'We've not been out since all this started'

[TheVampiresWife]

I heard this yesterday from someone DH works with (they're all wfh). A couple in their late 40s, no health issues with no vulnerabilities, fully vaccinated but 'you can't be too careful'.

They've not left the house apart from their vaccine appointments since the start of the first lockdown.

I understand how worrying it's all been for some people, particularly if you're vulnerable or have health anxiety. But it's so sad that people are this terrified. I wonder how they'll cope when restrictions end. The MH fallout from all this is going to be massive, isn't it?

Surely it’s their choice surely, they aren’t doing any harm.

@Pixxie7

Surely it’s their choice surely, they aren’t doing any harm.

Of course it's their choice, I never suggested otherwise. But those who haven't left the house for a year and a half because they're scared to do so - particularly when they're fully vaccinated and with no vulnerabilities - are going to find it very, very difficult to resume normal life. It's particularly worrying given that many in this position had full social lives, jobs, etc before covid and now are too frightened to participate.

Covid is going to leave a huge wave of MH issues in its wake.

They may go to book there Christmas meal or drink this year and discover those places have shut because of people going no where.

I've no time for these people did they not leave house before this as there was lots to worried about, hell even stopping in your home is dangerous.

How does it work in couples? Do people really believe BOTH are scared or is there one scared person preventing the other from going out?

@Pixxie7

Surely it’s their choice surely, they aren’t doing any harm.

It can affect other people though. If you want to go out, but your friend won't, what do you do? I have a friend who won't sit inside a cafe so we have to sit outside in all weather, probably risking pneumonia, bit ironic...

From personal experience, the people saying this sort of thing are the ones judging others for doing things within the rules... "just because you can, does not mean you should". Then they blame these people for any uptick in cases/deaths.
I think they are very frightened.. the government and its campaigns has done a total number on them.

Do people really believe BOTH are scared or is there one scared person preventing the other from going out?

In my NDNs case, I think he tells her what she can and can't do, he is v bossy.
They've been nowhere. Literally

@Roussette

Do people really believe BOTH are scared or is there one scared person preventing the other from going out?

In my NDNs case, I think he tells her what she can and can't do, he is v bossy.
They've been nowhere. Literally

This is what I suspected. Someone I know has gone to a certain club every x day of the week for decades and now no longer. I find it hard to believe it's his choice, though it may be because he is old and vulnerable. Hard to know.

@XenoBitch

From personal experience, the people saying this sort of thing are the ones judging others for doing things within the rules... "just because you can, does not mean you should". Then they blame these people for any uptick in cases/deaths. I think they are very frightened.. the government and its campaigns has done a total number on them.

I agree. From what I have personally experienced, the people almost proud of never leaving the house apart from to buy food are the ones commenting 'can't see much social distancing' or 'wheres your masks' any time other people dare to actually meet up and be sociable

The government have definitely done a number on the population (while not so discretely carrying on as near normal.as they can get away with).

I'm not a homebody. This time last year I was champing at the bit to take advantage of all the crumbs of freedom on offer. The data quickly revealed that my demographic is low risk and I'd be bloody unlucky to be seriously ill/ long covid. Then the autumn came and all the uncertainty of different areas going into additional restrictions at different times, and a lockdown, then tier 3 then full lockdown at the toughest time of year after un-Christmas. It's been bloody hard getting going again since April. We tried going out a couple of times but the Arctic winds made that hard going, then the weather went cold and wet in May. I'm not particularly concerned about the virus especially now I'm fully double vaccinated, but I'm just not enthused about the palaver of booking in advance (not that that's done me good this week with school isolations cancelling my week), test and trace and being anywhere masky. I'm still up for seeing people (although a few are still cagey) and have restored my routines where possible (a lot is still not possible)

Around January when outside was grim and I was already well rained/ mudded out long before it became the only option of not being in the house. My only outing was the weekly supermarket shop which became a right battle with myself to keep doing. The whole facecovering thing got to weekly panic attacks and I stopped wearing them after shredding my face one night. I also found that I was anxious about other people, not from the virus, but about behaviour; distancing and wearing a visor/ bare face. Fortunately keeping exposure to the wider world and general Covid-anxiety easing with the vaccines has eased it.

But as a healthy, usually confident person to have ended up with a difficult phase like that, I'm not surprised that vulnerable, or anxious people have struggled, and it it is a problem where people have been left with an irrational depth of fear that doesn't respond to an improving situation, and it interferes with their relstionships or ability to carry out normal functions. It is also an issue if they claim it as a moral virtue over others, and scorn normal, behaviours.

I too know a woman in her early 60's who hasn't been out for 18 months. Nor will she be vaccinated as it's too dangerous, in her opinion. She does smoke 60 cigarettes a day though and clearly that's not a health risk...
She's prepared to stay inside for years if she deems it necessary.
Hasn't seen anyone.
I walk past her house most days and she won't even come to the door to say hello in case she catches Covid.

[quote FlaminEckVera]@TheVampiresWife

I don't believe anyone who says this; that they've not left the house in a year and 4 months. Not for a fleeting moment.

They're the same as the type who claim they've 'never had a day off work sick in 50 years,' and who have been married for 65 years, and have never had a single argument or a 'cross word' between them!

