Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

I haven't rtft but the first page along had every message resonate with me. Even over the summer when things were 'normal', everything has to be booked for weeks and weeks in advance, every snivel or sneeze is agonised over - even by me when I try to be so level headed about it. The spontaneity in life was gone, despite the reduction of restrictions.

@CorrBlimeyGG

I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.

I hated that everyone fell for the clapping shite. The government did fuck all to help NHS workers, but stand on the doorstep for five minutes once a week yomping like a seal and all is forgiven! I think it made a fair few Tory voters feel better about themselves too, that and donating a fiver to some old bloke walking round his garden.

everyone didn't

EnidSpyton
If I had no dependents, I would try to be like you.
But family responsibilities make your life style impossible for most people I know.
You're right about the state of the planet as well. We were just beginning to pay some thought to it, and then covid struck.

I think people are articulating this in many ways.
Can you say precisely what you want "someone" to do?

@BonnesVacances your post is utterly heartbreaking and it's moved me very much. I am a Long Covid sufferer too. Sending you and your daughter so much love and good wishes. 💐💜

In Ireland it's just been announced that the will be an 8pm curfew on pubs until the end of January. Again it should be possible to say you support this if it saves lives, but also say it is slowly grinding the desire to live (in the pre 2020 sense of meet people, have friends and a sing song) out of people. So we have a society here and in E England which is both safer than it would be for those at risk, due to the restrictions, & relatively miserable for almost everyone compared to pre 2020 life.

It was common for people to post "I'll do this (restrictions/lockdown) for as long as it takes" on this website in the early days of this. It was as if by saying they weren't even capping the amount of time they'd tolerate lockdown, that they were somehow morally superior to those who said they couldn't wait until it ended.

If there is a figure of Libra balancing weights. On one side there is the damage done by Covid, Omicron, plus whatever future variant arises, which is clearly massive. So you load the other side of the scales down with restrictions, cancellations, restricted travel etc. But every time there is a loosening, the now less weighed down scales of restrictions don't just bounce back to where they were beforehand, because the restrictions did happen and they had an effect that is ongoing and cumulative. At some point does the restrictions scale at least need to be weighed, does the cumulative sacrifice not need to be acknowledged, or are people actually slowly starting to normalise this version of life, to see pubs, concerts, r laughter of friends as something historical and quaint?

@BonnesVacances this is one of the saddest things I've ever read.
Much love and strength to all your family.

@godmum56

I think people are articulating this in many ways. Can you say precisely what you want "someone" to do?

I'd like some common sense by politicians.

For example, Ireland is now saying pubs, cinemas etc must close at 8pm. What on earth is that about? Does the virus only come out after 8pm? Other countries have had curfews.

Wales and Scotland are reintroducing queuing for shops (fine for the politicans to say, no doubt they don't do their own shopping so it doesn't affect them).

It's the fact that so many of the rules are pointless and have no impact on the virus.

Other countries have had curfews which are also pointless.

@BonnesVacances I’m so sorry. How awful. Love to you and your family.

**I think people are articulating this in many ways.
Can you say precisely what you want "someone" to do?

The "precisely" and quotation marks selectively applied to "someone" make this sound utterly snarky

@Gguin

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised. I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang. And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon. All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

OP, I think you just did it very well.

You have done a very good job of articulating it yourself, OP. It is the best thing I have read on the subject, and really captures the sadness of all we have lost in nearly two years. Thank you.

@Lesina

Couldn't agree more. The lockdowns and the on going threat of future restrictions has taken an immense toll on society. I think that the damage that has been done will reach many years into the future. It is an incredibly sad thing.

Will any of us be the same when this is all over?

Agree. It's desperately sad how much has been lost. I think the restrictions have diminishing returns now that vaccinations and treatments are mitigating the risks of serious illness and hospitalisation. I think the impact of continuing with restrictions is too high a price to pay now for the marginal benefits to be gained. We need to rebuild quality of life, not just 'quantity'.

"In the end, it's not the years in your life that count. It's the life in your years."

@strawberriesarenot yes I do realise that being childfree by choice does give me freedoms others don't have. Even so my sister with kids has the same attitude and it's working for their family. Fortunately the kids' friends' families are similarly relaxed about everything and are happy for sleepovers and parties etc to continue. When you've all had covid several times over, as they all have due to school-based transmission, why bother being cautious?

Again, obviously, I know that's not the case for everyone. I have people in my own family with cancer for whom this pandemic has been incredibly life-limiting. I know I am fortunate in having the choice to bulldoze on through. @BonnesVacances' post is truly heartbreaking and there are so many people like her and her family who have been destroyed by covid. It's a terrible, terrible disease.

But there are plenty of people who are making the choice to see everything negatively and to limit their own lives unnecessarily due to unwarranted anxiety, given their personal circumstances. For those of us who are fortunate to have good health, time on our side, and to have had our vaccines, coronavirus doesn't need to make us anxious unless we choose to make it so. The statistics show it is not deadly to the vast majority of people. Making common sense decisions that work for you and your family enable you to continue living a positive, healthy and enjoyable life despite all the restrictions, if you choose to. I listen to scientific advice, ignore most of the diktat from the government, and get on with what I know to be best for me. Yes I could get coronavirus and be one of the unlucky people who suffers terribly, but there's more chance I won't. So I go with the law of probability and enjoy my life as best as I can anyway. As I say, it's about state of mind - for those of us, admittedly, with choices. I am aware - and my earlier post was perhaps rather flippant - that not everyone has the same circumstances to enable them to adopt my state of mind.

