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Original poster

Living with a non-vaxer

118 replies

PineapplePrincess · 23/12/2021 22:31

Anyone in the same boat? I’m really struggling and could do with tips and advice on how others are handling things if they have different views on this than their partner - and somehow manage to keep the peace.

DH has been in a foul mood with me for two days because I tried to go get my booster shot (failed as the queue was too long, and had kids to pick up from childcare).

We’ve gone from the silent treatment, to arguing and back again. I’ve tried to make the peace, to agree to disagree, but it descends into more shouting and arguing somehow.

We have relatives due to come over and stay from tomorrow, the kids have Xmas, I just want an air of normality or at least civility and enjoy the next few day. Instead I’m in constant tears and dreading being in the house with this atmosphere.

OP posts:
PilesEdgeworth · 23/12/2021 23:10

So he's a conspiracy nut. Leave him, they only get worse. It'll be flat earth soon and before you know it, he'll be telling you there's a pedophile ring run from a random pizzeria in America
Almost exactly my experience (although, after their vigorous research, I think they did back away from ‘flat earth’).

HW1989 · 23/12/2021 23:15

Show him this

Living with a non-vaxer
Takingabreakagain · 23/12/2021 23:19

Or this which is from Public Health Wales
Somewhat different statistics

Living with a non-vaxer
GeorgiaGirl52 · 23/12/2021 23:24

Last Christmas I banned all mention of "Trump". This year I am banning all mention of "Vaccinations". Anyone who starts a discussion/argument gets no presents and no Christmas punch.

BigGermanSausage · 23/12/2021 23:27

@GeorgiaGirl52

Last Christmas I banned all mention of "Trump". This year I am banning all mention of "Vaccinations". Anyone who starts a discussion/argument gets no presents and no Christmas punch.
I might provide a christmas punch.
ThurstonArmbrister · 23/12/2021 23:28

Presumably if you were going for your booster you've had shots 1 and 2 already.

For curiosity's sake, what differences has he noticed in you since you had these that back up his concerns? I'll bet there are none

Luredbyapomegranate · 23/12/2021 23:32

Have you tried just telling him you both need to stay off the topic.

I don’t know how you can stand living with that, but would have thought agreeing to never discuss it is the only way.

Hagpie · 23/12/2021 23:33

I couldn’t live with a conspiracy nut tbh but it’s the emotional abuse that means it is the beginning of the end.

PilesEdgeworth · 23/12/2021 23:37

Maybe try to push through Christmas for the sake of the kids (assuming they’re young), but start getting those ducks in a row for the new year. People rarely re-emerge from the rabbit-hole, they just go deeper and get angrier, as you’re experiencing.

cloudchaos · 23/12/2021 23:42

Does he behave in a similar way regarding other topics you disagree on?

He doesn't sound very respectful and I'd be surprised if that was limited to your views on covid vaccines.

If his attitude is limited to this topic I would just tell him you're not open to debating the subject. Then don't engage.

If he behaves similarly when discussing other topics, I would consider whether I could remain with someone who seemed to have such little respect for my opinions and body autonomy.

Beautiful3 · 23/12/2021 23:43

He's being controlling and unkind to you. My husbands had his vaccines and his booster. I've not had any. I respect his choice, if he's happy then I'm happy for him. He's worried about me but respects my choice also. We love and respect each other to understand we have different views. Your husband is being horrible to you, the vaccine is just a red herring.

Nowhereelsetogo90 · 23/12/2021 23:45

Can’t you both just agree to not discuss it? No one agrees on everything and as the data posted by two PP shows, there are many ways to interpret what’s happening and make your own decision. He needs to respect your decision to be vaccinated and you need to respect his not to be.

newusername2009 · 23/12/2021 23:45

I’m unvaccainated, husband is vaccinated. Only argument is when he hid from me that he had been for second jab - I was annoyed because I didn’t think he should hide it.

You need to agree to disagree and move on. He needs to accept your point of view just as much as you accept his - don’t let this divide you!

