I remember at the beginning of all this, marvelling at people on Facebook and elsewhere talking about "it's ok to not be ok" and about this huge tough thing we were going through and how to keep positive etc. These were people with (nice) partners, children, good jobs etc. - they weren't going through it alone and were in fact surrounded by people they loved who give meaning to their lives. It just seemed incredible to see this recognition of how life can put you in a position where your mental health nosedives. People are normally so keen to overlook this (even for those without the meaningful things I mentioned) to individualise difficulties as "mental health problem" rather than "this person's life sucks right now". There was an evil part of my brain that wanted to chirpily suggest they seek help for their mental health problem, and should try yoga every morning/a juice diet/thinking positive and stop focussing on their problems and all would be well. Because that's the crap trotted out by people when I and others have suffered, often for many years.
I'm not trying to sound like I'm belittling everyone's struggles, more the other way round - now so many people have been forced to realise life circumstances matter, and the impact of loneliness and little to look forward too. Day after day just getting by on the little things, as PP mentioned.
In a way, the things I've struggled with make this time easier for me. I'm good in a crisis so initially when I thought we'd be losing 20% of the population or something I figured I'd roll up my sleeves and do what I could to help (also in robust physical health and been apathetic about dying for years so ok to be exposed to covid). The reality turned into something sort of boringly painful, especially as I live on my own and WFH so the first lockdown was hell. But because of struggles in my life I'd got used to getting by on the little things, motivating myself, and so on. Plus covid (or restrictions, really) just seems like yet another setback on the rocky road of my life, another dreadful thing to bear, and try to scrabble together an existence at some unspecified future time when it was "over".
But also because of things I've been through certain aspects have destroyed me. Being separated from loved ones, when one has often not had loved ones, is so earth shatteringly painful I can't explain it. I dated a friend for a while a couple of years ago - life circumstances meant it was never going to work but it morphed into a close friendship, and I was close to his children too. Overnight they were all torn from my life. His mental health was affected in terms of being overly terrified of giving DC covid and making up his own version of rules that changed all the time. We haven't spoken for a few months now. The loss of him and the DC is so painful I can't process it. Overnight they were taken away. In the context of my life those relationships were so meaningful and healing... On one level I pick myself up, as I always do, but on another ... It felt like I was finally starting to live a life worth living, and everything, even them, was taken away. It's funny how a therapist might say it's irrational thinking to worry about losing people or everything going wrong, but when you're finally healing and then fucking covid happens it kind of bears our your worst fears. I really, really, believed things were "ok now", this sense of having survived and ready to begin thriving and then it was all swept away. And a lot of what I'm feeling with is stuff that was happening anyway - eg. the pain of childlessness (sperm donor route probably only option), but exacerbated by covid (ie. last chance to meet anyone in time to have DC traditional way, not in mental state to have them, seeing others spending quality time with their own DC).
But then other things are easier. All you lot are going through this perhaps for the first time - I'm an old hand lol. I promise you, you'll get through. This is the crappy numb awful bit you've just got to hold on through. It will get better, but it's ok not to see that right now and just focus on the day to day.