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Original poster

Me and dh cannot agree over dcs vaccinations

81 replies

newstart22 · 03/01/2022 20:53

Where we live (Ireland) my children have become eligible for the covid vaccine. I want to get them vaccinated but my husband does not. The problem is he won't even talk about it. I have done my research and for me the risk of the vaccination is minimal equally I also know that the risk of covid in children is mild too but I know each parent has to make their own choices.
Im just wondering if there any parents who have been in the same boat and how do you work through it?

OP posts:
FortunesFave · 03/01/2022 20:59

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it.

Fuckaduck21 · 03/01/2022 21:03

@FortunesFave

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it.
Don't tell him? How would you feel if your dh withheld something like this from you, knowing how important it was to you?! That is really bad advice. How old are the children? Do they want the vaccine? Or do they not get a choice?
Comedycook · 03/01/2022 21:03

Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it

This is terrible advice. You really shouldn't lie to him about it.

Have your DC had all the standard childhood vaccines? Is it just the covid one he's unsure about?

CraftyGin · 03/01/2022 21:04

Can the children make their own decisions?

Fuckaduck21 · 03/01/2022 21:06

@CraftyGin

Can the children make their own decisions?
My ds has made his own decision, I believe he has that right, but I guess it depends on age.
Chicci1 · 03/01/2022 21:07

We’re similar although I’m the one who doesn’t want them vaccinated and dh does. We have agreed that unless and until we’re both happy to consent to vaccination, it won’t happen. Honestly if he went behind my back and had them vaccinated without telling me, I soils he absolutely furious and it would leave a real scar on our marriage so I wouldn’t recommend following the advice above!

BahBumbug · 03/01/2022 21:08

@FortunesFave

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it.
What? That's terrible advice Hmm How old are the children?
Original poster
newstart22 · 03/01/2022 21:10

I couldn't do it against the grain. My husband thinks my reasons are selfish and ds is too young to make the decision for himself (9)

OP posts:
tilder · 03/01/2022 21:11

I asked medic friends. From their perspective the risk of Covid is still greater than a vaccine risk. Including in children.

Add on risk of more school absences if/when they catch covid and a desire to travel requiring vaccine status, means its a no brainer for us. Second vaccines due shortly.

Original poster
newstart22 · 03/01/2022 21:16

@tilder that is my reason for wanting dc to be vaccinated. I can't work from home it's not possible in my job so I have to keep taking time off every time dc need to isolate. Equally we travel abroad frequently and I want to be able to travel with the children and whilst I know antigen tests are still a requirement and been vaccinated doesn't give you a free pass to travel freely it opens up more options.

OP posts:
Blubells · 03/01/2022 21:37

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it.

You're joking right?!

Op, as with any decision you've both got to discuss and compromise!

InTheLabyrinth · 03/01/2022 21:51

DS is a bit older but was adamant he was having the vaccination.
At 9 I'm sure they are well aware of what's going on. Do they have any strong thoughts?

Smerk · 03/01/2022 21:53

Surely if he doesn't want the kids vaxxed, he has to be the one to take time off if they have to isolate?

Ihaveaskedyouthrice · 03/01/2022 22:02

Also in Ireland and 2 of my 3 children have become eligible for the vaccine. I was a little on the fence but DH is extremely anxious about them getting covid (one has an underlying medical condition ) and therefore v anxious for them to get it. I'm happy to defer to his wishes in this particular instance.

Watapalava · 03/01/2022 22:31

antigen tests are being phased out in terms of entry for travel - now its vax or no entry at all. Or vax+test. Certainly no countries allow only test for entry. At 9 he may get away with it a bit longer (as under 12 currently exempt) but by summer than could change given EU are vaccinating younger kids. Countries tend to change rules once people have had chance to be vax

Right now a lot of the countries that let people in with just a nagative test last summer, won't this summer unless vax e.g. spain

Original poster
newstart22 · 03/01/2022 22:38

Thank you for all the comments everyone it's been nice able to talk about this as I avoid talking about it with friends or family as it becomes slightly personal. Im going to talk to ds about it as he is almost 10 and see what he thinks as a pp mentioned children are so in tune with covid

OP posts:
mustbetrue · 03/01/2022 23:04

Travel and freedoms do not feel like a good reason to vaccinate under 12s. I’m also in Ireland and concerned that vaccine has been rolled out for children and the implications for them. It feels wrong that we’re discussing taking this risk on our children just so that we don’t miss work or they don’t miss school, so that we can go on holidays or they can go to activities etc. Covid19 is a mild condition in children. I know many who’ve had it and I would much rather mine get it than risk future implications so far unknown from the vaccinations. (See feedback on menstrual cycles etc)... I had a bad adverse reaction to my 2nd Pfizer jab which took months to get over so this is probably what got me asking questions. We do not know the long term impact. But we do know Covid19 poses minimal risk to children.

HSHorror · 03/01/2022 23:54

Mustbe -loads of issues reported from covid itself re periods!

Cantthinkofausername2022 · 04/01/2022 00:50

Even if they’re vaccinated they will still have to isolate though although for 1/2 the time as it would be 5 days instead of the 10?
What are your partners reasons for being apprehensive about it, maybe write up the pros and cons that are relevant to your family with your partner

SuPerDoPer · 04/01/2022 04:43

My 10.5 year old will be eligible when they bring in vaccinations for clinically vulnerable 5-11 year olds. Her opinion matters to me and I want her to understand it as much as she can and be actively involved in the decision. I would definitely consult with a 9 year old, he is old enough to understand the basic pros and cons.

Someonemustknowtheanswer · 04/01/2022 04:49

My decision would trump his tbh. I'd get them done to protect my children.

NoNameHere12 · 04/01/2022 04:58

I’m sorry but a 9 year old is not old enough to understand.
You can’t consent to sex under the age of 16 because minors are not old enough to understand the bigger picture and the multiple layers that come with it, not actually because they could become parents.

You don’t let 9 year olds pick dinner every night because they wouldn’t make the right decisions (probably go for sweets!)

You need to persuade your husband or wait until you child is older as I don’t think doing it behind his back is a good idea

SuPerDoPer · 04/01/2022 05:04

@NoNameHere12

I’m sorry but a 9 year old is not old enough to understand. You can’t consent to sex under the age of 16 because minors are not old enough to understand the bigger picture and the multiple layers that come with it, not actually because they could become parents.

You don’t let 9 year olds pick dinner every night because they wouldn’t make the right decisions (probably go for sweets!)

You need to persuade your husband or wait until you child is older as I don’t think doing it behind his back is a good idea

They don't get the final decision, but they can have an opinion and express their thoughts. I wouldn't force my 10 year old to have a covid vaccine if she was completely against it but if she had concerns we would discuss them. Children are allowed to be informed about medical treatment.
Alondra · 04/01/2022 05:05

It's become an issue in many countries OP. I know in Spain courts have said that if parents do not agree on vaccination, they'll favour vaccination.

He's 9 y.o. I will vaccinate him and deal with the consequences with your husband later on if you can't reach agreement. Either he gets his way or you do - unlike him you have a wealth of medical information available in your favour.

Alondra · 04/01/2022 05:11

They don't get the final decision, but they can have an opinion and express their thoughts

A 9 year old doesn't NOT have an independent mature opinion to make choices about his health, he's is a child without the cognative capacity to make that kind of choice.

It falls onto the adults to make the choice for him. If they can't agree they either go to court or a parent makes an unilateral decision.

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