Someone somewhere needs to articulate the lost quality of life

[Gguin]

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised.
I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang.
And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon.
All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

@gofg

"you seem to think that you have it worse than anyone else ever did, and we can't possibly mention that others might in fact have lived through even worse times"

Get a grip. Nobody has said this, at all. We all know that unspeakable shit has gone before us. That doesn't mean that this is not also shit.

Thank you @Chocaholic9. I completely agree; there are some circumstances where I too cannot find joy and I'm very sorry that that's where you've found yourself.
I felt I needed to post because I wanted to make the point that there have been some positives (for me, life saving cancer treatment) and I think it's always helpful to see the full picture. Elements of lockdown, for me and my family, have been miserable. I don't want to minimise any one else's experience either, I'm sorry if anyone feels I've done that. But some people are asking what the point has been, is it worth it, etc I think it's worth me saying what I think on that score, including that often, we can still find joy in difficult circumstances for example. If life was (is?) completely joyless for many, we might agree that's too great a sacrifice to save cancer patients, for example because there will have to be a balance. My view (highly biased of course!) is that it has been worth protecting (at least some of) those life saving services.

It’s harder for a lot of people right now because it genuinely seemed to be getting very slowly better for a while and then… isn’t.

At least one of my DCs got to go out on a (primary) school trip before the latest thing kicked off. But they were not allowed to sing on the bus, b/c covid.

We're all suffering and continue to suffer.

My grandma had arranged a party on Sunday with kids and grandchildren. Just afternoon tea at hers.

We've cancelled it now because of covid risks. She is 87... She has cancer and probably won't be with us next year.

I feel so sad that her last 2 christmases have been like this. Lonely and empty. What is our world coming to?

I can see the value in trying to find joy where you can and focus on what you can do rather than what you can't but that just isn't going to be possible for everyone all of the time. That's particularly true of people with mental health problems (which is a lot of people right now) who can't necessarily change their mindset just with positive thinking.

I suspect most people posting on this thread have picked themselves up from feeling miserable over and over and tried to make the best of things and put on a brave face for their children.

I've done a lot of this myself. I go out and do what I can with my DS and manage to be happy and cheery a lot of the time and I doubt most people would know how down I feel about it all.

But it is very hard to keep doing this when there has been so much disappointment and where even the simplest things (like taking your child to the library) are so difficult or compromised. I've lost count of the number of plans I've had which have been cancelled in the last 18m. And every time you have to tell yourself, never mind, I'll do something else or do it later.

I'm not sure the attitude of trying to push aside my feelings and pretend things are ok (to the extent I've managed to do this) has been that healthy for me. I had a baby at the start of the first lockdown and didn't really realise until quite a lot later how much being so isolated with a newborn, giving birth alone, not having any healthcare available for the baby etc. affected me. I can't think about the first few months of my baby's life without crying and I think I've blocked a lot of it out. I have friends who were in a similar situation to me who seemed to manage fine. And I know that there are many people who were objectively in far worse situations. But for me it is a kind of trauma and every restriction adds to it and every time the possibility of another lockdown or similar looms it brings it back.

I don't know whether these sorts of threads are good for peoples' mental health overall but I think if you have been badly affected by the restrictions of the last two years in some way brushing it all under the carpet isn't easy and possibly isn't helpful either.

@Gguin

Firstly, I am not saying I think there shouldn't be restrictions as needed, masks, reduced social contact. I do. Just to reemphasise that, to prevent people misreading the title, I support and abide and have abided by restrictions, both statutory and advised. I also hated every single second of the lockdown. I hated what it did to friends. I hated the disregard of single people. I hated the criminalisation of social lives. I hated the lost opportunities for young and not so young people to build or change their lives. I hated the paranoia and judgmentalism. I hated the NHS worship and everyone else can go hang. And yes I hate this feeling, somewhere between anxiety, depression and a grinding underlying fear of future regret on all that has been lost. I drove past a pub in rural Ireland where I live today and it was shut, boarded up and probably will never reopen. The sign "craic agus ceoil" (laughter and music) was worn and frayed, like a relic of the times when we were able to enjoy themselves with abandon. All I would like as the latest chapter of shit unfolds is for someone, somewhere to actually articulate the sadness of all the lost opportunities. The friends that have never been made, the months and years spent indoors, the catastrophic toll on mental health and above all this awful feeling that the many of the very things that make life worth living are so expendable and in some quarters, not even mourned.

So eloquent - 100% agree 😢

Well said OP. I think a lot of people are suffering now from PTSD to some extent, the loss of socialising for social animals, schooling, libraries, restaurants, holidays, clothes shopping, lunch with friends, hugs with our families etc is devastating. We started this thinking it was short term and now I daren’t think beyond the next month, or week, or day.

