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Emotionally 'lost'

202 replies

TheMildManneredMilitant · 05/04/2021 19:13

Anyone else just feel a bit emotionally untethered at the moment?

I'm starting to feel like I've been through a trauma but one that is really difficult to define and may not even be over. When I've coped with death and other trauma before I could draw from guidance and other experiences to help me name my emotions and recognise triggers but it's like there's just no reference point to draw on.

Yesterday I saw my dad for the first time in months. Instead of just being happy it was almost like it triggered some kind of grief- even though he is very much alive and there is no reason I couldn't see him every week if I wanted.

I also wonder whether there are many of us who just gritted our teeth and got on with it but who will fall apart once we start to return to normal.

Not sure what I'm after posting here but thought I may not be the only one who is a bit emotionally lost at sea.

OP posts:
TooManyPlatesInMotion · 10/04/2021 15:38

Much love and support to all on this thread. Reading all the posts has helped me feel less alone.

So much chimes with me as well.

mermaidsariel · 11/04/2021 06:44

[quote Pumpkyumpkyumpkin]@SchmooobyDoo I completely understand. We have lost so much this last year with the pandemic and Brexit, and the young will be feeling the impact of that for quite some time, I don't have DCs but it does sadden me the world our young people are inheriting for all sorts of reasons.

I think we've all lost a certain amount of innocence this year as well...most of us in first world countries will never have lived through something like this, and I for one never even gave it a thought that I would, and took for granted the relatively free and easy way of life we had previously. I think even if covid disappeared tomorrow and life went back to 'normal' we'd never trust life in exactly the same way again...we've been shown now in no uncertain terms that we cannot take things for granted, and that knowledge will always stay with us and shape who we are. That's where the hiraeth comes in for me...we will forever remember how life was 'before' and I don't think that can be recaptured. Life will improve, things will change for the better and brighter days are ahead I have absolutely no doubt, but many of us will never be quite the same again.[/quote]
I really agree with this.

beginningoftheend · 11/04/2021 06:49

This thread is also helping me. I had some tricky interactions yesterday, it is all such a minefield.

Sirranon · 11/04/2021 11:10

Glad I came back to this thread. Hiraeth, what a lovely word.

awesomekillick · 11/04/2021 12:10

Someone upthread said "loss of momentum" and that resonated so much.

I just can't be bothered. Everything feels pointless. I both want and dread normal life back. Dread, because I'm not at all confident that I have the drive and interest and energy to do more than what my life has dwindled to : MN, phone games, audible ... anything that numbs my emotions and stops me thinking.

mswibblewobble · 11/04/2021 13:00

This is such a good thread and I feel exactly the same. Its like I don't even know who I am or what I enjoy anymore.
I was furloughed, made redundant and started a new job in this past year and on paper should be happy.. roof over my head, good job with good money, kids seem to be excelling at their school stuff despite the lockdown but I just feel meh 🤷‍♀️
I have nothing exciting or interesting to chat to my friends about and although the thought of everything opening up seems exciting it feels all a bit overwhelming and I don't know what I want to do when have the choice again.
Trying to date during this past year has proved nigh on impossible so that's another year I have been single and so lonely although I don't know if I'd know 'how' to be in a relationship now anyway! When the kids are with their dad I've strangely taken to making sure the house is spotless before I go to bed in case I don't wake up the next day. I'm not suicidal or anything but just so much more aware of my mortality and sad that if the kids weren't here then no one would probably notice for a couple of days.
I keep thinking about changing my career and doing something more 'purposeful' like teaching as despite enjoying my career (well I used to) the thought of doing it for the next 20 odd years is pretty depressing but dont know if that's just a kneejerk reaction to the past year.

I just wish I had a crystal ball to tell me which direction to take with my life. it really does feel as though I'm just existing at the moment. I have a few trips and uk holiday booked with kids but even with those I can't get excited ☹ I used to love being busy and having things planned - now I have no energy or enthusiasm for anything.
Thanks for this post and sorry for the ramble, it's nice to know I'm not alone in how I feel!

