Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

It is interesting to see how badly some people want to shut down these conversations though

But my views are part of the conversation. They explain why some people don't wish to discuss these things very much. Why it might be difficult for them. Just saying how I feel and my experience is valid too. And I know others that feel the same way. It's why some conversations were traditionally deemed 'bad for morale' and why people had the idea of 'stiff upper lip'.

Yes, there does need to be balance. But balancing involves not going too far the other way too. I don't thing all the 'primal screaming' of the late 60s was necessary very good either.

They explain why some people don't wish to discuss these things very much.

Plenty of other threads for them then.

Or they can start their own.

Possibilities are endless

With all due respect, who do you think you are?

I'm just a very ordinary person like someone you might meet. It's why I am saying this stuff. There are people like me everywhere. So you can take my comments and either use them to 'know your enemy' or love them better. Whichever you decide.

And does everything have to be so polarised? With more understanding maybe a more nuanced moderate view might ensue.

Or we can just keep to our own echo chambers I suppose.

You offload and feel better but the person on the receiving end might be left feeling worse as they can't help

If you find this thread challenging, take yourself elsewhere. No ones asking you to participate. Equally you are not qualified to speak for others.

@glimpsing I think you're trying to be helpful, but you're really not reading the room here. As it happens I am a great proponent of the happiness project and there are great benefits of a positive outlook, but I'm sure people are already aware of this.

Posters are sharing some simply awful experiences here, I don't think I'll ever forget the poster whose FIL was denied seeing his DWs burial and died shortly thereafter. Please allow them and us the space to discuss these matters.

I'm just a very ordinary person like someone you might meet. It's why I am saying this stuff. There are people like me everywhere. So you can take my comments and either use them to 'know your enemy' or love them better. Whichever you decide

Are you? There is an overwhelming do as I say or be damned bible thumping tone to all of your posts. As someone who is quite familiar with religious emotional blackmail I have to say it is quite unnerving.

I haven't posted on here for advice or sympathy. Neither is helpful to be honest, what has happened is in the past now. But having people on here say 'that must have been sad/hard for you' has brought me to tears. I'm not dwelling on it but recognising that it's been tough for us in different ways is a huge help I think.

We are bombarded with covid statistics and info and having a place to hear other stories is incredibly important.

No one I know looks forward to anything anymore. We make our plans knowing it might not happen, so don't allow ourselves to get excited. Two huge one off life events have been marred this year because we didn't dare anticipate them. The fact that they ended up happening in the end doesn't compensate for the lost build up. People don't understand this because they think all's well that ends well, and we should be grateful.

Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Yes, there are some awful experiences and I fully acknowledge that. I have been through some myself. I just felt it was important to let people know that often people do have a limited capacity to continually listen to venting and being at the receiving end of somebody offloading. That is not because they are horrible people but just because they have their limitations. As everyone does. Hating them just perpetuates the suffering, doesn't it?

@glimpsing

Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Yes, there are some awful experiences and I fully acknowledge that. I have been through some myself. I just felt it was important to let people know that often people do have a limited capacity to continually listen to venting and being at the receiving end of somebody offloading. That is not because they are horrible people but just because they have their limitations. As everyone does. Hating them just perpetuates the suffering, doesn't it?

If you have limited capacity that is fine. But there are other threads.

Btw people posting here on one thread and sharing doesn’t mean that shows what they are like irl.

It’s fairly obvious what the thread is about and easily avoided.

And I'm divided from some of the people I love and care for by our differing view on the risks, and the different ways we've chosen to conduct ourselves. Possibly we will never see each other in the same light again.

I just felt it was important to let people know that often people do have a limited capacity to continually listen to venting and being at the receiving end of somebody offloading

No one is forcing these people to read and contribute and there are many threads for them to engage with if they want.

@glimpsing

And does everything have to be so polarised? With more understanding maybe a more nuanced moderate view might ensue.

Or we can just keep to our own echo chambers I suppose.

There you go again. Acting as if you have some special wisdom or insight that we all need to hear from.

