Doing an online Tesco shop and I actually feel suicidal

[HowDee]

Granted I have MH anyways. Anxiety, depression, PTSD as well as physical illnesses.

Every month it just goes up. Tesco own brand potato waffles used to be £1,

Last month they were £1.60 now they're £1.85

A bag of tescos own fries are £2.50 now.

I don't have the fucking money to pay more for EVERYTHING. Rents gone up. Gas, electric.

I put the heating on TWICE over winter. Twice.

I've just shut the app crying because I'm just so sick of it all.

Where do they think we can get the money from? Where?? For everything going up?

And before you tell me off for buying frozen fries and waffles my child has ARFID and autism and has a very select amount of things she will eat.

@Redebs

no it's not relevant. The OP is struggling (as are many). There are lots of reasons for it & it's totally irrelevant. We are where we are, scoring political points helps no one right now.

yes people should be able to eat, of course they should, she wanted help with how hopeless she felt, not people making cheap political pot shots.

For what it's worth I agree with you. The government is largely to blame.

@ADHDVet I'm sure you have/have had counselling so I'm going to refrain for wading in.

but my heart really does hurt for you.

you're definitely doing the right thing with the idea of never leaving any future children alone with him. I presume not your mum either, she didn't protect you...

Look after yourself 🌷

I don't want to derail but if anyone uses a food bank but has children (or themselves) who can only eat certain foods then do mention it to them. Not sure if all offer it or can do it but we get cash donations for example and pick up certain pasta and other dried and tinned foods for families.

You do. They may be ignored but they exist

I had never thought of that side of things - I always donate items to the local foodbank but now I think I will donate money they can target as needed if necessary

Nor did they have them back in my day.

Oh. Wait.

I got battered for not eating. Dragged upstairs by my hair when I vomited. Made to sit at the table for hours. Force fed bread and butter.

Didn't happen back in the day though, right? There weren't any of these things?

I look at pictures of me as a child and I'm so thin it is painful to look at with black circles under sunken eyes. I remember feeling afraid all the time. Because I HAD TO EAT.

I appreciate this may not be an option for you due to DCs needs but I noticed tesco had got really expensive so switched to asda! I then discovered Iceland free delivery so started to split my shopping between the 2 and it has worked out cheaper. That being said though its only me and my DD that I need to shop for so I can scrimp a bit more than a lot of families.
I hope things improve for you though times are not easy at all right now, sending you love.

I read this thread, well half of it, before going to Aldi today. It was sad reading, but visiting Aldi was almost worse! I got 2 bags of food, it cost the best part of £70. It’s just snacks/cupboard bits.

Last year it wouldn’t have been more than £50.

Sainsbury’s is cheapest for how we shop, Ocado not an awful lot more. Tesco much of a muchness. Asda another one that’s now extortionate. There’s nowhere to go to save now, they’re all pretty much equal. It’s horrible. You’re not alone, OP.

Aldi is significantly cheaper. I pay about £80 for family of four which is roughly what I paid at Tesco about 5 years ago. Also we (adults) are meat free in week. We add lentils to everything to bulk out.

I also sympathise my ds is autistic and dd has adhd and afrid.

Exactly.

my mum will now eat most things but there are still some foods she can’t face due to basically being force fed them as a child

I see you have already done it, but I was going to suggest switching to Iceland. They often have offers on. I buy a lot of the frozen meat and veg as it lasts longer and is cheaper.

Hi OP I am unsure if this has been mentioned already but there might be a Food Pantry nearby, these are different from a food bank as you pay e.g. £5 for a family and get around £15 of food.

I'm sure they would help you with specific foods if they have them. They do have tinned goods and brands etc. It does depend on what they get in, but as you would need food for yourself as well it might be helpful.

NOT BUYING

@Wafty

I'm mid thirties. My mother used to force me to eat everything. I'm not picky about food, just particular.

For example I can eat and enjoy cooked carrots cut into battons, if they are sliced in rounds they make me feel sick, if they are cut into rounds with wavy sides I have to actually hold myself back from retching, just writing about hem is making me feel ill right now.

The thing is no-one apart from my closest friends (who I've been on holiday with and shared a lot of meals with would know this.) but I now have a seriously fucked up relationship with food.

My mother was a great cook, made homemade meals. I could eat most of them, but some I couldn't.

I have clear memories of being forced to eat things just because my mother thought I should. It's still traumatic and painful.

You wouldn't force an adult to eat something they tell you they don't want. Why would you do that to a child ?

Don't dismiss other people just because you haven't lived their reality.

@pncr I have so much sympathy. Take care.

This post is so ableist.

This just shows you have absolutely no clue what families of children with autism actually go through to help their child actually eat.

