Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

@TerraNovaTwo

No more fucking lockdowns!

Amen to that I say.

I have been fine with it, complied throughout. Worked from home etc. but I've had enough. We are booked for a much needed weeks (UK) holiday to see relatives after Christmas. If we can't go I think I might just have a fucking breakdown. I need this break so so much.

So...I'm guessing people want everyone to feel the same. No one wants anyone to find positives in this situation we all find ourselves in...

I agree there is certainly stuff we have lost.

My number 1 strategy is not to listen to the speeches as they manipulate our emotions. I pay attention to restrictions so I know what I have to adhere to by law, the rest is my choice.

I'm weird, I know, but I do get a strange kind of excitement with all this. We are living history and it seems such an adventure. However, I know that is wrong of me when people are suffering. But I think it is equally wrong to try and fake distress. that would be inauthentic and quite an insult to those suffering real distress. I am quite ascetic. Do cold baths, run everyday, intermittent fasting. Well, let's face it, if you were stuck you would need people like me to keep a level head to help out.

Sometimes I scare myself with it, being too tough. As if I let myself in for more. However, as bad it sounds, I'll be happy, currently, lockdown, no lockdown. I got cancer a few years ago and was quite happy even though some aspects were difficult. I suffered bereavements and enjoyed the funerals! I enjoy a bit of grief but also the celebrations. Other people's suffering is harder. Hence trying to convince people out of it. I just think I'm still here, might as well enjoy it!

Again the enjoying grief does seem wrong. But I think, what I am trying to say, is that I enjoy the beauty of it. The beauty over what is lost and the recognition of it. The love that exists and is recognised through its loss. You read memoriums and they are so touching, so loving. They show how what has been lost was cherished. With injustice, the triumph over adversity, the recognition of it and the kindness of people who are allies in overcoming it. Which gives me joy. I love to be able to create a haven provide a helping hand to those who really need it.

And with this pandemic, you see the struggle but also the kindness and pulling together. What scares me ,though, is the conflict, the anger. However, if I can alleviate some of that, I also get the thrill of having achieved something.

@glimpsing 😳

I am also the family abroad. My DS hasn't seen his uncles since he was 5 months old. He rarely sees his grandparents aside from on a screen. He will likely never meet his great grandparents, despite having 3.

One of his first words was "mask". He has never been to a shop where masks weren't being worn. He does not see the faces of strangers, only masks.

Before COVID, DH and I attended fairs and festivals regularly and intended on bringing up DS doing the same thing. We went to our first with DS - an outdoor Christmas fair in early December. He panicked because he had never seen so many people at once and was overwhelmed.

He never got to go to a baby group. By the time they started up in person, maternity leave was over.

I can only imagine how difficult things are for older children. This is not the world we brought our babies into.

@TerraNovaTwo

No more fucking lockdowns!

I have gone the way of being vehemently anti lockdown now. Lost friends because of it. My rational brain says they are necessary but the damage they cause is horrific.

And for what, to protect an NHS that is being sold off on the quiet.

If we lose the NHS, I['m sure many people will regret it. Especially if what we get is along US lines.

I think privatisation of the NHS is inevitable.

@herecomesthsun

If we lose the NHS, I['m sure many people will regret it. Especially if what we get is along US lines.

I wouldn’t. At this point even that would be bigger than the travesty we have.

You would regret it if you faced a 6 figure bill for medical care that you couldn't pay, for example.

Privatisation isn't inevitable.

But the alternative would probably involve reform and investment along European models, and I don't think British people would vote for that; neither would the current Government be willing to put the money in.

@herecomesthsun

You would regret it if you faced a 6 figure bill for medical care that you couldn't pay, for example.

The NHS should cover bills like that. What needs to happen is you pay a reasonable copay like we already do for dental so say for a GP appointment it's £50, hospital appointment £100, A&E £500, surgery £2k etc that money goes directly to the NHS on top of the normal funding to improve services it would soon add up.

What happens if you don't have £2k for surgery for example?

What happens if you don't have £2k for surgery for example?
Presumably we would have to fuck off and suffer or die.

Some people literally don't have a clue about how it is for many of us.

@PinkSparklyPussyCat
I don't know if you remember but maybe a yar ago you posted about going back to work doubts, did you get that sorted out mate?

Elements of this thread are so helpful and even in some ways quite beautiful in helping people who have suffered so much come together to start trying to articulate some of what has happened.

Thank you OP and everyone who has posted.

For me I think it’s not just covid and it’s not just the restrictions, it’s the constant things that are
Illogical and don’t make sense, the knowledge that we’re not being led by people whose primary goal is public service, decency, honesty or empathy. The back and forth. A big turning point for me was when primary schools opened for just one day back in January. The dithering about will they won’t they shut. Hearing Johnson saying it was all safe on the Sunday and urging people to send children back, then closing them the following evening, I couldn’t understand it and it seemed the worst of all possible worlds: mixing happening first to spread any post Christmas covid further, getting kids back into start of term mindset, reminding them of school after a couple of weeks off and in my DC’s case getting excited about the new term, and then wham. Shut. It was a really cruel thing to do to young children and for what?

Adults find the uncertainty hard but for children they are getting the message their whole lives can be upending without warning, over and over, at a formative time in their lives. I wonder how much anxiety and insecurity it’s setting up in them as they’re still developing.

Then you get all the reach out and ask for help for your metal health posts in social media by people who can’t or won’t realise there is literally no help out there especially for children. And in the same breath castigate people who say they are now seriously suffering with their mental health. Once you’re dead everyone will fall over themselves to say if only you’d asked for help. But if you ask it doesn’t come and eventually you start to slip past a certain point and all the courage and hard work in the world won’t help. All of it is crazy making.

