Why I'm angry about the May parties at Downing Street - share your stories

[ThirdTimeIucky]

No agenda, just a whinge to demonstrate rhe millions of individual reasons people are angry about BYOB parties in Downing Street whilst the rest of us were in Lockdown. I've heard so many stories of loved ones dying alone, loneliness and heartbreak.

For me, when the party took place on the 20th, I had been struggling in a domestic abuse situation for months. In lockdown. I'd been on my own trying to deal with this situation. I felt like I was trapped. It was an incredibly painful and difficult time of my life. Three days later, feeling terribly guilty, and despite the restrictions, if went to my sisters as the situation had become so bad. But because of those restrictions, I stayed in that situation for so much longer than I should have done.

@Francescaisstressed

Honestly, the way these threads deviate is absolutely disgusting. Thank you for gloating about how much of an idiot I am for following the rules that I didn't get to say bye for all my family members. How foolish of me to actually listen to the government and have social responsibility for other.s.I will remind my grieving family, how my Uncle having cancer treatments death was simply just survival of the fittest. Absolute scum of the earth of here.

Agree. I really don't understand what is wrong with people. How can they read the experiences on here and think it appropriate to chip in with their "expert" view about how we were gullible, should have ignored the rules and so on.

To be clear, I didn't want to ignore the rules. Rightly or wrongly they were made to protect people and we were supposed to follow them. What I'm mad about is the fact that the Government knew this and yet carried on regardless. One rule for them and another for us - that's what pisses me off.

My Dad died in November 19 pre Covid. My Mum was adjusting to life without her husband of over 40 years when Covid hit. We had to leave her, still in the midst of grief, on her own. Listening to her cry through loneliness on the phone was the hardest thing, fighting my instinct to be with her & support her.

I was wfh and trying to teach both my primary school children and stop them from fighting. I'm not prone to crying but there were a few occasions I ended up in tears through stress.

Meanwhile, we find out the PM & his inner circle were having drinks on the lawn. It's an absolute disgrace. I see he's scuttled off to wait for this to blow over & busily leaking stories to take off the heat e.g. Chinese spy announcement. Look over there, nothing to see here!! If Johnson had any decency he would know that he has let the country down, but he's just a pathological liar who puts himself first.

He's probably pleased that Prince Andrew is taking the heat off him by being the man with the lowest moral fibre in public life today.

I'm just reading through the thread and it's so tragically sad. To all the people who have been through loss alone due to Covid

While people went through such horrors a bring your own booze party.Shame on the Government and the PM who thinks we should all do as he says but not as he does.

@merrymouse

But I echo the sentiments of telling those who are saying people were gullible and they should have not fallen for it to leave the thread.

Agree.

No. If this thread was started as a thread for "please share your stories of the shit my family went through while we were following the rules", people like me should not comment. But that's not how this thread was started.

I have my own hideous and heartbreaking story, but it was the result of a lockdown that I fought against with every fibre of my being, because it was clear to me that it was not necessary. I will not stop saying that. My grief it not worth less than that of those who obeyed the rules with any degree of acceptance.

My story came about as a result of people not questioning what I regarded all along as an erroneous policy. I am allowed to express my rage and anguish about this. I am also allowed to say that I would not be in this position, had more people fought against the idea of their fellow humans losing their rights, their livelihoods, and lives.

So it's a slightly different perspective - but I think we can all agree on the shittiness of Johnson et al.

These stories are so desperately sad and I've been through nothing in comparison.

I'm still bloody mad though. I was terrified by the media and covid and me and my children didn't step out of the house until mid July 2020. I've been left with OCD and phobia of germs which I'm now getting therapy for but am a way off yet.

My eldest daughter missed her prom which was a whole 2 months after this party. We were told it was unsafe. Should have just held it at number 10.

My daughter missed her school play (which they cancelled due to the audience mixing aspect) and her residential trip - which was due to go ahead around Easter when (comparatively speaking) rates were really low. There really was no real reason in terms of public health that couldn't have happened, especially since they were all in school together in an unventilated classroom anyway, but the law prevented it so the centre couldn't open.

That's the kind of situation where you can disagree with the rules but it makes no difference - I couldn't have gone and physically opened the centre myself.

They were partying whilst denying children opportunities they'll never get back. While people were being denied the chance to say goodbye to loved ones.

I don't just think Boris should go - everyone who attended that party and any of those parties should be sacked. Martin Reynolds should definitely be sacked and yet nothing.

The inaction by the civil service is pretty shocking. Why aren't they investigating and disciplining staff for breaking the law?