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 23/12/2021 23:48

@Takingabreakagain

Or this which is from Public Health Wales Somewhat different statistics
I tried to argue yesterday that I was placing my trust in the Public Health professionals as they are infinitely more qualified and better placed to make judgements of scientific data and evidence than I was. But I was told they are not qualified and aren’t the experts, any information they promote is propaganda and they are directed by the government (who I think are on a mission to control the population, which I’m blind if I can’t see) 😭
OP posts:
blackcurrantjam · 23/12/2021 23:49

It's not the vaccination thing necessarily. He sounds like a knob

Original poster
PineapplePrincess · 23/12/2021 23:57

@Nowhereelsetogo90

Can’t you both just agree to not discuss it? No one agrees on everything and as the data posted by two PP shows, there are many ways to interpret what’s happening and make your own decision. He needs to respect your decision to be vaccinated and you need to respect his not to be.
I’ve tried that, and that’s been my position yesterday and today. We’re not going to solve this by arguing with each other, this is bigger than us. We just need to accept we have differing views and avoid the topic if we can’t have a civil discussion.

Problem is he gets so wound up by everything, it creeps into every day life. Hence why I’ve just bit my tongue for the last few months, and tried to ignore it.

We can’t have the news on in the house, in case it’s mentioned; he threw a strop when I accidentally left my vaccine certificate out (we were suppose to go on holiday, but cancelled because he couldn’t get into the country unvaccinated), and he categorises people he meets or talks about into good guy (unvaccinated) and idiots (vaccinated).

Anything that happens in the wider environment is then wired back to the same conspiracy. E.g. Storm Arwen was a test of the government’s ability to cut power to people’s homes and that eventually they’ll be brownouts/blackouts nation wide.

OP posts:
PilesEdgeworth · 23/12/2021 23:58

Why remain in this relationship?

Forgothowmuchlhatehomeschoolin · 23/12/2021 23:58

One of my best friends is in a similar situation- without the abusive behaviour.
She works in a hospital but her boyfriend is a covid denier - think their days together might be numbered. She said he was lovely before the pandemic.

Vispa · 24/12/2021 00:13

he categorises people he meets or talks about into good guy (unvaccinated) and idiots (vaccinated).

So basically he believes you are an idiot.

Sorry OP but he is an emotionally abusive conspiracy theorist. You (& your kids) deserve so much better Flowers

MarbleQueen · 24/12/2021 00:20

Takingabreakagain interesting.

Pieminster · 24/12/2021 00:32

But OP, why would he think the government wants blackouts? I just don't understand what he's saying

milkyaqua · 24/12/2021 00:46

Give him a link to his people. It's a horrible website, but it does rather get the point across. So bloody sad to see their faces...

www.sorryantivaxxer.com/

Takingabreakagain · 24/12/2021 00:49

@PineapplePrincess
The statistics from Public Health Wales show the number in hospital who have been vaccinated with both doses is 76%, unvaccinated is 16% - vastly different from the 90% bandied about on Lorraine and other 'news' shows.
Whilst your OH should not be forcing his views on you and causing arguments about it there are statistics that show vaccines are not as effective as the government/newspapers would try and make the public believe

Takingabreakagain · 24/12/2021 00:53

@milkyaqua
And how many people who are fully vaxxed have died or ended up in hospital?
In my experience the vast majority of people who haven't got the covid vax have had all previous vaccines - the distrust of government methods to push the vaccines is really off putting and is making people wary. If the government could demonstrate that they are safe or that in a worst case scenario there would be compensation for harms, that would go a long way to allaying fears. Unfortunately the government won't or maybe can't do this.

EmmaMaya · 24/12/2021 00:59

You do not need to justify any choice you make to him, nor jurtify government decisions like vaccine passports. It is madness.He is abusing you. Ive lived in that situation where one thing (not vaccines in my case) can creep into day to day life. You can't watch the news incase something is said, feel tense in car incase something on radio and always operating on a hyper sensitive setting incase you mistakingly say something to set him off for days. Not a way to live! Please plan to leave!