I don't see this as an 'echo chamber'. It's just a space where people can share their feelings about the past 2 years without being told to 'chin up' or 'not be selfish'. It's not obligatory to post so what really is your problem?

Does venting require an audience?

Some of your response to this will depend on your personality type.
An introvert processes their thoughts and feelings internally and quietly and rarely expresses an unformed thought.
An extravert processes thoughts and feelings externally and needs to talk things through to process. The type of person who feels better just for having spoken to someone even if they offer no solutions.

I feel there has been a lot of looking down on extroverts during this whole thing. Like we are weak for needing people.

I had a brilliant 2020 & 2021 has been the worst year of my life.

very sorry to hear that

I think 'venting' is very different from sharing experiences and having your experience listened to and understood by another person.

You can vent to yourself or write things down that you don't intend to show anyone, but that's not the same as making connection with another human being and sharing something.

@glimpsing

Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Yes, there are some awful experiences and I fully acknowledge that. I have been through some myself. I just felt it was important to let people know that often people do have a limited capacity to continually listen to venting and being at the receiving end of somebody offloading. That is not because they are horrible people but just because they have their limitations. As everyone does. Hating them just perpetuates the suffering, doesn't it?

That's the point of this thread though. I don't vent much in real life. My friends and family were there at the time and know what we've been through. I'm getting on with life as much as restrictions allow. But recognising that what's happened or not happened because of covid is hard and why I'm not the quite the same cheery person I was in 2019 is really important, and helpful for me and lots of us, judging by this thread.

I've mentioned previously on this thread that my dad died when I was 2. At 40+ I hardly mention it these days and certainly don't dwell on it. Doesnt mean it hasn't affected me though and occasionally when I tell someone new and they say, that must have been tough for you, I really appreciate it.

People have been using this site to ‘vent’ this entire time.

Only one side of these views have been squashed though.

Obviously this thread has struck a chord as it’s not case number etc driven.

No one has to read it. There’s plenty of other stuff.

@Twitterwhooooo

I think 'venting' is very different from sharing experiences and having your experience listened to and understood by another person.

You can vent to yourself or write things down that you don't intend to show anyone, but that's not the same as making connection with another human being and sharing something.

This is what I was trying to say, expressed more eloquently. Thank you

I don't think people on here have done much 'venting'. What we've done is sharing our experiences and our feelings and having those listened to and validated by other posters. Thanks everyone, this thread has returned to me a sense of connection I felt I had lost during the pandemic.

My experience has been better than average. DC old enough to 'online school' themselves, DH and I able to work from home in relatively secure jobs, enough laptops in the house to accommodate everyone, close to open spaces for solitary walks...
But what a pp said about extraverts needing other people to sound off on is very true. I felt my brain stagnate during lockdown from lack of stimulation. Maybe that's why I felt so numb, like the world was muffled.

I feel so so sorry for everyone who had such a horrible experience and feel incredibly angry with the government for taking advantage of the situation, handing lucrative contracts to their cronies and enriching themselves. To say nothing of the parties etc.

If I've learned anything from this it's that life is short and needs to be enjoyed. We as human being need community and shared experiences. It's not weak to need support or give it, it's what makes us human.

@glimpsing

Well, I'll leave you all to it then. Yes, there are some awful experiences and I fully acknowledge that. I have been through some myself. I just felt it was important to let people know that often people do have a limited capacity to continually listen to venting and being at the receiving end of somebody offloading. That is not because they are horrible people but just because they have their limitations. As everyone does. Hating them just perpetuates the suffering, doesn't it?

If people have limited capacity to endlessly listen (which is true, of course) then they don't have to read this thread, or post on it.

It's really, really simple.

Speaking for myself I'm just glad people have finally been able to talk about how they were feeling, and - so far at least - haven't been shouted down by those telling them their feelings are wrong. It would be nice if this could continue.

Its a shame more people didn't find the AD threads, they really were a saviour even though I didn't post much.
They are still going by the way. I noticed one pop up in active recently.

I could have wept with relief when I found the Ad threads all those months ago. Just feeling slightly less alone helped, it really did.