When you've been skint, what was the cruellest thing anyone did to you?

[corygal]

Cos writing it down might help you banish it. Here's mine - and no, I'm not going to start with an apology.

When I left college, in debt and rather ill, I flat shared with friends. Kindly parents bailed us with cardboard boxes of edibles - we loved them more than Harrods hampers, even tho I bet Harrods don't include Tesco beans and Maxwell House chicory. Aware my own parents hadn't helped, I timidly asked Mum if she had anything spare I could carry back as loot to the girls.

She gave me one cooked sausage. Then announced she'd bought my brother a car. When I got home I realised the mash on the sausage was mould.

Whats going right now is the cruelest thing.

DH has been out if work 3 months. He has applied for anything and everything whilst also studying in desperate hope that the exams he has passed will boost his cv. He has had no luck at all.

One of the only companies that has vacanies is one made dad is chairman of.Dh is not allowed to apply.

He applied for a job in same company but abroad and they were very, very interested until dad found out and was furious and has put a stop to the job going ahead.

He earns a fortune and is standing by while we now lose our house.

In the meantime by sister has had 4 holidays paid for and is been given a huge sum of money just like that.she doesnt work at all or have children.

I hate him.

I am devestated and feel trapped in a nightmare.

So so so selfish. I'm sorry just. I really hope and pray that something happens really soon for your DH and your family.

Thank you so much msonatopp x

I'm regularly gobsmacked when I read about favouritism shown to one sibling but not the other - especially in the sort of circumstances described by Just. I have absolutely no idea how a parent can give away large sums of money and pay for fripperies (holidays) while another child is struggling to keep a roof over their heads.

I mean .... why ..... why would anyone do this ? Assuming there's no back history, no terrible past betrayal(s) or fallings out, then why would someone who could help stand by and see someone close to them fall to pieces through no fault of their own. I know that regardless of wealth some parents maintain that adult children must sort themselves out but in a family where one child is favoured that obviously doesn't apply.

Has your DH ever confronted his father and a) asked for help and/or b) asked why his sister is treated so differently ?

Catsmother I agree.... But get this, my mil regularly gives money to her stepson whilst her 2 sons ( dh & his brother & families) struggle. Why? Because he's n orphan. His mum died when he was 3 and his dad died 7 yrs ago. My dh lost his dad when he was 15!!!
Oh and the step son? He's 32 and an air line pilot

I agree, I see now why pils (who are extremely helpful) make such an effort to be extremely fair to dh and his brother even though none of us think its necessary. It's to stop resentment and favourtism like this :(

Hi catsbum I have no idea why he behaves the way he does.

We were the only people that stood by him during his own low points, my sister no where to be seen.

It breaks my heart, more through the sense of abandonment than anything else but there is nothing we can do.

We just have to keep fighting to gt back on our feet, knowing we really just are utterly on our own in this life is sobering.

im skint at the moment had a really bad time with money losing my job and everything waiting for benefits to be sorted still been waiting for weeks :( anyway my mum and dad now how skint i am both work dad has own business mumsa nurse so not exactly on benefits and skint !! but they wont help out as they say theyre skint and then in the next breathe be telling me about her 150 hair appointment knowing me and my child dont have any food at the moment thats cruel if you ask me its one thing to say no but then brag about stuff really upset me :/

I cannot imagine being like this. I have 3 girls, and I was always taking up food parcels to my oldest DD when she was at Uni.We werent rolling in it either but always found something (even if it was only a tenner) to give my kids. I am expecting a windfall soon and plan to take all 3 of my girls shopping. :)

I wound up homeless about eight years ago, just temporally. For the first few weeks I stayed at a friend's house but had to move back down to the south for new job, who weren't going to pay me for the first 6 weeks. Was really skint, not enough to eat. I was then at a friend's parents house, sleeping in the spare room- it was very clear I was not welcome- 'are you leaving today?' etc, every day. I was told a week max and this was the end of the second. I sobbed on the phone to mum and dad and they said, 'sorry you're on your own', despite them both having two spare bedrooms each and more than enough money to lend me the deposit to rent a room. I think they were trying to teach me a lesson. Not quite sure what it was... Eventually someone else in the family lent me the cash to rent a room. The relief was enormous.

Doesn't sound that bad now reading back but at the time it felt awful.

Families can be arseholes! But I guess someone's got to be related to them.

God these stories are awful, I would give the last breathe from my body if DC needed it and I know my DM would for me. Makes me so mad and sad, why do people have children? Even grown up children need help too sometimes...

