How much rent do you charge your adult children?

[Redandpinkstripes]

My daughter is 26 and earns more than me. She pays £200 a month. She has 2 showers a day. Dinner cooked and washing and ironing done. I feel bad but with everything going up I am considering asking her to pay £100 a month more as we are struggling financially.
I just feel guilty that I can't provide for her.
How much is fair to ask her to pay?
Thank you x

I agree. It’s not as if the parents get to live for free, so why should the (adult earning a good wage ) kids ?

We don't charge our 19 yr old son board but it is on the proviso that he saves at least 1/3rd of his salary into long term savings, he cooks for everyone at least twice a week, he does some housework (as a minimum his room, the bathroom he uses and the kitchen). He knows we will continue to financially support him up until the age of 25 to some extent and this is a good deal.

At 26 though I think lodger rates apply. I would look to see how much the going rate is in your area, add on the extra for food etc and then give a family discount (if you wish).

for those stating they are going to ensure that thier off spring save at least a third of their wages - do you not see this as overbearing and controlling? Having an adult living in the house with you, not taking rent but ensuring they do what you want with a third of their wages is rather OTT, is not like they are children any longer

No it isn't.

Quite.

I assume the posters saying that work themselves to pay the household bills/mortgage/groceries while letting their adult DC carry on being children with no adult responsibilities.

Those ‘children’ get a nasty shock when they realise how much it costs to live in the big wide world so it really doesn’t do them any favours.

I’m of the mind that I’ve worked hard to raise my DC, given them the best opportunities, when they become adults, they have adult responsibilities which includes paying their way. I’m not working into my old age to support my adult children, I deserve some nice things for myself!

agree - my son is 22 and graduated last year - he's been on an intern salary but that is increasing in September - we have been charging him £300 per month, he pays his own way on the car and his own sports membership. Like you I do the washing but he irons his own stuff. He is aggressively saving and investing so as long as we are not out of pocket I won't be charging him more to help him out.

We have 2 at home (25 and 21).
They don't pay anything and they feel guilty about this but we won't take it.
We know how hard life is for young adults and they are both saving hard to get their own places. They each saved over £20k last year and there is no way they could do this if they had to also pay rent.
I am aware that we are fortunate. I grew up very poor and if it wasn't for my parents allowing me to move home as an adult, I would never have made it onto the housing ladder.

I agree - that's what my dad would have done and I would have resented it. My son already manages his own money and is saving and investing. He's an adult and doesn't need me poking my nose in. As long as he isn't taking the mickey out of us (which he isn't), he can do what he likes with the rest.

Really, you don't see it as controlling to tell another family member what to do with their money? You would do as you're told to with your money by another family member?

It's very much each to their own, but they are still "my child" even as an adult and I always want their home to be somewhere they can be with no strings attached. It's home 🤷 As long as they were contributing eg doing household chores and being otherwise respectful, then I wouldn't have an issue with it. I would just feel very wrong charging them to live in their own home, irrespective of age. There are other ways to teach them responsibility and money management than charging them rent in my opinion. But that is my opinion, I accept others are different 🙂

@Redandpinkstripes

Why not go on Spareroom.co.U.K., filter for a bedroom in your area with or without en suite bathroom and see what the market prices are? That would be illuminating both for you for your daughter, especially if she's earning more than you and has more disposable income than you.

Bear in mind that the charges quoted are exclusive of a number of things, including food and laundry and it will be apparent how far she is under paying you. I think even £300/month is too generous of you - try her on £400 which will include reasonable utilities and general food but she does chores around the house including her own washing and ironing, which she'd have to do if she wasn't living at home. Show her what she'd have to pay if she wasn't living at home. Hopefully you'll both see that, even with a decent increase, she's still got a really good deal, financially. 🌹

Both mine are at home saving deposits for their own properties. They pay me £400 per month each. They get everything included, all food, washing and ironing. They usually snaffle any leftovers to take to work. They both earn at least £45,000 each which is far more than me.

I'd say £280/£300 is perfectly acceptable to ask for...also stop doing her washing..she's a grown up..

My DS’ pay £150 a month each, I know, I know. I want them to save for a deposit. I still buy their toiletries & clothes 🤭they are such lovely sons, so I am happy to do so.

And other PPs have said, stop doing her laundry.

I know that many parents don't want to charge their children because they want them to save up to get on the property ladder but the reality is that you have an adult child that earns more than you.
This is untenable, particularly as you're struggling yourself.

She needs to pay her way , at least to some extent.

Stop doing her laundry!!!

I never charged my kids while in education. My daughter moved back after university and we started charging when she got a ft job. She pays £300 and that covers everything apart from a few bits and pieces she buys for her lunches or if she fancies a pain au chocolate for breakfast. She has a bedroom with en suite and does her own washing and bedding. I clean her bathroom every week though-so I know it’s done properly! We cook her meals unless she’s eating out, and she either eats with us or heats it later. I have saved quite a bit for her out of that rent-she’s just about to move out to big city life and that cash will help her pay her deposit and first couple of months rent. It seemed an ideal compromise as we expect a contribution to the cost of the household while still being only a third of what she’s about to pay with no food. If we needed extra money from her, I would have no qualms about telling her she would need to increase her contribution. I think your daughter has it pretty lucky that she has a parent who is making sacrifices to subsidise her-but she is now a full grown adult whose earnings have overtaken yours and she shouldn’t be seeing you struggling.

No you should not charge your adult children a proportion of mortgage/rent or council tax. You would have to pay for these even if they weren’t there. Just work out how much extra they cost you to live there. Don’t make money out of your own children. Don’t do their washing.

No, I don't.

He either saves the money himself or we will charge him board [and save it for him]. His choice and one made easily with no complaint. As an extra incentive we match what he saves what he does up to a certain amount.

£300 is very reasonable. I'd probably stop doing her washing and ironing as well and maybe get her to cook for the house one day a week. Your really not doing her any favours in the long run, with you doing everything for her she'll be clueless when she moves out, I was 🥴.
When I went for university I was useless as my mam did everything for me and I didn't know how to cook, clean, do laundry or manage my finances as I paid very little rent and didn't do anything around the house.

I think in general - need to think about it in terms of young people today don't have the same options you had. If she's ever going to be able to afford somewhere of her own she needs to save. But if things are tough financially have a conversation with her adult to adult - you're in this together, you want to support her savings but also when times are tough family pitch in and support each other too. Decide with her.

Are they actually saving?

I think the point is that it's a much much bigger 'shock' than was faced by your generations. Your dc might earn more but ultimately they are unlikely to be able to get on the property ladder at all and rents are astronomical. Your generation has benefitted from this and it's not 'generosity' to support young people at the sharp end - it's recognizing the immense privilege your generation has had.

she should be paying more. and you shouldn't be doing her laundry cooking etc she needs to take that on or she'll never leave.

Nothing, as I want her to save her money for a deposit on a property. My parents never charged me and my sister.
My grandparents never charged my mum either. She bought at 22.
We both bought at 26/27. We are both mortgage free at 52/53. My sisters kids are 28 and 31 and both have mortgages with their partners.
My daughter is 24 and has worked since she was 18, and should have enough deposit, together with a £32k job, to buy a flat next year with her boyfriend. She's also been able to travel the world, as I did.
I'm not wealthy, far from it, but getting my kids on the property ladder and not being trapped in rental has been a priority for me and my exH.
We are im outer London/Kent

And we still buy her food but she also buys food and does her own laundry etc.