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Boyfriend announced he’s an anti vaxxer

226 replies

Gonnagetgoing · 15/02/2022 21:27

So been seeing someone since November and he dropped the bombshell that he’s an anti vaxxer.

I’ve had both vaccines plus booster as it’s the right thing to do.

Are we doomed or should I get over this?

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 13:56

@luckylavender

Also how have you only just found out? Did he mislead you?
@luckylavender - he didn't mislead me but his DM and other family members are immune compromised.

I didn't ask him but he's always been safe re Covid 19, mask wearing, hand sanitising etc. So just assumed he had got the vaccines.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 14:00

@steppemum

I have zero patience with this stand point.

There area very, very few people who I respect for this decsion, or even understand it at all.

So for me, yes it would be a deal breaker, unless for some reason he fell into that very very small group.

Can't argue with stupid, and this will be one of many I would think

@steppemum - see - normally I'd say freedom of choice etc. All my family and wider family and close friends are vaccinated though there was one close friend I had my doubts about but she had to be done as she's had a stroke and also lives with her DM who's elderly.

Until I speak to him more about this I'm not sure what to do.

I think but don't know for certain that he isn't into conspiracy theories but if he is then I am definitely gone.

OP posts:
StormTreader · 16/02/2022 14:15

Has his friend the research scientist had the jab? And I'd be wondering what field his friend is a research scientist in, there's a world of difference between "biomedical vaccine research" and "L'oreal shampoo development assistant".

liveforsummer · 16/02/2022 14:20

It doesn't sound like he's anti vax at all but has just decided against having one specific jab himself. He's not lecturing you and insisting you are a microchipped sheep because you've had yours.

I guess it's different for me as I'm not a rule breaker

There's no rule to say you have to get the vaccine. It's personal choice. Lots of people have chosen not to get it. He'll still be able to travel it will just be a bit more of a hassle for him with tests etc but that only affects him. Personally I couldn't care less about anyone's vaccine status other than my own

MrsTerryPratchett · 16/02/2022 14:25

His friend is a research scientist and apparently it takes 10 years to develop and vaccine

My arse he is. Unless he researches something entirely different and is pig ignorant. Very simple video about why this is bollocks: www.bbc.com/news/av/health-55281633

Imagine the issues trying to find volunteers to check a vaccine for (example) malaria in the UK. Why would anyone volunteer? But volunteers were queuing up for a covid vaccine. No recruitment issue. Just one of the many many reasons it was much quicker.

FredBair · 16/02/2022 14:29

Might be worth asking hime how many billions of doses have to be given out before he changes his mind? Does he plan to have it next year? The year after?
Actually no. It would still be a deal breaker to me.

mummykel16 · 16/02/2022 14:35

@loveisanopensore

Why should we respect someone's opinion when that opinion is based on mistruths?
Or they have already had covid so there is no point
vodkaredbullgirl · 16/02/2022 14:39

There is always someone who knows a scientist

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 15:16

@FredBair

Might be worth asking hime how many billions of doses have to be given out before he changes his mind? Does he plan to have it next year? The year after? Actually no. It would still be a deal breaker to me.
Do you really believe that people will be getting endless boosters, even as covid becomes less and less severe?

Within a couple years, covid jabs will be for high risk groups only.

Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 15:17

@liveforsummer

It doesn't sound like he's anti vax at all but has just decided against having one specific jab himself. He's not lecturing you and insisting you are a microchipped sheep because you've had yours.

I guess it's different for me as I'm not a rule breaker

There's no rule to say you have to get the vaccine. It's personal choice. Lots of people have chosen not to get it. He'll still be able to travel it will just be a bit more of a hassle for him with tests etc but that only affects him. Personally I couldn't care less about anyone's vaccine status other than my own

@liveforsummer - yes - noted on both points.

I just hope when I do speak to him that he isn't a conspiracy theory type as I really can't be dealing with that.

OP posts:
Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 15:19

@Yeahthat - agreed re endless boosters but the truth is that no one knows how Covid 19 etc will go in the future. It could be that with boosters etc it'll just go away and that's that.

Or it could be that another virus similar will come along and take it's place. We just don't know.

OP posts:
Dontlooksup · 16/02/2022 15:23

Oh for God's sake. The anti anti vaxers are more annoying than the anti vaxers. For most people they're isn't much risk. If they don't want the vaccination when they aren't at much risk I can't get myself worked up about it.

liveforsummer · 16/02/2022 15:23

I just hope when I do speak to him that he isn't a conspiracy theory type as I really can't be dealing with that.

Hopefully not, those types tend to be incredibly vocal about it so I think you'd have already had warning.

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 15:46

[quote Gonnagetgoing]@Yeahthat - agreed re endless boosters but the truth is that no one knows how Covid 19 etc will go in the future. It could be that with boosters etc it'll just go away and that's that.

Or it could be that another virus similar will come along and take it's place. We just don't know.[/quote]
Of course we can't know precisely what will happen in the future.

However, as Prof Andrew Pollard, head of the UK's Committee on Vaccination and Immunization has pointed out:

"We can't vaccinate the planet every four to six months. It's not sustainable or affordable."