@glimpsing I actually appreciate you posting more about where you’re coming from as I felt angry about what did feel like ‘toxic positivity’ in your earlier posts. I think your reactions are unusual but I understand that most people are just trying to survive so do what they have to do. I don’t disagree that mindset can be really important but many people are at the point where they are so ground down, exhausted and overwhelmed they just can’t. People need time to stop and process and acknowledge it’s been awful. And to know it’s ok to express that and try to put some of it into words without being shouted down as an idiot or thick or selfish or a bad parent who should’ve just tried harder in impossible circumstances, or a granny killer or a complainer or whatever is the insult of the day.

On the world war references, I saw a meme the other day about if covid has happened in WWll with people sheltering in a tube tunnel. They had little lines above their heads imagining them complaining they were keeping the lights on and no one could make them turn them off etc. Very much along the lines of the ‘waaah’ type posts I see on here. I kept thinking, well yes but those people were all there together, next to other human beings, not alone. That’s the difference to now. I also listened to some talk about addiction and how the solution was human connection. We have to recognise that humans need other humans, face to face. I don’t know the solution, but it’s not bad to acknowledge that long periods of isolation from others is bad for your mental health. My primary aged child never saw another child his age for months and was so lonely. I didn’t see or hug another adult (lone parent).

I love the people quoting Station Eleven. Survival is insufficient. I agree with that so much.

The toxic optimism posts are my mother's words to m

I think one of the hardest things (for me) about this time is being told how I should think or should feel. I remember saying to someone that if lockdowns are essential to stop everyone dying then it doesn’t matter how I feel. What matters is that I stick to the rules. I don’t have to be happy about it.

There were a few posts earlyish on in the first lockdown which said something along the lines of “I was going to do XYZ but now we’re stuck at home for a bit and…” and a bunch of posters jumped on and said “I think you mean safe at home. See, I fixed it for you!”. It was as if they were looking for that phrase so they could do that.

Telling others to chase their mindset is a terrible thing to do. I’ve never seen anyone come back to say “Gosh yes, you’re right, it is so much easier than living through WWII / the Reformation / the Black Death! I totally see your point and now feel so much better!”

Sorry change their mindset

I think we are getting to the stage where covid gets downgraded to the same level as flu, you don't deliberately spread it but you don't hide away exactly either. Use of masks when you have the sniffles is a good idea though, less colds I'm all in favour of, but should be voluntary

100% agree, my DS2(13) has ASD and ADHD so life is tricky enough, settled in to secondary school so well, then lockdown, missed school. He's now school phobic again. Last night in the car he has a huge rant about Boris and then how his life isn't the same, he misses his grandparents etc. Was heartbreaking. Obviously I knew it affected my children but to hear him so angry and sad was awful. All I could do was agree really.

I agree op but good things are still happening and will happen again.
I do feel that we have reached the end of a carefree golden age but that is more to do with climate change than covid although the 2 are interlinked.
Depressing maybe but the human spirit is strong and people will thrive again.

For me the saddest thing is what it has done to people and to friendships. The standard issue line is "but I've made loads of new friends online/I was never bothered about others anyway and am happy with my family/I have seen more of my BFF in Australia than ever thanks for Zoom"

My reality is I've felt friendships fall into disrepair due to lack of contact nor anything to talk about. The place I live has become a curtain twitching hellhole and my automatic reaction when I see someone I don't know is suspicion or anger instead of curiosity of warmth.

I HATED some of the stuff that was posted on here at the peak of lockdown. The WW2 comparisons, the "stay the fuck at home", this way in which the NHS was emotionally weaponised as a tool to try to prevent anyone anywhere from feeling a single other thought than sourdough-tinted gratefulness.
There were days I'd wake at 8 or 9 then think that's no good I need to use up more of the day so go back and stay in bed until 5pm. I honestly began to wonder if a post 2020 life was going to be worth sticking around for. I hated the government. I hated the stupid TV programmes. I hated the awful FB groups. I hated so hard that I still don't know if it's possible to ever experience any emotion that intense, so anything else feels grey.

Some amazing posts here and I'm genuinely interested in hearing people's heartfelt stories.

Thank you OP for this post, and to everyone who has shared their experiences.

I wholeheartedly agree. I have been called selfish for not wanting further lockdowns. I disagree- I'm concerned by those who are severely affected by lockdowns- why is that selfish?!

Lockdown has had enormous negative effects on me- but I will recover. I am way more concerned about my son and father.

My father is 76. He lives alone in Leicester, having been recently widowed prior to lockdown.

Leicester was locked down almost without a break for the entire time. It remained lockdown when other areas where opened back up and people were able to meet others. He struggled so much, and still does. Looking after himself, cooking, being physically alone foe weeks was so new to him.

It was brutal. When bubbles were allowed it helped, and I helped as much as I could.

He has said he would like to choose to end his own life than lock down again.

My son is 14. An only child. Pre lockdown he was finding his independence, highly sociable, resilient, happy go lucky.

Lockdown took a huge toll on his mental health. Being isolated from his peers was so difficult. Online gaming didn't really cut it. Add in working solo on dry worksheet after worksheet, home alone all day because DH and I had to work.

His mental health became very fragile. No NHS help is available. A private therapist said he was too at risk of suicide for her to treat, and sent us to A&E. Still no help.

He's improved immeasurably since school reopened and is beginning to find his feet socially again.

His resilience only lasted so long. He doesn't have the emotional maturity or life skills to cope with extended isolating lockdowns. He is a social person, a team player, a good friend- and lockdown was so hard.