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Original poster

To be depressed that were the only ones with a tiny place

151 replies

AleaEim · 31/08/2025 07:04

I am just dumbfounded these days as everyone around me seems to be able to effortlessly afford big houses and multiple holidays a year. Two years ago, dh and I went through blood, sweat and tears to buy our tiny maisonette, we knew it was small but it was close to a station that gets us to London easily and we knew we couldn’t afford to move out further and then have to pay for expensive trains. We used all our savings for this place and even needed a small loan from MIL (retirement savings) which we now pay pack monthly on top of a mortgage. I’m now on mat leave and have zero disposable income, we both struggle to buy treats or a takeaway for a nice break. If something needs to be done to the house we need to use our credit cards, we are trying to build up our savings for emergencies but it’s so hard. Yesterday we went to a new couple friends house (we know them from NCT), we thought they were quite normal/ working class people and expected them to be living like us. I was wrong, their place was huge, with a huge garden, there was so much space, they also have been away on lots of trips this year. This is the same for the rest of the NCT group, we live in a relatively working class area so none of us are super wealthy but everyone seems to be doing better than us. We can barely afford to run our car. I think I find it depressing because we worked so hard to get this place, we had no inheritance or gifted money, we were proud of our place until we started to see what our friends were buying. One of my non NCT friends was complaining about her small four bed house recently, she has a huge place with a big garden in zone 4 London, she earns less than me but married quite wealthy 🥹 it makes me sick and I don’t know how to just overcome this. I know we should be grateful but it’s hard. I’m just envious that others seem to have been dealt a better hand than us, neither of our parents owned property so there’s no generational wealth at all.

Sorry big rant but feeling quite low today and it affected my sleep. In the grand scheme of things I know we are lucky.

OP posts:
sundayfundayclub · 31/08/2025 08:08

A lot is generational wealth or if people are even just a few years older & got on the ladder that little bit earlier before things went crazy they could have made a fortune in property.

Periperi2025 · 31/08/2025 08:09

I live in North West Wales. There is very little modern housing stock, so most of us live in old (damp) stone cottages. We are all on relatively low salaries compared to the national averages (public sector workers are the high earners here). The local housing market has had decades of being decimated by second home purchases.
As a result i and many of my friends are raising families in pretty small properties. But that's life.

CleaningAngel · 31/08/2025 08:09

AleaEim · 31/08/2025 07:04

I am just dumbfounded these days as everyone around me seems to be able to effortlessly afford big houses and multiple holidays a year. Two years ago, dh and I went through blood, sweat and tears to buy our tiny maisonette, we knew it was small but it was close to a station that gets us to London easily and we knew we couldn’t afford to move out further and then have to pay for expensive trains. We used all our savings for this place and even needed a small loan from MIL (retirement savings) which we now pay pack monthly on top of a mortgage. I’m now on mat leave and have zero disposable income, we both struggle to buy treats or a takeaway for a nice break. If something needs to be done to the house we need to use our credit cards, we are trying to build up our savings for emergencies but it’s so hard. Yesterday we went to a new couple friends house (we know them from NCT), we thought they were quite normal/ working class people and expected them to be living like us. I was wrong, their place was huge, with a huge garden, there was so much space, they also have been away on lots of trips this year. This is the same for the rest of the NCT group, we live in a relatively working class area so none of us are super wealthy but everyone seems to be doing better than us. We can barely afford to run our car. I think I find it depressing because we worked so hard to get this place, we had no inheritance or gifted money, we were proud of our place until we started to see what our friends were buying. One of my non NCT friends was complaining about her small four bed house recently, she has a huge place with a big garden in zone 4 London, she earns less than me but married quite wealthy 🥹 it makes me sick and I don’t know how to just overcome this. I know we should be grateful but it’s hard. I’m just envious that others seem to have been dealt a better hand than us, neither of our parents owned property so there’s no generational wealth at all.

Sorry big rant but feeling quite low today and it affected my sleep. In the grand scheme of things I know we are lucky.

Comparison is the thief of happiness

Iocainepowder · 31/08/2025 08:09

AleaEim · 31/08/2025 08:00

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I know I’m being ungrateful. It’s just that our place is so so small not just objectively small, can’t even fit a baby walker in the living room small and my friend had two in her living room, silly but hard not to notice these things. Thanks to the PP who said in ten years things will be different, that is true. I went to uni for the first time in my early 30’s and am now on a doctorate course which pays me a trainee salary, in two years I’ll be qualified and earning more. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Think I was just totally shocked yesterday and dh was equally shocked the other day when his friend was talking about fixing something in his house that cost 20k, where on earth do people just have that money? They didn’t get a loan. Little moments like this get us down, I don’t know why but it just does, we try our best but we didn’t have a leg up so our best isn’t good enough sometimes.

everyone’s circumstances are different and savings can come from a massive variety of sources. Many people were able to save money in lockdown for example. Some of my savings come from redundancy money after working for a company for 10 years. It’s not always about getting a ‘leg up’.

