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Original poster

I just want to sell the house and relieve the pressure

101 replies

isthesolution · 25/07/2023 19:13

I just feel so tired of feeling so skint.

My husbands job never recovered from covid and then Brexit. He is trying to get extra work but has been in a v niche industry for his whole career so increasing income will take some time. I work 3.5 days - currently no scope to up this.

We have our dream house. It's lovely, in the countryside, big garden, very private. Tried and failed for planning for anything to generate income.

We could sell it, move onto a newer estate, in the catchment area of a top school and be mortgage free.

I don't want to give up the dream house BUT I also want to have money to enjoy experiences with the kids (14, 8) while they are young. My heart is screaming one thing and my head another - help!!

OP posts:
FatherJoseFernandez · 25/07/2023 19:24

Could either of you do any additional work in another type of role? Anything to bring extra money in? Do you have any talents? ie: anything you could make and sell online? Is your husband’s job anything’s that he could teach or lectures on if it’s a niche industry?

FatherJoseFernandez · 25/07/2023 19:25

Your house and it’s location sound gorgeous - I would be reluctant to give that up!

RandomMess · 25/07/2023 19:32

One young teen another getting older.

Move skip living rurally with teens and being the taxi service.

Move to your forever cottage once the DC are flying the nest.

riotlady · 25/07/2023 19:42

Being mortgage free and closer to town/schools sounds like a great deal to me tbh

ChopperC110P · 25/07/2023 19:46

Get a PT job? You’re only working part time.

RegentCafe · 25/07/2023 19:49

Get a 2nd job. You could do the other 1.5 equivalent at the weekend (or around DHs shifts) - so no childcare needed

Sarfar45 · 25/07/2023 19:49

I would go for mortgage free and easier access to school etc. move when kids have left move to something smaller in the country.

Sundaefraise · 25/07/2023 19:50

I would bloody do it in a heartbeat. I'm in a similar position, except minus the dream home and no scope to be mortgage free. You are actually incredibly fortunate to have options. Life is for more than just paying for an expensive box and your children will be grown up and gone before you know it.

Member589500 · 25/07/2023 19:53

Do it. It’s the perfect time to move your children closer to friends, schools, bus stop etc.

NorthFaceofthelaundrypile · 25/07/2023 20:34

I’ve known a couple of people rent out their own bigger home and go into a much smaller rental for a period of time, to free themselves up financially for a period of time.
could this be an option?

Original poster
isthesolution · 25/07/2023 20:49

I work 3 days one week and 4 days the next giving me random days to try and get work. But it is an option - factor in a dog walker and breakfast/after school club plus petrol and my earnings wouldn't go up much. It would also mean the eldest couldn't do after school activities that day as I'd not be there to collect her.

Husband doesn't work shift. Sometimes he is away for a week then home for 2 then away a few days back back a few days. It's v sporadic. Again he could work more but in something v flexible - driving maybe or something low wage.

I already feel I drive the 45 min round trip to the nearest city 4-5 times a week for clubs and activities. My commute is the same. Moving closer would make this journey either walkable or on a short bus route.

I'm scared of giving up the house and really regretting it. I realise I'm so very lucky to have the problem!

OP posts:
PaperDoves · 25/07/2023 21:56

To echo a previous poster, have you looked into how much you could get on the rental market? My friend wanted to move but wasn't sure if she wanted it to be permanent, so rented out her lovely London house for a few years. Could be something to consider if you're unsure?

HopelessEstateAgents · 26/07/2023 09:43

FatherJoseFernandez · 25/07/2023 19:24

Could either of you do any additional work in another type of role? Anything to bring extra money in? Do you have any talents? ie: anything you could make and sell online? Is your husband’s job anything’s that he could teach or lectures on if it’s a niche industry?

Or you teach your skills and your husband craft? Weird to assume only the men can do the intellectual work and women run the low paying Etsy shop...

Original poster
isthesolution · 26/07/2023 09:51

PaperDoves · 25/07/2023 21:56

To echo a previous poster, have you looked into how much you could get on the rental market? My friend wanted to move but wasn't sure if she wanted it to be permanent, so rented out her lovely London house for a few years. Could be something to consider if you're unsure?

Apparently not an option with our mortgage. We'd have to pay the early exit fee of thousands to move it to buy to let.

Also I think I'm too much of a worrier - I'd be worrying what others were doing in the house, worrying they'd leave and we'd not find new tenants, worrying about the upkeep and various appliance tests etc.

OP posts:
spitefulandbadgrammar · 26/07/2023 09:54

I’d go mortgage-free in a heartbeat. But only if it wasn’t a huge drop in quality of life – swapping a big private garden for a small one is fine, moving to a high rise, no. What’s the new build estate actually like?

What would a move afford you in terms of experiences? Do your kids enjoy the garden you currently have? Can they have play dates or are you too far from town?

