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Original poster

I just want to sell the house and relieve the pressure

101 replies

isthesolution · 25/07/2023 19:13

I just feel so tired of feeling so skint.

My husbands job never recovered from covid and then Brexit. He is trying to get extra work but has been in a v niche industry for his whole career so increasing income will take some time. I work 3.5 days - currently no scope to up this.

We have our dream house. It's lovely, in the countryside, big garden, very private. Tried and failed for planning for anything to generate income.

We could sell it, move onto a newer estate, in the catchment area of a top school and be mortgage free.

I don't want to give up the dream house BUT I also want to have money to enjoy experiences with the kids (14, 8) while they are young. My heart is screaming one thing and my head another - help!!

OP posts:
oiltrader · 28/07/2023 11:17

BunnyBettChettwynd · 28/07/2023 10:50

Work harder, have less access to the things you do, less cash and time to enjoy together and you too can hand on more money to your children when you die in 40 years time.

or

Live now!

Show quote history

Great point x

Almostwelsh · 28/07/2023 11:24

Think about it - do you own that house or does it own you?
It's not worth holding onto possessions if they're only giving you problems.

Rural living might be a dream for you, but for teens it's not so much.

Parky04 · 28/07/2023 11:24

I would move. At the end of the day, it's only a house! I value my time over material things.

herbygarden · 28/07/2023 11:43

I am guessing you have looked into things like lengthening the mortgage term to release pressure right now? I would struggle to give up the dream house. Maybe because I am in the sensible house and will probably never be able to afford the dream house now!

Crikeyalmighty · 28/07/2023 11:49

@Chewbecca I totally agree. It's all very well having a beautiful looking home in a pretty location but it's still 4 walls at the end of the day and if it's restricting actual life or causing everything to be constantly 'very tight' - I don't see the point.

KievLoverTwo · 29/07/2023 02:11

Could you take in a lodger or overseas student to help with bills?

RandomMess · 29/07/2023 06:52

I've worked with someone for over 10 years that can't afford their forever home yet refuses to sell up because "would never afford something like this again".

Moans about how cold it is in winter and the damp as she can't afford to heat it properly.

Moans about it's high council tax band and water rates. Won't go on a water meter as she wants to be able to water her huge garden and "doesn't want water butts everywhere".

Moans about fuel and food prices.

And so on - don't become this person!!

Roselilly36 · 29/07/2023 07:07

Sell & be mortgage free. You will be happier and less stressed. How can it be a dream home, if you can’t afford a life outside it. You & your family make the dream home and that can be anywhere you live. Good luck OP.

FourTeaFallOut · 29/07/2023 07:10

I don't see much point living a miserable, stressy life in a dream home.

Unjudgemental · 29/07/2023 07:19

That's exactly what I am doing even though I love my house. Looking at cheaper areas outside of London. I'm lucky that I no longer have school age children and since covid can work from home mostly. Am fed up with not able to buy essentials or do things with my teenagers.

The reason I havent done it sooner is because of having to change schools etc. and of course the worry that once I moved would feel I'd made a mistake as could never afford to come back to the area. I can understand your reluctance.

My situation has got harder due to COL and am not expecting my circumstances to change anytime soon. I think if you have exhausted all options for earning more then having a nice house in a different area will give you a better quality of life.

Anothernamethesamegame · 29/07/2023 07:19

I’m assuming a few nights part time work a week still wouldn’t bring you up to the financial state you need to be in to be comfortable and you’d need a significant amount more to stay and be comfortable??

If that is the case, then I’d move.

Sounds like a tough choice, but maybe it will have other benefits like the children having more freedom and independence in their teens instead of having to be driven everywhere. They might make friends where you live and be able to pop out and hang with them rather than need to have arranged play dates.

sounds like you would still have a lovely home, just not the size of the house you have now.

Twoleftlegs · 29/07/2023 07:37

isthesolution · 26/07/2023 09:51

Apparently not an option with our mortgage. We'd have to pay the early exit fee of thousands to move it to buy to let.

Also I think I'm too much of a worrier - I'd be worrying what others were doing in the house, worrying they'd leave and we'd not find new tenants, worrying about the upkeep and various appliance tests etc.

Show quote history

How much have you looked into this?

most lenders will give 11-24 months permission to let due to personal situations. You then need to convert after that if you want it to continue.

could be an option for a bit.

Original poster
isthesolution · 29/07/2023 08:07

KievLoverTwo · 29/07/2023 02:11

Could you take in a lodger or overseas student to help with bills?

We'd absolutely hate to do this - I don't want someone else in the family home. But thanks for the suggestion.

OP posts:
Original poster
isthesolution · 29/07/2023 08:08

LadyBird1973 · 28/07/2023 10:56

The other thing is that life is unpredictable - you can't live for the idea that one day you'll be mortgage feee in your current home and sacrifice your current lifestyle to that end. What if you or your dh die and you've spent all this time missing out on holidays, meals out, fun with your kids? A house is just a house, no matter how beautiful - it's life that matters.

This is exactly how I'm seeing it to be honest.

One day the kids won't want to go on holiday with us but while they do I'd love to do Disney and a safari and have so many adventures!

OP posts:
AbsoIutelyLovely · 29/07/2023 08:10

Mortgage free every time. A pretty house doesn’t make a better home.

Original poster
isthesolution · 29/07/2023 08:12

Anothernamethesamegame · 29/07/2023 07:19

I’m assuming a few nights part time work a week still wouldn’t bring you up to the financial state you need to be in to be comfortable and you’d need a significant amount more to stay and be comfortable??