@HaaaaaveyoumetTed

Rimbaudcolours just slowing down has been good for us. It's not just the lack of social activities (which we could just not participated in) but the lack of expectation to engage in social activity - not feeling like we were letting people down, not feeling like we should do X,y,z or should want to. The kids really really enjoyed more time at home, DC1 in particular was much less anxious, more relaxed and settled. They enjoyed not being in school. We also chose not to engage in home school either (as in work/ online classes set by school) - they are primary age though, would be different if secondary.

I'm NHS, so DH moved his working pattern to be primary carer so I could go to work and it really helped his relationship with them (which was good anyway), he's also kept up a lot of what he did during lockdown in terms of childcare and household stuff, we were probably 70/30 pre pandemic now we're more 55/45 (mainly due to working hours). We were more engaged with the kids as didn't have anything else to rely on, no playdates, park or softplay so did much more playing with them in the home.

You could have done all of that 2 years ago had you chosen to.

Yes, I used to think that grief related to someone physically dying, before the pandemic began. Now, I’m mourning for my old way of life.

The ‘cure’ has been so much worse than the disease.

I think that research lab i Wuhan has a LOT to answer for (and some articles being released now seem to support that).

@Ionlydomassiveones

I’m sorry op, I can’t relate to what you’re saying although I know many people feel it including my dd20 who nearly lost her mind and will to live during the first lockdown. That was awful to watch.

Life has changed but not so much for those of us not privileged to have enjoyed fantastic social lives, going out, foreign holidays etc. life is pretty much still the same pattern of work/tea and bed as it was before.

I don’t dwell on the mask wearing or the 5pm press conferences or wallow in the doom and gloom. I think about my aged father who soiled himself as a child as his house was being bombed in the Blitz. His school friends died. What me and my family is going through is nothing compared to him and his family back then. He came through it, so will we.

My great grandad didn't come through the Blitz, he was killed when the Nazis dropped a bomb on his head. Dunno if he got the chance to soil himself or not, but my great aunt also lived through WW2 and she thinks this is fucking shit too. The Blitz analogies really need to be retired.

Again it should be possible to say you support this if it saves lives

But does it?

Can we really say that having restaurants and pubs close at 8 'saves lives'? So many of the 'measures' seem to be done just for the sake of being seen to do something, but will have a devastating effect on lives, livelihoods and society in general.

OP this really resonates.
I often pass a quaint picturesque pub on the way to meet a work colleague or go shopping. TBH I've been in the pub a few times and the food is fairly average but its a lovely building and on a main road so quite popular. I felt really sad in 2020 every time I passed it with its "celebrate mothers day" posters outside, and Mothers day and Easter both came and went. It took a long time to open again but it did...and then Christmas was "cancelled" and it felt so depressing, passing it in darkness yet again for the first chunk of this year. Another country pub nearby worked really hard on their outdoor space and I went out with friends there in the summer and it was great. They had made such an amazing effort to make a beautiful and comfortable dining space outdoors. They have recently been appealing on social media to visit, even in smaller groups if not all participants feel able to make it. They've had so many lost bookings. It is really sad.

A friend recently put a post on fb that made me annoyed. "Your grandparents/great grandparents etc lived through the wars, Spanish flu the great depression and young people these days feel depressed if they only get 5 likes on social media."

Pre covid, it was a concern that young people spent too long on screens and didn't know how to interact with each other. 2020 came and tech/zoom was the answer to everything. School, uni, work, social life, music lessons, dance, brownies etc all could be done on zoom. Marvellous. (And im not denying that seeing friends on a screen is probably better than not seeing them at all, and obviously teaching online presents a whole new level of commitment and skills from teachers) But then social media became their social life. So how can we moan about "young people" using social media when nearly all other social activities are unavailable to them??
All generations have had challenges but I feel so frustrated when people talk about entitled millennials. Wfh is crap if you're living in a shared house or doing it from the bedroom of your parents house. Much curtailed social activity/potential friendships or romance at work, limited travel, enormous cost of housing and rent - there are plenty of challenges facing teens/twenty somethings even if they aren't living through a war.

Our kids have learnt a bit of resilience, boredom and less being pampered pussies (totally our fault) during this time.

Yes it's rubbish everytime you can pinprick the exact point their hearts break at a cancellation.

Life isn't all sunshine and rainbows.

We, as a famiky spent 2019 burying family members. So we had back to back awful. But here we are. What to do?

Yeah it's rubbish but there are lessons to be gained.

IcedPurple

No.

If you actually read my reply, 1) I'm responding to someone who specifically asked why we felt it was good. 2) I specifically said it was the lack of social expectation and not simply the lack of social activity. Social expectation is external to what I choose to do or not do. 3) DH asked to rearrange and reduce his work hours previously but was refused, the pandemic forced them to accept it was both necessary and possible.

Totally agree.

Just because it doesn’t translate into death or money statistics doesn’t mean it isn’t a loss.

A huge loss when you add it all up for everyone.