As a family we’ve done ok, DD is adopted and I think the extra time at home has helped her, but she is also a sociable child and in the first lockdown seeing her face as we passed chained up parks broke my heart.

We’ve made the best of it over and over again, but I’m just exhausted. I’m taking her to see Santa this weekend against all reservations - she’s 8, next year she might not believe any more. These moments are so important.

@BonnesVacances, sending you the biggest hug. I can’t imagine what you’re going through.

The OP created this thread as a safe space where we can share our sadness at what has happened to society and our lives.
The fact that even THIS has been taken over by people patronising, problem solving, mentioning the war and telling us how it could be worse makes my chest feel tight.

@Animood

We're all suffering and continue to suffer.

My grandma had arranged a party on Sunday with kids and grandchildren. Just afternoon tea at hers.

We've cancelled it now because of covid risks. She is 87... She has cancer and probably won't be with us next year.

I feel so sad that her last 2 christmases have been like this. Lonely and empty. What is our world coming to?

Was cancelling it her idea? It would strike me that some older people would rather risk Covid than just wither away without their family or enjoyable events.

I’m slightly nervous about meeting up with older relatives for Christmas (including my parents) but as long as they’re happy to go ahead I wouldn’t cancel anything in order to ‘protect’ them.

Thewiseoneincognito, please go away and stop deliberately goading people.

And if one more person starts bleating about how "people in history suffered stuff that is far worse," I may be tempted to point that people people in history also suffered outbreaks of disease with far worse IFRs and didn't lock down for them.

OP i agree with you, we are demonised for feeling this way, which is entirely normal, and everyone would have agreed with this a few years ago.

We can still observe caution and restrictions and feel this way.

@Chessie678

I agree. The fact that 66m people have basically lost over a year of good quality life (albeit to different degrees) just hasn’t been factored in.

I have good days and bad days but still basically feel that the first two years of my son’s life have been taken or at least severely compromised and I will never get that back.

I find the uncertainty and loss of control very hard. That even if I am enjoying something today (even something very simple like taking DS swimming or meeting a friend) within days it could be criminalised and taken away for some indefinite amount of time.

It’s not that I can’t find joy in anything but there’s a shadow hanging over everything.

I also feel that the restrictions have brought out the worst in a lot of people- the nasty self-righteousness about masks, the calling the police on neighbours, the excuse not to see anyone or do anything for anyone and pretence that this is virtue. There is so much talk about protecting people and selfishness but I don’t see much common decency or empathy from people. I’ve seen it in my own family in that they are less trusting of people, quicker to get annoyed or judge and more insular. I know that it comes from a place of fear and that’s understandable but sometimes it feels like peoples moral code has been replaced with following the covid rules.

It doesn’t help that I think it was all completely futile and has done much more harm than good. Perhaps if I believed following these rules was doing good it would be easier.

This is how I feel too. I'm getting older, I've been robbed of nearly two years of life experiences, lockdown has brought me close to divorce (still tbc) and I'm losing my mind now with the uncertainty again.

I feel like we have been gaslit by the government. I've had 3 jabs now, we were promised no more restrictions after 2. 46 percent of uk population now has had boosters which is 85 percent protection against severe illness with omicron. Just stop it already.

Read the room, @Thewiseoneincognito.

I just want share what happened to me.

I was in a country where lockdown was harsh. My relationship (living together) broke down and the borders closed. I was living rurally and had a small business that had to shut down. I felt completely isolated from my home country and my closest friends and family. My money was running low and then a close family fell very ill and we weren't allowed to see her, when finally we could, travel restrictions meant I just missed her. I began drinking more, having panic attacks, trying to drink more to stop them happening. I developed a fear of swallowing, the feeling I would choke. It got so bad I couldn't swallow a pea anymore without water. I began to become paranoid and was convinced my partner was going to kill me.

Finally after a year of this I went to see my doctor who sent me to a psychiatrist, who sent me to hospital where at least I was able to rest

It is so difficult because we’ve never had to cope with such uncertainty before and loss of life as we know it. But around the world people have been doing this and surviving (think refugees whose lives change beyond belief or people currently living in Afghanistan for example)

I think what makes it harder is that we all thought we were on our way out of this - and here we are again. And like mentioned we don’t have the unity and trust in our leaders like some countries do. Our government are liars and that makes it even harder.

Life as we know it has changed - maybe forever or maybe just for a while. There’s probably not many left now but imagine living during the world wars and coping with all that brought.

