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Original poster

I am CEV dp won’t have vaccine

105 replies

Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 20:52

I have posted before about this a while ago.
I have a medical condition and because of my meds it makes me CEV. Had both vaccines but apparently it will give me 0-8% coverage.
Been with dp for 13 years, 3 kids.
He will not have vaccine. Doesn’t believe it will give any cover to me. Thinks Covid is very real but doesn’t trust the figures etc.
I am really struggling with him not having it to protect me! I get it’s a new vaccine and the worries, but ultimately if it was him with the health condition no matter how I felt about it I would be there getting it to protect him in anyway.
I asked tonight (not discussed for months) if he was having it, he said no. If it meant we couldn’t go on holiday in the future etc he will!!! WTAF. I am so pissed off.
I just see him as a selfish knob. Sorry but I do. I really do.
Am I wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 21:10

Anyone?

OP posts:
Embracelife · 24/06/2021 21:11

Where do you get 0 to 8 from?

Crunchymum · 24/06/2021 21:13

Yep how did you come to the 0-8% figure?

BonnesVacances · 24/06/2021 21:16

He's a twat. Sorry. Have you asked him how he's going to work and look after 3 kids if anything happens to you?

M0rT · 24/06/2021 21:17

I am also high risk and I don't blame you for being very hurt at his saying he would take it for a holiday but not for you.

HotPenguin · 24/06/2021 21:20

That's dreadful, I don't think I would put up with that, especially not after the comment about having it if needed to go on holiday. He couldn't care less about you. sorry.

SuperSecretSquirrels · 24/06/2021 21:22

Have you really spelled it out to him? Is it possible he’s just not thought through the implications for you?

justwanttodanceagain · 24/06/2021 21:27

@Embracelife

Where do you get 0 to 8 from?
Depending on the CEV reason, vaccines can be almost pointless - they do after all require a functioning immune system to work.

Not sure where the OP got these figures, but they're comparable to ones I've seen for protection against symptomatic infection. The protection against serious illness may be a bit higher.... but this is the whole point of herd immunity. The herd gets immunity to protect those for whom vaccines are ineffective.

MuthaHubbard · 24/06/2021 21:27

So he's more bothered about being able to go on a holiday than you/your health. Speaks volumes about where you are in his priorities

Bobholll · 24/06/2021 21:30

I’d honestly question the love of someone who felt that way. Will have a vaccine to go on holiday but not to protect the person he loves? Really?

I’d be gathering all the facts on how vaccines lower transmission, throwing them in his face, telling him exactly how I feel and that frankly, I’ll be packing my bags until he makes up his mind. After 13 years, I get that’s a huge step. But I couldn’t get past this behaviour. And life would be miserable.

My mum is CEV & on high dose steroids. Her consultant was initially concerned at how much protection my mum would have but she’s had a few antibody tests (to check for vaccine antibodies, apparently they are different) & she’s had a strong response in every one! So that’s good.. I think only people on significant immunosuppressive drugs are in the very low coverage category. Blood cancer patients in particular & those on chemotherapy..

justwanttodanceagain · 24/06/2021 21:31

As far as your DP goes, he's right to think that being vaccinated won't make it impossible for him to pass the virus on to you - but it will certainly reduce the risk. Pre-Delta, you'd have been looking at a 90+% fall in the risk of him giving it to you.

Can you get him to sit in on an appointment with your GP?

Itsprobablynotcominghome · 24/06/2021 21:34

In sickness and in health.

XenoBitch · 24/06/2021 21:34

He has been unvaccinated all through the pandemic. How is he suddenly dangerous to you now?

Everydayisawindingroad · 24/06/2021 21:36

@MuthaHubbard

So he's more bothered about being able to go on a holiday than you/your health. Speaks volumes about where you are in his priorities
Sadly this
Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 21:38

Thanks everyone.
The meds I take literally wipe my immune system out. Spent ages looking into the coverage the vaccination would give me and that’s what I found.
It’s like he has this mental block, he doesn’t see how the vaccine would protect me!!! I asked if he would have if for the kids, he doesn’t know.... I think he is a knob, sorry but I do. That or actually stupid!

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 24/06/2021 21:40

I think you need to book a holiday 9 weeks away.

