'We've not been out since all this started'

[TheVampiresWife]

I heard this yesterday from someone DH works with (they're all wfh). A couple in their late 40s, no health issues with no vulnerabilities, fully vaccinated but 'you can't be too careful'.

They've not left the house apart from their vaccine appointments since the start of the first lockdown.

I understand how worrying it's all been for some people, particularly if you're vulnerable or have health anxiety. But it's so sad that people are this terrified. I wonder how they'll cope when restrictions end. The MH fallout from all this is going to be massive, isn't it?

The ridiculous thing about it is that they must be putting their health at risk by staying indoors without anywhere to exercise. What they are doing is much more dangerous than going out, but I'd imagine they can't see that.

@NothingIsWrong

Agree with you 100%. Those who worked in retail, for example, got completely shafted. I remember threads on here where people would berate staff for not jumping out of the way for them as they’re trying to do their jobs. Or for not wearing a mask their entire shift. These people simply don’t have any awareness. What it’s like to wear a mask for 9 hours in summer while doing manual labour. How disgustingly warm you get and how when you have an increased heart rate, you still have to wear the bloody thing. How you have to get all this stock out so people can get their loo rolls and if they moved every time a customer even looked at them the shelves would be fucking empty! I remember someone was annoyed that staff touched the stock for God’s sake.

It really is maddening. To make one group’s life easier (WFH, not leaving the house except to get food etc) it’s made another group’s much, much harder. And no one gives a shit because who cares about Dave from the local shop earring £9 an hour.

What they are doing is much more dangerous than going out, but I'd imagine they can't see that.

No, because they've been told for the last 18 months that the only thing which matters is Covid.

@NothingIsWrong

People have got used to outsourcing their risk to those generally worse off than them. Those who can't afford to turn down crap pay and conditions to deliver stuff to the well off. It doesn't sit well with me at all, that attitude.

I agree, but it's not as if the government hasn't totally supported this position. They've done very little to ensure zero hours contract workplaces are covid safe (and enforce that). They've provided no funding for state schools while private have had their own bespoke testing, small class sizes etc. They don't even try and make sure companies who employ min wage workers on zero hours contracts pay their taxes.

To a certain extent I think if people want to shut themselves away it's up to them. It's not their fault we live in a shitty society where the poorest aren't even paid to isolate and the gap between rich and poor is getting wider.

But I do think society is going to be far more fractured after this.

My MIL is still petrified and won’t go to a supermarket.
She honestly thought during the jan-March lockdown that if you drove on the motorway you would face roadblocks and people in charge asking where you are going

Totally agree with you OP. There a percentage of society that understandably will be cautious, elderly, overweight, health issues etc…

But other than that then their perception of reality is warped. It’s like saying I’m not getting in to a car again incase I die. Yes there’s a risk of getting killed on a car, but it doesn’t outweigh the fact it’s unlikely to happen.

I suppose it’s their choice but if you can’t live your best life because if fear then that’s really really sad

I know people like this too. Healthy, no issues. One couple in their thirties and another of 60, fully vaccinated. She had to have a workman in yesterday to fix something and was unable to sleep, shaking and terrified about having someone in the house. I just cannot understand it.

If they're not getting vitamin D, they're increasing their risk of serious illness from Covid. My Dsis is a bit like this, although she is CV, but she expects the rest of the family to be the same.

If we meet up outside and have a catch up and I mention seeing anyone or going anywhere, it's like I've tricked her. She is doubly vaccinated.

I think she is worried about her DC now. I can't see it ever ending.

I know a couple like this. They put disposable gloves on to take in deliveries.

@OnTheBrink1

My MIL is still petrified and won’t go to a supermarket. She honestly thought during the jan-March lockdown that if you drove on the motorway you would face roadblocks and people in charge asking where you are going

TBF to your MIL that was reported. I went out and expected to be questioned. Plenty of police about, but they weren’t stopping people.

So this is a thread to attack people with poor mental health? Nice. Whatever happened to ‘Beeeeee kiiiiiiind’? Or does that only apply when you’re shouting at people you don’t like?

My in laws are like this. Been no where since lockdown. Mother in law's mobility has suffered terribly as she sits down all day and I worry she'll get a DVT as she's had one before. My father in law doesn't even want to sit in the garden some days, they're both depressed but we can't seem to get through to them that it's as safe as it's going to get as they've had both vaccines. They're existing not living.

I know people like this, but they are mostly 60plus.
They are still living in an alternate universe, and don't seem to notice that the people facilitating their seclusion are also people who have vulnerabilities...ie middle-aged workers of all kinds with weight problems or diabetes. These are the people stuck at the wheel delivering to them or working in factories and warehouses or food production.

I was going to start a thread like this, as I think there are a fair few living like this.

@TheVampiresWife - we sound similar - I was thoroughly spooked by my consultant and after receiving the texts of doom, food boxes etc I was simply terrified. Dh was hysterical as he thought that the tiniest microbe was going to do for me. However, I gradually emerged and now I’m out and about (almost) as normal.

Bil and sil were, I swear, jealous of my cev status. Belligerent muttering along the lines of “how do you get that?” (In fact there were MNetters too who were asking posters how did they get to be cev, as if it conferred financial benefits instead of a doormat heaped with scary letters from Matt Hancock…).