The kind of scenario the PP was depicting, where even years from now, generally healthy individuals with no factors which make them high risk will be routinely offered the jab simply isn't plausible, nor would I expect to see high compliance.

I agree with the PP who said that the anti-anti vaxers are becoming more tedious than the anti vaxers themselves.

If vaccine passes and other coercive measures had never been implemented, if there had been a laissez-faire approach of simply saying, "The vaccine is available for all, and evidence suggests that it reduces your chance of hospitalisation (particularly for high risk groups) and passing on the virus", would you honestly regard this as a deal breaker? It appears to me that it's a sort of conditioned outrage.

Turquoisesea · 16/02/2022 17:04

The level of hatred from some posters against a person who has merely decided what to put in their own body is insane! I agree if he was spouting conspiracy theories and telling others not to have the vaccine, but his only ‘crime’ is deciding whether to have a jab himself or not. People are frothing at the mouth calling him an idiot, thick etc! Wow just wow, can you even hear yourselves! My friend hasn’t had the vaccines and is the loveliest most considerate person you could ever meet, she tests regularly, has already had covid and decided at the moment not to have it. OP if you get on with him in other ways why even discuss it, it really is no one else’s business except his own.

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 17:18

@Turquoisesea

Pathetic, isn't it? Is it some sort of extension of cancel culture - we're now going to see individuals cancelling friends, family, partners unless they agree and are in full compliance with them on every issue that the media tells them they should be angry about?

Some have judged him an idiot with zero context whatsoever - he could be young, generally healthy, and have acquired immunity from having covid - to these people that's irrelevant; unless he complies fully and without question then he should be purged from her life.

Turquoisesea · 16/02/2022 17:50

@Yeahthat I agree cancel culture at its finest. God forbid he should make his own decisions about what goes into his own body! No, the OP must LTB immediately!

Blubells · 16/02/2022 18:13

I find it strange that the op is asking a random bunch of internet users about her relationship with her boyfriend regarding his views on vaccination Confused

XenoBitch · 16/02/2022 18:33

Honestly, if you are willing to split up over the fact he is not vaccinated (and from your more recent posts, it sounds as if he is not in some conspiracy rabbit hole... it is just his personal choice), then you would be doing him a favour.
If you like him, and are enjoying your time with him, then his vax status should not mean a shiny shit.

Awakened22 · 16/02/2022 18:45

I’m unvaxxed and have mentioned it in conversation in recent first dates in case the guy had an issue with it and partly to see how they reacted. Both guys were vaccinated but neither gave a monkeys that I was unvaxxed.

Only you can decide if this is an issue for you and your relationship.

Yeahthat · 16/02/2022 18:57

@blubells

Cancel culture is born of the mob mentality. No surprise to see that OP is therefore appealing to a collective to decide whether she should effectively cancel her partner.

@Turquoisesea
I think the "LTB" response was the most vile of all. He's gone against the prevailing view, therefore he's a bastard? Someone's made that judgement without knowing any more about her partner, the context for her choice - no, he failed to conform, therefore he's a bastard and leave him.

Gonnagetgoing · 16/02/2022 19:07

@Blubells

I find it strange that the op is asking a random bunch of internet users about her relationship with her boyfriend regarding his views on vaccination Confused
@Blubells - I asked a couple of friends and they said after I explained not an issue.

But thought I’d ask some on MN for a wider viewpoint.

OP posts:
duffeldaisy · 16/02/2022 21:01

There's a bit of a red flag here in his "research scientist" friend.

Any real research scientist would understand how these vaccines came about, that they were built on ones that have been in use for over a decade, and then tweaked - and how, because of funding, all the stages could happen one after another - or even simultaneously across continents, rather than waiting months and years for the next round of funding, and only being able to test on smaller samples to save money.

I'm not a research scientist, but know that just from reading the Oxford University website.

So either he made up the friend, in which case he's a liar and you don't want to go any further with him. Or his friend has lied to him. Which might mean he's not a great judge of character.

I have a friend and a family member who are both antivax (one much more than the other), and so I wouldn't leap to conclusions that he's an idiot (they're not, or not usually). Some people are a bit naive, or don't normally follow news, and so can be susceptible to antivax articles, go down the rabbit hole of fear and suspicion, and they're messed up. I wouldn't personally date someone who is like that.

liveforsummer · 16/02/2022 21:25

*So either he made up the friend, in which case he's a liar and you don't want to go any further with him. Or his friend has lied to him. Which might mean he's not a great judge of character.
*
To be fair not all researchers, even in the field will agree. Not all related scientists think that teens and children should be vaccinated for example. I know medical professionals who are unvaccinated and those who are out of necessity for work but are not vaccinating their teen dc. It's not necessarily the cast that anyone has lied but he could be misunderstanding and/or simplifying the details

UnmentionedElephantDildo · 16/02/2022 21:30

The 'research scientist friend' is probably someone he's 'met' online, because I saw that 'should take 10 years, but only took 1' almost word for word elsewhere just a couple of days ago.

Not only is is wrong, its deliberate antivax misinformation.