Severe anxiety over the vaccine.

[BrokenArrows]

Please be kind - I know some people will think I'm ridiculous or being selfish, but the anxiety this bloody vaccine is having on me is ruining my life. I spend hours a day online researching whether or not I should have the vaccine. So much so that it's actually affecting my work.

I see the articles selected and featured online about young healthy people and mums dying of covid becuase they didn't have the vaccine, and it panics me becuase I don't want to be one of those healthy mums that leaves her children behind.

But then at the same time I can't ignore all of the side effects I'm seeing online and reading about people having becuase of the vaccine. Crazy heavy bleeding with their periods, missed and painful periods for months, blood clots, myocarditis, heart palpatations, pins and needles in limbs, nerve damage, uncontrollable shaking and twitching, young healthy women no longer able to walk, skin hives and rashes that last months.

I'm not anti-vax. I would love to get a vaccine that is safe and effective against covid, but for me my mind canot rationalise the current vaccines as a safe and effective solution. I'm petrified of the MRNA vaccines, so my mind bounces back and forth numerous times a day between going to get an AZ vaccine and then panicking about all the potential side effects from something I'm willingly putting into my body while the side effects are being dismissed by doctors who insist they're not due to the vaccine. One minute I'm just like F-it, I'll go get it, and then the next I'm panicking like the vaccine will be a death sentance for me.

People try and tell me oh don't worry, the people who have these side effects are so small it won't happen to you. But then I just think yes, but the % of people who actually die of covid is so small maybe it won't happen to me either. Or vice-versa - they'll say yes but look at the people dying of covid - and I'll just think we'll the chances of me dying are so slim. But look at all these people with life changing side effects. It actually seems to me to be more than those healthy people who are dying of covid. It weighs hugely on my mind. My mind is in constant turmoil and I just feel like sometimes it'd be easier not to even be around anymore so I wouldn't have to make this decision.

I don't know if this gives any reassurance but I know a LOT of people who have had the vaccine, I work in a large hospital and I think pretty much every healthcare professional I know has had the vaccine and I havent heard of a single adverse side effect apart from a couple of days of flu like symptoms or a sore arm. I also know a lot of people who have contracted the virus after the vaccine and all have had extremely mild symptoms or completely asymptomatic and found out through a lateral flow test, myself included. I also know a lot of women who have since gotten pregnant with no issues since the vaccine.

Vaccines are one of the reasons we all live so long and personally I dont see it any differently than flu, MMR, polio, whooping cough, travel vaccines, TB, HPV, hep b, Menningitis etc. We willingly give our children vaccines to let them live a healthy life and we are extremely lucky to live in a time where we can be protected against all sorts of fatal illnesses.

It’s a real elephant in the room topic as we’re supposed to be all body positive and non fat shaming these days but by far the biggest risk factor for younger people is obesity. If you are obese then the risks of covid might warrant the vaccination, but not otherwise. Or you could focus all this energy and time you have on losing weight and getting fit if you think it might benefit you.

And yes while I know every vaccine has side effects, I think there are way more side effects with this one than any other. And I am so angry at the fact that they’re being ignored and the people that have them are being silenced.

Where did you hear this from? I don't think this is true.

@BrokenArrows I agree with pp that your anxiety is more damaging to you; and I think your anxiety is not allowing you logical or rational thinking.
I think it’s very very difficult to get factual information online and I think you should stop looking; unless you are reading original scientific papers. I get the impression you may be naturally a very anxious person & at the moment it’s manifesting itself through ‘the vaccine issue’. I think see your gp and get some face to face advice on the vaccine rather than go round & round. If you are really anxious about the vaccine, I would think you are also really anxious about going out and about facing potential infection… logic would suggest that you would be trapped between these two pillars of anxiety, but I get the impression your vaccine anxiety overrides your anxiety about the other risks of covid- which suggests to me your perspective is off. Xo

Others can talk about the science of vaccine v not to vaccine - and the various arguments in favour of both - but not sure how helpful that can be as you already have access to ask that info yourself and you are still stuck which suggests that the problem is a bit deeper.

