Just broke rules, but didn’t want to! Fed up with people.

[Cogfarm]

Have a neighbour who has asked us over several times - finally said yes, as she invited us into her garden. When we got to house, she insisted that we walk through - I went straight out to garden. But then she set everything up on table inside. I kept trying to go outside, and she kept beckoning us in. It was so awkward! She’s had vaccine/so have I - but my DS has very runny nose (I’d warned neighbour and tried to postpone). I just feel rubbish now - like I’m a wimp and I should have stood up for my beliefs.

Well it’s done now, you can’t undo it so I’d put it to the back of your mind!

Can't believe people still think covid will go away

Thank you for your supportive words everyon

I think the neighbour needs challenging next time she asks you. Say tiger 'I came to yours with the assumption we would be in the garden and we weren't so I won't be coming over until after 17th May'

DP needs to go into work, so I think he’s a bit pissed off about it. I’ve GOT to stop being a yes person, and stop worrying about offending people. Starts from tomorrow.

The thing I find difficult with covid is being challenged for following the rules and the constant boundary pushing. IF you can "assess your own risk", stop trampling over other peoples' boundaries! It is tiring, frustrating and bloody annoying trying to balance friendship, strongly differing opinions ("it's just the flu") and people pushing boundaries. I had arranged for a friend and son to come over today - we go through my house to the garden. She was clearly cross to be outside as it was cold - suggested a video for the kids, went inside to get her bag and starts a long phone call, goes to loo and goes to find my DP who is working for a chat. I said I had other plans this afternoon and cut visit short. I am sure we both came away from today thinking less of each other. Maybe covid highlights how little respect many people have for other peoples' boundaries. Maybe as well as being firmer in setting boundaries, some people need to take a lesson in respecting them. Saying "no" should be enough - it's expected in many other life instances, why not covid?

@namechangeaga1n - gosh sounds very similar to my experience yesterday! I felt exhausted and really upset - because I wanted to respect guidelines - and I felt like I was being persuaded- or even manipulated not to. DD has been great about guidelines - but was following my lead and even questioned it herself when she got home. I understand that some people feel it’s safe - but I’m not a virus expert, and I’d rather just stick with what I’m told to do.
I messaged my sister about it (who I was due to meet outdoors on Fri) - and she said ‘maybe just be careful for the next 10 days’ - and sadly I agree with her.
People will accuse me of being paranoid - but why should I be ridiculed/overruled for following guidelines?? Why???

In the nicest way- get a grip. Firstly because going inside someone's house one time isn't going to irreversibly change the course of this virus, but mainly because you are an adult with autonomy and a brain and you should never feel bad for setting a boundary in any situation!

I saw my parents on Saturday, agreed as outside, but when I got there they'd done as you said and set everything up indoors- I said "shall I take this all outside?" and when mum said oh I was thinking it's a bit cold I simply said "well we have to stay outside that's the rules, otherwise I'll need to go home again." She quickly came round!

@Bishbashbosh101

I'm sick of people saying it's fine because they've had the vaccine. To people who haven't had the vaccine.

I'm very glad they're protected but I haven't been doing this just to keep them safe.

It’s incredible that people still don’t get this, isn’t it? There have been posts about grandparents demanding to see their grandchildren because they have been vaccinated. A vaccinated person can still pass the virus to any unvaccinated person, who could then get very ill. Do people just not believe this? Do they not understand the information they’ve been given? Does wishful thinking trump facts?

@roastpotatoesss - yes, I didn’t do that. I should have done. I’m cross with myself for not being secure about boundaries. But it was the way it played out - i was clear with my messages, my statements - I didn’t want to appear rude, with lots of prepared food. But I should have said - otherwise we better go back. And I will be stronger here in the future.

@FictionalCharacter I agree with you. And I know I should calm down about it, but It’s having that mindset. The fact that neighbour has been socialising now with her wider friends/family in the same way, and now - I’ve mixed with them too by default. My DP works in a high security job, but has had to go in today. I don’t feel I can take DD to meet her cousins outside for the next 10 days. I’m also ‘on call’ as a carer for my mum, but I’ll have to warn her now.

In a social situation - I feel I’m programmed to be ‘nice’, ‘accommodating’, ‘polite’ - and this took precedence over safety. I’m really cross with myself, but also cross at how I was made to feel uncomfortable and overruled.

And TBH, I really don’t want to socialise anymore with people who choose to ignore guidelines.