All bollux.[/quote]
Not bollocks at all, the person I posted about is my partner, other than the garden he has not set food outside since 23rd march 2020. How dare you accuse people of lying

It’s really sad to read these accounts. It’s not a life when someone is stuck indoors all day not seeing anyone but the people they live with. Or no one at all.

Obviously some people might be nervous.

But, OP's first post. Lots of people like to keep their health issues private. Even from friends, let alone colleagues. Your DH may think his colleague isn't CV, but that might just be what they tell him.

And also I definitely know at least three different couples who are happily out and about... but have used the pandemic as an excuse to not meet up with people they don't like or can't be bothered to see.

They tell them they're not going out because of Covid fears, when actually it's just they don't want to meet those particular people. Obviously works better when you don't live nearby.

Obviously works better when you don't live nearby.

So you don't get caught out, seem out and about by the people who think you're staying in.

@LucilleTheVampireBat

Why does it matter to you what other people do?

I actually don't care. Stay inside and waste your life. No skin off my nose. Just don't expect other people to live tiny miserable lives for one second longer than the "rules" dictate.

Well, that's cruel. So you think the people who are shielding/isolating/at home are living "tiny little lives"? That says more about you than them.

Neither of the two people I know are shielding.
And neither are avoiding me.
My aunt constantly calls me crying. Saying she’s miserable and wants my Mum to come and ‘visit’ ie stand outside her door in the rain and chat.
My mum is bloody 80 herself.
Similarly I’m not driving 200 miles to stand at her door and chat.
There are family members nearer - but she won’t let them even in the garden because they have kids at school.
It’s ridiculous. There are all sorts of things she could be doing. But she’s just too scared. At her age these are probably the last properly Healthy and mobile years she has left. Spending them in her flat is awful. And making her unhappy.

My friend who will only meet outdoors is definitely not shielding or avoiding me. Because she will go for any amount of picnics and walks. But I’m just fed up with it now. It’s drizzling again today.

@BirdsandBeesmakinghay

It’s really sad to read these accounts. It’s not a life when someone is stuck indoors all day not seeing anyone but the people they live with. Or no one at all.

Yup, that what it's like to be CEV or to have a CEV person in the household.

Do people even know we are still advised to take a level of precautionary measures (less than shielding, but more than the general population)?

nether yes.
I know a family with a child who has a kidney transplant. They’re very open about their situation and no one makes any comment other than to say we understand (and try to send messages and treats).
All I ever hear from them is urging us all to enjoy whatever we can. They have never once used their difficult position to hector or lecture others.

That’s utterly different territory to those who have imposed this on themselves. And those who continue to impose their decision on others (because there’s always some impact. Few of us operate in a vacuum).

@HelloMissus

nether yes. I know a family with a child who has a kidney transplant. They’re very open about their situation and no one makes any comment other than to say we understand (and try to send messages and treats). All I ever hear from them is urging us all to enjoy whatever we can. They have never once used their difficult position to hector or lecture others.

That’s utterly different territory to those who have imposed this on themselves. And those who continue to impose their decision on others (because there’s always some impact. Few of us operate in a vacuum).

Why are you so intent on shaming those with health anxiety? Why do you assume you’ve got the right to tell others how to live? Leave them alone please and concentrate on living your own life in the way that you wish to live. We are all different at the end of the day.

Lots of fit healthy younger people have been scared witless by something that will barely affect them. Meanwhile their mental health anxieties are through the roof.

People need to get a sense of perspective a bit

I would hope a lot of these people will gradually feel less anxious over time. But some people are really, really going to struggle.

The family I know who were most like this last year are a lot less extreme (and a lot less afraid) now. This time last year they were absolutely adamant that they and their children would not be leaving the house until all of them had been vaccinated, didn’t matter if that took years.

@PrettyVacancy I see no shaming in that post. And certainly no telling people how to live.

You really do seem unable to grasp that this thread is about the looming post-pandemic mental health crisis and concern for those whose mental health has been so negatively impacted by the pandemic. It's not about 'pointing' and judging people, or telling them how to live. The only poster on this thread who has been rude and dismissive is you.

[quote TheVampiresWife]@PrettyVacancy I see no shaming in that post. And certainly no telling people how to live.

You really do seem unable to grasp that this thread is about the looming post-pandemic mental health crisis and concern for those whose mental health has been so negatively impacted by the pandemic. It's not about 'pointing' and judging people, or telling them how to live. The only poster on this thread who has been rude and dismissive is you.[/quote]
Agreed, though I would argue that people are actually allowed to have opinions on and make judgements on how other people live their lives. They also have a right to be concerned if they see people doing things that are, on balance, likely to be injurious to them. I am sure people have judged me for some things I have done and decisions I've made, that's ok as long as they don't take decisive actions to make me do things differently or to punish me. We are still allowed our private thoughts. I also think that collectively and at a societal level, we can be concerned about trends that we feel are detrimental to individuals and likely to impact wider society (like a looming mental health crisis). As I always say to my kids before they do something 'wrong', what if everyone chose to do this, act this way? Of course we are not automatons, slaves to societies strictures but we are part of a collective human society whether we like it or not and that means something.

@VariantL1130

I actually think that healthy people with healthy children who are refusing to let their kids out the house other than for school need social services to get involved. It's child abuse.

I agree. If someone had said, before covid, that they don't let their kids leave the house during flu season then everyone would be up on arms about it. And flu is more dangerous for kids than covid is.