I'll offer a different way of thinking that might possibly help. Or not ...

Thinking about your difficulties in a psychoanalytic way it looks like you're saying you have a difficulty choosing between two options, you tie yourself in knots and the function of this tying in knots is that you never have to choose one thing and give up the other.

This time it is the question of the vaccine, but really that's just the particular peg, that this time you're using, on which to hang the hat of deeper difficulties.

The stress of tying yourself up in knots is painful but you prefer that to the pain and difficulty of having to make a choice.

Perhaps there is also a kind of unconscious idea in your mind that, by never actually choosing, you can "magically have" the good things about BOTH positions - (1) the protection of the vaccine without (2) what you feel are the attendant risks.

As soon as you choose there is a painful loss of one or the other which is too hard to give up.

(My own view is that the vaccine is perfectly safe and a blessing and that you should have it - but that's not going to help you here).

I think also there is an issue here that you and your dh might have a difference of view about the vaccine ... and that is also causing anxiety.

From what you've said - granted only a sniper you've mentioned - but it doesn't seem like there is much mental space in your marriage for you to have a different view to him or her to you.

Your dh sounds very upset and angry about the fact you might feel differently to him.

• him not her!

BrokenArrows this is my first comment as I’m new to this platform however I had to reply as I feel like I could have wrote your post myself. I have had anxiety from a young age however, it’s has been acute anxiety, with more of a panic attack than a constant feeling of anxiety, until recently.
I had coped ok through the pandemic, working from home and thinking rational - I didn’t want the vaccine as like you, I had read too much and also have aunts who are nurses who had been advising against it. I feel like I have to defend myself and also say I am not an anti vaxer to avoid the hate that I have saw when others have disclosed they are unvaccinated.
However, my partner got covid 3/4 weeks ago, luckily my daughter and I remained negative. My partner is 31, plays football for a living and is so fit and healthy, I have never saw him unwell and he was in bed for the whole 10 days, had almost every symptom bar the cough and his breathing was not impacted either. I went into an almost defensive frenzy - cleaning everything, washing and sanitising everything - constantly on edge. At the same time my daughter ended up in A&E with tonsillitis and was also really unwell so I was terrified of her catching covid too.
Thankfully my partner has recovered however since then, my anxiety has been crippling. I have chest pains, feel like I can’t breathe and have a constant worry of becoming ill - not just from covid, but from everything - constantly feeling my boobs for lumps, worrying that I’m overdue my smear and the what ifs that come with that, have turned into a complete shadow of myself. I know to some this will sound crazy but this is anxiety.
So of course I have considered the vaccine, but I know someone who is in and out of hospital because of her migraines - something she didn’t have prior to her vaccination and who actually works administrating the vaccine, another who lost her baby days after having the vaccine and another who is constantly bleeding with terrible period cramps - all 3 who have been yellow carded. To make it worse, whilst I was in A&E someone came in with breathing difficulties after having their vaccine that day so again, this triggered my anxiety as my fear is not being able to breathe properly.
To a normal person this might not worry them but for someone with this level of anxiety, it is terrifying. And that’s without even going into the what ifs if I do end up with covid as again, I am aware how bad this can be as I know two people who have been in comas due to covid, people who have died and others suffering with long covid, especially around their breathing.
So I feel I am trying to weigh up the pros and cons but with the constant media coverage and then the conspiracy theorists, its terribly hard!!
People think it’s black and white however, when you have anxiety you live in the grey!! It’s not an easy decision when anxiety is involved and some of the comments have been pretty unfair, but i would guess that these people have never experienced anxiety the way you are just now.
I do agree, I think you should speak to your GP, I did and they have given me beetablockers and the next step would be an antidepressant to help the anxiety which is something I am considering and I hope with help me make a rational decision that I am comfortable with.
I hope you find some peace and can make a decision that is best for you. That’s what I’m praying for myself too. It’s not much, but I really do know how isolating it can feel when you are feeling like this but I promise you, your not alone.