Anyway, bil and sil are “shielding” in spite of not being old and having no health issues at all. They go on about more lockdowns being vital (except their Waitrose delivery and utility/broadband workers of course) and, what really upsets dh, is the head-tilt “Oh, are you comfortable with that?” if he mentions we’ve been to a pub garden or that the dcs have seen friends. In fact bil stated that he will never have a pub lunch ever again as it is too risky.

I’m in Manchester. We are getting government messages telling us to meet friends outside if possible and to keep 2m away. It comes up on my Spotify every 30 minutes. I haven’t been to a pub since Feb 2020 as we’ve been in special measures pretty much since then. It would make it harder for me to relax and enjoy myself. I have actually had Covid last year and apart from a tiny cough which lasted 4 months, wasn’t badly affected by it at all (despite being 50 and obese).

I'm shocked that they've stayed in a small flat. It's hard to see how you could maintain your physical and mental health confined to a flat. I know a few people like this but they are mostly older with no or grown-up children and live in large detached houses in rural/suburban areas.

Where we live, most people are out and about. It's an urban area and most people (including young families) live in flats or, if they do have a house, only have a small garden or terrace. Even before Covid, however, there was a much broader expectation of a communal life out of the house.

My friend tells people she hasn't "been out since the start". She genuinely believes this because she hasn't been "out out" where she gets dressed up.

She's had her hair done regularly, has her nails etc done.

She goes out for meals and sits in beer gardens every week if the sun is out.

She goes to work in the NHS.

She walks for miles with the dog.

She travelled to a tier 2 area for a meal out when our restaurants were still closed.

She has broken rules about meeting up in homes etc throughout.

We were sat inside the pub last week and having a conversation with someone on the next table. She told them she'd "not been out throughout, I've not done anything. Just tired of it now".

Both of them nodded and agreed and said "no we haven't, there's nothing you can do is there with all these restrictions"

Personally, I'd be taking what you hear over DHs zoom call with a fistful of salt.

"I haven’t been to a pub since Feb 2020 as we’ve been in special measures pretty much since then"

No, the pubs have opened several times. They are open now. You haven't been to a pub because you've chosen not to. They're open.

I think with some may be terrified, and for others it's a struggle to get over the inertia of staying home. I do think some in both groups are going to need support, though some of the later may not feel any need for it if content with it.

I had this pre-COVID -- at first after recovery from being bedbound and then at times after having flare-ups that left me housebound. I would do the rehabilitation work at home and it would sometimes be several weeks before it would click that actually I am fine enough again. My auto-pilot and almost my sense of self had just become in the house that I've at times needed nudges from others that no, there is more to me and life.

I thought my experience with that would have made the lockdown easier, and in some ways it probably did, but like others there was a time period in that first lockdown where I was really anxious. Like others said, I think it was the messaging around the whole thing. My spouse worked out of the home the whole time so did the shopping and all the things outside the home. I think it was late May, maybe early June before he gave me that nudge of 'you need to leave the house, how about we go to walk up to the shops so you can pick up a few things' and I was terrified not only that I would catch it and pass it on and kill someone, but that I was going to get yelled at for daring to shop with another adult or one of us would be made to wait outside. It was a lovely line-up of the universe that there just happened to be I think it was 4 police officers who came in for a few bits while I was in there and nothing bad happened. That helped, and so have a few other things over the months (I was still afraid of being yelled at - so many stories of it for wearing a mask or not wearing one or not moving out of the way fast enough and all sorts), but as a pp said, it's getting that experience that the world isn't really going to make us murderers or put us in pillories or anything & seeing ourselves more out there again.

I don't think we are attacking people with poor mental health, we are pointing out that in some cases it has reached an irrational level of self centredness

A lot of people are actually relieved to be able to stay in without pressure. I'm not as extreme as this couple sound but honestly I've realised how much happier I am socialising less. The restrictions definitely liberated me from the pressure of 'doing something' every weekend. I'm very happy going on a walk with my family or staying in with board games.

I don’t mind if people own their fear, eg “I’m still very nervous so I am still wiping my shopping/hiding in the house” etc. But it’s the putting it onto other people that they are stupid for going to work or having a ploughman’s in the Pig & Whistle. And add to this the dire warnings of a third wave or new variants which only they are wise enough to need.

Someone at my work said she hasn't been out but when pressed about it, it turns out she's does her food shopping at the supermarket, she's gone to a retail park to shop for clothes, she's gone to garden centres for supplies, she regularly goes out for a walk, she's met people for lunch. Basically the only thing she hasn't done is go "out" out. So hasn't been to the pub or gone to the theatre/ cinema like she used to do quite regularly.

@NothingIsWrong

People have got used to outsourcing their risk to those generally worse off than them. Those who can't afford to turn down crap pay and conditions to deliver stuff to the well off. It doesn't sit well with me at all, that attitude.

This. It is only because the people below them like my DH facilitate their being able to stay at home that they have the luxury of doing it.

My DM is a full on tin foil hat wearing conspiracy theorist. She was preparing for the Brexit Apocalypse. She is in her 70s with various health issues and is a bit of a anti social misery guts TBH. Even she has left the house to visit family, go for walks and nip to M&S.

These people are ridiculous. I do think on one hand it's only themselves they are hurting, but they are also the people clutching their pearls screaming "shut the schools" every two minutes.