Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

I completely agree OP.

I replied to a post on Twitter and said I felt as though I'm living a half life. I was immediately jumped on and asked what can't I do now that I could do before. At the time it was things like travel to the US (and even now I don't know if I'd want to in case restrictions change), go to concerts, see my friends in office as ours was still closed.

DH and I were talking about 2019 and what we'd have done differently if we had any idea of what was going to happen. We were supposed to go on a holiday of a lifetime but cancelled the day before as his Mum was ill and we thought we could go the following year. We could have gone, she was in a care home and well looked after. I had tickets to see the Eagles, Bon Jovi and Billy Joel but I sold them and thought I'd rebook next time. I don't think we'll be able to do those things again now ans even if we can it won't be the same.

I know the things in the paragraph above sound really frivolous, I don't mean to be like that. It's just made me feel as though I'm on a hamster wheel of work, some enjoyment, a lot of uncertainty and then more work.

Totally agree.

I think the scientists and governments in many cases can't see the bigger picture. If people can't enjoy life and have something to look forward to there is no point in being alive at all.

That's the difference between merely surviving and living.

Most people are not going to want to live under almost permanent house arrest with no social contact for years. That goes against human nature.

At some point people's mental health become so badly affected that the effect is worse than what this virus, which the majority survive.

I don't see why kids and teenagers, who are almost completely unaffected by the actual virus, should have their lives and opportunities destroyed. Businesses going bust. Healthy adults who easily recover from Covid locked down for no reason. Families kept apart (while politicians partied...). This has to stop.

I work in mental health and the damage done to people's lives is incredible. Those are people who frankly are unlikely to be affected by the virus but whose health is being destroyed by the isolation and the hopelessness.

Plus we all know that the so called elite such as politicians and their mates have been bending the rules and making money out of the pandemic all along while the plebs were scared into giving up everything.

@secretllama

Agree. I hate people speaking for me that "as long as we're healthy thats the main thing". Just no. It isn't the main thing to me if it means at the detriment to all the things you've mentioned.

This is what annoys me so much.

You aren't allowed to be pissed off about it because 'At least you're alive'. 🙄

Agreed. Yesterday I found myself ordering coffee 'to go' thinking 'I better not sit in, don't want to catch anything before Christmas.' Then I saw a friend across the room and had a pang of guilt/ worry because I stopped briefly to talk. It was only when I walked quickly on, by myself, that I realised the tragedy of our new normal. The instinct to avoid people and walk on by at what used to be the most sociable time of the year has become second nature. Last year we coped because it was a one off. Now it's becoming routine.

Reading these posts is cathartic

So much is dedicated to cases / lockdown direction on here

I replied to a post on Twitter and said I felt as though I'm living a half life. I was immediately jumped on and asked what can't I do now that I could do before

Ugh yes, this sort of thing. With the virus itself at least most people agreed it was a problem to be solved, even if ideas about how to do that or what it looked like were different. But this, there’s this endless pushback of “what’s so bad? You can still do things, can’t you?” and you start thinking, these people don’t want to fix this bit because they don’t think this bit needs fixing.

@BusBusBus

Im beginning to feel sadder and sadder for 'the young' as this goes on.

Yes. I am a resilient old codger. I have had a lot of grief in my life, and again while I won't go into it, I have faced very difficult times. But I can't take my DC being told to just soldier on. They will, of course, because we all have to, but I want their suffering acknowledged, helped and not minimised.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat

I completely agree OP.

I replied to a post on Twitter and said I felt as though I'm living a half life. I was immediately jumped on and asked what can't I do now that I could do before. At the time it was things like travel to the US (and even now I don't know if I'd want to in case restrictions change), go to concerts, see my friends in office as ours was still closed.

DH and I were talking about 2019 and what we'd have done differently if we had any idea of what was going to happen. We were supposed to go on a holiday of a lifetime but cancelled the day before as his Mum was ill and we thought we could go the following year. We could have gone, she was in a care home and well looked after. I had tickets to see the Eagles, Bon Jovi and Billy Joel but I sold them and thought I'd rebook next time. I don't think we'll be able to do those things again now ans even if we can it won't be the same.

I know the things in the paragraph above sound really frivolous, I don't mean to be like that. It's just made me feel as though I'm on a hamster wheel of work, some enjoyment, a lot of uncertainty and then more work.

