Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Covid

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

Original poster

Husband doesn't want to get vaccinated - but I do

102 replies

melonhead · 30/08/2021 01:05

I'm not vaccinated yet but plan to be this week, it's causing big problems at home as my husband would rather isolate to avoid catching it than get vaccinated. He has real concerns as he takes certain autoimmune medication, he is 50.
Of course I am my own person and can decide for myself, but we generally discuss life issues and agree. He doesn't want the children to go back to school for the first couple of weeks until we see if there's a spike. I want them to go back and be careful, they're 9 and 6.
How are you handling it when you don't agree as a family? There's no compromise!

OP posts:
HGC2 · 30/08/2021 07:40

Week 3 of school here is Scotland and cases are still increasing, if he plans in keeping dcs off school it will be for longer that 2 weeks, how does he plan to home school them so they don’t fall behind?

mayblossominapril · 30/08/2021 07:42

You get the vaccine ASAP and then send the kids back to school. If he doesn’t want the vaccine that’s fine although he is probably quite at risk if he catches it of requiring hospital treatment.
If you want to be careful still when you are vaccinated great. I’m still avoiding busy places so if I go out for a rare meal, I will pick a quieter day and time and I’ve got preschoolers but I’m still avoiding soft play we will go some where outdoors instead.

rosie1959 · 30/08/2021 07:45

I would get your vaccination OP I think your husband is being very shortsighted this virus is going nowhere and is going to be affecting us for years to come So unless he plans to keep the children out of school indefinitely waiting two weeks is neither here nor there

PersonaNonGarter · 30/08/2021 07:46

I am confused. Is he objecting to you getting vaccinated? Or just him?

Obviously, you can’t hide for ever and Covid is going to be around for a long time.

His reasons are his reasons. You make your decision.

PandoraP · 30/08/2021 07:48

I thought those immune compromised were the first to be offered the vaccine as they are most at risk ?
I would also have thought that it is even more important for you to get the vaccine if you are living with an immune compromised adult.
Of course it is individual choice, but one which impacts others. In this case your children and let’s be honest. You two won’t avoid Covid for ever. At some point you will get it and it is the unvaccinated in dying in the hospitals now. The doctors must be sick of these people. Sorry to be brutal but that is how I feel!

NeverTalkToStrangers · 30/08/2021 07:50

I'm confused. If he is CEV and isn't getting vaccinated for arguably valid medical reasons why didn't you get the jab months ago?

PopcornMuncher · 30/08/2021 07:53

If he doesn't want the vaccine that's fine but unless he's been advised that he shouldn't. have it by a medical professional then the children should go back to school and he takes his chances.

nether · 30/08/2021 08:01

I thought those immune compromised were the first to be offered the vaccine as they are most at risk ?

It depends on the nature of the condition - some were classed as CEV (group 4 for vaccination) and others CV (group 6 for vaccination) and whetyerbthe vaccine works well depends on the condition - those which affect thepimmune system might have significantly lower response to the jab.

But they are still urged to get it - because it might help. They are the people who are most over-represented in ICU admissions

And yes, if you have one in the household, DC going to school is scary because you never know what the could bring home with them. (Try to keep off the threads where people are saying they don't want their DC to have LFTs to keep schools a bit safer - it's quite depressing to those of us with immune compromised person

Sally872 · 30/08/2021 08:15

Your dh has to weigh up the risks and make his own decision. However he has to include the kids going to school and living at home as part of the risk. Their education is also a priority.

Scottishgirl85 · 30/08/2021 08:17

This is madness. Does your DH realise covid will be around forever and he is almost certain to catch it at one point in his life, likely more than once? He can't hide away forever, pretty soon we'll stop testing for it, and so you'll never know whether a bug is covid or not.

Jemand · 30/08/2021 08:18

Point out to him that you have to send the children back to school, it's the law. Also that it would be really unfair to them to make them miss the first two weeks of the school year.

clarkkentsglasses · 30/08/2021 08:21

Even if you ARE vaccinated you're going to risk catching the virus and passing it on.

Israel are now proof the fully vaccinated are already waining in immunity.

You can't avoid this forever, vaccinated or not.