We have to go through so many tries of food to get them to find something they will actually eat until finally there’s something they can tolerate. They have sensory issues & the smell or texture can make them physically ill. You try every meal, every brand of food product until finally you hit the jackpot & they can eat something. My boy is ten & we’ve been working with a dietician since he was a baby & he still only eats about 5 things. And that’s with professional help, with his special needs school helping to try & introduce new foods (he’s been there since he was 3) & us doing everything we can. Our kids would literally starve themselves if they didn’t have access to their safe foods

Tesco is awfully expensive!

Have you tried Lidl or aldi, much more reasonable!

I wish I can give you better news. The depression phase of the economy last years and we have to look back to the 80s to example how bad it can get. In this period I think it's better to focus on how to increase other sources of income rather than trying to save 20bp from shopping in Lidl vs Sainsburys argument.

Look at what is in shortage. All service industry has hiring shortage.. see if you can work part time in a cafe, restaurant.. do you have other skillsets such as gardening / ironing & offer these services in the 'richer neighbourhood' for a few hours a week. I have seen some extremely smart that travels to London to do a 5 hour clean for a big household on the weekend they pay 25 pounds an hour... (even then people are fighting for cleaners at the moment). That's just one example. Look at what you can sell? Is there a local market you can sell some imported jewelleries?

I’ve rarely read such a wholly ignorant post on MN, and I’ve read a few !! The fact that you can’t even spell it properly speaks volumes. ARFID, or, Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder is an eating disorder similar to anorexia. Both conditions involve restrictions on the amount of food and types of food eaten, but people with ARFID aren’t worried about their body image.

Someone with ARFID will experience problems linked to nutrition and lack of calorie intake. In children this can lead to delayed weight gain and growth. In adults, it can not only causes dangerous weight loss, but also inability to maintain basic body functions. Some doctors believe that people who develop ARFID get it might experience extreme sensitivity to taste or texture and people with ARFID often have anxiety disorders, and also have a greater chance of other psychiatric issues. It’s also been linked with Autism and ADHD. Symptoms and effects include:

Severe weight loss
Lack of appetite
Abnormal menstrual periods
Stomach cramps and pain
Constipation
Trouble concentrating
Low iron or thyroid levels
Slow heart rate
Dizziness or fainting
Feeling cold all the time
Dry hair, skin, and nails
Fine body hair growth
Thinning of hair on the head
Muscle weakness
Weakened immune system
Poor wound healing
Cold hands and feet
Swollen feet

People with ARFID might have behavioral or psychological symptoms, as well. For example the need to dress in layers to hide weight loss or stay warm
Drastic restriction in the types or amount of food they'll eat, difficulty eating with others, and fear of vomiting or choking.

It’s not about what you offer the child, how good a cook you are, or the childs’ personal ‘choice’. It’s a distressing condition and what you term as the DD’s ‘choice’ of foods, is probably the result of a desperate search to offer something she will actually eat. Your assumption that it’s something to do with the way she has been brought up is insulting, and perhaps before you post on a subject about which you clearly know very little, you might want to educate yourself. Just Google. It’s all out there.

Oh, well if you dont think it's real, then you must of course be correct.

You don't know anyone with autism do you?

You've never been faced with a child who would actually just choose to not eat, rather than eat the "wrong" option?
Not cry about it. Just say "er, no thank you" and actually mean it. They would rather eat nothing and carry on with whatever they were doing before you interrupted them about meal breaks.

In my experience, sibling ate ok as a baby. The "pickiness" presented from toddlerhood. When parents are worried about what a child will eat, they'll typically offer a variety foods in the hope that something will be a winner. When they find a winner it's added to the list and you hope to find other winners.

Unfortunately, your ND child will latch onto the safe foods they've identified for taste/texture/satisfaction purposes. Now they will only eat those specific sausages, that bacon, those mini baguettes that you finish in the oven, specific microwave fries, specific brand of ready salted crisps and Cadburys dairy milk - the thin bars. They won't eat meals. They will eat 4 sausages on a side plate.

You'll find yourself going on holiday with a suitcase full of magic crisps, in case child won't eat anything - but not to worry you'll discover that they love pitta bread and tarmasalata of all things. Perhaps some donner meat. Oh how you wish they could be this passionate about apples or cucumbers.

You'll worry throughout their childhood that they'll end up malnourished, or develop horrible diseases from their poor diet. Yet by some miracle, they'll grow to be the tallest in the house.

If you're lucky, when they get older they'll be a little bit more curious about other foods and may even let a vegetable (roasted onion!) pass their lips. But they'll still be pretty rigid and "no thank you" about food.

I didn't grow up in a house of ready meals and fussy eaters. We had plenty of fruit and veg amd ate what we were given, but the young one would not touch it. I don't know what the alternative would've been? Tube feeding? Starvation? Assault?

You're insinuating that a child's recognised condition is down to poor or lazy parenting. Which is highly offensive.

I'd just like to point out the DD has 2 siblings that eat like horses. They eat anything and everything.

So how can it be an issue about how she was brought up? Or my attitude to food with my children? Surely all 3 would be the same if it was purely environmental.