Maybe write yourself a “what life looks like in five years” fantasy essay – what do your days look like. Your weekends. Holidays. How much are you working/driving/leisure time, etc. Just free write, stream of consciousness. Read it back and it might show what you actually want: like more time, which you’d get by not having to drive 45 minutes or work more to afford things or do upkeep on a big garden. Or it might reveal that your heart’s desire is a new job that affords you the ability to stay part time and in the house! Who knows till you splurge your brain onto paper.

Shoesonthefloor · 26/07/2023 09:54

I do sympathise we're in a similar position and desperate to hold on to our lovely house but it would make more sense to sell up.

BunnyBettChettwynd · 26/07/2023 10:11

If you move you will be closer to everything, better off financially, your 45 minute commute will be a pleasant stroll, your kids will be in a good school, your money worries will disappear. You might even be able to work less hours rather than more, pay less for petrol, dog walkers etc and have more money and time to spend with your family while they are young and at home with you.

If you stay you will be in a house that in a few years time is going to be very big for two people in gardens that need a lot of upkeep. Move and when your children leave home you can spend your weekends travelling and doing fun stuff rather than mowing the lawn.

As a totally impartial observer it's hard to see what your dream house adds to your quality of life now or in the future.

Original poster
isthesolution · 26/07/2023 11:20

spitefulandbadgrammar · 26/07/2023 09:54

I’d go mortgage-free in a heartbeat. But only if it wasn’t a huge drop in quality of life – swapping a big private garden for a small one is fine, moving to a high rise, no. What’s the new build estate actually like?

What would a move afford you in terms of experiences? Do your kids enjoy the garden you currently have? Can they have play dates or are you too far from town?

Maybe write yourself a “what life looks like in five years” fantasy essay – what do your days look like. Your weekends. Holidays. How much are you working/driving/leisure time, etc. Just free write, stream of consciousness. Read it back and it might show what you actually want: like more time, which you’d get by not having to drive 45 minutes or work more to afford things or do upkeep on a big garden. Or it might reveal that your heart’s desire is a new job that affords you the ability to stay part time and in the house! Who knows till you splurge your brain onto paper.

I love this! Thank you for taking the time to write it.

A new build style house would be a 4 bed detached, drive, cul de sac with a normal garden. Our house is large, big rooms etc so I think it would feel smaller but would have the same number of rooms. I don't think the quality of life dip would be big. We'd be overlooked and probably take some time to get used to the noise of cars etc instead of cows!

The kids have play dates - the youngest likes having friends to the house and does play in the garden. The eldest is driven to just about everything. We have to drive everywhere - no shops etc in walking distance.

OP posts:
Original poster
isthesolution · 26/07/2023 11:21

BunnyBettChettwynd · 26/07/2023 10:11

If you move you will be closer to everything, better off financially, your 45 minute commute will be a pleasant stroll, your kids will be in a good school, your money worries will disappear. You might even be able to work less hours rather than more, pay less for petrol, dog walkers etc and have more money and time to spend with your family while they are young and at home with you.

If you stay you will be in a house that in a few years time is going to be very big for two people in gardens that need a lot of upkeep. Move and when your children leave home you can spend your weekends travelling and doing fun stuff rather than mowing the lawn.

As a totally impartial observer it's hard to see what your dream house adds to your quality of life now or in the future.

Yeh I think on paper it's the logical choice. When it's your dream home it pulls the heart strings a lot more. But you are right!

OP posts:
BringOnSummerHolidays · 26/07/2023 11:27

I will move and be mortgage free. With that stress you can't enjoy your house anyway.

Stratocumulus · 26/07/2023 11:30

I had to give up 2 “dream homes” for a variety of reasons. One was fabulous with sea views, swimming pool, live in help, gardener etc. The other a 3 bed semi with a beautiful garden, quiet area and great neighbours. Good school catchment area.

It takes time but if you take your time and choose wisely (as best you can on a new build site) you’ll soon move on in your head and might be wistful but you’ll get over it.

Go mortgage free. It’s emancipating.
Good luck.

Peony654 · 26/07/2023 11:36

I'd move and be mortgage free, and free yourself from the car dependency - can't think of anything worse. It will allow your kids/teenagers so much freedom. i loved growing up in a town.

Peony654 · 26/07/2023 11:36

It's a not a dream house if you are struggling financially. I find the concept quite odd anyway! Nothing is perfect.

LegendsBeyond · 26/07/2023 11:39

It’s just a house. It won’t make you happy. Move & reduce the stress. You could also work less if you move!

LadyDanburysHat · 26/07/2023 11:49

It may be your dream house, but apart from the financial worries, it doesn't sound like a practical location for you as a growing family. Driving kids everywhere is tedious, and especially as you already have a teen, it isn't great for them to have no independence to go and meet friends etc.

You should really move, it will bring more positives than negatives for you as a family.