If that is the case, then I’d move.

Sounds like a tough choice, but maybe it will have other benefits like the children having more freedom and independence in their teens instead of having to be driven everywhere. They might make friends where you live and be able to pop out and hang with them rather than need to have arranged play dates.

sounds like you would still have a lovely home, just not the size of the house you have now.

We could work more yes. It's hard for husband to because his job is sporadic. It's incredibly well paid per day but sometimes will work 2 days a month, others 15 days a month with not much warning.

I could give up my days off and work more - it poses the problem of childcare and dog walker when husband is away but also I want more time with the kids not less. If there was no way to afford basics then I'd definitely work more but I think the change it would make would be minimal.

OP posts:
bagforlifeamnesty · 29/07/2023 08:18

OP have you looked into whether you could actually pay off the mortgage now if you did sell? You said you couldn’t rent out the house because you’d have to pay a huge early repayment fee - surely the same would be true if you sold and didn’t port the mortgage but wanted to pay it all off?

Winter2020 · 29/07/2023 09:52

Quote "I think because my friends and family say 'gosh your house is gorgeous. I'd love to live here' I think - yeh it really is a wonderful place to live."

I'm sure your friends think your house is nice but I wouldn't assume their polite conversation means they actually would want to live there. It is quite possible that as they drive away they say:

  • I couldn't live somewhere where I have to get in the car for a pint of milk
  • I couldn't live somewhere where it's not safe to go for a walk (no pavements/fast roads?)
  • It's a shame for the kids that no-one can call for them to play
  • Wouldn't like to heat/maintain that place.
  • wouldn't want to live in a big house if it meant I was skint/had no money for holidays.
They are not going to say those opinions to you if they have any tact.

Of all your reasons to stay or leave the opinions of family and friends are neither here nor there. It really doesn't affect them.

I would discount renting out your house. It is possible your lender would grant permission to let but it sounds like if your tenants didn't pay their rent you would be up shit creek and unable to cover the mortgage as well as your own rent elsewhere.

Also I assume your husband is a higher rate tax payer (or the rent received would make him one) so your mortgage interest would not be fully deductible for tax. All the rent could be used paying the mortgage and you would need to find a big chunk of money for the tax man each year. Money that you don't have. As a big roomy old house I doubt it would be possible to bring it up to EPC C in a few years but you would be expected to spend thousands trying.

It sounds like this big country house has come at the wrong time. It would be fine to choose no meals out/no holidays/restrictive heating etc if it was just you and your partner and your dream but I'm guessing your kids would choose cash to do activities with their friends and holidays if they are asked without guilt about your feelings. Why don't you discuss it with them?

Do you expect your kids will go to university? As a high earning household you will be expected to subsidise them (literally expected - your household income will affect the student finance they have access to). Will they have to go without because your money is going on this house or have you saved to cover this?

If this thread was posted in 20 years time you wouldn't want your kids reply to be 'my parents had a big country house but it meant we could never afford to do anything and we struggled at university because they couldn't pay the parent contribution".

I think you might need to get your head around the fact your dream house might not be fair on your family and it might not be their dream or sacrifices that they would choose to make just to avoid living in a 4 bed detached new build- which actually sounds like a lovely home also.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/07/2023 10:36

@Winter2020 beautifully put- saves me the job of listing all the reasons.

Young adults/late teens often become very 'all about them' - and won't thank you for not being able to help them out at college/Uni because you are hanging on to a house that in genuine honesty you can't really afford comfortably.

I've got several friends who had homes like this, they always ended up selling because one or the other got fed up of no holidays, no impromptu weekends away, couldn't pay the school fees and realised the decent comp was miles away etc .and several admitted to me that feeling that they just couldn't pop into town when their H was getting on their tits was an issue too (but didn't want to voice that) - they loved their house , but were not loving their life.

Crikeyalmighty · 29/07/2023 10:42

If I can just add that the one couple I know in this position that it works for- in their 70s, pots of money, have absolutely ample to maintain it well, no kids at home and one son is abroad who comes back frequently with family so the space is good.

The defining things being they are rich , fit and don't have Uni etc to be forking out on . They have a lovely small town 2 miles away too which helps.

greyhairnomore · 29/07/2023 10:58

@isthesolution have you asked your lender ? I just needed consent to let. Didn't have to change to a BTL mortgage.
It's a good idea.

ttacticall · 29/07/2023 13:01

If you move, it's not just the smaller house to contend with, (that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things) it's the neighbours.
You only have to read some of the neighbour threads on here to see how problem neighbours ruin lives. Are you sure you would be prepared to take that risk?

RegentCafe · 29/07/2023 13:43

You pay tax on the rental income and get basic relief but the rental income can move you into a higher rate of tax

it is why many btl landlords are selling g up

it may work but you need to do the sums very carefully

you do need a larger deposit for btl and your tax rate also impacts on the amount that you can borrow

lordloveadog · 29/07/2023 14:57

What do your kids think?

Original poster
isthesolution · 31/07/2023 08:43

ttacticall · 29/07/2023 13:01

If you move, it's not just the smaller house to contend with, (that's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things) it's the neighbours.
You only have to read some of the neighbour threads on here to see how problem neighbours ruin lives. Are you sure you would be prepared to take that risk?

That's the main thing that worries me! Not the house - the feeling overlooked and neighbours so close.

OP posts: