'We've not been out since all this started'

[TheVampiresWife]

I heard this yesterday from someone DH works with (they're all wfh). A couple in their late 40s, no health issues with no vulnerabilities, fully vaccinated but 'you can't be too careful'.

They've not left the house apart from their vaccine appointments since the start of the first lockdown.

I understand how worrying it's all been for some people, particularly if you're vulnerable or have health anxiety. But it's so sad that people are this terrified. I wonder how they'll cope when restrictions end. The MH fallout from all this is going to be massive, isn't it?

To “heed” that should be. Perhaps they do “need” a third wave though!

I've said from the start that most people have no concept of risk. For a lot of people, any risk at all of getting the virus is unacceptable, despite the fact they're statistically more likely to come to harm in their own home or in a car, but those things are seen as benign and safe. I worry how many times I hear the word 'safe' in a day now, it's in all advertising from burglar alarms to bloody deodorant! It's unrealistic to crave so much safety. Life is a risk, every minute you live. You can't eliminate all risk and continue to live.

I think there is a huge contrast between what the people 'stuck' in their houses think the world is like, and what it is actually like. My MIL has ventured out more since she was double jabbed. She still avoids shops (apart from the local coop, which she feels is safeish), restaurants and general socialising but she will go for walks and to do essential trips (doctor's, hairdresser, bank) which she wouldn't before. In the first lockdown she wouldn't leave the house for anything. I honestly think if they'd had a fire she would have burnt to death rather than leave the confines of the house. She was desperately scared about passersby touching her fence and gate, so even putting the bin out was traumatic.
My DH and I worked on site throughout so have led a relatively 'normal' existence. She couldn't believe what we were telling her about there actually bring people in the supermarkets, or cars on the road, or people out for walks because she legitimately thought no one else was leaving their house (how she thought people were touching her fence I have no idea).
She still gets upset about us not wearing gloves to go through gates - generally I comply but I put my foot down when half way up a rural hillside in the Brecons.

I know someone like this, but tbf they have always been lazy and I think covid is validation for them. Its best to stay on the sofa and get Greggs delivered. They think they are being safe and responsible as they make their health worse with poor diet and lack of exercise, whilst tutting at online photos of people going for walks.

I actually think that healthy people with healthy children who are refusing to let their kids out the house other than for school need social services to get involved. It's child abuse.

@DobbyTheHouseElk

Yes I have friends in their 40’s like this.

They text me asking why people aren’t observing lockdown rules. I said well we aren’t in lockdown anymore. They said I was wrong. They will not meet people even outside yet. WFH forever and only left the house for vaccinations.

They are terrified. I’m worried for their MH.

As long as they don't expect everyone else to follow suit, I don't mind. I probably be a bit concerned if children were involved though.

@walkoflifewoohoo

"I haven’t been to a pub since Feb 2020 as we’ve been in special measures pretty much since then"

No, the pubs have opened several times. They are open now. You haven't been to a pub because you've chosen not to. They're open.

I don’t mean that they haven’t been open. I mean the risk is being constantly flagged up to me as higher by the government. My friends all feel the same way. We meet in the park or my garden for drinks. We are being specifically told by the government to meet up outdoors.

@PrettyVacancy

So this is a thread to attack people with poor mental health? Nice. Whatever happened to ‘Beeeeee kiiiiiiind’? Or does that only apply when you’re shouting at people you don’t like?

I’m not seeing any attacking. It’s really worrying that people aren’t going out. The implications for individual’s MH are massive, let alone wider society. ‘Being kind’, isn’t helpful if we all pretend this is normal. It’s gaslighting.

I feel that we are / have been very cautious, far more than most - but we've certainly left the house in the past 18 months!

Nettleskeins, to whom are you pointing out this perceived ‘self-centredness’? And why? I think YOU are being extremely self-centred by pointing the finger at those whom you perceive not to be doing things your way and telling them that you’re right and they are wrong.

Can anxiety of any sort be overcome by sufferers just because they’ve read a post telling them they’re not anxious, merely self-centred? Are you a mental health professional? If so, what sort of therapy do you practise?

@PrettyVacancy

So this is a thread to attack people with poor mental health? Nice. Whatever happened to ‘Beeeeee kiiiiiiind’? Or does that only apply when you’re shouting at people you don’t like?

Indulging people’s health anxiety or pretending it’s in any way an appropriate assessment of their level of risk isn’t being kind. I don’t see much criticism in this thread, more worry.

Be kind is gas lighting because it’s anything but kind. As I just said, can you cure anxiety (or any other mental health problem) simply by telling others to effectively, ‘Pull themselves together’? I thought those days were gone? I see so many campaigns for mental health awareness but maybe they’re not needed?

I find myself thinking of those studies on loneliness and health, which show that the impact of social isolation on health is so great that after the age of 65, you are statistically better off drinking, smoking and eating crap foods with friends, than eating healthy meals at home all by yourself day after day.

Not attacking anyway. Just feeling really worried about how isolated and paranoid a lot of people have become. As PP said, we shouldn't be normalizing this. It's not just each individual's business either. People hiding at home longterm is going to make it hard to have economically viable public transport or city centers, and is likely to lead to a rise in political extremism. We need to be really careful about what kind of society we are sleepwalking into. This is the stuff that worries me now, a heck of a lot more than stupid COVID itself.

"Someone at my work said she hasn't been out but when pressed about it, it turns out she's does her food shopping at the supermarket, she's gone to a retail park to shop for clothes, she's gone to garden centres for supplies, she regularly goes out for a walk, she's met people for lunch. Basically the only thing she hasn't done is go "out" out. So hasn't been to the pub or gone to the theatre/ cinema like she used to do quite regularly."

Exactly. So many people saying that they've "done nothing" and "seen no one" when actually they have and it's just become the new "weathers lovely" type chat.

@PrettyVacancy

So this is a thread to attack people with poor mental health? Nice. Whatever happened to ‘Beeeeee kiiiiiiind’? Or does that only apply when you’re shouting at people you don’t like?

That's absolutely not why I started this thread. If you read my comments you'll see that.

I'm genuinely concerned about the MH fallout and I say that as someone who's really struggled myself, to the point where I'm on antidepressants for the first time in decades.

Honestly I’m a little leery of people saying that as most I’ve heard saying it have been out and about just less than they perceive others to have been ie I’ve not been abroad or in a pub so that means nowhere. Or at least my I laws all seem to mean this when they’ve been on mini breaks in the UK and in and out of each other’s homes etc

I have anxiety even ive been out-was harder for me in the firs tlockdownnow i just think i cant let myself go under over this

Not even for exercise?

This is not healthy. They need help.

OP, perhaps you could start some sort of initiative to help those you’re concerned about re-integrate into society? You’ve identified a problem, which is good, but now it’s time to work out a solution rather than pointing out other people’s mental health struggles?

This couple have been absolutely nowhere, incidentally. They have everything delivered and it was very definite that all they'd done leaving the house-wise was get vaccinated.

Can you offer to help them get out and about? How far does your concern extend?

I didn't go out (except the garden) for about 10 months. Unable to exercise anyway and CEV so shielded
Still haven't been to a pub/restaurant etc but that's my normal anyway. I will go to the supermarket and chat to people but still cautious of distance