TheaBrandt1 · 31/08/2025 08:11

You mustn’t compare you will drive your self mad!

We have what we thought was a decent house (no family help) then Dd palled up with the daughter of an international billionaire family - we are absolute paupers compared to them!

Hedjwitch · 31/08/2025 08:12

Still living in a flat and paying off the mortgage. I'm 61! Doubt I will ever own an actual house now.

flutterby1 · 31/08/2025 08:12

… and others may not be doing it on the bank of mom and dad or inheritance BUT probably have massive debt, big loans, huge credit card debt, big mortgages, cars on pcp. Furniture on interest free credit…bad choices. it will catch up with them soon .

Girlgoneinternational · 31/08/2025 08:14

Yes, a lot of it is generational wealth. You say that neither of your parents owned property but you do, so your child will hopefully benefit from that in the future. You're in a great position, even if it doesn't feel like it right now.

Happyhandbag56 · 31/08/2025 08:14

AleaEim · 31/08/2025 08:00

Thanks everyone for your kind replies. I know I’m being ungrateful. It’s just that our place is so so small not just objectively small, can’t even fit a baby walker in the living room small and my friend had two in her living room, silly but hard not to notice these things. Thanks to the PP who said in ten years things will be different, that is true. I went to uni for the first time in my early 30’s and am now on a doctorate course which pays me a trainee salary, in two years I’ll be qualified and earning more. I just need to keep reminding myself of that. Think I was just totally shocked yesterday and dh was equally shocked the other day when his friend was talking about fixing something in his house that cost 20k, where on earth do people just have that money? They didn’t get a loan. Little moments like this get us down, I don’t know why but it just does, we try our best but we didn’t have a leg up so our best isn’t good enough sometimes.

If you didn’t go to uni until your early 30’s and you’re doing your doctorate now, I’d assume you’re now late 30s? Lots of us went to uni as teenagers so then we’ve worked in professional jobs with good salaries and progression for a lot longer than you. It’s just purely that, even without any help from parents or inheritance, some people might have just simply earned more than you and still do. I wouldn’t compare yourself to someone who’s had a professional career since their very early 20s.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. If it makes you feel better, I’d consider you quite well off because you could afford an NCT class. I don’t know a single person who’s been to one and very few would could afford it. When I was pregnant, they didn’t run one locally anyway, but I’d have struggled to justify the cost, so you are lucky in some ways.

THISnewbeginning · 31/08/2025 08:17

Happyhandbag56 · 31/08/2025 08:14

If you didn’t go to uni until your early 30’s and you’re doing your doctorate now, I’d assume you’re now late 30s? Lots of us went to uni as teenagers so then we’ve worked in professional jobs with good salaries and progression for a lot longer than you. It’s just purely that, even without any help from parents or inheritance, some people might have just simply earned more than you and still do. I wouldn’t compare yourself to someone who’s had a professional career since their very early 20s.

You have nothing to be ashamed about. If it makes you feel better, I’d consider you quite well off because you could afford an NCT class. I don’t know a single person who’s been to one and very few would could afford it. When I was pregnant, they didn’t run one locally anyway, but I’d have struggled to justify the cost, so you are lucky in some ways.

Show quote history

I was going to say this about NCT - none of my working class peers have been to these, it is expensive for a lot of people so you probably will meet higher earning people there

JacknDiane · 31/08/2025 08:20

I know exactly what you mean @AleaEim

It reminds me of the song by James called Sit Down

"If I didn't see such riches I could live with being poor"

ChicJoker · 31/08/2025 08:21

OrangeSmoke · 31/08/2025 08:07

No it doesn't, it's totally understandable. Generational wealth is unfair on those who don't have it and have to work twice as hard to get half of what others own. And I say that as someone who has benefitted from it. It's okay for op to feel aggrieved.

Show quote history

We’re not talking about generational wealth though? And in what way is it unfair?

Scalextricks · 31/08/2025 08:21

This is the problem with our current inheritocracy. It's hugely responsible for the current productivity crisis that the media like to blame on working from home

  • people who inherit vast amounts don't have much motivation to work
-.people who don't stand to inherit anything feel totally demotivated as no amount of hard work will make a difference
Gobygently · 31/08/2025 08:23

You know when they visit your ideally located maisonette and sense the love in your family, they’ll be thinking this is truly what a home is. People sense atmospheres, pick up on vibes. If they are swayed by size of property they’re superficial and not worthy of your time.

Meredusoleil · 31/08/2025 08:27

I totally get you OP. I have similar feelings and dh reminds me of the people who have less than us, so then I feel grateful. It's hard when you're always looking at people who have more/better/bigger etc. So I think you need a little reminder of what you do already have.

