'We've not been out since all this started'

[TheVampiresWife]

I heard this yesterday from someone DH works with (they're all wfh). A couple in their late 40s, no health issues with no vulnerabilities, fully vaccinated but 'you can't be too careful'.

They've not left the house apart from their vaccine appointments since the start of the first lockdown.

I understand how worrying it's all been for some people, particularly if you're vulnerable or have health anxiety. But it's so sad that people are this terrified. I wonder how they'll cope when restrictions end. The MH fallout from all this is going to be massive, isn't it?

[quote TheVampiresWife]@PrettyVacancy I see no shaming in that post. And certainly no telling people how to live.

You really do seem unable to grasp that this thread is about the looming post-pandemic mental health crisis and concern for those whose mental health has been so negatively impacted by the pandemic. It's not about 'pointing' and judging people, or telling them how to live. The only poster on this thread who has been rude and dismissive is you.[/quote]
No, you are judging what other people do and how they live their lives. I am judging you for judging them. You are then judging me for judging you. If you don't like me commenting on your behaviour then why do you feel the need to comment on the behaviour of your partner's work colleagues? What on earth have their choices got to do with you? I think you'll find it's you who started with the judgy judgy stuff, not me.

No, you are judging what other people do and how they live their lives. I am judging you for judging them. You are then judging me for judging you. If you don't like me commenting on your behaviour then why do you feel the need to comment on the behaviour of your partner's work colleagues? What on earth have their choices got to do with you? I think you'll find it's you who started with the judgy judgy stuff, not me

Sigh.

@TheVampiresWife

No, you are judging what other people do and how they live their lives. I am judging you for judging them. You are then judging me for judging you. If you don't like me commenting on your behaviour then why do you feel the need to comment on the behaviour of your partner's work colleagues? What on earth have their choices got to do with you? I think you'll find it's you who started with the judgy judgy stuff, not me

Sigh.

You can sigh all you like but what I am saying is true and you can't deny it. If you judge others you have to accept that you, in your turn, will also be judged. Your partner's work colleagues' lives have literally nothing to do with you, so why not leave them to do what they want without imposing your judgement on them?

You obviously don't like being judged yourself so perhaps the exhortation to 'Do unto others ...' might be something you ought to take on board?

Tell you what, if I’m ever so scared that I’m refusing to leave my house despite being low-risk for and vaccinated against the thing I say I’m scared of, then you are all free to ‘judge’ me for it.

Would much rather have people say “that doesn’t sound great, that’s no way to live, get help” than wave all concerns under the rug of “lifestyle choice”.

@GoldenOmber

Tell you what, if I’m ever so scared that I’m refusing to leave my house despite being low-risk for and vaccinated against the thing I say I’m scared of, then you are all free to ‘judge’ me for it.

Would much rather have people say “that doesn’t sound great, that’s no way to live, get help” than wave all concerns under the rug of “lifestyle choice”.

It's a deal!

And on that, I'd much prefer that people gave a rats ass about me and said the equivelent of WTF? if I was doing something so daft and nonsensical. Do people live such atomised lives that people being judged for actually caring about other people and wider society? The whole 'you do you' thing has limits surely

@PrettyVacancy please show me where I've judged anyone?

All I've done is say that many people's mental health has been negatively impacted by the pandemic and the result is going to be a mental health crisis which I hope (but I'm not confident) that the NHS can cope with. The couple I referred to in my OP are an example of this and there have been plenty of other examples on this thread, some heartbreaking.

I've suffered myself and I understand why people have become so frightened. I would judge nobody for feeling the way I have. As I've said, I'm on antidepressants for the first time in years as a result.

If you wish to judge me for any of this, feel free.

[quote TheVampiresWife]@PrettyVacancy please show me where I've judged anyone?

All I've done is say that many people's mental health has been negatively impacted by the pandemic and the result is going to be a mental health crisis which I hope (but I'm not confident) that the NHS can cope with. The couple I referred to in my OP are an example of this and there have been plenty of other examples on this thread, some heartbreaking.

I've suffered myself and I understand why people have become so frightened. I would judge nobody for feeling the way I have. As I've said, I'm on antidepressants for the first time in years as a result.

If you wish to judge me for any of this, feel free.[/quote]
But you can't have it both ways can you? Either you are so concerned about the mental health of your partner's work colleagues that you do something to help them - make a phone call, pop a note round, a bunch of flowers or whatever OR you come onto a public forum to discuss their behaviour and tell us that you aren't going to do anything at all to help.

Like I've already said, I think we all know that the NHS is woefully underfunded for both mental and physical health issues. It's really not a new revelation. So what good are all the crocodile tears in the world if no-one actually does anything? Or do all you posters who are also weeping and gnashing your teeth about the mental health of other people think that a mysterious power is going to come along and do something?