That does sound bad Tellybug - in fact it sounds cruel, almost as if they were revelling in your predicament. To refuse you a temporary stay in just one of their two spare bedrooms is plain mean ..... 'cos really what difference would it have made to them ? And not to offer you a loan - when you're homeless - it wasn't as if you wanted money for a holiday FFS.

I'd just never refuse help to my kids in the circumstances you describe. I wonder how far they'd have let it go if your other relative hadn't stepped in ? Would they have been happy for you to be on the street ?

OP, that is a dreadful story!

I have two, one involving family, one not. My father is notoriously controlling about money so there are many more from him but this one is a doozer.

-I was 19, working through my gap to support myself and attempt to save some money for university. It was 1987 and I was earning £4000/year which was a pretty poor salary even then and barely kept me in rent and food. My father sent my 12 yo younger brother to me for the summer, told me to look after him and sent nothing to help with feeding him. When I began to get in debt (after about 6 weeks), I rang my father and asked if he would consider sending some money to cover my brother's keep, he refused, saying "Well, he hardly eats anything anyway." I ended up starting university in debt.

-A month before finals, stressed out of my head, my bank (National Westminster, you can rot in hell!) decided to call in my £300 overdraft. It seems laughable now that it was so low. I went in and explained the situation I was in. They said they didn't care, they wanted their money back and I should go and find some.

I went out and opened an account at a different bank (Lloyds') having explained my situation, and ignored all subsequent letters from my previous bank. They pursued me for years to my parents' address in France, sending increasingly unpleasant and threatening letters, but they never got their money back. I still have the account I opening in a hurry at Lloyds, 22 years on. Never had a moment's problem with it.

I am so shocked at these, I could never be like that to my children (or at least I hope so)

The only experience I have is not mine but DSs. He was at a top uni with many young people from much wealthier backgrounds than us but whose parents did not seem to make much effort to visit, help out, etc. One of these young people still owes him money from the final bills of a student house which he justified with "well your parents are more likely to help you than mine are to help me" despite the fact he now lives and works in London and is planning to become engaged hope she knows what she is letting herself in for

Bugger! Striking out fail!

And it is the other chap who won't pay the debt lives and works in London, not DS

This isn't as serious but sticks in my mind. A few years ago my ex resigned from his job without telling me (that's a whole other story).
He didn't work for 6 months and couldn't claim benefits as from a non EU country.
I had no money, could barely afford to eat (tinned toms and pasta every night).

My sis has always done okay with money, tiny mortgage several exotic holidays each year, will spend a couple hundred on clothes/make up on a whim.
She asked if I wanted to try on a h and m top she'd bough that didn't fit her, it was only £8. I tried it on and it looked really nice, she asked for the £8 and when I said I didn't have it said 'don't worry I'm off into town on Saturday anyway, I'll take it back.' I felt so humiliated taking it off.

the cruelist thing thats been done to me happened today askd my mum can she borrow me money to get some food for me and my boy today and she said no sorry your brother needs a new laptop so im buying that today might not sound nasty but to me it is .she cant even lend me some money for food had a huge problem with unexpected bills its not the first time shes refused as shes spoiling her sons :/ cow

My FIL, after beating my MIL and cheating on her, left for another country and let his only son, DH, go hungry. I mean really hungry, as in foraging for acorns to fill his stomach. He only ever sent him one birthday present : a pair of girl's tights.

When mum lent me money, she used to charge interest....and I remember once her lending me money about 2 months befroe xmas...with the understanding I could afford to pay it back by Easter (it was £250)...she demanded it back on my pay check in december :( saying that as when we agreed it would be repaid - and Dad just let her do it without even opening his mouth...........Never ever forgot that - however one thing is for sure I will NEVER EVER do that to my kids

Very minor in relation to these stories but meant a lot at the time. A few years ago, my ex had left me with thousands of pounds of debt. My outgoings each month were higher than my income. My mum was giving me £10 a week so that I had food.

Where I worked, they would do a collection in the office for birthdays. A minimum was stipulated so you couldn't just throw in a quid if that was all you had. Once we had 3 birthdays in a week (even though small office) and I was told I didn't have to contribute if I couldn't afford it. At the time I thought it was a nice gesture. Then it came to my birthday. If it had been anyone else I would have suggested doing something nice for the person knowing how tough they had it. Instead, my day was completely ignored, not even a card. Not even the banners that were already bought and paid for were put out.

A few months later it was our Christmas do which I said I couldn't go to as I couldn't afford it. I was told it was a buffet, there would be more than enough so go anyway. As soon as I put a piece of food in my mouth one of them marched over demanding my share of the cost of the buffet. I was so upset as I hadn't wanted to go in the first place but was assured it was fine and not to worry about the money.