I literally can’t afford to live anymore.......

[Beaniebeemer]

Things have just gone to shit over the last year. My DP tried his hand at being self employed after being made redundant a year ago but he’s been ill recently (mental health, sectioned) and the business wasn’t viable so he’s unemployed now. I work part time earning about £800 a month. We have two children. A mortgage and a lot of debt. The house has about £100k equity but it’s tiny and we can’t downsize. I really don’t want to lose the house as the mortgage is cheap and rent would be so much more. We are in the universal credit system but I'm unsure what money we will get going forward. DP is getting ESA and he’s applied for PIP but I believe that takes ages. We probably need £2000 a month to survive 😢

Do not cancel.your life insurance, this is a must when you have a morgage..

I agree with Psycho. Unfortunately, a lot of people aren't reading the full thread. Please do contact another debt charity, it's really not feasible to sell the house.

moneysavingexpert forum has a lot of good advice and NO judgement.

The thing is he might be initially denied PIP and then you have to appeal, just prepare yourself in case, most cases are upheld on appeal.

Definitely change the SIM only's if you can, that's just WAY too much money.

Speaking as the widow of an uninsurable man who had mental health problems... don't cancel the life insurance.

Even if it's impossible to sell a car, could you consider SORNing one of them for a bit? Obviously only possible if you have a kind relative with an off road parking space of some kind, which aren't common. But if something like that were possible at least you'd save the insurance and road tax, as well as the fuel, and you'd have access to the car again if you needed it. Take advice on how often to visit the car and turn the engine on etc.

I would be amazed if you were officially eligible for free school meals, but talk to your head teacher. You never know what options might be available, and at least if we ever have school trips again or similar you will have had that conversation about any help they can provide.

Any breakdown on that debt? Is any of it still growing?

I second the advice not to sell the house, it seems like it would cost you more overall. If StepChange weren't helpful then try CAB or turn2us. Worst case, if you just stop paying any unsecured debts they will write to you asking to contact them and you can propose a payment plan to them. As long as it's reasonable, they will likely realise it's in their interest to accept it - you can't magic money out of nowhere and it costs them money to take you to court. What are the debts made up of? One big one or lots of smaller ones?

Hopefully you will get a reasonable amount of UC and it's just a matter of bridging the gap until that comes through?

Criteria for Free School Meals:

Your child may be able to get free school meals if you get any of the following:

Income Support
income-based Jobseeker’s Allowance
income-related Employment and Support Allowance
support under Part VI of the Immigration and Asylum Act 1999
the guaranteed element of Pension Credit
Child Tax Credit (provided you’re not also entitled to Working Tax Credit and have an annual gross income of no more than £16,190)
Working Tax Credit run-on - paid for 4 weeks after you stop qualifying for Working Tax Credit
Universal Credit - if you apply on or after 1 April 2018 your household income must be less than £7,400 a year (after tax and not including any benefits you get)

Get a referral to a good bank. Ask dp's psychiatrist.

Hi @Beaniebeemer, just a suggestion but if you are already with Sky they are doing 8GB sim only deal for £8.00 pm at the moment. You can roll over data and swap it between phones. It is also free to watch sky go on mobile devices (I.e. you don’t use up your data) which might be good for DC’s - www.sky.com/shop/mobile/plans

Why not give the woman a break! If I see get a full time job again do you think the poor woman has not considered this
Why not suggest she morph into wonderwoman care for kids work care for husband pay the bills do the shopping clean up
Why not be kind to her

I would speak with StepChange about a DMP. Get those repayments down, they will manage Comms with the creditors so that doesn't stress you out, and hopefully freeze interest.

Then I would look for a full time job. For you.

@Beaniebeemer

Mortgage is £500 Debts cost about another £600 Council tax £172 Gas electricity £85 Water £30 Tv licence / sky - £54 I can’t cancel sky I’m in contract I’ve tried 😢 Life / house insurance - £46 Cars tax and insurance X2 £80 Fuel - £100 Sim only mobiles x 2 £20 each so £40 The rest goes on food or other child related things......

Apply for council tax reduction due to uc and low income, esa and pip. Get rid of 1 car to reduce costs.

i get ESA with the Severe Disability Premium due to mental illness. one of the questions i was asked when i called the DWP to ask about PIP was whether i had ever been hospitalised due to mental illness. i have, twice.

i was awarded higher rate care and lower rate mobility without a face to face assessment. it IS possible to get PIP for mental illness and they’ve recently changed their criteria to reflect this. in the 9 years i’ve had it, i’ve only ever had one face to face assessment.

i know it’s hard to get PIP. but give the OP a little hope, maybe?

