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Covid

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Original poster

Me and dh cannot agree over dcs vaccinations

81 replies

newstart22 · 03/01/2022 20:53

Where we live (Ireland) my children have become eligible for the covid vaccine. I want to get them vaccinated but my husband does not. The problem is he won't even talk about it. I have done my research and for me the risk of the vaccination is minimal equally I also know that the risk of covid in children is mild too but I know each parent has to make their own choices.
Im just wondering if there any parents who have been in the same boat and how do you work through it?

OP posts:

firef1y · 04/01/2022 05:18

@newstart22

I couldn't do it against the grain. My husband thinks my reasons are selfish and ds is too young to make the decision for himself (9)

Most 9yo are old enough to at least have input in the decision making. My 8yo is adamant that he wants to have it if and when he is allowed.

Rangoon · 04/01/2022 05:25

It seems to be you who has to take time off when your children have to isolate. Unless he is stepping up to do this (and being from an Irish family, I suspect he's not) then get them vaccinated.

Potatodrivers · 04/01/2022 08:40

If your main reason for wanting your child vaccinated is to do with isolation and travel reasons, more than protection from the virus itself. Then I would hold off a bit.

I personally am not comfortable with these vaccines for children yet, but would accept their choice to be vaccinated if they wanted to be.

Sirzy · 04/01/2022 08:50

A 9 year old is capable of being involved in such decisions about themselves. They may not get the final say but their views should still be taken into account.

steppemum · 04/01/2022 09:04

I do find it interesting that people say the vaccine is a risk, but covid in kids is mild, so don't get it.

Firstly, I really don't think that this vaccine is any more risky than any other. Nothing is ever 100% risk free, it is always possible for something to happen, we live the whole of life as a balance of risk.
the likelihood that they will get long covid or serious effects from Covid is still higher than the likelihood that they will get any side effects from the vaccine.

Secondly, even though covid is mild in kids, as a society we have been vaccinating for the benefit of whiole society for as long as vaccines have been around.

Rubella is a very mild and insignificant illness in kids.
Why then do we give kids rubella vaccine?
Well, firstly so they don't give rubella to any pregnant wome, where it is veyr high risk.
Secondly so that girls grow up with immunity so when they get pregnant they will not get rubella.

But if we only look at the second one, we would vaccinate girls at aged 12, not as babies and we wouldn't vaccinate boys at all.
So our whole rubella programme is there to protect pregnant women.

Yet we don't see people refusing the rubella vaccine as it is only being done for 'selfish' reasons.

BertieQueen · 04/01/2022 10:05

@FortunesFave

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it.

One of the worst pieces of advice I have even seen on here

How would you feel if you children’s father went behind your back over something you didn’t want for your children?

StarryNightSky26 · 04/01/2022 10:25

Just get them done. My husband has always been a bit anti-vax....tough! Both mine got fully vaxed as babies and now they're getting the COVID vax too. Don't tell him if he's going to be upset about it

Worst advice I've ever read on here.

If DH did that to me with a health decision for the dc it would be the end of the marriage.

Alondra · 04/01/2022 10:26

*One of the worst pieces of advice I have even seen on here

How would you feel if you children’s father went behind your back over something you didn’t want for your children*

It's the best advice I've seen here.

There is no agreement. If she does nothing her son doesn't get vaccinated which is what her husband wants.

Get him vaccinated as medical advice supports and deal with the fall out with husband later. Knowing men, his pissed off stage won't last too long.

HaggisBurger · 04/01/2022 10:32

I’m in a similar situation but with 2 older children and I am separated from my husband. He is stridently anti Covid vax (I’m triple jabbed). Sadly I think the status quo is “unvaccinated” … but one of my kids really wants to be vaccinated and the travel downside is going to be massive for her (and me). I certainly wouldn’t get her jabbed without my ex knowing.

trumpisagit · 04/01/2022 10:39

We discussed this last night.
If it was one jab, and they were done I would be ok with it, if the children were, but the likelihood of it being a second jab, and then a booster all within a year, puts me off.
My DS is 12 so he would have an adult dose.
My DH wants them to be vaccinated for travel, but even that seems uncertain at the moment.
We are going to wait and see for a bit longer unless either child wants the vaccine - they are old enough to help decide.
It may be that testing becomes more important than vaccination for travel in the future.