The problem with that argument @etopp is that you are effectively making what happened to you - and I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through - the fault of other victims of the system for not "fighting" hard enough (whatever that means), rather than the people who made the (what you consider to be unnecessary) rules and then didn't stick to them. And, in the context of this thread, where people have told their own heartbreaking stories, that "blame" feels a bit misplaced and misdirected. I don't think anyone is denying you your anger. I think they are just feeling it is mis-timed and misplaced here is all.

my SILs missed their grandmother's stone setting ceremony as they were travelling from overseas and that time would have had to isolate if they returned and would have missed the ceremony.

So DH and I were the only people from our side of the family to attend.

@BitOutOfPractice

The problem with that argument *@etopp is that you are effectively making what happened to you - and I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through - the fault of other victims of the system for not "fighting" hard enough (whatever that means), rather than the people who made the (what you consider to be unnecessary) rules and then didn't stick to them. And, in the context of this thread*, where people have told their own heartbreaking stories, that "blame" feels a bit misplaced and misdirected. I don't think anyone is denying you your anger. I think they are just feeling it is mis-timed and misplaced here is all.

Well said. It's also a well known tactic of the Tories / political classes / crap governments to deflect blame from themselves - get people arguing among themselves rather than holding the government to account.

Divide and conquer.

They're very good at it.

It doesn't really matter what we think of the 'rules'. The fact is the people who created those rules broke them repeatedly themselves, it sounds like they didn't even make the most rudimentary effort to stick to them. They broke the law and as far as I can tell they're not even being investigated, suspended, let alone prosecuted.

@theemperorhasnoclothes I agree. It's like the tabloid press whipping up anger and hatred of the poor and refugees instead of the billionaires paying no taxes and living off the exploitation of others. Divide and conquer.

As I watched my usually very emotionally reserved son break down and sob when he learnt one evening that his school camping trip would be cancelled, my heart broke a bit. Earlier that day, he'd been crushed to hear that the cadets couldn't resume meeting yet, that he couldn't go swimming because they weren't "Covid safe" at the pool and had his friends cancel a sleepover because a parent caught Covid. It was just too much. He cried and said he understood we were meant to keep people safe but it didn't seem fair. Angrily said "I bet Boris Johnson and all those guys are just doing whatever they want anyway!!"

Oh, how right he was.

@BitOutOfPractice

The problem with that argument *@etopp is that you are effectively making what happened to you - and I'm genuinely sorry for what you went through - the fault of other victims of the system for not "fighting" hard enough (whatever that means), rather than the people who made the (what you consider to be unnecessary) rules and then didn't stick to them. And, in the context of this thread*, where people have told their own heartbreaking stories, that "blame" feels a bit misplaced and misdirected. I don't think anyone is denying you your anger. I think they are just feeling it is mis-timed and misplaced here is all.

That's a very kind and sane response, and I apologise for my own grief and anger being misplaced here.

@MagicKit

As I watched my usually very emotionally reserved son break down and sob when he learnt one evening that his school camping trip would be cancelled, my heart broke a bit. Earlier that day, he'd been crushed to hear that the cadets couldn't resume meeting yet, that he couldn't go swimming because they weren't "Covid safe" at the pool and had his friends cancel a sleepover because a parent caught Covid. It was just too much. He cried and said he understood we were meant to keep people safe but it didn't seem fair. Angrily said "I bet Boris Johnson and all those guys are just doing whatever they want anyway!!"

Oh, how right he was.

Shit this is heartbreaking. And went on in households up and down the country.

Children should never again be made to feel responsible for the functioning of the health service, because that's in essence what it was. Keeping absolutely everyone "safe" is not the responsibility of kids (or other adults, come to that)

Remember those girls who were arrested for going for a walk in the middle of nowhere?!

Why aren’t the police looking into this? Why is he exempt?

I did that thing where you look at your photos and see what may 2020 shows. My kids were watching my dad over Zoom doing their weekly ‘joke’ session and I’d filmed it for posterity. I remember exactly how I was feeling - sad that this was yet another interaction they didn’t have with my parents in person, and I suppose privileged we had the technology to at least do it. If I’d known what was happening at number ten.. I struggle to be faithful to my exact feelings then as everything changed so much daily internally, but I know it would have contributed massively to those down times, knowing the efforts we were making to home school etc were just being mocked.

@Abelard40 that’s it, isn’t it? The feeling of being treated with mockery and contempt. It was a horrible, sad time for so many of us but at least we felt that it wasn’t for nothing, that we were doing the right thing. Around the end of May, video calls became really hard because the novelty had truly worn off for my then 2 year old DS. He wanted to see his grandparents in person and would scream and cry so much that I couldn’t hear my parents and he wouldn’t come and see them on the phone. He’d be jumping all over me, trying to press the hang up button or take the phone and throw it and I did not have the energy or mental strength to deal with that.

