Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

Yes, some groups of people, for example those with autism actually prefer to lock themselves away

You don't speak for them all. I have a friend with autism who is already expressing suicidal thoughts at the prospect of a lockdown.

Tzimi

I'd like to have an excuse, but I don't. We're all NT and I'm NHS (community and hospital) so wasn't even shielded.

@iBrows awful isn't it. I would too, if I didn't have kids.

Count yourself lucky that you have the means to have a social life, to have a family to mix with. Some of us don't. Even more don't have either of these things because of COVID.

I completely agree, OP, and you have articulated perfectly how I feel.

The virus causes this for us all remember that. First and foremost it’s the virus. I have anxiety because of long Covid as well as missing loved ones ones and normality abs living in a society that doesn’t care I’m so ill and would gladly make me so again. I don’t want to live in a society like this anymore. I’m so sick of being ill and forgotten and second rate. I wish I was dead.

The worst thing for me has been managing as a working (NHS) lone parent (zero input from exH) with constant school closures, cancelled after school clubs unable, unable to use normal support networks. I cannot describe the stress. Going through a difficult divorce whilst trying to keep my house and job..the thought that it keeps going is very hard to bear.

I haven't really had time to think about the other stuff but it's sad the kids haven't had their usual friends round and sleepovers etc.

I also at work see the impact on the elderly. The social isolation, reduced confidence and deconditioning due to reduced activity. This leads to all kinds of health risks (eg falls) as well as reduced quality of life and wellbeing.

Well, I’m in England, and I’m coming home for Christmas, and I understand all are open to welcome us home for Chrimbo!!

@glimpsing

And it's good to recognise optimism is a coping mechanism for a lot of people. It is for me without wanting to invalidate or minimise anybody's suffering. I just don't want to dwell in it.

Well you don't want to dwell on it, why are you here on this thread?

I agree. I was a first time mum in summer 2020, and single from when the baby was three months (was in a difficult relationship before that). It was the worst time to be isolated from other people. No one allowed in the house, health visitor only on the phone, lactation specialist over zoom, no chats with other mums in the clinic waiting room, no play groups to meet other new mums, stuck in the house in a strained relationship before the split then totally on my own after. Luckily I had made a few friends already at a pregnancy pilates class and NCT and we WhatsApped and met in the park when we could which was a lifesaver. It really annoys me when I hear people saying they thought it was good as they got to stay at home and spend more quality time with their baby - it seems to me like this is coming from a very privileged point of view where you're not an anxious first time mum lonely and heartbroken living on your own. I realise people just try and see the positive and I do the same, I actually quite liked the fact we spent much more time in nature than usual, which I sure will annoy someone else in a different way!

Now we're at the point where it seems like more restrictions are coming largely because a lot of people have 'made a personal choice' not to get vaccinated. Starting to get really impatient will it all, my son is a toddler now, I've already had one of his playgroups for next year be cancelled, I know he'll be absolutely fine etc etc but can't help but wonder what the effect of the missed opportunities for learning and things might have on him. Let alone the effect of lack of social contact for me as everyone is cancelling everything at the moment 'prioritising their family Christmas' which also makes me feel like crap as it's the assumption that that's the most important thing for most people, where's as for me (as I imagine is the same for a lot of single people / single parents and others for that matter) the run up to the big day and events / socialising was the thing I was looking forward to most really.

It's been a very difficult time to be a first time mum and single parent.

@Malteser71 me too

@GoldenOmber

There is something grindingly dulling about the combo of having to plan everything (pre-book, what are the rules, check if I’m allowed to do it, etc etc etc) and also not being able to count on it happening.

Fully agree. And the uncertainty of whether these things will be "allowed" in the future.

[quote EnidSpyton]@IcedPurple no, I'm not. I am fully aware of that.

But what I'm saying is, it's a state of mind.

You can choose to be upset at every closed shop, or you can choose to see it as an opportunity to change your old routines and discover somewhere new instead. I love travelling and have hated not being able to leave the country for two years. Am I sad I had to cancel my trips to China, the US, and South Africa I booked for 2019? Yes, of course I am. But I'm not sad that not going to those places led me to go to Skye for the first time, and Wales, and Cornwall, which were beautiful and glorious in their own ways. I still got something out of the experience - it wasn't what I wanted or expected, but it was worthwhile anyway. It's how you frame it.