Thievesoil · 04/01/2022 11:00

If you do fire on and your child is affected adversely in any way, your DH won’t forgive you and it will likely erode any trust

I really wouldn’t. I also wouldn’t for travel either

It really should relate solely the benefit to the child based on their health and circumstances

Cantthinkofausername2022 · 04/01/2022 11:05

@Rangoon

It seems to be you who has to take time off when your children have to isolate. Unless he is stepping up to do this (and being from an Irish family, I suspect he's not) then get them vaccinated.

“and being from an Irish family, I suspect he’s not” Wtf?!?

R0SEMARY · 04/01/2022 11:07

@Smerk

Surely if he doesn't want the kids vaxxed, he has to be the one to take time off if they have to isolate?

This.

Potatodrivers · 04/01/2022 11:09

@R0SEMARY you can't base a decision on vaccinating your kids on which parent needs to isolate!

SirSidneyRuffDiamond · 04/01/2022 11:12

The age of criminal responsibility in England is 10 because children of that age are deemed to have the capacity to make moral decisions and understand the consequences of those decisions. I would certainly talk to a child of 9 or 10 about the vaccination and listen to their thoughts and opinions. I may not agree with them, but your husband should not get the final say either. This should be a collaborative discussion.

Joolsin · 04/01/2022 11:13

The fact that he won't talk about it, and you've done research and he hasn't, means he's just being stubborn and sticking his head in the sand. Give him an ultimatum to go and talk to your GP about it, in the meantime register your DS. When DS gets his appointment, if he hasn't put any meaningful effort into educating himself via proper medical people (not FB!!!), the child gets vaccinated.

Joolsin · 04/01/2022 11:15

And he has to take full responsibility for all childcare on missed school days - he's absolutely taking the piss on that score.

soapboxqueen · 04/01/2022 11:19

The fact that he refuses to discuss it would really irritate me.

I wouldn't go behind his back. I'd tell him I'd booked the appointment and if he wanted to have a proper, grown up discussion then we could always cancel it but if its just whinny 'me no likely' then tough.

Rangoon · 04/01/2022 11:29

@Cantthinkofausername2022

I posted something above and I didn't make it clear that I meant I was from an Irish family - both my parents are Irish. Irish families in my experience always seem to have the mothers running round doing things for the children. But perhaps I have just met a skewed sample set and there are wonderful Irishmen stepping up every day in the childcare stakes and that my family was an aberration

Cantthinkofausername2022 · 04/01/2022 11:44

@rangoon I thought your comment was derogatory towards Irish fathers
Yes this may be what your family experienced but it has nothing to do with your parents being Irish
We’re in 2022 not the 1980’s

Rangoon · 04/01/2022 12:00

@Cantthinkofausername2022

You make a fair enough comment and I guess a lot has changed in the world generally. So apologies for me being derogatory towards Irish fathers.

LaChanticleer · 04/01/2022 12:09

My husband thinks my reasons are selfish

Good Lord! How is it selfish to want to protect your DC and all with whom they come into contact?

Cantthinkofausername2022 · 04/01/2022 12:09

@Rangoon

Ohsofedupwiththis · 04/01/2022 12:22

You really need to talk to your DH. Don't take no for an answer (re talking).

I'm actually on the fence about whether I would get my kids vaxxed if it was available and DH is currently a no.

If it is offered then we will discuss. I don't feel I know enough about vaccine and Omicrom at the moment.

CUniverse · 04/01/2022 12:28

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk guidelines.

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