When you've been skint, what was the cruellest thing anyone did to you?

[corygal]

Cos writing it down might help you banish it. Here's mine - and no, I'm not going to start with an apology.

When I left college, in debt and rather ill, I flat shared with friends. Kindly parents bailed us with cardboard boxes of edibles - we loved them more than Harrods hampers, even tho I bet Harrods don't include Tesco beans and Maxwell House chicory. Aware my own parents hadn't helped, I timidly asked Mum if she had anything spare I could carry back as loot to the girls.

She gave me one cooked sausage. Then announced she'd bought my brother a car. When I got home I realised the mash on the sausage was mould.

What dreadful families some people have. Shocking. (

i've had nothing like this. DH did have to stop talking to another dad at a kids' party though, when he went on and on about how great it was that house prices were still going up. Given we've been priced out of buying anything at all, my dh couldn't really agree.

Not that the dad meant to be rude at all, just conversational - might have been in negative equity for all I know. Just wish people would understand that rising house prices aren't actually so great for everyone priced out.

Me and ex-p didn't have much money when we married. Our second hand sofa had the leg falling off and was threadbare, ILs made some nasty comments but didn't help out, despite being absolutely minted.

Ex said if I bought a new one on credit, he'd set up a debit from his account to pay half. So idiot here did exactly that....and he turned round after delivery and said he wasn't going to pay anything. I had to keep paying or get a CCJ, and it left me pretty skint.
He also used to blag money off me all the while, saying he couldn't get to a cashpoint.. he worked in a bank. Eventually I said no and he got aggressive then.

After a couple of years I took my stuff and left. With his £8000 car. Which was in my name but his family were paying for it. I got £4000 out of them for a replacement.

Revenge is sometimes sweet.

When DD was about a month old DH lost his job and signing over to benefits was taking a while, one day I noticed her milk was sour and asked MIL to lend us 2 pound to buy some ready made milk cartons to last til the next day when my Nan would lend me some money she refused and then asked DH to pick her up some Solphedine (Very expensive dissoluble asprin) I've never forgiven her for that or myself for having to feed my baby soured milk.

I worked for about 2 weeks when ds was 3 weeks old (don't ask). His father was going on a trip to Germany to help his friend move back to the UK and asked to borrow all of the money for 2 weeks, knowing that it was all I had to buy nappies etc. He never gave it back.

I think people really have no clue if you are totally hard up they just think you are fine and either you are exaggerating or you can manage so if you say you hardly have any money for food this month people don't do bugger all in my exp unless it is a friend who has been there herself and then they will cook a meal or keep in touch etc. check you are ok.

If I am stuck I only really have the ex or one good friend who would potentially lend but sorely needs it herself as a lone parent too so I wouldn't dream of asking! The ex would lend or if need be give so that to me is a sign of a true friend.

As for everybody else they are AMAZINGLY USELESS and CLUELESS in my exp!!

One more point - the wealthier they are the more hopeless people are it is amazing .....!

Ds's father has just stopped paying maintenance. I think he expects ds not to eat/go to school/need shoes etc

LadySybilde he must be one of the many exes who assumes we are rolling in it in endless benefits entitlements and living the life of Riley yeh right!!

So many think that though they - they can even assume we get help with our gas bill and are shocked to hear that we can't!!

Ha! Could be. I've sent him a break down of what ds needs, and how much it costs. He's not interested. He only see's ds once every 18 months, and ended up shouting at ds and swearing in his face last time. He's 'sick of a one sided relationship' and isn't going to pay. Arsehole!

Too many exes like that Lady it makes my blood boil. Luckily mine is v helpful in an emergency but I have absolutely no family so every cloud has a silver lining.

Hope you find your silver lining too hun!

Some of these stories are really shocking and my heart does go out to all struggling.

I just feel sorry for his other children. Their lives must be hell.

Dh's sister had her vows renewed just after Christmas (the second week in Jan) anyway, we didn't think we could afford it then I picked up triple shifts at work and decided we would use it to go to the renewal - we sorted everything out, the wedding party all stayed in the hotel venue and we stayed in a small B n B - it was all fine, untill the day of the renewal, when pil were telling us how they had footed the cost for al, the other siblings to come and stay plus paid for all outfits and had put money behind the bar for them.

