Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

@StarCat2020

What happens if you don't have £2k for surgery for example? Presumably we would have to fuck off and suffer or die.

Some people literally don't have a clue about how it is for many of us.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat
I don't know if you remember but maybe a yar ago you posted about going back to work doubts, did you get that sorted out mate?

Credit cards, payment plans etc

freckles I'm so to hear how your lovely boy has struggled. Hope things continue to improve. My DC are 16, 14 and 11. It's affected them all in different ways and I'm so angry about it . I work with younger children and am also angry about how affects them. Some days I just feel like a ball of rage with nowhere for it to go.

There never seems to be any acknowledgement of the damage being done in other ways- not officially anyway. I'd really like to see some risk assessment of - restrictions prevent this but cause this alongside the daily figure.

freckles and your dad too of course. My mum is a similar age and situation but luckily lives near and has spent a lot of time with us. I look back and can't believe we let her stay on her own for so long in the first lockdown. Felt like I was doing the right thing to keep her safe 😪

@freckles20

Thank you OP for this post, and to everyone who has shared their experiences.

I wholeheartedly agree. I have been called selfish for not wanting further lockdowns. I disagree- I'm concerned by those who are severely affected by lockdowns- why is that selfish?!

Lockdown has had enormous negative effects on me- but I will recover. I am way more concerned about my son and father.

My father is 76. He lives alone in Leicester, having been recently widowed prior to lockdown.

Leicester was locked down almost without a break for the entire time. It remained lockdown when other areas where opened back up and people were able to meet others. He struggled so much, and still does. Looking after himself, cooking, being physically alone foe weeks was so new to him.

It was brutal. When bubbles were allowed it helped, and I helped as much as I could.

He has said he would like to choose to end his own life than lock down again.

My son is 14. An only child. Pre lockdown he was finding his independence, highly sociable, resilient, happy go lucky.

Lockdown took a huge toll on his mental health. Being isolated from his peers was so difficult. Online gaming didn't really cut it. Add in working solo on dry worksheet after worksheet, home alone all day because DH and I had to work.

His mental health became very fragile. No NHS help is available. A private therapist said he was too at risk of suicide for her to treat, and sent us to A&E. Still no help.

He's improved immeasurably since school reopened and is beginning to find his feet socially again.

His resilience only lasted so long. He doesn't have the emotional maturity or life skills to cope with extended isolating lockdowns. He is a social person, a team player, a good friend- and lockdown was so hard.

This is just heartbreaking

When the rule of 6 applied my eldest (15 at the time) used to go out to play football with friends. Inevitably there would be more than 1 group of 6 on the huge sports field. Local residents and dog walkers used to threaten to phone the police. On kids, whose school was closed and all their activities stopped. Some of them were people linked to DS's football club who should have cared about child welfare. I don't think I'll ever get over the anger and resentment that gave me.

@MrsDeaconClaybourne police used to come to DSs games and once there were police on our country walk as four teenagers were seen out on bicycles together. I can't even begin to imagine the mentality of someone who would ring up and report that.

I think there have always been people who hate seeing groups of young people out and suddenly felt justified.

@MrsDeaconClaybourne

When the rule of 6 applied my eldest (15 at the time) used to go out to play football with friends. Inevitably there would be more than 1 group of 6 on the huge sports field. Local residents and dog walkers used to threaten to phone the police. On kids, whose school was closed and all their activities stopped. Some of them were people linked to DS's football club who should have cared about child welfare. I don't think I'll ever get over the anger and resentment that gave me.

I know someone who called the police on a bunch of teenage boys playing football in the park last winter. He was also in the park, enjoying being out with his cosy nuclear family.

His reasoning was that he was NHS.

I used to like him. Now I don't.

I know some of the people I've mentioned too and was on friendly terms with them. I don't think I'll ever forget and think quite the same about them.

I moved out of my mum’s house where I’d lived my whole life and into a new house a week prior to lockdown, I was 39 weeks pregnant. I had my little boy 6 days into the first lockdown and me and my boyfriend had to navigate becoming new parents completely alone whilst living in a house that didn’t feel like our home. I had an emergency c section and was breastfeeding and my baby had reflux and colic.

I have been through some shit times in my life but my god those early days were hell at times. Me and my partner were at breaking point, I used to cry down the phone to my HV who couldn’t see me. Nobody could see us. I left the house maybe 4 times in the first 6 weeks.

Once we went to a&e at midnight as he cried for 5 hours straight and I enjoyed the visit as it just meant the nurse and doctor could hold my baby and I wasn’t alone at night time.

I found breastfeeding support team in my area which were still seeing mums and newborns, I went every other week just to have a 15 minute appointment and it was the highlight of my week as I got to talk to someone in the day.

I know people went through a lot worse, but I’ll never get over what this robbed me, my family and my little boy of.

I can only imagine how hard it must have been to be a new parent KL my heart goes out to you. I remember how much I needed that support in the early days.

The rules have changed so many times at my local library, which I desparately want to ensure stays open, that I got confused one time and browsed the shelves when at that point it was "not allowed". I got shouted at, properly school teacher shouted at, by a member of staff. And then shouted at again when I instinctively started putting the books I'd selected back in their correct places. I felt like an 8 year old who'd been caught writing "bum" in a poetry anthology with a felt tip.

Now I know this is trite compared to some of the horror stories on this thread, but it felt so wrong that someone was shouting in a library. Like civilisation was really starting to slip.

Those who are horrified at how petty and mean minded people have been during lockdown, you only have to read Wild Swans or think about what happened in Nazi Germany to see how quickly people can turn into monsters. All this labelling and finger pointing, smug self satisfaction and hysteria has been so distressing to anyone with any self awareness.