EnglishRain · 31/08/2025 08:27

I didn’t do NCT because I didn’t want really want to socialise with loads of middle class woman in particular. It’s a particular demographic that does it (like me, to be honest). I would expect anyone going to be relatively comfortable.

I have a bigger house than a lot of friends locally. Difference is that I went to uni and got a grad job straight after, and I got on the housing ladder ASAP, did a house up and then moved up the ladder quickly to the next one, moving out of area. It would be easy to look at me and think I’ve been gifted it but I haven’t. I made a certain set of decisions which isn’t for everyone. I’m not big on travel though.

It sounds like you started a bit later with regard to uni, or have at least taken a reduced salary recently to retrain? I imagine your early 20s were quite different to mine.

PigletSanders · 31/08/2025 08:27

I didn’t have generational wealth. In fact I now provide for my parent. Me and my husband just made a lot of money not working for other people. It’s career choices, it’s choosing risk, it’s investing wisely and to a degree it’s personality type I think. All these things happened gradually, and now we’re very well off with lots of disposable.

It’s not always having a leg up from parents or grandparents.

METimezone · 31/08/2025 08:29

Kindly, OP, you have had a parental leg-up to allow you to buy your house. If your MIL hadn't been able to loan you the money, presumably you couldn't have bought your house. It may not be as big a leg-up as some, but try to remember that you've also had help, which makes you very lucky.

Also, can you think of it that every family has to start somewhere, and it sounds like you and your DH are building wonderful foundations for your own children? That's amazing.

Pretty much everyone in the country will be able to see others who have materially more than them, but you have a choice whether to focus on that, or to focus on how lucky you are in comparison to some others and to truly enjoy and do the best with what you have.

It sounds like you are living a very lovely life (albeit tough at times, like everyone in their own way). Don't waste the experience being envious - it will only take from you. X

SumUp · 31/08/2025 08:30

Everything useful has already been said, but I wanted to add that I was in your position once. Please don’t be disheartened. The discipline and mindset that you are building will serve you well and also help your children. I came from a financially disadvantaged but loving family. I did my best over the years and on retirement I had built up a well respected business, employing a lot of people.

Large houses are not my thing, especially at my current life stage, but I have one that’s perfect for me, I travel a lot and I help my adult children, more with coaching and encouragement than money, because I feel that allowing them to figure things out for themselves is valuable.

IDontHateRainbows · 31/08/2025 08:31

But this is life surely. As a small child, probably bemoaning another kid having a toy i wanted and didn't have my mother said one of the wisest things she's ever said.
There'll always be someone better off than you abd There'll always be someone worse off than you.

Stuck with me.

BumpedmyElbow · 31/08/2025 08:31

I know this feeling very well OP. I think you have it wherever on the ladder you are, because everyone looks to the next rung up. We are in our 40s and the next step up from you house wise, but yesterday my husband spent an hour moaning about all the other cars at nursery drop off; wondering how families could afford these massive, brand new expensive cars and whether they had the house to match. I get frustrated at the inequality between different industries. You can have two jobs requiring the same level of intelligence, same level of qualification, same number of hours and intensity of work and one will pay three times the salary of the other because of the industry. My parents advised me to choose a degree that interested me and I dont know if I'll be able to give my children the same advice. I think today I'd tell them that's an important factor but so is future earning potential. It must be why humanities department are dying.

sundayfundayclub · 31/08/2025 08:32

It’s not always having a leg up from parents or grandparents.

The majority of the time it is & even many people who take risks, build a business tend to have a leg up or a safety net which is hugely underestimated.

sundayfundayclub · 31/08/2025 08:33

@Scalextricks definitely not wrong with regards to productivity.

dammit88 · 31/08/2025 08:37

Digdongdoo · 31/08/2025 08:07

You're obviously not the only people living in small houses and flats and you well know it.
London and the commuter belt is expensive, near a station even more so. We moved further out to afford more space. If you feel your home is too small, these are the choices you will have to make. That's just life. Don't waste your energy being jealous.
You're doing a doctorate at the same time you've had a baby, no wonder you're short of cash. Other people your age, even without generational wealth, have been qualified and earning lots and paying down mortgages for a decade longer than you. Would be nonsense to compare yourself to them. Different choices, different lifestyles.

This in a nutshell. You have many things in your life to be grateful for according to your posts. Don't spoil it by comparing to the very small number of people in society that have more. Millions have far less.

daffodilandtulip · 31/08/2025 08:38

I have a small house. I'd have so much anxiety from the size of some peoples' mortgages.
And you don't know what's going on being closed doors. I've got friends who hate their jobs, have panic attacks and cry daily but won't even consider a job change because of the house/car/mortgage.

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