Thatsminging · 11/04/2021 14:56

@mswibblewobble It’s so strange quite a few of us are thinking about dying or that we may not wake up, I feel this a lot. I have long covid and have had massive anxiety about leaving my toddler Dd, I never focused so much on this before, it’s like death is all around us, can’t feel carefree anymore.

LemonSherbetFancies · 11/04/2021 15:05

Burst into tears as I woke up this morning. Just feel exhausted emotionally.

Beebityboo · 11/04/2021 15:10

I was upset this morning too. I told DH it feels as though I'm running against a brick wall. I WANT to start to live a more normal life again, and there's lots of things I WANT to do, but it feels like there's just this huge block in the way of me doing it.
DH wants to have a day out next weekend that would require two buses and the thought of it just exhausts me. Everything has this constant undercurrent of fear to it I can't cope with. All spontaneity in my life has been stripped away.

LemonSherbetFancies · 11/04/2021 15:14

I feel the same PP.

I have a hair appointment tomorrow as well and am dreading the small talk. I just can't be bothered with anything social. Just feel like hiding away.
DP is the opposite. Can't wait to be out and social again but I feel I have no energy or even a want to do anything 'fun.' I never thought I would be saying this but it's how I feel at this point.

catsareme14 · 11/04/2021 15:40

I feel so odd too . My life is beginning to re shape itself . I've been able to see my darling grandchildren again . Strangely I've begun to be completely convinced , even reconciled to the fact at some point I will kill myself . I have always had strong feelings that I will not burden my children with my old age & that I will choose my own time to die . I drove back from my sons though yesterday feeling so low & sort of 'finished'

mermaidsariel · 11/04/2021 15:59

This is quite uncanny. My OH has been suffering with terrible insomnia. He says he’s afraid if he goes to sleep he may not wake up. I have been feeling I just want out of it all on a virtually daily basis. It’s not just Covid, it’s the environment, Brexit, all the hatred and bigotry all around us. It’s just not a world I like or understand any longer.
People keep saying we’re ‘always going to have to be careful’ in the future. I just can’t see anything ever returning to normal as we knew it.
Today I met up with a group for an outdoor activity I haven’t taken part in since last summer. I felt so anxious about seeing and speaking to people. I enjoyed it when I got there but it felt so strange.

Chillychangchoo · 11/04/2021 16:26

Wow, this thread is truly an eye opener! I feel similar. You know I’m just not the same person, and I never will be. My outlook on life has completely changed, which is odd as I was never really a materialistic person pre lockdown or anything like that. I dunno 🤷‍♀️ I can’t really articulate what I’m trying to say, but I am a different person now.

GreenClock · 11/04/2021 19:12

I feel that there is going to be a lot of pressure to “do stuff” and I’m not in the mood for a packed diary and loads of obligations. My partner wants to plan holidays for 2022 and I’m not feeling excited about that. I’m hoping for a gradual, phased return to normal life - however that may look.

Good thread. Thank you, OP

Ingridla · 11/04/2021 19:17

I've not read all the replies but yes, I'm sorry you feel so bad. I've been like a yo-yo emotionally and mentally for months now. I saw 2 close mates in a park last weekend and ended up ranting and crying and just being an angry mess.

I don't have close family and normally rely on cultural activities on my own to stay sane and am worried I have no one now to look forward to seeing because I'm such a loner and depressive force.

