Hi all,
Apologies in advance I know this is all very much 1st world problems. I know that I'm in what is, certainly in relative terms to others, a very fortunate position. I know I'm going to be judged for this post, and that's okay. I deserve judgement. But I needed to get this off my chest in the hope that someone has an idea.
That said, since becoming a single parent, my children and I have had to have a big adjustment downwards in terms of our lifestyle and I'm struggling to budget and know where to cut our spending.
This year I separated from my now ex-wife (children's mother). When we were married, we lived a comfortable life... we were both high earners in senior management roles and had a very comfortable lifestyle. We wouldn't have called ourselves rich, but pretty much everyone else did.
We went on holiday 5x every year, went skiing in the winter, drove nice cars and ate out most nights. I went for years not looking at my bank statements when I used my card, which I know is bad.
My four children (DS8, DD7, DS3 and DD 3 months) live with me full time, my ex-wife pays a total of £4500 per month in child maintenance and spousal support. I recieve higher rate PIP since having a car accident 12 years ago which left me with chronic pain, my eldest DD (age 7) also receives higher rate DLA due to her disability.
Two of my children are diagnosed with ASD/PDA (including DD7).
Now between what my ex-wife pays and my limited income from my B2L investments plus the DLA/PIP I'm really feeling the pinch. I know I shouldn't be, and I feel awful even writing this but I don't know where to cut down on spending. I'm still spending money as I was when we were married and between us bringing home 8x what I'm getting now in total.
How on earth do people survive on limited incomes? And I don't mean where I am now, people survive only on benefits.. how?
My family all live in my home country so I have no childcare at all, due to domestic violence I have an injunction against my ex wife so she's not involved in the children's lives at all. Her family all don't want to know either where before they were really supportive and helpful.
Due to their additional needs my children are home-educated and DD7 needs pretty much 24/7 supervision. I'm exhausted, and there's what feels like no help at all.
I downsized into a smaller home after we separated in a new area, I self-referred to children's social services and asked about respite care and support. They told me that they wouldn't help because my children weren't at risk and we weren't on what would be defined as a low income because I'm ineligible for universal credit. I haven't heard from them since. It feels like all they did really was give me a pat on the head and tell me I'm on my own. Which I am.
I'm exhausted, and I know I need help but I don't know where to turn if there even is anywhere to turn. I don't want to hire a nanny as I know it will disrupt the children's routine and they will struggle more even though it would make my life easier.
I've been a British citizen and passport holder for 6 years now, since moving to the UK I was always a high rate tax payer, my children have only ever lived here and are all British citizens and habitual English speakers.
Now it feels like my only option is to move my children and I to my home country where at least I have my parents and my sister to help. But I don't want to do that because I don't feel it to be fair to the kids, they've only ever known life in this country and have only visited Spain twice in their life.
Hoping someone, somewhere has some creative solution because at this rate I'm on track for burnout and bankruptcy.