My DH went white as a sheet and we have never mentioned it since, but now if we do anything or go anywhere he no longer asks if they can come - he was happy with a 50p card £1 mug for his dad for fathers day instead of complaining about how much we're spending on my dad - he would usually put up a massive fight and insist w spend the same, now he doesn't care - I think that's the point though, it's not even about the money the clothes the OBJECTS it's about the complete disregard for feelings - its the disgusting ignorance these people get from watching you struggle.

I just give cash to my friends who are on hard times and none of them has ever had any issue with this. I'm not talking a fortune, just £20 here and there.

Twice in my lifetime I have asked my father for financial help and both times he turned the other way whilst still maintaining that of course if I ever really needed money all I needed to do was ask . He is not a poor man!! The rich can be more miserly than the poor.

Fucking hell. These stories are horrific.

I don't know the details, but my parents have helped out in the past, and I believe that they have tried extra hard to be even handed with their offspring.

The opposite of some of these... My grandad used to go to visit a friend once a month or so, and go within a few miles of my house, and often I would find £50 quid put through the door when I got home (was increadibly skint at the time)

One christmas we were really struggling to afford christmas. I approached my family and explained the situation and said look can we just concentrate on the kids and not do adult presents this year. DH did the same with his family. My family were fine and understood. His family were a bit sniffy but seemed to understand, DH explicitly told his brothers that he wouldn't be clubbing in with them for a joint present for PIL, he would get something smaller.

Cut to a fortnight before christmas when DH got a call from one of his brothers to say they were clubbing together as usual and had bought PIL a new wide screen tv, could DH transfer £170 (his share!!) into his account pretty damn quickly as he still had finish buying his girlfriends presents!! DH explained he'd told him he wasn't doing it this year. Cue his DB telling him he would just have to approach their parents for his share. DH stupidly paid to avoid the embarrassment. We were waiting to get the DC's big presents with Decembers pay, instead we had to pay this to his brother.

The DC's got their big presents in January and we felt like utter crap. On boxing day I pulled BIL aside and told him exactly what I thought of him. He treads very carefully with us now.

solo

Sorry but you come across as a bit martyrish.

I really can't see why you wouldn't have said to the workman to send the bill to your ex. It was his friend after all. He told you to get what work you needed doing done so he wouldn't have known how much it was going to cost so it seems eminently sensible for him to wait until the final amount and then either you or the workman would have got the money from him.

I'd hit rock bottom, it was a bank holiday, and I'd run out of nappies and milk for my baby. There was no-one I could turn to, and I really was desperate, so I swallowed my pride and went to knock on my neighbour's door to ask if she (being a parent of a small baby herself) could spare some formula and a couple of nappies for dbaby til I could get some from the shop, as we were short that week. She first of all lied and said she had none (when I saw them being courriered in that very day) then she got all humphy and hoiked up her judgey pants and basically said that she couldn't believe I had the audacity to knock at her door on the scrounge, and that my baby can go hungry and get a sore arse because she'd seen me smoke, knew I owned a mobile phone, and have sky tv

GymBunny74 I wondered how long that would take...

I'm gobsmacked it wasn't already done! :o

Well done on that car Cambridge, sorry about the shitty ex though.

My mother stood and watched me cry with exhaustion and fear because I was overwhelmed with the responsibility of my Dd. I had taken a graduate entry job (aged 34) which paid less than my outgoings (childcare etc) in the short term and I sold possessions etc to pay for food and worked from home in the evenings and so on. Still - I couldn't pay all my bills and I was shattered.

But, it was my choice to make, made in the knowledge that, in the end, I would earn a good salary. I suppose she knew that too, and found it threatening. Either way, she never helped. I mean, a tenner would have been good. But just some support and sympathy would have done it.

Now I out-earn her by a considerable margin. And it makes me feel slightly better - this isn't my value system. I don't care what you do or earn or where you went to school or any of that shit. But she is a snob and it does matter to her. I'll never forget that terror though. And I'll never forget her just looking at me while I cried.

GymBunny that brought a tear to my eye. Your poor baby. I don't know how anyone could be so cruel to a little baby. She may not agree with the choices you make with regards to how to spend your money but to deny a little baby some milk and to sneer that he/she should go hungry is unforgiveable.

Nothing awful has ever happened to me but some of these stories are so sad

My parents know we're months behind on the rent and I go without necessities to pay my OU fees. They know we've been crippled financially due to dp starting a business after years of unemployment.
My car is falling apart, the kids need clothes, I'm losing tonnes of weight as I'm going without food to feed the kids.

My dad has told me of a huge windfall they've had which will pay off all their debts and leave almost 100 grand to spare

They haven't offered a penny to help us