Jemand · 30/08/2021 08:22

It's all very well to say "His body, his choice," but it sounds like he is drifting in the direction of imposing restrictions on his kids so that they are less likely to give him the virus.

Not just the kids, OP as well. OP, I know you say you're happy to stay relatively isolated, but will that extend to not taking the children to and from school, missing out on school events, not going shopping, getting your hair cut, going to things like dental appointments?

cptartapp · 30/08/2021 08:23

You cater for the majority of the family. Stand up for your DC and do what is in their best interests as their parent and restart their lives properly. And if your DH refuses to protect himself he will live with the consequences of that choice. One person doesn't out trump three.
Doesn't sound like a very nice person tbh.

hashbrownsandwich · 30/08/2021 08:24

The chances of the virus being around in a few weeks after DC have gone back is actually high too, it's something we have to learn to live with.

Choux · 30/08/2021 08:36

I don't agree with his plan for keeping the kids out of school for two weeks to see if there is a spike in cases. But what is his plan for the very likely event that there IS a spike in cases?

Is he going to keep the out of school indefinitely? Will you be asked to homeschool and they won't be allowed to see friends all autumn / winter?

He needs to speak to his doctors about his vaccination concerns and how to reduce his risk without sacrificing his kids education and social lives.

Dontforgetyourbrolly · 30/08/2021 08:38

Is your husband willing to take time off work to home school the kids then ? 🤔
My ex has no immune system and he's just as likely to die from chicken pox as covid .
He had the vaccine under medical approval, of course I'm no doctor but your dh needs to speak to professionals

Lemons1571 · 30/08/2021 08:43

There will most definitely be a spike in cases. What is his plan then?

What about winter? There will be thousands of cases every day.

What about 2022? 2023?

What is his plan for actually learning to live with covid? It doesn’t sound like he has one, except that everyone in his family should isolate forever.

QuarantineQueen · 30/08/2021 08:46

Your 9 and 6 year old cannot avoid covid by 'being careful'. Schools are going to be full of covid and it is airborne. And they are 9 and 6!
I'm a CEV teacher and have accepted that with children myself and working in a school there is no way to avoid covid anymore. It isn't going anywhere. Vaccines are the only protection we have now the government have decided to let it rip. You and your DH would be stupid not to have them.

jackstini · 30/08/2021 08:49

He needs to speak to his GP a d go with whatever is recommended (but I suspect he will be advised to vaccinate)

You should go get vaccinated ASAP

Kids should go back to school, they shouldn't have to suffer because of him

PlanDeRaccordement · 30/08/2021 08:51

What does your DH consultant say about the vaccine for him? He really shouldn’t be making the decision to not vaccinate or vaccinate himself without getting his consultants professional medical opinion on the safety and effectiveness for him and his condition.

If it turns out he can’t have the vaccine for medical reasons, and as you say he is already immune compromised. Then I don’t think he is BU to try and limit exposure to Covid by home schooling the DCs.

Your DH risks are quite high, being 50, male and immuno-compromised.

MistandMud · 30/08/2021 08:56

If he can’t be vaccinated, it’s an even better idea for your children to have their other parent vaccinated.

Nellodee · 30/08/2021 08:56

I agree with QuarantineQueen. There absolutely will be a spike when children go back to school and it is likely to last over much of the winter. However, it's not certain that isolation work will be set this year, given how the isolation requirements have changed. Most students who are off will be off because they actually have covid.

What are his plans for teaching your children for the next six months?

Firsttimecatlady · 30/08/2021 08:56

I suspect that this won’t be entirely yours, or your husbands choice UNLESS you decide to pull your children out formally and home school on an ongoing basis. Whatever he would like to do, you can’t simply keep your children off school for how ever long he wants without there being intervention by the council, I would imagine.
So maybe ask him what his plan is to homeschool both children in the long term- let him work that conundrum out. I imagine he’ll ‘compromise’ when he realises the reality of what he’s suggesting…

EvilPea · 30/08/2021 08:57

This virus isn’t disappearing. It’s here now and that’s it. Get vaccinated to start with. If it ends up in your house your kids need one parent who can hopefully stay out of hospital.

Swipe left for the next trending thread