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Original poster

Boyfriend announced he’s an anti vaxxer

226 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 15/02/2022 21:27

So been seeing someone since November and he dropped the bombshell that he’s an anti vaxxer.

I’ve had both vaccines plus booster as it’s the right thing to do.

Are we doomed or should I get over this?

OP posts:
FurryAntiWaxer · 16/02/2022 03:17

Would he have issues with your (potential) future children receiving vaccines for measels, tetanus etc? If no, then I'd let it go.

In the wild, the covid vaccine has not been very effective preventing transmission, (which is why they mostly talk about it's effectiveness in terms of surpressing severe illness), so it's not a risk to you or your family if he isn't vaccinated.

And yes, in spite of the carry on about ten years of research, no one had any clue that the vaccines could cause pericarditis, myocarditis, blood clots or irregular periods until it was unrolled. Because when you test 2 doses of a vaccine on 10 or 20 thousand people for 6 months, side effects that are 1 in 50,000 or appear after 3 or 4 doses will not always show up in the testing phase, which is why a vaccine testing phase normally takes years, not months.

Even more so if the side effects are things that no one was expecting.

Lunificent · 16/02/2022 09:02

I’m not sure why people are asking the OP to explain what she means by ‘anti-vaxx.’ I’ve never heard of the phrase used in any other context than covid. I’m sure we can extrapolate her meaning.

Cas112 · 16/02/2022 09:03

@L40Postcode

Depends what you mean by "announced" and "anti vaxxer".

If he said he chose not to have the vaccine because he felt it had been rushed through, not enough testing, blah blah I'd probably be ok with that.

If he believes it contains a microchip or the vaccination programme is a plot by the government to make us all infertile I'd run for the hills.

This
Lunificent · 16/02/2022 09:07

@Coyoacan

I don't quite understand the importance of this. Can you not accept being with someone who has a different opinion from yourself?
I put anti-vaxxers outside the normal range for having a different opinion to oneself. I have never come across an anti-vaxxer who isn’t influenced by conspiracy theories. Their opinions aren’t just different, they’re ridiculous and dangerous.
MummyPop00 · 16/02/2022 09:11

No, not necessarily doomed imho. Who agrees on everything? Nothing wrong with a bit of healthy debate.

Depends what level of ‘anti vax’ he is. Sensible, valid reasons & concerns or off the scale loon?

Isthatthebestyoucando · 16/02/2022 09:16

@Guineapigssweak

Ready these replies there are an awful lot of nasty people in the world! Someone who has chosen not to have a vaccine isn't thick or stupid or believe in reptiles invading the earth!!!!! Life.isnt black and white. People have.their own reasons to do things in life and it's not for you lot to rudely criticize. This makes you rude and ignorant. And not pleasant. Are we not divided enough with Brexit already???
I agree with this. You’ve been seeing him since November, so you were seeing him when you had your booster presumably? Yet he didn’t warn you off of it, or you wouldn’t have only just found out his stance. The guy must believe in bodily autonomy to not mention it to you when a lot of people were being topped up, he didn’t coerce you to not, but you make judgements on him. Leave him, for his own sake.
merryhouse · 16/02/2022 09:16

@Lunificent

I’m not sure why people are asking the OP to explain what she means by ‘anti-vaxx.’ I’ve never heard of the phrase used in any other context than covid. I’m sure we can extrapolate her meaning.
I've been hearing the phrase this entire century (the completely inaccurate MMR-autism scandal).
LolaSmiles · 16/02/2022 09:17

I don't quite understand the importance of this. Can you not accept being with someone who has a different opinion from yourself?

It's not a case of having a different opinion. Some topics show a totally different outlook that raises issues of compatibility.

I'd not want to be in a relationship with an anti-vaxxer because that tells me a lot about them as a person and I'd not want to waste my time investing in a relationship with them. I'd not want an anti-vaxxer in any parental role to my DC. Better to dump the relationship.

If they were in favour of vaccinations but expressed a small amount of reservations about a particular vaccine then that would be different.

loveisanopensore · 16/02/2022 09:18

Why should we respect someone's opinion when that opinion is based on mistruths?

Isthatthebestyoucando · 16/02/2022 09:22

@Lunificent

I’m not sure why people are asking the OP to explain what she means by ‘anti-vaxx.’ I’ve never heard of the phrase used in any other context than covid. I’m sure we can extrapolate her meaning.
It’s been a very common saying for years and years, it’s applied to people who don’t have their children vaccinated in infancy. The implication is that everyone who rejects the COVID vaccine is an in the same camp regardless of the fact that many many people who didn’t take up the COVID vaccine have children who had their mmr vaccine etc. The phrase cautious vaxxer doesn’t slag them off enough so they apply the anti label.
Veryvversatile · 16/02/2022 09:23

I think it is incredibly sad to even ask such a question.

Deal breakers are usually a personal thing, if it is not a deal breaker for you, then why do you need to know what mumsnet thinks?

Could you date someone of a different religion? Many people do, and they mange just fine. You also have to consider that he also chooses to date YOU. If you both choose each other, then that is what's important.

As another poster mentioned, if he was a real Anti Covid vaxxer, then he wouldn't be intimate with you, because you would be a shedder.

CharacterForming · 16/02/2022 09:28

Anti-vaxx could cover a lot of things - some homeopathic types have never believed in any vaccines, without it ever spreading into wider conspiracy theories. I personally wouldn't want to date someone like that because we'd have incompatible worldviews but I wouldn't raise an eyebrow if a mate (or the OP) wanted to date someone like that.