Also, ask yourself if you'd like your mental health to be discussed on a public forum, in the same manner as you are doing to this poor couple? I'm sure you'd be very upset to find that someone was talking about you and your mental health struggles on line without your consent and with no intention of helping you, just pointing out where you were going wrong?

@GoldenOmber

Tell you what, if I’m ever so scared that I’m refusing to leave my house despite being low-risk for and vaccinated against the thing I say I’m scared of, then you are all free to ‘judge’ me for it.

Would much rather have people say “that doesn’t sound great, that’s no way to live, get help” than wave all concerns under the rug of “lifestyle choice”.

So what is the OP doing about it? She has said that she is doing nothing. You are suggesting that she should do something. Which is correct? I am all for helping people who are struggling and I do that as part of my job, what I am far less keen on is talking about others, who may or may not be struggling with their mental health, on line with strangers.

To what end is all this talk? Is anyone going to help this couple or others like them or is this just a talking shop where people wash the dirty linen of others in public? Can someone, anyone, tell me why these sort of threads are helpful and who they are helping?

My elderly parents are like this. They do go outside for a walk each day (timed so they complete it within the recommended hour that was never even a thing in the first place!). They have all shopping delivered and disinfect it, isolating post for a couple of days before opening it. They've had a few doctor's appointments that they absolutely had to go to, hit other than that they've been nowhere for almost 18m. And they are getting increasingly angry about people who are daring to go out, socialise, visit family and walk within ten metres of them during their daily walks. My mum was raging at me about people going to t football last night. You'd think they'd been murdering people live on TV, not enjoying

They are both fully vaccinated months ago. No idea how they will return to 'normal' life again when this is all over.

Accidentally pressed post then, was trying to say you'd think people were murdering people with their bare hands, not just enjoying an outdoor football game!

@PrettyVacancy it's an anonymous forum. We all talk about ourselves and people we know, it's the nature of it.

I'm not a mental health professional, so I'm not about to attempt to counsel a couple who are afraid to leave their home. I am not in a position to send strangers a bunch of flowers or phone them (how on earth would I get their address or phone number?). Wouldn't you think it odd if a total stranger rocked up at your house with a bunch of flowers? Quite apart from the fact they live in a different city to me, I'm disabled and don't drive.

It's perfectly possible to feel concerned about a situation and simultaneously be unable to do much about it.

If this thread is upsetting you so much, perhaps it's time to hide it?

Either you are so concerned about the mental health of your partner's work colleagues that you do something to help them - make a phone call, pop a note round, a bunch of flowers or whatever OR you come onto a public forum to discuss their behaviour and tell us that you aren't going to do anything at all to help

You could apply that to pretty much 90% of the drivel that is posted on here.

[quote TheVampiresWife]@PrettyVacancy it's an anonymous forum. We all talk about ourselves and people we know, it's the nature of it.

I'm not a mental health professional, so I'm not about to attempt to counsel a couple who are afraid to leave their home. I am not in a position to send strangers a bunch of flowers or phone them (how on earth would I get their address or phone number?). Wouldn't you think it odd if a total stranger rocked up at your house with a bunch of flowers? Quite apart from the fact they live in a different city to me, I'm disabled and don't drive.

It's perfectly possible to feel concerned about a situation and simultaneously be unable to do much about it.

If this thread is upsetting you so much, perhaps it's time to hide it?[/quote]
I'm not upset but you appear to be. I make it a rule not to discuss other people's private health concerns online with a bunch of strangers because there are enough people like you who are more than happy to stick their beak in where it's not wanted.

I find it utterly perplexing that you say you don't know these people and yet you are privy to all their medical details which enables you to know, for certain, that neither of them have any clinical vulnerabilities. How did you come by that information? Sounds very fishy if it's true and I'd be mortified if a total stranger could access my medical records in order to discuss my health on a public forum.

My guess is that you don't actually have a clue about their health problems. If they've confided all their medical history to your partner that must mean he is very close to them and so he surely ought to go round to see them and see if they need any help? He could introduce you too, if you really want to help them.

@LucilleTheVampireBat

Either you are so concerned about the mental health of your partner's work colleagues that you do something to help them - make a phone call, pop a note round, a bunch of flowers or whatever OR you come onto a public forum to discuss their behaviour and tell us that you aren't going to do anything at all to help

You could apply that to pretty much 90% of the drivel that is posted on here.

I'm not denying there's a lot of drivel spouted on here but I have a strong objection to people discussing the perceived mental (or physical) health concerns of others without a) their knowledge b) their consent or c) even knowing the first thing about them!

Think how it would feel if one of the posters on this thread recognised themselves being discussed. You'd feel mortified wouldn't you? Especially, if the person discussing you didn't have a clue what medical issues you had. It's a rare person after all who goes round handing out photocopies of their medical records to complete strangers!

If it's got to the point where we can't discuss other people in general and our feelings about them then MN is going to be deserted.