SunnySideAndMarmite · 12/04/2021 06:32

I remember at the beginning of all this, marvelling at people on Facebook and elsewhere talking about "it's ok to not be ok" and about this huge tough thing we were going through and how to keep positive etc. These were people with (nice) partners, children, good jobs etc. - they weren't going through it alone and were in fact surrounded by people they loved who give meaning to their lives. It just seemed incredible to see this recognition of how life can put you in a position where your mental health nosedives. People are normally so keen to overlook this (even for those without the meaningful things I mentioned) to individualise difficulties as "mental health problem" rather than "this person's life sucks right now". There was an evil part of my brain that wanted to chirpily suggest they seek help for their mental health problem, and should try yoga every morning/a juice diet/thinking positive and stop focussing on their problems and all would be well. Because that's the crap trotted out by people when I and others have suffered, often for many years.
I'm not trying to sound like I'm belittling everyone's struggles, more the other way round - now so many people have been forced to realise life circumstances matter, and the impact of loneliness and little to look forward too. Day after day just getting by on the little things, as PP mentioned.

In a way, the things I've struggled with make this time easier for me. I'm good in a crisis so initially when I thought we'd be losing 20% of the population or something I figured I'd roll up my sleeves and do what I could to help (also in robust physical health and been apathetic about dying for years so ok to be exposed to covid). The reality turned into something sort of boringly painful, especially as I live on my own and WFH so the first lockdown was hell. But because of struggles in my life I'd got used to getting by on the little things, motivating myself, and so on. Plus covid (or restrictions, really) just seems like yet another setback on the rocky road of my life, another dreadful thing to bear, and try to scrabble together an existence at some unspecified future time when it was "over".

But also because of things I've been through certain aspects have destroyed me. Being separated from loved ones, when one has often not had loved ones, is so earth shatteringly painful I can't explain it. I dated a friend for a while a couple of years ago - life circumstances meant it was never going to work but it morphed into a close friendship, and I was close to his children too. Overnight they were all torn from my life. His mental health was affected in terms of being overly terrified of giving DC covid and making up his own version of rules that changed all the time. We haven't spoken for a few months now. The loss of him and the DC is so painful I can't process it. Overnight they were taken away. In the context of my life those relationships were so meaningful and healing... On one level I pick myself up, as I always do, but on another ... It felt like I was finally starting to live a life worth living, and everything, even them, was taken away. It's funny how a therapist might say it's irrational thinking to worry about losing people or everything going wrong, but when you're finally healing and then fucking covid happens it kind of bears our your worst fears. I really, really, believed things were "ok now", this sense of having survived and ready to begin thriving and then it was all swept away. And a lot of what I'm feeling with is stuff that was happening anyway - eg. the pain of childlessness (sperm donor route probably only option), but exacerbated by covid (ie. last chance to meet anyone in time to have DC traditional way, not in mental state to have them, seeing others spending quality time with their own DC).

But then other things are easier. All you lot are going through this perhaps for the first time - I'm an old hand lol. I promise you, you'll get through. This is the crappy numb awful bit you've just got to hold on through. It will get better, but it's ok not to see that right now and just focus on the day to day.

SunnySideAndMarmite · 12/04/2021 06:33

Whoops that was longer than I thought! Felt good to get it all out though Blush

MiaMarshmallows · 13/04/2021 12:13

Went shopping yesterday and felt 'not right 'the whole time. It's almost guilt for being out and about when I should be working (Made redundant) and also a feeling like this could all be snatched away in a moment so don't get too comfortable kind of idea. Horrible really. Feels like everyone is desperate to get out there. Gigs, family events, parties etc. I was the same until very recently. Just feel now like I have no interest in anything and just want to stay in my own bubble.

ILikeTheWineNotTheLabel · 13/04/2021 13:53

My husband is an accountant, in a mid-size accounting firm. So a lot of fairly introverted people.

Last few weeks though he’s said virtually everyone at his work is feeling the strain now, even though most of them coped very well, even enjoyed it for a long time.

He’s said there is literally one person left out of a firm of a few hundred who is still feeling good (and apparently absolutely loving it).

And it’s actually not at all who you’d expect, it’s a woman who always seemed comparatively outgoing. But I suspect she faked her apparent extroversion for a long time and is still recharging.

Whatisthisarghhh · 14/04/2021 14:44

Thank you to all of you who have posted on here. It has been really helpful to read. I am so sorry we are all struggling. My family are so far away and I have prepared myself for the fact that one of them will die without me seeing them in years. I think it is hard to enjoy these little freedoms now like pubs opening when the things I really want are so far away.

