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Original poster

Living with a non-vaxer

118 replies

PineapplePrincess · 23/12/2021 22:31

Anyone in the same boat? I’m really struggling and could do with tips and advice on how others are handling things if they have different views on this than their partner - and somehow manage to keep the peace.

DH has been in a foul mood with me for two days because I tried to go get my booster shot (failed as the queue was too long, and had kids to pick up from childcare).

We’ve gone from the silent treatment, to arguing and back again. I’ve tried to make the peace, to agree to disagree, but it descends into more shouting and arguing somehow.

We have relatives due to come over and stay from tomorrow, the kids have Xmas, I just want an air of normality or at least civility and enjoy the next few day. Instead I’m in constant tears and dreading being in the house with this atmosphere.

OP posts:
ThurstonArmbrister · 24/12/2021 01:20

@Takingabreakagain
It has been reported over and over that most (up to 90% via a quick Google) COVID hospital admissions are unvaccinated.

If the government could demonstrate that they are safe

Safe compared to what? Being hooked up to a ventilator not knowing if it's how you'll spend the rest of your life? Personally that's a chance I'm very happy to take.

toomuchlaundry · 24/12/2021 01:29

How will he behave with the relatives of they have been vaccinated?

Saoirse82 · 24/12/2021 01:33

[quote Takingabreakagain]@tectonicplates
Why what difference does it make whether he is vaccinated or not? The benefits are to the person vaccinated it doesn't stop transmission especially now with new variants. If the vaccine works those who are vaccinated are protected by their own vaccine - the others are probably not bothered[/quote]
Well you're between 50 to 80% less likely to catch omicron if you're vaccinated (including booster) so you're obviously therefore less likely to pass it on than an unvaccinated person. I honestly can't believe people STILL using this logic a year after the vaccines were introduced 🙄

Nanny0gg · 24/12/2021 01:41

How was he about your children's vaccinations?

Ireolu · 24/12/2021 01:52

He sounds delusional. At least the bit about storm arwen does. He has a right to his opinion about vaccination. I disagree with making you feel like crap because you have deffering opinions. As I said he sounds delusional but from what you have written I doubt he would be open to getting help for a thought disorder.

Chloemol · 24/12/2021 02:04

Sorry I couldn’t live with a nut case like that, Storm Arwen is the Government testing!

Nuts. I would be making plans to leave and let him get on with it, it’s only going to get worse

violetbunny · 24/12/2021 02:09

What's he normally like when you have a view he disagrees with? Or when you want to do something is disapproves of? Does he usually argue and sulk to try and manipulate his way?

Just curious to know if the vaccine is a red herring and this is part of a bigger picture of controlling behaviour on his part.

Valeriekat · 24/12/2021 03:02

It isn't a neutral argument though.
The unvaccinated are at a greater risk of contracting covid and therefore infecting someone else.
The unvaccinated are at greater risk of needing hospital care and long term support.
I couldn't live in the same house as someone who was that reckless unless they completely isolated .

PilesEdgeworth · 24/12/2021 04:06

Just curious to know if the vaccine is a red herring and this is part of a bigger picture of controlling behaviour on his part.
I suspect it’s a red herring insofar as OP’s DH has gone full-blown conspiracy loon. I mean, he thinks that power outages caused by a storm were actually a nefarious government plot.

People like that become convinced of the reality of the absolute nonsense they read, and get angry that others don’t agree with them. It occupies their waking thoughts and they’re just desperate to rant and rave about it, so you spent every moment around them trying to turn the conversation to something else, making sure they don’t overhear the news, etc.

Wiredforsound · 24/12/2021 05:07

He’s a controlling twat. Your body, your choice.

Flowerlane · 24/12/2021 06:00

@tectonicplates

These relatives who are coming over, did they know he's unvaccinated? If not, I think they should have the right to know in case they don't want to visit your household. Just as it's his choice to not have a vaccine, other people should be allowed to make an informed choice about not going near him.
Err no they don’t! Unless someone in the household has covid then it’s no one else’s business if someone has had the vaccine.

If someone wants to visit my house I will be not telling them my vaccination status before their arrival.

Do you often tell people your medical details so freely?

tttigress · 24/12/2021 06:33

I can't help thinking the media and politicians are deliberately creating division, as a 'nudge' effect.

