I can’t get out of bed

[fireflylanegirls]

I feel like my life is over. I literally couldn’t get out of bed this morning, the way I feel is just too bad.

I spent over a year worrying about Covid, not just worrying, obsessing.
Panic attacks, sleepless nights, I couldn’t focus on my family life, couldn’t concentrate because of the worry.

I was finally vaccinated and although initially I didn’t feel any better, within a few weeks i started to feel so much happier.

Then the shit news comes about the clots from the vaccine.

I feel absolutely numb. I’ve spent the last 24hours just crying. I wish I’d never had the vaccine now.
It’s been 4 weeks and I’m such a nervous wreck.

My husband has had to drop our son at my mother in laws today because I’m in no fit state to look after him.

I’ve called my GP and have been told to increase my Sertraline to 100mg.

I absolutely hate living with this fear.

I knew this vaccine was too good to be true 😩

It probably is, given that nobody in the world to the best of our knowledge has died of a blood clot that appeared 28 days after the AZ vaccine, as the risk period is first 14 days and none after 20 days - whereas a few unlucky individuals have died of having a plane hit their house

19 deaths have been reported after the vaccine. Now lets look at planes landing on houses.

en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Aviation_accidents_and_incidents_in_2021

This is aviation accidents in 2021 to date and that is WORLDWIDE not only the UK.

I have looked through them and there are zero deaths to house occupants from these crashes. In fact none of them even crashed into a house.

Casting my mind back I am struggling to think of any major aviation incidents where house occupants died in the UK. A few small helecopter and light are crashes but nothing major. Pan Am Flight 103 back in the 1980s obviously but even that had a relatively small (11) ground deaths. Compare that to the number of people living in houses in the uk say 70 million currently.

I understand the risk of clotting death is extremely low, but if people are going to make comparisons please take the time to research and make accurate ones, rather than blind guesses.

[quote RosieLemonade]@WitchesBritchesPumpkinPants why doesn't she go on a board that isn't focused on the thing that's terrifying her.[/quote]
Because she's not well & needs help.

Why can't you just scroll on by?

Quite pedantic @JellyBabiesFan and doesn’t really counter the PP’s point as they were referring to clots from death after 28 days (n=0 not 19) and airplane crashing into houses deaths ever not just 2021. But anyway

I agree with a poster up thread who said on some level you enjoy this. Enjoy isn't quite the right word, but it's a crutch for you. What would you do if you didn't have to worry? You are in a cycle of HA.

If you wanted to change this you could/can. You could wake up tomorrow and book yourself in with a private therapist who could help you not to feel like this.

You need to do this for yourself and for your family.

Good luck OP

@JellyBabiesFan

You are more likely to die from a plane landing on your house

I am pretty sure that statistically speaking this isnt true.

Based on what?

I think you have post natal depression, and now you’re having irrational thoughts. Hardly surprising, having a new baby in the midst of a pandemic must have been awful.
I had a blood clot on my third pregnancy which then went to my lung, I was absolutely petrified for about two years after as I continued to cough up blood. I knew straight away whilst pregnant something wasn’t right. I think you have given yourself a headache through stress . The press are making a huge deal of this and these people may have developed a clot without even having the vaccine .
I have had mine despite having a previous clot, you need to try to calm down. Giving birth was a lot more risky than this vaccine . Don’t read the news there will be something else next week they will have us all worrying about. The vaccine is a good thing !

I think you have post natal depression

I don’t think it’s ok to Diagnose people on the internet. It’s clear from the ops posts and threads she’s very ill and not functioning, but what her diagnoses is needs to be done by a doctor and correctly.

Across her threads she’s described agoraphobia, ocd, paranoia, clinical anxiety, panic disorder and severe depression, and I get why you think it’s pnd due to the fact her child is only 14 months old, but it’s better to urge her to seek proper help now than to try to diagnose her mental illness.

[quote fireflylanegirls]@sylbunny

I'm going to ask a difficult question now, do you feel suicidal?

No, I don’t. Infact the opposite. I’m absolutely petrified of death 😓

I don’t want to harm myself or end my life, I just cannot control these awful thoughts.

I’m laid in bed sobbing because all I can think about is I’m going to die from a blood clot.

I honestly thought Covid anxiety was bad but this is just as bad.

My mind feels so scrambled with worry.

I keep thinking all the vaccinated people are going to die, something bad will happen to me or my baby because of the vaccine (I breastfeed)
I just cannot stop these thoughts form manifesting and I 100% believe my thoughts are true.

I feel like it’s either die of Covid or die of the vaccine. Both feel like such an awful risk.