Change is part of life. As someone said upthread, these sorts of crises happen at regular points during history and it's part of the ebb and flow of human existence. I remember as a child during the recession of the early nineties how I suddenly couldn't go to violin lessons or ballet lessons anymore and we had to move house because my dad's business went bust. Every conversation at home was about how much things cost and what we could and couldn't have to eat, or wear, or do at the weekend/after school. It was sad and upsetting but we survived. I remember the 2008 recession when loads of shops and bars and places we loved shut overnight, loads of my friends got made redundant, and none of us could find jobs. We'd all recently graduated and this was supposed to be the time of our lives. Instead none of us could afford to go anywhere and I remember having to choose between heating and dinner. It was a bleak time. But we got through it and made the best of it. Shit happens but vodka is always cheap, and where there's life there's hope.

If you want to mourn, then mourn. But I do wonder what the point of it is. You can't change what's happening, so why make yourself more miserable?[/quote]
I think the point is, you should be able to express your displeasure at the situation, and have someone acknowledge it, without someone jumping on your comment and telling you to stop complaining because it's not as bad as having bombs dropping on your head during the blitz...

@XenoBitch

Yes, some groups of people, for example those with autism actually prefer to lock themselves away

You don't speak for them all. I have a friend with autism who is already expressing suicidal thoughts at the prospect of a lockdown.

I'm just saying that some people (I'm not one of them) may actually prefer life during lockdown- and that may be one reason why they attack anyone who complains about the restrictions! Just a thought.

Let alone the effect of lack of social contact for me as everyone is cancelling everything at the moment 'prioritising their family Christmas' which also makes me feel like crap as it's the assumption that that's the most important thing for most people, where's as for me (as I imagine is the same for a lot of single people / single parents and others for that matter) the run up to the big day and events / socialising was the thing I was looking forward to most really.

Oh yes, I identify with this. Sucks.

I'm in tears I can't read anymore.

Whilst every one of us plebs has suffered to varying degrees, others have been making money out of this shambles, eg Dildo Hardon

Unpopular view but I’m now opposed to any further restrictions. This situation of getting into a panic and ruining people’s lives cannot continue indefinitely. I’m not apologising for saying people now need to mitigate their own risks and move on. This isn’t living.

Johnson is a fickle populist wobbler who will say and do anything to keep his job. Starmer just wants even more restrictions and to keep everyone locked up for ever.

Where are the voices saying enough is enough?

@applesapplesapples

Unpopular view but I’m now opposed to any further restrictions. This situation of getting into a panic and ruining people’s lives cannot continue indefinitely. I’m not apologising for saying people now need to mitigate their own risks and move on. This isn’t living.

Johnson is a fickle populist wobbler who will say and do anything to keep his job. Starmer just wants even more restrictions and to keep everyone locked up for ever.

Where are the voices saying enough is enough?

We're here but on other threads. Did you know there was a protest yesterday in London? Funny how most of the media aren't reporting it

twitter.com/JamesMelville/status/1472239733011013633

I absolutely agree. I'm single, live alone and have little in the way of close family. The amount of FUCKWITS (on here and in real life) who told me in the first lockdown that I should be loving life because they were baking banana bread with their famalams, totally ignoring the reality that as someone living in a flat, it was illegal for me to sit in the sun was unreal.

Just stop and think about that for a minute. It was actively illegal for me to feel the sun on my face.

When they count the toll of this, it will go down as the greatest and cruelest overreaction in history. OP, your post is so beautifully written.

@applesapplesapples

Unpopular view but I’m now opposed to any further restrictions. This situation of getting into a panic and ruining people’s lives cannot continue indefinitely. I’m not apologising for saying people now need to mitigate their own risks and move on. This isn’t living.

Johnson is a fickle populist wobbler who will say and do anything to keep his job. Starmer just wants even more restrictions and to keep everyone locked up for ever.

Where are the voices saying enough is enough?

I think that's probably a less unpopular view than you imagine...

I've never once ever agreed with any of the restrictions. My husband is a paramedic and the amount of mental health jobs he went to in the second and third lockdowns is just unbelievable. Also doctors are saying that because children weren't exposed to germs properly last year that this year is set to be the worst ever for young children with RSV and bronchiolitis. I'm proud that my 3 year old never missed a moment of playing with his friends and developing his brain and immune system as he should've done.

I know someone who very strictly kept her toddler away from absolutely everyone - relatives and other children- from March 2020-April 2021 and it's just cruel imo.

I was looking through an old box recently and found a headband with ‘2019’ on it in gold sequins and I held it up to DP and said, ‘oh look, the good old days’ and then burst into tears like a maniac. I surprised myself having a cry I didn’t think I was affected by this all but obviously I am.

@firstimemamma that is cruel but it’s not solely their fault if they were following the rules at the time. Back then many people were terrified because the media, government and police actively wanted people to be terrified. The rules were and are cruel. Not the people who were terrified and followed them.

People have been gaslit and manipulated and had their anxieties deliberately played on. Individuals aren't necessarily responsible for all the consequences of that.