Don't beat yourself up over it. There is official Government guidance -

If you need to enter through a house to get to a garden or other outside space and there is no alternative access, you should wear a face covering, wash or sanitise your hands when entering, and then go straight to the outside space. If you need to use the bathroom, wash your hands thoroughly and go back outside immediately. You should maintain social distancing from anyone who is not in your household or support bubble.

Sorry meant to say..... You're quite right to insist on outside. Trouble is a lot of the guidelines are open to interpretation. I can imagine that some will say that if you can walk through the house you might as well sit inside. If they insist I'd insist on sitting next to an open window!

@Mouseketeer2015 I know. I sat inside her house at table by the door, for about an hour. It was a clear breech of guidelines. My children were in the garden, but she kept calling them in. DD ended up at the table too, but not for long. She really seemed determined to get us in her house, kept placing toys in the living room for DS - enticing him in.

Don't beat yourself up. It is tricky when you're in a social situation and just want to be polite. Not your fault.

Having said that, your neighbour is a selfish, ignorant arsehole and you should definitely be politely declining any future invitations.

It’s incredible that people still don’t get this, isn’t it? There have been posts about grandparents demanding to see their grandchildren because they have been vaccinated.
A vaccinated person can still pass the virus to any unvaccinated person, who could then get very ill. Do people just not believe this? Do they not understand the information they’ve been given? Does wishful thinking trump facts?

People DO get it, I think that some people just feel the risk is worth it personally to them. The example you've given about grandparents/grandchildren - well children are unlikely to have the vaccine for a long time, so shall they just never see grandparents (who lets face it, are the ones a) likely to be vaccinated and b) bearing the greatest risk) again?

OP I agree with what others have said - you should never feel uncomfortable stating your boundaries with anyone; but equally, I think its really unlikely that she'll have given you covid so try not to catastrophise this specific situation.

So are you more concerned about virus risk, or being seen to stick to rules? And if the latter, what will have changed on the 17th May?

Just interested to know the reasoning.

Better not start seeing people on the 12th by the way. You'll be a whole five days early.

I really don’t like this stage of things where people use their judgement

Common sense tells me that with local rates at 11 in 100 000, kids mixing at school anyway... I’m vaccinated, having a couple of people indoors with windows/French doors open instead of outdoors, is not going to make any difference.

But I get that those are the rules.

Arranged to meet a friend tomorrow and for her to come here as we have a bigger garden. But I know my 5 yo is going to want to show her 5 yo her toys inside, and it’s so bloomin cold! Broached it that I don’t have a problem with inside but everyone must do what they feel comfortable with, and she said she’d like to stick to the rules which I respect. But I know my 5yo won’t understand why her friend can’t come indoors so it’s going to end up being stressful. I think we’re going to have to meet outdoors elsewhere maybe, like a park... where there’ll be lots of other families... which is arguably more ‘risky’ 🤦‍♀️

You're over reacting. I obey the rules that make sense, mainly masks and social distancing. Apart from that, I've had the vaccine. So weighing the risk of covid, against the possibility of severe depression due to isolation, I'll take the risk of covid which I think is minimal.

@HesterShaw1

So are you more concerned about virus risk, or being seen to stick to rules? And if the latter, what will have changed on the 17th May?

Just interested to know the reasoning.

Better not start seeing people on the 12th by the way. You'll be a whole five days early.

The difference will be that scientists will have had the time to assess the effect of the current lockdown relaxations.

And for those saying about vaccinations and transmission - my understanding is that yes actually research has shown it does reduce the risk of transmission.
Plus there has not been the expected spike in cases from kids returning to school.

@HesterShaw1 it’s more that if I got it/or passed it on to anyone (even if I’d contracted it elsewhere) - I’d know that I haven’t stuck to guidelines. If DP got it (he has a high security job/strict guidelines) - he’d know I’ve broken guidelines. Similarly - I’m on call for my DM who has care needs/anxiety - so I need to inform her and can’t really take her to hospital appts for next 10 days/or at least let her make the choice. I had the 12th date in my head! - but yes it’s the 17th - and I’d have been aware nearer the time.

The difference will be that scientists will have had the time to assess the effect of the current lockdown relaxations.

Yes I understand that is the reasoning given, just wondering if the OP does, because it's being obedient than she seems more concerned with. And she was actually mistaken in her assertion that it was the 12th May she could relax a bit, so assuming no one ever corrected her, would she have cracked on with her rule-relaxing on the 12th? Despite being 5 days ahead of "the scientists".