, and it wasn't expected, a few people contacted my Nana afterwards because they had not attended the funeral. It was within a week. But then I think almost every RC in England has some Irish heritage.

Before my parents fell out with the local priest and started attending another church, they used to go to funerals at the church so that no one would ever be at their funeral alone. There was a core group of pensioners. I think it became a bit of a social event for them.

My mum's funeral took a few weeks to organise. She died at new year and the crematorium had been close over Xmas/new year so they had a 'backlog'.

I think UK funerals taking so long is a relatively recent thing (10 years or so) due to lack of crematorium capacity.

RE being able to name the President and the Taiseoich - I'd be able to do that as normally kept abreast but Varandkers election completely passed me by somehow and I was surprised when his name popped up as Taiseoich. Like who's this fella now? Irish politics is so rarely reported in England it's been full of it lately because of Repeal The 8th but generally never in either broadcast news or papers unless major. It's easy to fall behind with.

When we go to Ireland, it feels like time has stood still, Ireland feels less evolved and rather parochial. English people have had to integrate a lot of foreigners and adapt to new cultures in the last 20 years. I think we do a fucking amazing job - which is why half the world wants to live here.

Oh yeah, poor backward little Ireland, so behind the times. “Less evolved” - how offensive and ill-informed you sound.

Must have dreamt all those New Irish from all over the world, enriching our society.

I also have experienced anti-Irish sentiment in southern England, and some frankly outrageous things said to me about my accent, my name, my background and my assumes political opinions by highly educated English people.

I’d actually report your “less evolved” post, Omega1 but it’s a good example of the embedded anti-Irish prejudice that frequently pops up on MN, so I’m going to leave it for all to see.

Actually, I've found that the ratting each other out extends to all aspects of English culture. On MN, I'm always seeing people wondering whether they should rat out a FRIEND for playing the system to get an extra £20 a week. Things are different in Ireland - we're all in it together/us against the system, rather than actually ratting out your friend! I can't get over that. I actually find the UK a terrifying place to live, as it has such a rat culture.

I'm Irish, though I've been living away for some years. I find that tolerance of welfare fraud, tax fraud, corrupt politicians, and dishonesty in general is the least attractive aspect of Irish life. Well, that and the unpunctuality.

There are so many wonderful aspects of Irish culture, it seems rather bizarre to me to highlight that particular one as being great.

Ah here @Omega1 feck off will ya.

Parochial my hole.

Gowl.

Re the difference timewise between funerals in UK and Ireland, I think the family/other has to actually register the death with the registrar in UK before the funeral can be arranged.

In Ireland that is not necessary, just production of a "death notification form" from the informant, ie doctor, hospice, hospital etc. The registration of death can be done afterwards, within three months I think. Of course where crime or suspicious deaths are involved, a post mortem is required, but these seem to happen very quickly too.

So in the UK, the death has to be registered, a week or so delay, and then book the crem, cemetery, and service.

Can the funeral be arranged before the death is registered in UK? I am not sure.

Northern Irish here, funerals within 3 days the norm here, so yes, it can be done quickly in the UK. That said, I think crematoriam space is the issue, and burial still more common in Ireland than cremation.

Can the funeral be arranged before the death is registered in UK? I am not sure

I suppose there must be allowances for Jewish and Muslim families, as culturally they bury very quickly. (and I suppose they can do that because they probably use jewish/muslim undertakers/ burial grounds so demand is no where near as high).

But if some religions can bypass the rules - and others can't - that seems unfair. Or if their registrations get expedited.

...so I really don't know the answer to that. {confused]
But then one of the upshots of British funeral culture is that no one actually knows how to organise a funeral until they have to do it. In that respect, I suppose the Irish funeral machine is much better. Even if I wouldn't like an Irish style of funeral for myself (not that i'd care - being dead and all)

Oh yeah, poor backward little Ireland, so behind the times. “Less evolved” - how offensive and ill-informed you sound

Why do you think people were interested in the Irish abortion vote? For the outcome? No. It was fascinating to people that there had to be a referendum in the first place. That's the only reason it was newsworthy.

Well, I can only speak for my impressions of Dublin but it seems to me like a very evolved "world city" very much like London but friendlier and less anonymous. I'd move there in a heartbeat.

Re the lack of a "ratting out" culture, which I agree has been encouraged as a kind of divide and rule tactic in the U.K., do you think that perhaps too much of turning a blind eye has been a contributing factor in the scandals associated with the Catholic Church? Surely whistleblowing has its place?

Settle down folks! The thread isn't about superiority, just practices we do differently.

I don't think that Irish people use personal email to the same extent. I often see suggestions to email friends to announce baby/wedding news or to make arrangements for a weekend away etc. Nobody I know here does that.

Also, weddings are a bit different here too. No church halls/pub, definitely no free bar, no poems in cards with invites and to my knowledge, no offence!
They're usually at hotels, distance from church/ceremony location to hotel is not really an issue, you make your own way there. An overnight stay is usually expected. They carry on until the early hours. Money is given as a gift and almost never less than €100 but generally more.

I think lack of a “ratting out” culture in Ireland also stems at least partly from a post-colonial hangover, where society at large didn’t feel invested in the structures of government and the state for successive generations. We also didn’t have the post-WW2 rebuilding of civic culture that much of Europe had. Fintan O’Toole had an interesting riff on this in one of his books on the financial crisis.

Choli - agree totally.

Omega please wind your neck in. You were the not the first person to post something unpleasant, admittedly (I can't remember their name - something about Cod? Codswallop?) And I didn't think you were wrong to rebut it. But every post since of yours is becoming increasingly unpleasant and you are getting offensive now.

And that is your decision to post those.

Ireland's constitution goes back to the early 20th century. It is not surprising that there are outdated laws in it. Nor is it any reflection on the Irish people of today (or of the past - we should never judge the past by today's standards). Because of the way their constitution is set up - they have to have referenda to amend it. Whereas our govt can quietly get rid of any law they deem out of date. Back when abortion was made legal here, there is no way it would have won a referendum. People's opinions caught up with politics. In Ireland it has happened the other way around. That is all.

I believe people's interest in repeal the 8th was because it was a huge step forward for women's rights. Not out of some sneery attitude to the little parochial Irish. And I think you know that.

@Omega1 we have referendums about all sorts in Ireland. It’s due to how our constitution is written. I’ve voted in loads at this point and I’m in my mid 30s.

Re death certs in Ireland you can bury without one. You need a release form signed by a doctor to say no investigation/PM needed. Cremation forms are a formal death cert but doctors are sensitive to the need to sign them early so it’s not a problem.

In England I’ve always gone to sign death certs for my patients within 24 hours of death to allow families make arrangements- the mortuary staff think I’m mad to be honest. In the case of Muslim/Jewish families if the death is expected we will always make sure the death is registered immediately if no PM is needed.

@Omega1 - you've earned my very first MN "fuck off".

Parochial and less evolved? Let's have a chat about Brexit, shall we?

The irony of your post Omega1. Starting it off by saying that person had encountered a dickhead and it didn’t prove anything, and then finishing it by being an offensive dickhead yourself.