But I'd advise any woman to steer well clear of a full-on "up all night on the internet" conspiracy theorist anti-vaxxer...but the OP would probably already know if he was one of them.

Buzzinwithbez · 16/02/2022 09:36

The biggest place I can see a problem is of you desperately wanted to travel to a country (together) that required vaccination for entry.
Other than that, when is it going to come up? (I've heard Croatia is lovely)

That aside, is he boring you with conspiracy theories and spending his money on 25 years of dehydrated food ready for the zombie apocalypse? Is he watching Shaun of the Dead on repeat, while he checks he has all bases covered?

If he's just a nice guy with interesting conversation and a love of life, I don't think it's a problem....

Sally090807 · 16/02/2022 09:37

@Guineapigssweak

Ready these replies there are an awful lot of nasty people in the world! Someone who has chosen not to have a vaccine isn't thick or stupid or believe in reptiles invading the earth!!!!! Life.isnt black and white. People have.their own reasons to do things in life and it's not for you lot to rudely criticize. This makes you rude and ignorant. And not pleasant. Are we not divided enough with Brexit already???
Totally agree
KatharinaRosalie · 16/02/2022 09:44

Ready these replies there are an awful lot of nasty people in the world! Someone who has chosen not to have a vaccine isn't thick or stupid or believe in reptiles invading the earth!!!!!

How do you know? I have acquaintances who are anti-vaxx, and they also believe it's all a big conspiracy. Just checked the FB of one such person and she has posted about masks containing nanoworms, vaccines are designed to murder people, chemtrails and oh the latest that there has been a pandemic every 100 years but this is all done by the global elite, since 1620 apparently.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/02/2022 09:45

He'd be my exBF by now.

Yes there are varied degrees of sillyness in people's reasoning for being anti-vax. Yes with many people it's as much the government's poor Comms to blame and their choice is somewhat reasonable given they don't understand the topic.

Still the blindness to reason of even the most moderate anti-vaxxer would cause too many problems for me to put up with in a life partner.

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 09:58

@donquixotedelamancha

He'd be my exBF by now.

Yes there are varied degrees of sillyness in people's reasoning for being anti-vax. Yes with many people it's as much the government's poor Comms to blame and their choice is somewhat reasonable given they don't understand the topic.

Still the blindness to reason of even the most moderate anti-vaxxer would cause too many problems for me to put up with in a life partner.

You sound like an extremist.

You'd describe someone who, for example, decided that since they were young, in good health, and had natural immunity from having been infected with covid, as "blind to reason" if they decided not to get jabbed?

I suspect that you yourself have very little understanding of the topic.

Goldfishbowls · 16/02/2022 10:01

If he’s a full on Antivaxxer it will be hard having a rational conversation on important issues. For every evidence based argument about science, politics, history etc they have an answer that rewrites reality. It would be a “no thank you” from me.

rainrainraincamedowndowndown · 16/02/2022 10:05

Depend on the reason.
If he spew out the anti vax nonsense, then no way, no point in starting a relationship with someone irrational.

Zilla1 · 16/02/2022 10:06

Is he an elite athlete ? If so, are you sure he's anti-vaxx, he might just be conscious of what he puts in his body? Let's hope there's no unintentional fruitiness about any PCR tests he might or might not have need for travel or work purposes. Oddly, some my patients and acquaintances who are suddenly conscious of the purity of what they put in their body still seem willing to buy unknown drugs online or smuggled by slaves, over drink and have awful diets and no exercise.

donquixotedelamancha · 16/02/2022 10:28

You'd describe someone who, for example, decided that since they were young, in good health, and had natural immunity from having been infected with covid, as "blind to reason" if they decided not to get jabbed?

No, I'd describe them as selfish. That's a perfectly rational position, so not really anti-vax per se, but not what I'd want in a life partner.

You sound like an extremist.

Whereas you seem lovely.

I suspect that you yourself have very little understanding of the topic.

Suspecting that anyone who disagrees with you 'doesn't understand' without evidence is irrational. I have a biochem degree and quite a lot of experience of risk analysis, however that's not the point- tens of thousands of scientists and doctors have done the work to understand in more detail than me. People arguing their conclusions are false would need to so some strong evidence.

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 10:35

@donquixotedelamancha

You'd describe someone who, for example, decided that since they were young, in good health, and had natural immunity from having been infected with covid, as "blind to reason" if they decided not to get jabbed?

No, I'd describe them as selfish. That's a perfectly rational position, so not really anti-vax per se, but not what I'd want in a life partner.

You sound like an extremist.

Whereas you seem lovely.

I suspect that you yourself have very little understanding of the topic.

Suspecting that anyone who disagrees with you 'doesn't understand' without evidence is irrational. I have a biochem degree and quite a lot of experience of risk analysis, however that's not the point- tens of thousands of scientists and doctors have done the work to understand in more detail than me. People arguing their conclusions are false would need to so some strong evidence.

So you now admit that there are circumstances under which it wouldn't be "blind to reason" to decide not to get jabbed? It could in fact be perfectly reasonable. Or, as you describe it, "perfectly rational."

Perhaps wait for the full context before attacking someone as irrational and silly.

Blubells · 16/02/2022 11:09

This op is probably just a wind up?!

ToooutThere · 16/02/2022 11:15

@Blubells

This op is probably just a wind up?!
Hmm next poster that comes along will be asking if they should divorce their husband over their differing vaccine statuses...
ToooutThere · 16/02/2022 11:16

... or disown their children.