I don’t want to die and leave my baby but it feels like it’s so imminent 😭[/quote]
You can survive blood clots you know...
It isn't an automatic death sentence, sorry if thread moved on, but don't want to read the whole thing.
You need intervention from mental health teams sooner rather than later and also (I am very prepared to be ripped to shreds for this) get up and stop wallowing. Clots develop mainly due to inactivity, staying in bed as a victim will do nothing to help you.
Increasing Sertraline will not take effect for at least a week, also 100mg is not really a massive amount.

I am 41 and had the AZ vaccine last week, I have bipolar & BPD (take 300mg of Sertraline daily with little effect), I am just in the morbidly obese category and have 2 children - a teenager and a toddler.
I had a DVT 13 years ago and 6 pulmonary embolisms in November (blood clots on lungs). My risk is probably ridiculous but still microscopic compared to driving my car everyday.
You have to try to stop the spiral in your head...I have to sit myself down and have word with myself when my head goes off on one, sometimes I manage to control it myself, other times I have to ask for help, but I am damned if I am going to let any of my crap stop me living. Find your inner bloody mindedness and bring it to the surface...

@Harefield, great post. I relate to so much of what you say. Well, not now, but back when I was in the grips of it myself.

Re lying on the ground....literally grounding oneself...it’s mindfulness, isn’t it? It can be so very hard to do that when one is in the eye of the storm and the adrenaline is creating havoc in the body, but it really, really does help because it encourages us to be in that one moment. Everything else may be beyond our control- certainly the future is always an unknown quantity- but we can lie down and just feel the breath come in and out of the body and know that we are ok in this moment.

@bluntness100 Who has diagnosed ? Reread my post it’s says I think, purely my opinion. Something of which you have many as you’re on almost every thread I ever read on mumsnet !!

you say you think you are having low intensity (step 2 in IAPT) treatment. You need to be stepped up so please don't give up and drop out because they are treating you with a plaster for a broken leg. Have they done a questionnaire with you called the HAI (health anxiety inventory) ? I presume it would score very high for you and it should warrent High Intensity Therapy, not Step 2 guided self help, if it does.

I used to have quite bad health anxiety and also panic attacks. Worrying I couldn't swallow or breathe then gave me a panic attack which was like a vicious circle
I had CBT pretty intensively and medication
2017 I was told I needed a spinal op as an emergency. They ran through the risks etc, the recovery. I had the 5hr op and did 8 weeks recovery alone. You know what? The treatment and medication I had for the anxiety worked. The surgeon said I was one of the calmest patients he had seen, they were running about sorting the op and I was "oh. Ok then" and carried on browsing MN

It will get better, be really honest with everyone about how you are feeling. There is no shame in not coping
If you get anxiety symptoms, this really helped me
https://www.nomorepanic.co.uk/articles/symptoms
Try distraction as well. It sounds harsh but you need to get up out of bed and do something. It's the hardest part. But if you're scrubbing the toilet or cleaning windows or watching a film or doing a puzzle on an app your brain focuses on that
Calm app - try it for sleep stories and meditation and relaxing
If you drink caffeine cut it back and make sure to eat a good mix of food - sugar spikes used to make me panicky so eat some protein and veg. When you're in such a high alert state it's tempting to grab sugary stuff but it makes you feel worse

The vaccine itself won't be what helps some ppl. It will be the consequences of the actions. The restrictions being reduced. Being able to see those we love. Being able to go on day trips even if its not far from home. Leisure activities opening. Hugging ppl you want to hug. Etc Etc

And various others.
I think we will all learn from this. Some good and sadly some very bad.

I called the crisis team in a complete panic during the early hours.

They don’t however, seem to think I’m having a crisis that requires immediate intervention from them.

I’m medicated and having CBT (stage 2 apparently) I’m not suicidal, a risk to myself or anyone else.

I was advised to speak to my Gp again this morning, but the lady said she will inform my GP I have called them for help.

She said to request to be moved up to higher intensity CBT and she also thinks I would benefit from some treatment for PTSD.

I emailed a private therapist yesterday, they came back last night and offered an initial consultation.

Following that, the sessions are £60 p/h and they recommend two sessions per week.

I can’t afford that. I’m only on part time hours and a bulk of our savings were used last year when I was on mat leave and DH was furloughed for 20 weeks!

I’m really hoping I get moved up to higher intensity CBT, the crisis team said as I’m already having therapy I should count as continued treatment, rather than be put me back onto a waiting list.

God I feel like such a mess. I feel sorry for my poor son. He didn’t ask to be born into this.