It is important to talk about what we have lost and the impact. I’m a teacher (secondary) and I think the fall out on young people is going to hit the lm for years to come. The kids in my school have been amazing but there is a marked difference in behaviour in year 7 & 8 in particular because of the lack of normality and structure I think and the long term impact is so unknown still.

I know the feeling about elderly relatives who are more vulnerable to catching covid.
But I also can’t help that feel that many of these older people would rather risk getting covid if it means them seeing their families/ friends.
Especially if they only have one or two Xmas’ left. Rather than die alone and not seeing loved ones for two years I’m sure many would rather just get on with life and take the risk.
Who wants to spend their final years or months alone and isolated in a paranoid world?

I don’t blame Boris for covid but I do blame him for many things he’s handled this pandemic.
He’s been dangling a carrot in front of us from the start with false promises and lies.
March 2020- lockdown for three weeks. He knew this wasn’t true and wasn’t honest with us.
Normal life by Xmas last year, then cancelled it a few days before.
Freedom day this summer- yes of course I was happy for things to re- open. But it’s the way it was done. Boris told everyone to not worry about face masks anymore. Life pretty much went to almost normal.
But even I knew that this winter cases would rise. It was inevitable.
But many people were gullible enough to think that this was all over.
Boris could have made face masks mandatory and reminded people that the pandemic wasn’t over and to use caution.
And here we are in the winter going backwards.
I don’t believe a word Boris says anymore. If he says he won’t do something, you know that in a few weeks he will.
He told us that life would return to normal after freedom day and there was a clear road map. There would be no going back.
Why did he make these promises when surely the medical experts told him this wasn’t the case.
Because Boris is a people pleaser. He doesn’t want to make hard decisions himself, he’d rather let others do it for him. And that’s not what being a leader is all about.

"I suspect most people posting on this thread have picked themselves up from feeling miserable over and over and tried to make the best of things and put on a brave face for their children.

I've done a lot of this myself. I go out and do what I can with my DS and manage to be happy and cheery a lot of the time and I doubt most people would know how down I feel about it all."

Yes, exactly this. I've worked so hard since this started to support my loved ones and keep everyone going. I've stayed positive. I worked really bloody hard at home-schooling, but also at trying to keep my DC mentally and physically healthy. I've been there for DH and my DM and my ILs and my friends. To anyone observing me, I appear to be coping really well.

I'm not, I'm at breaking point, and I think another lockdown will just about finish me off. I had to tell DH the other day "I'm not ok. I'm trying really hard to be ok, because I know everyone needs me to be ok, but I'm not."

I know he can't do anything about that, but I just needed someone to be aware that I'm struggling.

@Blueredblue, that sounds really hard, I'm sorry you went through that.

What I'm saying is that conversations like this where everyone supports one another in a spiral of negative thinking is really damaging.

I don’t think this thread as a whole is damaging

When people say things like 'it's never going to end' or 'we're all living a half life', and there is affirmation from others that this is true and it's all dreadful and there's no hope, then that leads to more feelings of dread and hopelessness. It's really destructive. And it's rife on this site.

Maybe maybe not. It likely will end but the half life well maybe some to feel like that.

I think it’s a good thread for people to say how they feel without being reminded of case numbers etc which always happens elsewhere, the priority for some is pushing the Covid case number fear, and not here.

Anyway just my thoughts on why it’s ok to have thread and not destructive not trying to be combative as someone said it’s a different safe thread for people just chat without being wrong / corrected

@Blueredblue I'm really sorry, that sounds terrible.

And agree with Golden upthread

I totally agree OP.

'We' just focus on the stats - job losses, businesses going under, flights cancelled, hospital beds occupied, trips cancelled, etc etc - and forget that there is a sad human story behind every single one of these numbers. My kids, who were so close to their grandparents, haven't seen them in person for nearly 2 years now and that's a loss on both sides. My parents missed the last two years of them being kids - they are teens now. But things aren't counted anywhere - except in the sadness of my parents and the weaker family ties. These things don't show up as statistics, not directly.

It's crap. And I say that as someone who is usually very good at gratitude and appreciating the basics.

It seems to me that trying to be positive and taking time to articulate what we've lost aren't mutually exclusive, in fact doing the latter might make it easier to do the former. I've tried to be positive throughout the pandemic, have looked for moments of joy even when things were really low, have done my best to adapt and make the most of the opportunities that I have....and yet I also feel immense sadness at what's been lost, at how much my children have been affected, at the real life-changing harm suffered by so many.

I think for me, taking time to acknowledge all of that sadness and loss actually makes it easier to then pick myself up and carry on with hope and positivity. I imagine lots of others feel the same. Some on this thread don't see it like that and think it's better just to keep your chin up- if that works for you then great! But it's not an approach that works for everyone.