@Stuffin

If it's got to the point where we can't discuss other people in general and our feelings about them then MN is going to be deserted.

But this wasn't a general post was it? It was about a specific couple. A couple whose medical history the OP claimed intimate knowledge of but, when questioned, said she didn't actually know them! That's personal, not general. I have no problem with general chit chat. We all do that.

Makes quite a difference when they’re not at all identifiable between the posts.

If someone I work with posted “My colleague GoldenOmber, who lives at 29 Acacia Road and has three children and short curly hair, used to have an eating disorder when she was younger” I would be pretty pissed off.

But if they posted “I’m worried about the growing rise of eating disorders. I know someone who had an eating disorder when she was younger but was good at hiding it, I wonder how many are the same?” then I wouldn’t be peeved she was talking about me, because a) I wouldn’t know that was me and b) nobody else would either.

*I'm not upset but you appear to be. I make it a rule not to discuss other people's private health concerns online with a bunch of strangers because there are enough people like you who are more than happy to stick their beak in where it's not wanted.

I find it utterly perplexing that you say you don't know these people and yet you are privy to all their medical details which enables you to know, for certain, that neither of them have any clinical vulnerabilities. How did you come by that information? Sounds very fishy if it's true and I'd be mortified if a total stranger could access my medical records in order to discuss my health on a public forum.

My guess is that you don't actually have a clue about their health problems. If they've confided all their medical history to your partner that must mean he is very close to them and so he surely ought to go round to see them and see if they need any help? He could introduce you too, if you really want to help them*

What are you on about, 'accessed their medical records'?!

The person told DH that there were no vulnerabilities, just that 'you can't be too careful'. I never suggested I was privy to their medical details.

@GoldenOmber

Makes quite a difference when they’re not at all identifiable between the posts.

If someone I work with posted “My colleague GoldenOmber, who lives at 29 Acacia Road and has three children and short curly hair, used to have an eating disorder when she was younger” I would be pretty pissed off.

But if they posted “I’m worried about the growing rise of eating disorders. I know someone who had an eating disorder when she was younger but was good at hiding it, I wonder how many are the same?” then I wouldn’t be peeved she was talking about me, because a) I wouldn’t know that was me and b) nobody else would either.

Hmm, I believe there are quite a few people who've identified other posters as people whom they know on here. So maybe you're not as anonymous as you think?

A couple whose medical history the OP claimed intimate knowledge of but, when questioned, said she didn't actually know them

Huh?

I never claimed 'intimate knowledge' of anyone! And nor was I 'questioned'. I was quite clear from the start that this was a conversation DH had with a colleague.

Look, if you think I'm a hundred kinds of rotter, that's fine. You're entitled to your opinion. I genuinely believe (having struggled myself and know of others who still are) that many are having issues with resuming normal life. This couple was an example. I also believe there's a massive mental health crisis looming, as I've said.

Probably best not to engage with you anymore.

@TheVampiresWife

*I'm not upset but you appear to be. I make it a rule not to discuss other people's private health concerns online with a bunch of strangers because there are enough people like you who are more than happy to stick their beak in where it's not wanted.

I find it utterly perplexing that you say you don't know these people and yet you are privy to all their medical details which enables you to know, for certain, that neither of them have any clinical vulnerabilities. How did you come by that information? Sounds very fishy if it's true and I'd be mortified if a total stranger could access my medical records in order to discuss my health on a public forum.

My guess is that you don't actually have a clue about their health problems. If they've confided all their medical history to your partner that must mean he is very close to them and so he surely ought to go round to see them and see if they need any help? He could introduce you too, if you really want to help them*

What are you on about, 'accessed their medical records'?!

The person told DH that there were no vulnerabilities, just that 'you can't be too careful'. I never suggested I was privy to their medical details.

Oh come on, who on earth would speak to a work colleague to inform them that neither they nor their wife have any health vulnerabilities? Who talks like that? Do you divulge all your medical issues to your work colleagues? If you do that is just plain odd.

If, like me, you are disabled, then you just get on with things the best you can don't you? I don't give any personal health details out unless people need to know, so my HR dept know things about my health that my colleagues certainly don't. If I told them they'd probably go home and tell their partner who would start discussing my behaviour and whether it was right or wrong on a public forum!!

@PrettyVacancy because it came up in the conversation as to why they've not left the house, I imagine.

You've accused me of accessing the medical records of a couple I don't know. How you think I've done this I've no clue, but yes, it's definitely time to stop engaging with you now.

Have a lovely evening

[quote TheVampiresWife]@PrettyVacancy because it came up in the conversation as to why they've not left the house, I imagine.

You've accused me of accessing the medical records of a couple I don't know. How you think I've done this I've no clue, but yes, it's definitely time to stop engaging with you now.

Have a lovely evening [/quote]
Same to you. I hope you have a perfectly delightful evening peeping out of your net curtains 🤣