Those comments of 'what can't you do now that you could do before, huh? HUH!?" really, really wind me up. It isn't just the physically being able to do something but the state of mind that doing those things before came with. A sense of security and to a large extent, a sense of ease that has been taken away. It's a big fucking deal and I'm so tired of all the minimising and whataboutery and competitive misery that gets tossed about. I say this as a disabled person who spent a good eighteen months genuinely believing I was going to die. Everyone is entitled to be having a shit time and to feel shit right now. Everyone.

Completely agree OP. Well done.

Well said! Sorry, not ‘done’

Agree with so much written here. So much harm for so little gain - how many lives did we save with these measures? There will be children half way through primary school who won't remember life before covid.

Chris Whitty said something about mental health, and I thought, at least they've acknowledged it at last.

I can't escape into films or books anymore. I can't look at how it used to be and we didn't know we'd lose it.

I agree. While both DP and me are happy with our lot most of my anxiety is with DS.

In Jan 2020 at 16 he was in year 11 going to his first music gig and his last two years of becoming an adult but with the fluffy fallback of his father and me before heading of to university.He has missed that really important time of socialising, going out with his mates to concerts, parties etc. We have tried to give him as much independence as allowed but it has been seriously curtailed and now we have only a few months left and he will be out here.

Yes we will still be here for him of course but I don't think he will be as prepared as he might have been. It just makes me sad, anxious and upset but I know that we aren't the only ones in this predicament so just try to get on with it.

Totally agree OP. I think what we are finding hardest now is the uncertainty - that you can make any plans without expecting them to be cancelled. Spontaneity is gone - can’t risk a trip to the cinema in case it mucks up plans for Christmas….or going back to school or exams or whatever. Everything we do now has a threat assessment with it - do I want to do this enough to risk Covid/quarantine?

@ElectraBlue

Totally agree.

I think the scientists and governments in many cases can't see the bigger picture. If people can't enjoy life and have something to look forward to there is no point in being alive at all.

That's the difference between merely surviving and living.

Most people are not going to want to live under almost permanent house arrest with no social contact for years. That goes against human nature.

At some point people's mental health become so badly affected that the effect is worse than what this virus, which the majority survive.

I don't see why kids and teenagers, who are almost completely unaffected by the actual virus, should have their lives and opportunities destroyed. Businesses going bust. Healthy adults who easily recover from Covid locked down for no reason. Families kept apart (while politicians partied...). This has to stop.

I work in mental health and the damage done to people's lives is incredible. Those are people who frankly are unlikely to be affected by the virus but whose health is being destroyed by the isolation and the hopelessness.

Plus we all know that the so called elite such as politicians and their mates have been bending the rules and making money out of the pandemic all along while the plebs were scared into giving up everything.

Well said

@ElectraBlue That's a very interesting perspective from someone who works in mental health.

DD2 was telling me that they'd been discussing the importance of having things to look forward to when talking about mental health at school. So, so difficult when everything is subject to cancellation at a moment's notice.

Also agree with the pre and after perspectives. I feel incredibly sad looking at pictures from that last summer pre covid, especially with my family from overseas. We had no idea what was heading our way and seem so carefree.

Rimbaudcolours just slowing down has been good for us. It's not just the lack of social activities (which we could just not participated in) but the lack of expectation to engage in social activity - not feeling like we were letting people down, not feeling like we should do X,y,z or should want to. The kids really really enjoyed more time at home, DC1 in particular was much less anxious, more relaxed and settled. They enjoyed not being in school. We also chose not to engage in home school either (as in work/ online classes set by school) - they are primary age though, would be different if secondary.

I'm NHS, so DH moved his working pattern to be primary carer so I could go to work and it really helped his relationship with them (which was good anyway), he's also kept up a lot of what he did during lockdown in terms of childcare and household stuff, we were probably 70/30 pre pandemic now we're more 55/45 (mainly due to working hours). We were more engaged with the kids as didn't have anything else to rely on, no playdates, park or softplay so did much more playing with them in the home.

I agree, for me it's the lost opportunities. Obviously we will be able to do things again, at some point in the future but our kids will be older, our parents will be older and the opportunity to experience things that only really happen at a particular stage of life have gone forever.

Continually making the best of it is exhausting and really sad.

Totally agree.

@forgotthebatteries

I think your last sentence sums things up perfectly.