JonathanRipples · 24/06/2021 21:40

@MuthaHubbard

So he's more bothered about being able to go on a holiday than you/your health. Speaks volumes about where you are in his priorities
☝️ this.

I'd be seriously thinking whether I could be in this relationship any more.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 21:42

I brought it up tonight as I have thought about it daily for months but just tried to get past it. I am now having the joy of the silent treatment, oh the joy!
Apparently I am selfish and don’t love him because I would want him to have it!! By the way, not once have actually said I want him too, just tried to talk to him to talk about his hesitation and the reasons why, not pressuring or anything, he just gets angry, that’s why I don’t bring it up!

OP posts:
MondayYogurt · 24/06/2021 21:44

Is the silent treatment a regular method of him punishing you?

Duggeehugs82 · 24/06/2021 21:47

I think u need to decide if u r happy with a man who thinks more about going on holiday than his partner . I couldnt be with someone like this. 😒

Faranth · 24/06/2021 21:48

OP I'm CEV too, and on immune suppressants and steroids. I was told I was likely to have a poor immune response to the vaccine.

I was really worried, so I ordered an antibody test kit from Lloyd's pharmacy.

I know they don't know what antibody level = good protection, but I thought at least I'd know if I'd had a response at all. My results came back at 1174 U/mL which has really reassured me.

Could you do the same? At least you'll know if you have had a good response and it might remove the worry a bit? And if you haven't had a good response you can use that to try to convince him you really do need him to get jabbed?

If I were you I'd be feeling exactly the same. The holiday comment would have made it even worse. He sounds completely lacking in empathy.

Faranth · 24/06/2021 21:53

Cross posted OP. Just seen about the silent treatment.

You know what? Fuck him. What a complete knob.

You know the other way you can be safe from him passing it on? If he doesn't sodding live with you. Added bonus you don't have to walk on eggshells and try not to upset him by asking him to give a flying fig about you.

I'm really cross on your behalf now. Angry

PineappleMojito · 24/06/2021 21:59

This is difficult. I can see both sides on this one. Got a friend in a similar situation. Her partner works with CEV people. She’s not wanting the vaccine at the moment. He would prefer her to because of his job, but for various reasons related to things that have happened in my friend’s past, her trust in medicine is low.

On the other side, my mum is a fervent anti vaxxer and was terrified of me dying of a blood clot from the AZ vaccine and she was worried about “shedding” whatever the fuck that is. Didn’t want me to have it because of her anxiety about it.

Ultimately, nobody has the right to dictate to someone else what medical treatment they should or shouldn’t have. I chose to have the vaccine despite my mum’s anxiety and worry, because her anxiety doesn’t trump my bodily autonomy. We’ve disagreed many times also about other medical treatment I’ve chosen to have where she thinks I could have cured it with homeopathy or whatever. As difficult as it is, bodily autonomy is where it begins and ends with me. Nobody has the right to decide, other than me, what happens to my body.

Your partner is being very inconsistent however saying he’d have it to go on holiday but not for any other reason. Either you’re cool being vaccinated, trust the science and accept the risks or you don’t. I don’t fully understand his position here.

Original poster
Workinghardeveryday · 24/06/2021 22:02

@Faranth thanks 😁. I just see him as stupid and loose respect for him.
The silent treatment always follows anything I say he doesn’t like - crack on then.
I am so angry at his stupidity so don’t want to talk to him anyway!
I just think I would do anything to protect my family, if I was hesitant about it I still would because I would do anything to protect them!

OP posts:
WhereYouLeftIt · 24/06/2021 22:03

"I asked tonight (not discussed for months) if he was having it, he said no. If it meant we couldn’t go on holiday in the future etc he will!!! WTAF. I am so pissed off."

Well. I think that falls into the category of him telling you who he is (and you should definitely believe him).Sad

So - he'd be willing to get it if being vaccinated was a precondition of getting to a holiday destination. That tells me that he has no objection to the vaccine itself, because if he did - he'd just holiday in the UK. But no, he'll get vaccinated if it means he can 'go on holiday'. All his not trusting the figures, not believing it will protect you - well, that's just words, isn't it?

He'd get it to 'go on holiday'. I'm sorry OP, but you are less to him than a foreign holiday Sad. He is beyond selfish, he is actively disrespectful of you.