When we eventually broke the rules because my mental health was in such a bad way, and my parents came to sit at the other end of our garden, none of us could stop him hugging them and in the end we just gave into it. He kept going up and touching them, just patting them, as if to make sure they were real. It sounds so mawkish and stupid but that’s how it was. While the government had fucking shindigs.

@BillGigolo yep.. it’s the small moments too.. remembering those and how they contributed to a massive pile of feeling shit as a parent.

Because they don't even realise that the issue is about leadership, and not about who attended which party. That's a big a crime as anything else.

@etopp not your grief. But your anger at other people doing what they thought was right. Save that for Johnson et all.

I’m so sorry for your loss. It truly has been horrific for so many

*Well said. It's also a well known tactic of the Tories / political classes / crap governments to deflect blame from themselves - get people arguing among themselves rather than holding the government to account.

Divide and conquer*

So true.

Another thing is that over Christmas many people said fuck you to the rules "I am having all my family over because of the lockdown parties".

Unfortunately a virus is a virus and will still virus and some people have ended up transmitting Covid to vulnerable people with tragic outcomes.

Another one of us "normals" being sick and then dying is not even a thought for those in charge so makes you think how sad it is that people consider lockdown parties as a reason to abandon all caution.

My grandma was grieving alone without her family after losing her husband of nearly 60 years, he died suddenly before lockdown, we were fortunate a 'normal' funeral could be held (just!) but then we went into lockdown and she was on her own... she found it incredibly tough living on her own for the first time, when family couldn't just pop in, she doesn't sleep much either so it she was stuck in her own thoughts for 20 hours a day!

As we were all in lockdown we were less likely to give her covid than are now because it's rife now! I wish I just broke the rules at the time, but we didn't...

Going to her husbands grave was frowned upon because it was an unnecessary journey despite it being only 1 or so miles away - too far to her walk at her age and wasn't driving herself at that point, no one was allowed to take her...

I find it really disturbing how the politicians and the journalists seem to be obsessing over emails and who said what and whether it's 'provable'. It speaks to something very rotten and evil at the heart of those running this country AND those reporting on it.

It's like Boris drove at 60 through a 30 zone (the rules WERE that clear in May 2020, and he knew what they were) then said the police shouldn't get involved and he should get a free pass because he 'thought it was a 60 zone'. That just wouldn't fly. It doesn't matter if anyone sent him an email saying 'don't break the law'. He broke it. Multiple staffers at number 10 broke it repeatedly.

Whether or not we know the law isn't an excuse for the rest of us if we're caught speeding / stealing / breaking lockdown. Do they really think it's an excuse for them?

@theemperorhasnoclothes

I find it really disturbing how the politicians and the journalists seem to be obsessing over emails and who said what and whether it's 'provable'. It speaks to something very rotten and evil at the heart of those running this country AND those reporting on it.

It's like Boris drove at 60 through a 30 zone (the rules WERE that clear in May 2020, and he knew what they were) then said the police shouldn't get involved and he should get a free pass because he 'thought it was a 60 zone'. That just wouldn't fly. It doesn't matter if anyone sent him an email saying 'don't break the law'. He broke it. Multiple staffers at number 10 broke it repeatedly.

Whether or not we know the law isn't an excuse for the rest of us if we're caught speeding / stealing / breaking lockdown. Do they really think it's an excuse for them?

@theemperorhasnoclothes spot on. Like it’s not a question of morals or ethics but of technicality. Which is so inappropriate and heartless when set against the grief and despair of millions of people.

It reminds me of Bill Clinton saying technically he didn’t have sexual contact with Monica Lewinsky because what happened wasn’t what he considered sexual contact. Boiling everything down to semantics when you know you’re firmly in the wrong.

So many sad stories on this thread; my heart goes out to you all.

I'm angry about the restrictions in general. They didn't seem logical or proportionate at the time and even less so in retrospect.

Im angry that the opposition didn't question the restrictions and actually pushed for them to be stricter. I suspect Boris would have done a better job in opposition.

Im not particularly angry about the parties. It just doesn't bother me, maybe because I was seeing friends myself in May 2020 and didn't fall for the doom mongering. I mean, the data was all there to suggest there was no reason to be that scared.

I'm a bit disappointed that so many of my fellow citizens obeyed the rules. If we'd all refused to comply then I think we'd have been in a much better situation and much pain and damage could have been avoided.

I