I had a tear as I remembering being young and carefree and going out ( especially this time of year ) and just being happy and socializing and all sorts! I feel for the young , they can't do any of this and it's all hassle and gloom
I know it won't be forever , but it's still sad.

Totally agree OP.

One thing I find really difficult is that when you plan ahead for something you spend the last 10 days or so before it happens worrying that you'll get Covid so won't be able to go ahead with your plans.

DD and I are on our own and hoping to go to my sister for Christmas. DD developed a nasty cough and temperature this week which has, fortunately, turned out not to be Covid but I am now feeling that we really should minimise going out over the next week so that we can have Christmas with family.

Normally I would do lovely Christmas things with her.

I'm not generally that worried about Covid and am also now boosted but the thought of DD and I sitting at home alone on Christmas day is quite miserable.

DSis is also worrying as she is a teacher and doesn't finish until next week. Niece works in the NHS and nephew is at school so they are pretty exposed to it.

I know in the scheme of things it's not a major problem but it does just show how some of the small things we took for granted have disappeared.

I was 25 when this all started and now I'm 27 (obviously I know we have all ages by 2 years haha) but I feel like I have lost 2 years of what is supposed to be the best decade of my life, now I feel I'm approaching 30 and will want to have kids at some point, the last few years of being childless and therefore more free to do things, have gone :(

Covid has had a devastating effect on many people's lives, whether they've had it or not. It has destroyed our lives.

DD caught it last year, she'd already had ME for over 4 years, so her life was already shit. But Long Covid has put her in bed for past 18 months. She's only had her family for company. Totally socially isolated for 18 months. She has no friends to come to visit because they've all moved on with their lives.

We've just had a stairlift installed to help her come downstairs on a good day. That was just in time for her 20th birthday.

She has brain fog and has not been able to access any education. At home, online or otherwise. She has no future, no friends, no independence, no quality of life.

She takes 26 pills a day to try to keep her head above water. We've spent £30k on medical bills seeing private doctors to try and get her better which we can't afford. But we'd sell our house if we needed to.

She's now clinically obese because she's been housebound and periodically bedbound for 6 years since she was 14, which means she's even higher risk of hospitalisation and possibly dying if she catches Covid again.

She's self-harming by biting herself and pulling out her hair, like a distressed caged animal would. She has PTSD from catching Covid and it destroying any speck of life she'd managed to claw back.

On top of all that, all people want to know is whether she has underlying health problems beforehand, because othering makes everyone else feel better.

In my darker days, I sometimes wonder if it wouldn't be kinder for her to catch Covid again and pass away, because frankly her quality of life is the pits and worrying about keeping her safe is overwhelming. Maybe it would be a relief for all of us.

And that's before you start on my MH and that of the rest of her family, including her younger DS.

I think it's a case of state of mind, really.

I refuse to be anxious about covid, or get stressed about restrictions.

I live in London. I go to the theatre twice a week. I go out to dinner regularly. I go to the pub with friends. I wander around art galleries at the weekend. I browse for ages in book shops and get coffees and sit in the park and watch the world go by. Last weekend I went to Barcelona. Yes it was a bit of an extra faff with the testing requirements, but it was 15 minutes of faff and a bit of extra cash in order to have a weekend in Europe with a dear friend. No big deal.

I don't avoid social interaction. I don't avoid going anywhere. I don't feel anxious about catching or passing on coronavirus. I don't look at other people as if they were just vectors of disease.

My life is pretty much back to what it was in 2019. There was a time when things were shit, when everything was shut and we literally couldn't do anything, but they're not like that anymore. We have got the vast majority of our freedom of movement back. And I am bloody grateful for it every day, and make the most of it, every day.

Yes we have lost things we will never get back. But that is life. Nothing stays the same forever. The pandemic has taught us that more than anything else. We have to live for today and enjoy what we can do, not mourn what we can't.

What I wish this pandemic would make people wake up and realise is that we aren't in control of nature. We are at its mercy. Hence why we need to bloody well do something about climate change. If you think the pandemic has been inconvenient, project yourself 50 years into the future when the climate is even more ravaged beyond repair, and then that will really give you something to be anxious about. Rather than kids missing nativity plays, they might actually miss their future. If all this misery over coronavirus was turned into positive action on climate change, then something truly beneficial could come out of this time.