Just broke rules, but didn’t want to! Fed up with people.

[Cogfarm]

Have a neighbour who has asked us over several times - finally said yes, as she invited us into her garden. When we got to house, she insisted that we walk through - I went straight out to garden. But then she set everything up on table inside. I kept trying to go outside, and she kept beckoning us in. It was so awkward! She’s had vaccine/so have I - but my DS has very runny nose (I’d warned neighbour and tried to postpone). I just feel rubbish now - like I’m a wimp and I should have stood up for my beliefs.

I’m similar and then in hindsight I regret it.

Unbelievable. No wonder covid isn't going away

Is that sarcasm? I don’t know - I just want to follow guidelines. And not feel ridiculed for my choice to follow guidelines, or persuaded not to. I couldn’t exactly say ‘no’ and take the children home. She’d baked and been to lots of effort...

I try to channel my mother. Matter of fact, cheerful voice, doesn't do a thing she doesn't want to.

"We're not going into people's house! Never mind, we'll get together when we can" and leave. No apology, no bollocking around.

I will be my mother when I grow up.

I couldn’t exactly say ‘no’ and take the children home.

The thing is, you could. You just have to give yourself permission to trust your own judgement.

@MrsTerryPratchett yes! That’s exactly what I should have done. I hate hindsight. Neighbour was cheerfully telling me how all her grandchildren had been round the previous day - also indoors and it’s ‘fine’ - as she’s had the vaccine. And I just sat there like a goldfish.

It’s freezing where we are today. If I’d been asked round I’d assume I was sitting inside.
I personally think that you’re overreacting and that any risk in the scenario you described is going to be minuscule. But that isn’t really the point.
If you feel this strongly about it you should never have said yes. I’m not quite sure of the relevance of you sons snotty nose, if you think he’s showing signs of COVID then he shouldn’t be going anywhere.

@MrsTerryPratchett “trust my own judgement” will now be my mantra. Thank you. If she asks again I shall text back with a - not until 12th May - even if she says we’ll sit in the garden.

It’s so hard isn’t, it’s not in our nature to have to be firm especially in social settings. I’ve learnt throughout this that it’s useful to be clear when arranging plans so everyone knows where everyone stands e.g. ‘we aren’t meeting people indoors but a socially distanced meet in the garden would be lovely’ and also to think about what boundaries you may need to uphold and think about what you may say even if it’s just a ‘sorry I’m not comfortable with x, I know I’m being a bit cautious but we all have to do what we are comfortable with in these strange times’.

Don't beat yourself up OP. I've let myself down through politeness loads of times. I'm following @MrsTerryPratchett advice and channeling my inner mum.

You are overreacting! Don't worry about it

You've single handedly just ruined it now for everyone. Boris will now have to u turn due to your behaviour OP.

I wouldn’t beat yourself up over this particular scenario - rates are low and you’ve both had vaccines.

However you should consider working on your assertiveness (which I think you know). You should never put up with a situation you’re uncomfortable with and either speak up or remove yourself. Assertiveness doesn’t come easy to me either but I’m very aware that my dd is learning through me and I don’t want her to be as compliant and people-pleasing as I am naturally so I’m faking it as best I can! I’m hoping it comes in handy for her when the peer pressure kicks in.

@Rainbowsandstorms she’d asked me round at beginning of March, and I’d said no - let’s wait til the end of March. Yesterday I’d tried to postpone saying DS had runny nose. Then I came home to find a cake on my doorstep saying “I’d baked it for tomorrow - but now you can’t come” - so I felt REALLY bad - and said, ok but I’ll keep DS at a distance in the garden. She said ok - come through the garage. Then as we walked round she said - no come through the house. I did put a picnic blanket in her garden, and then - she laid everything out inside. It was so bloody awkward.

I can't see the problem with the indoors thing. People are happy to assess their own risk and I am a-ok with that. But from this thread I can see you have 2 problems, neither of which are breaking the rules.

1. If you don't want to do something, don't do it. Don't allow people to bully, pressurise or guilt trip you into doing anything you don't want to do. You are a grown up, and I know it is hard as you don't want to fall out with a neighbour but being firm but polite is the only way.

1. You have a pushy neighbour who has no boundaries. Leaving cakes, hassling you to come over. Just awful. This is why I don't get too close to neighbours. If something goes wrong it makes for an unpleasant life. It's time to start drawing boundaries and keeping neighbours at arms length. You might lose potential new friends but the benefits of being an ice maiden often outweigh the downsides in situations like this.

@dividedwefall god it was so pushy!!! I can see that many are choosing to assess their own risks - but I absolutely just want to stick to guidelines. I feel like my decision to do this is often dominated or ruled out by those that don’t. E.g - I really try to still keep the 2 metre distance when out on a walk. Yet because many people don’t see the need to do this, I’m often forced out to the side. It doesn’t seem fair.

I think you are massively over thinking & worrying about this. You’ll all be fine. It’s done now, you can’t change it so just let it go.

I’m like you, I find it really hard to say no. It has its downfalls but your neighbour sounds lovely. I’d rather been seen as kind & friendly than an ‘ice queen’ who keeps my neighbours at arms length. I’m on great terms with the 6 other houses on my estate, we are all friends & so are the kids. I think it’s lovely! I love nothing more than seeing my kids playing out with the neighbours kids.. reminds me of my childhood 😊

@katfold

Unbelievable. No wonder covid isn't going away

Did you think it was going to 'go away' eventually? Haha.

I'm sick of people saying it's fine because they've had the vaccine. To people who haven't had the vaccine.

I'm very glad they're protected but I haven't been doing this just to keep them safe.

[quote Cogfarm]@MrsTerryPratchett “trust my own judgement” will now be my mantra. Thank you. If she asks again I shall text back with a - not until 12th May - even if she says we’ll sit in the garden.[/quote]
Just to let you know that indoor mixing is set for not before 17 May (not 12 May).

You sound a bit OTT

I think people should ask how you feel about "breaking the rules". So she could have asked you around and said it will be in the house and let you decide or she could have asked which you'd prefer. Everyone feels differently about how they follow or ignore (!) the rules and it's not fair to assume everyone is on the same page as you are. I don't think you are OTT for being upset. It is very difficult when someone is being kind to stand up and say NO to it as it makes you the "bad " person. I doubt many 'garden meets' don't end up inside a house what with our crap weather!

@Bishbashbosh101

I'm sick of people saying it's fine because they've had the vaccine. To people who haven't had the vaccine.

I'm very glad they're protected but I haven't been doing this just to keep them safe.

It's not fine regardless of whether or not they've had the vaccine.

The vaccine doesn't prevent someone from contracting covid, and it doesn't completely stop them from passing it on.

99 times out of a hundred, people will meet like this, nothing will happen. Then there's that one time, someone does it and passes the virus onto someone who passes it to someone else etc and a month later someone dies.

The rules are there to keep R < 1. Everyone who breaks them, no matter what they perceive their personal risk to be, is pushing R a little higher.

Incidentally I'm the same - I find it difficult to deal with unexpected events when they occur.

I had a guy come out to do some work on my car in December. I went out at one point to see how he was getting on and he got very chatty - no mask and I could feel his spittle from certain consanants landing on my face. I kept backing away and he kept following me. Should have made an excuse to go away and leave him to it, but I couldn't think at the time lol!

Please do not beat yourself up OP!

Well done for following the rules as much as you have - remember some people haven’t bothered from the start!

What’s done is done, although it is always good to learn how to say no incase you are ever put in a situation you don’t want to be in again.