My husband has taken the day off work today.

He’s at such a loss with me, he really is.
He’s really supportive but I think he’s at a point where he just doesn’t know what to do anymore.
He said he’s constantly repeating himself doesn’t know how to reassure me anymore.

We argued last night because I was really upset and convinced I had a blood clot on my brain, I told him I was having a brain haemorrhage.

He didn’t believe me, which really worries me because he doesn’t know that I wasn’t, and at what point would be believe me that something was actually wrong!

Could you get your husband to read these threads, and look at some of the advice that has been offered regarding reassurance, and how unhelpful it is? Some of the websites might offer good suggestions for him to find out how better to help.

Have you looked at some of the sites yet, and been able to think more about what people have said about it being your anxiety that is tricking you into believing that other things are the problem?

I’m not medically trained, I’ll admit. However, if you were having a brain haemorrhage I’m not convinced you’d be able to argue?! Maybe I am wrong.

However, if you are that convinced you were having a brain haemorrhage I don’t understand why you wouldn’t go to A&E or even just call 111.

You don’t need your husband permission to call for medical help if you seriously believe you need that level of medical care.

There is no point in reassuring the OP with statistics or percentages or figures. You need to be thinking rationally to interpret statistics in a rational way and draw conclusions. It is very clear that the OP is very ill and is unable to do that.

OP you are very unwell and just upping your meds is not going to be enough. When you are unwell to the point that you are lying in bed waiting to die, then you need a stronger intervention. I am no expert and don't really know what's available but you need your DH to step up here and help you. Not by pandering to you and removing your child while you lie in bed, but by getting you therapy/help/an emergency GP appointment.

You are convinced that you are going to be that 1 in a milion or whatever even though logic says that 4 weeks after a vaccine it's not going to happen. When 28 days have passed and that "risk" has gone it'll be something else which your anxiety hooks onto. And then something else, and on and on forever.

It's no way to live.

You are in the midst of a anxiety meltdown, I know this as I've been there before. Recognising it is half the battle, you need to realise that at the moment your thoughts are illogical, you need to try and get a hold on those illogical thoughts and override them with logical ones. It's hard but you need to find your coping mechanism. For me exercising really helped long term.

The blood clot risk from the AZ jab is O.0004%.
The blood clot risk from the combined pill is 0.05%. This puts into perspective how low the risk of blood clots are from the astra zenica vaccine.

I get anxiety, I suffered very badly and am still trying to manage it. Have you considered speaking with your gp about different medication? Changing to another antidepressant could make the world of difference to you. You need real life support for this.

Op, have a look on google at any universities you may have nearby as they can offer lower priced counselling from their lecturers and students. The sessions provided near me are generally around £25.

Op this will pass, and I am glad your dh is with you.

At what point do you feel the moment of danger will pass about the clot? As you said it will be four weeks today.

So I was wondering whether today will be the day when you know that if you were going to get a clot, it would be by now. Do you feel any kind of reassurance about that this morning it now looks incredibly unlikely?

Do you think you would feel well enough to go out for some fresh today with your dh and ds?

When I have felt overwhelmed as you sound, I give myself a good talking to. This has got to stop Longhaul. Out of bed, in the shower. I have a cold shower and alternate with hot for a reset and then become my own matron. I don't know if you have ever done this, but talking yourself down from the stress, focus on breathing so your body (draw in your breathe, hold your breathe - count to six, and then release as slowly as you possibly can counting at least to seven. Do this for a good ten minutes or so) takes you away from 'fight or flight' mode your body is now in, and you can start to regulate your thoughts a little better.

You are safe.
You are well.
You are loved.

On repeat, as a mantra. All day.

Half the battle is actually getting a grip on the invading thoughts, and slowing down and stopping the escalation. Have you tried anything that worked before op?

It’s not a severe headache. It’s not a blood clot. Your husband is right.
You need to find ways to distract yourself from these thoughts. They are not rational. They are health anxiety. Don’t expect him to deal with the anxiety for you. He can’t.

The risk of a blood clot developing is apparently in first 3-4 days. Persistent headache in the early post vaccine period should therefore be reported. Not that hearing that will help op.

Sorry you are still suffering, call gp again first thing and ask what the next step is as you cannot cope. Be honest about your fears and how debilitating this is.

You are really in a no win situation at the moment and so is your husband.

You are aware on some level that your concerns are irrational as you have reached out for help.
But, you are mad that your husband did not invest in your catastosphizing and argued with him that your concerns must have been right.
As someone who regularly in your husbands position in this scenario I feel sorry for you both.