I will just try to stay away from the subject, not see easy when it is always on the news and not so subtly bought up on TV programs.

AnotherOneWithNoGoodName · 24/12/2021 06:57

Is he not taking to you because you wanted the booster?
If so, thats not on.
Why is he having an opinion on your medical choices?

He needs to respect your rights to make your own medical decisions and your rights to have different views than he does. She like this with other areas of life too?

Beachmummy23 · 24/12/2021 07:18

I wouldn't be with a man who gave me the silent treatment or had an argument for days regardless of the cause. Its abusive, find someone who respects you.

ThinWomansBrain · 24/12/2021 07:22

there's a big difference between a couple that simply agree to differ and not criticise or complain each others' choices, and a couple where one tries to control the others choices and has hissy fits.
the anti-vaxer in both cases a moron, but in the latter a contrsolling abusive moron.
What if his position on childhood vaccinations like measles, etc?
TBH, surprised there's not more LTB responses - he sounds a complete arse aside from the ant vaccination stuff.

Lanareyrey · 24/12/2021 07:23

Sorry OP couldn't be with an anti vaxxer. It would be enough to end the relationship for me. Good luck.

Dozer · 24/12/2021 07:26

Go and get your booster asap, queue if you need to, leaving other things not done if you need to.

I would have a big problem with his opinions and choice about himself, but even more of a problem is his behaviour - strops, silent treatment, haranguing - which is emotionally abusive.

Does he have history of emotionally abusive behaviour, or is this new?

Soontobe60 · 24/12/2021 07:28

@tectonicplates

I was hoping to go for my booster without telling him to avoid the aggro.

Sorry to have to tell you, but I went to speak to a pharmacist the other day to show her my arm. She said that a lot more people than usual have been reporting bruising after the booster, compared to 1 and 2. Mine was red and sore for three days and it only calmed down on day four, and disappeared on day five. So it would be difficult to hide from your partner.

If your arm is bruised and sore after any injection it’s most likely because the needle has hit a nerve / vein / artery / muscle fibre. That’s not a ‘reaction’ to the actual vaccine, it’s trauma as a result of the procedure.
Dozer · 24/12/2021 07:28

To get through the immediate weekend, would try the ‘grey rock’ technique when he brings up covid matters.

Soontobe60 · 24/12/2021 07:30

@Flowerlane
What if your visitor was vulnerable and asked you if you’d been vaccinated? Would you tell them the truth, lie to them or refuse to answer?

rainbowandglitter · 24/12/2021 07:30

My dh isn't vaxxed. I am. We don't argue about our choices or make each other feel bad.

Beachgirl33 · 24/12/2021 07:38

I manage inpatient health services as well as community I’m so over listening to anti-vacced talking about conspiracies etc. Armchair epidemiologists. Not getting vaccinated is his choice. A poor choice in my opinion. I think you have a bigger problem that covid vaccines tbh. He tries to overrule you. Wants to control you. Tests your knowledge. You have to justify your decisions and tiptoe round him as it would appear that his views are more important than yours. Fuck that.

I’d say to him it’s Christmas. You don’t want an atmosphere for the children or extended family so he needs to shut the fuck up about it. I’d encourage you to go and get your booster ASAP. In Scotland we are putting on extra drop in clinics in between Christmas and New Year. Not sure if the other nations are doing the same.

For New Year I think you need to consider whether you want to live like this and want to be with him. He sounds awful Flowers

Flowerlane · 24/12/2021 07:38

[quote Soontobe60]@Flowerlane
What if your visitor was vulnerable and asked you if you’d been vaccinated? Would you tell them the truth, lie to them or refuse to answer?[/quote]
I only have visitors in my home who are family or close friends so we all know each other so it wouldn’t be a problem.

Also all my household is vulnerable including myself.

DukkaTheHallsWithBoughsOfHolly · 24/12/2021 07:39

@Beachmummy23

I wouldn't be with a man who gave me the silent treatment or had an argument for days regardless of the cause. Its abusive, find someone who respects you.
This.

He sounds horrible OP. Your children are also witnessing this behaviour.

saraclara · 24/12/2021 07:44

For the sake of your children and your family's Christmas, you both need to agree not to discuss vaccination or even mention it, for the next 48 hours. Otherwise everyone around you is going to be miserable.