Finesterre · 14/04/2021 15:14

It has been really helpful for me to read too, heartfelt hugs to everyone.
I am going through the motions. I still do things that used to give me pleasure but I feel very detached - I keep going because I think that if I stop, that's it, I will never start again.
I feel alternately numb, angry and anxious. I am a frontline HCP and have worked through the pandemic which at least has given me a reason to get up. My husband is wfh and it all goes over his head, he remains fairly positive but he does not see the mess that the pandemic and the handling on it has caused (I work in mental health). I am furious at various Gov policies and handling of the pandemic. My son should be enjoying his first year at university but is in his bedroom at home - I love having him here but it's not right, he should be spreading his wings. I cannot shake off the feelings I have. I'm desperate for some new normality but don't have the energy to enjoy it Sad
Thanks to everyone who is sharing their stories, intellectually I know it will be ok, I know how to self care but I just not feeling it. But it's helpful to feel other people understand.

MaxHanno · 14/04/2021 16:53

I have no motivation anymore. I don't want to do anything until I can do so without having to book beforehand, queue, wear a mask, and avoid other people. It's just sucks any joy out of life.

Cowbells · 14/04/2021 17:40

I am furious at various Gov policies and handling of the pandemic. My son should be enjoying his first year at university but is in his bedroom at home - I love having him here but it's not right, he should be spreading his wings. I cannot shake off the feelings I have. I'm desperate for some new normality but don't have the energy to enjoy it sad

@Finesterre - this resonates so much for me. I am heartbroken at how rubbish my sons' first year at uni has been, especially after having all the ceremonies of leaving school taken from them too. They are just trying to keep going but it is nothing like what they have worked so hard to enjoy. I was just chatting to my son, begging him to take a year out at the end to have FUN before launching into that grind of work and earning enough to afford a home which is such a huge preoccupation of their generation. I want him to be carefree for at least a year at some point.

psychomath · 14/04/2021 17:55

@SunnySideAndMarmite great post, and I think we might be almost the same person! I sort of had the opposite feeling at the beginning of lockdown - that the people I knew who were always going on about mental health and insisted the rest of us bend over backwards to accommodate their problems were suddenly all too keen to throw mine under the bus, now that they thought they and their loved ones might be at risk. It felt like everyone had been happy to show how caring they were with the 'it's ok not to be ok' memes, right up to the point where caring about other people's mental health might have meant they had to make some real sacrifices. I know it's terrible, but the similarly spiteful part of me has been quite gratified to see some of the initial worst offenders with their "you're only being asked to sit on the couch and watch Netflix" posts had a really hard time during the last two lockdowns.

I know exactly what you mean about having everything taken away right when you truly believed you were finally better, and also about past experience making this feel like just one more shitty thing. In my case I was extremely lucky in that the things I thought might be gone forever turned out not to be, and I'm thankful for it every day. I hope that things get better for you soon, if they haven't already.

RhubarbTea · 14/04/2021 18:09

@MiaMarshmallows

Went shopping yesterday and felt 'not right 'the whole time. It's almost guilt for being out and about when I should be working (Made redundant) and also a feeling like this could all be snatched away in a moment so don't get too comfortable kind of idea. Horrible really. Feels like everyone is desperate to get out there. Gigs, family events, parties etc. I was the same until very recently. Just feel now like I have no interest in anything and just want to stay in my own bubble.
This is exactly how I feel. Like waiting for the other shoe to drop and thinking there is no point in getting used to having all this stuff because it will only be snatched away again, so what's the point? I actually feel traumatised and don't know what to do about it. Some people I know are all excited and think that's it, no more lockdowns, it's over. And I just can't bring myself to let my guard down. First day out with everything open was a massive headfuck, I felt so jumbled up and exhausted by the end of the today. I don't want to be around people anymore. Old me loved being around people, in an introverted sort of way Sad
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