[quote rookiemere]@MrsDeaconClaybourne police used to come to DSs games and once there were police on our country walk as four teenagers were seen out on bicycles together. I can't even begin to imagine the mentality of someone who would ring up and report that. [/quote]
Hope they put his windows through.

Ha ha @VikingOnTheFridge that's the thing, they're such wholesome goodie goodie kids that they'd never do something like that.

I wonder what the police would have done if they'd had to do more than just tell them to disperse. I'd have taken it to the highest court in the land if someone tried to give my son a criminal record for playing footie with his mates.

@Beowulfa

The rules have changed so many times at my local library, which I desparately want to ensure stays open, that I got confused one time and browsed the shelves when at that point it was "not allowed". I got shouted at, properly school teacher shouted at, by a member of staff. And then shouted at again when I instinctively started putting the books I'd selected back in their correct places. I felt like an 8 year old who'd been caught writing "bum" in a poetry anthology with a felt tip.

Now I know this is trite compared to some of the horror stories on this thread, but it felt so wrong that someone was shouting in a library. Like civilisation was really starting to slip.

Our libriaries have been insane too. Barely anyone in there. So low risk but the strictest rules. It’s like they want them to close down

Ha ha@VikingOnTheFridgethat's the thing, they're such wholesome goodie goodie kids that they'd never do something like that

Shame. That sort of behaviour really needs to be discouraged.

Glad the police did nothing other than disperse them anyway, they were probably fairly embarrassed at being expected to do that kind of shit.

During lockdown 1 my heavily pregnant friend was told by the police she wasn't allowed to sit on a bench in Greenwich park..

I gave birth in April 2020, me and other pregnant women I know were made to stand outside clinics and wait for our appointment with no chairs available to sit down.

So many people I met during maternity leave had given birth on their own.

Only one parent in hospital at a time to visit babies in NICU so leaving usually the mum as establishing breastfeeding there all day on her own with no support.

No midwife appointments, lactation support, weighing the baby appointments (unless low birth weight), our 6 weeks doctors checks cancelled, no baby groups to meet other mums, picnics illegal at one point, only allowed to meet outdoors - in the freezing cold, while breastfeeding newborns, the list goes on and on. It's been horrendous and I think if you're not part of a certain group you have very little knowledge of what that group has gone through. (Talking about myself here too!)

I think it would be really good to document how badly it has effected different groups in all the various ways so it doesn't get forgotten.

Definitely. And it isn't too late to complain about some of these things. Obviously it's too late to change what happened now, but institutions can be made to understand what isn't acceptable going forward.

@VikingOnTheFridge

Ha ha@VikingOnTheFridgethat's the thing, they're such wholesome goodie goodie kids that they'd never do something like that

Shame. That sort of behaviour really needs to be discouraged.

Glad the police did nothing other than disperse them anyway, they were probably fairly embarrassed at being expected to do that kind of shit.

I wondered at the time whether it was a bit embarrassing for the police. They probably joined up to do drugs raids and investigate burglaries, murders and rapes. Then they hear that they’re meant to be going through people’s shopping at Tesco to check that it’s essentials only (what the hell for?) and that Derbyshire police are flying drones to menace solitary dog walkers on the moors.

I grew up in Brighton. I understand (I wasn’t there, obviously) that the police were at the beach, giving people a hard time about going to the beach. The thing is, there are loads of houses and flats right next to the beach in Brighton and Hove and relatively little green space. So if people wanted to walk somewhere it was always going to be the (massive) beach. Hardly anyone in Brighton city centre has a car (parking is an utter horror) so I’ll be amazed if more than a handful of people ever drove to the beach.

The impression I got was that a few wannabe Stasi types were loving it but most of them really weren't.

There was a FB Group set up in the rural village I live in ca. March 20. Before too long it descended into one of the worst, most poisonous things I have ever seen online. Accusations, arguments, and abuse. One moderator who was a mid ranking local health care professional clearly absolutely loved it. The opportunity to finger point and publicly shame 70 year old for being out cycling when they "should be shielding". I revile that individual. I revile what the reaction to Covid has done to communities all across the world. The last thing that should happen is that this should be glossed over and people "move on". Those things happened. Those things were said. They need acknowledging. Then perhaps the true healing can begin. As a footnote some of the things posted on this website were utterly disgusting.

@JellyOnAPlatewithicecream

During lockdown 1 my heavily pregnant friend was told by the police she wasn't allowed to sit on a bench in Greenwich park..

I gave birth in April 2020, me and other pregnant women I know were made to stand outside clinics and wait for our appointment with no chairs available to sit down.

So many people I met during maternity leave had given birth on their own.

Only one parent in hospital at a time to visit babies in NICU so leaving usually the mum as establishing breastfeeding there all day on her own with no support.

No midwife appointments, lactation support, weighing the baby appointments (unless low birth weight), our 6 weeks doctors checks cancelled, no baby groups to meet other mums, picnics illegal at one point, only allowed to meet outdoors - in the freezing cold, while breastfeeding newborns, the list goes on and on. It's been horrendous and I think if you're not part of a certain group you have very little knowledge of what that group has gone through. (Talking about myself here too!)

I think it would be really good to document how badly it has effected different groups in all the various ways so it doesn't get forgotten.

That’s shocking.

I would like to recommend this thread for Classics. It's hugely important these experiences are recorded and preserved. It's so easy to forget.
First lockdown has become such a blur for me, as I found the 'new normal' so confusing. Some posts have jogged my memory.

Thanks OP