With Sky, perhaps you could ask them for a payment holiday as per Ofcom's recommendations. You are in debt due to ill health and Covid.
www.ofcom.org.uk/about-ofcom/latest/features-and-news/support-for-customers-during-pandemic

@Polly2020

Why not give the woman a break! If I see get a full time job again do you think the poor woman has not considered this Why not suggest she morph into wonderwoman care for kids work care for husband pay the bills do the shopping clean up Why not be kind to her

The thing is....when someone is begging for advice and then listing "two cars" in her outgoings and saying she works part-time, there's not much else to say.

You have to help yourself.

Nobody else is going to pay for their two cars are they?

I had no car...neither did DH for the entirety of our children's primary school years and we lived 3 or 4 miles from their school.

I used to cycle there with them...the smallest on the back of my bike on one of those toddler extensions. Rain or shine.

DH worked as a painter and decorator and rode to and from work every single day. I did the shopping on my bike with a massive back pack...

This was because we simply couldn't afford a car. Not even one. And it sounds like OP can't.

So many people say "I need the car" but unless you're disabled, you really don't.

I don’t know if it’s already been suggested but could you change the mortgage to interest only?

Even if you can’t downsize can you find something the same size for less? I’d go to a debt charity first and ask for a mortgage holiday too.

@ilovemydogandmrobama2 and @Beaniebeemer

These are the forms you need regarding mental illness and debt:
www.moneyadvicetrust.org/advice-services/dmhef/?

You will need a form for each organisation you owe money to. Ask your husband's psychiatrist to complete them. Send them on. You should not be charged for the completion of these forms.

The point is you can't run two cars, pay a mortgage and service £600 a month of household debt on a part-time wage of £800 per month. Never mind other necessities such as food. There is good advice e.g. claim PIP. And some not good advice like sell the house. OP will be entitled to universal credit.

Definitely do your sums before taking any advice to get a full time job and fully risk assess whether DP is safe to look after the kids.

If he's not stable (or the section was for a recent suicide attempt) the last thing you want to do is to give up your stable part time job for a full time job then find that either you or childrens services decide he's not currently capable of looking after the kids and with paid childcare you may be worse off - UC might pay 85% of the costs, but it's worth checking availability and costs first.

I get everyone saying sell the car, but if this is a short term problem and you can't both get to work without 2 cars then SORN'ing sounds like a better option as it would likely cost more to replace a car than you'd get for selling one and it's unlikely your finances would be any better at that point than now.

God, I wish people would stop haranguing the OP. FT work might not be possible right now depending on her DH's mental health and OP having two young DC!

And depending where she lives there might not be employment opportunities or too many people searching for work.

If your advice is to "sell your house and rent" or "get rid of one car" then maybe you shouldn't be doling out advice.

OP - get yourself over to MSE for proper advice. Best of luck

@FredSoftly

God, I wish people would stop haranguing the OP. FT work might not be possible right now depending on her DH's mental health and OP having two young DC!

And depending where she lives there might not be employment opportunities or too many people searching for work.

If your advice is to "sell your house and rent" or "get rid of one car" then maybe you shouldn't be doling out advice.

OP - get yourself over to MSE for proper advice. Best of luck

People are giving other, sensible suggestions re the two cars! They're costing a lot and as I said earlier, unless she or her DH are disabled, there's no need for two cars.

She said "I have to drive to work and DH has to get the kids to school"

So get bikes! Or a bus. That's what I did for YEARS. I did my weekly shop in three visits...with a big backpack on a bike. I'm not being a martyr...this is what you have to do if you can't make ends meet...get rid of the cars and adjust.

@FredSoftly

God, I wish people would stop haranguing the OP. FT work might not be possible right now depending on her DH's mental health and OP having two young DC!

And depending where she lives there might not be employment opportunities or too many people searching for work.

If your advice is to "sell your house and rent" or "get rid of one car" then maybe you shouldn't be doling out advice.

OP - get yourself over to MSE for proper advice. Best of luck

The comment's about her working FT have been in response to her adamancy that she needs to get her recovering DH a FT job.

She said "I have to drive to work and DH has to get the kids to school" So get bikes! Or a bus. That's what I did for YEARS. I did my weekly shop in three visits...with a big backpack on a bike. I'm not being a martyr...

No, I don't think you are being a martyr @FortunesFave - I take my hat off to you.

But it depends where OP lives. Public transport might be poor or non-existent. And where I live you'd have to have a death wish to get into town on a bike.

It's fine to make suggestions but if it doesn't work for the OP, it's pointless repeating it over and over again.

Where we live if you both need to go to work or school, and unless you work or school in the centre of town, you'd need two cars. The bus by us ONLY goes into the centre of town, to get anywhere else you need two busses and of course the times dont meet so it takes literally hours to get there. if you have to get your child to school in x and go to work in y you'd have no chance. Its a nightmare.

And if OPs Dp does start working again soon when he is recovered, he will likely need the car.

screaming "get rid of the car you need to help yourself" is a bit ill thought out and unhelpful.