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Covid

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Original poster

I’m outside. I need a push to go in....

212 replies

fireflylanegirls · 30/03/2021 08:48

Today is the day. I’m back at work.

My son has been at nursery for 3 weeks and today I’m back in the office.

I’m currently sat in the car park and my heart has not stopped pounding.

It just all looks so normal. I’ve seen a few of my colleagues walk by and everyone just looks the same, happy.

I don’t know what it’s like in the office in terms of Covid, I have a meeting as soon as I go in to discuss the changes.

I don’t think I have ever felt so nervous.

I’m 19 days post my 1st vaccine so not even at the 21 day mark.

I feel like turning around and going home! 😩

OP posts:

GoWalkabout · 31/03/2021 07:05

Well done for getting in. Try to credit all your progress. Your colleagues will of course have varying concerns, but they have also been doing this a lot longer. Try to shift your attention on to non covid things. Allow yourself to be just a new mum adjusting to the end of maternity leave

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 31/03/2021 07:37

Hope today goes better for you op.

Don't forget to wear your mask when too many people are milling around near you.

Anxiety is a bloody dreadful thing to have.
It's taken me two years now to come to terms with it and recognise the signs and it still takes me by surprise at times.

Keep going op Youl get there x

Original poster

fireflylanegirls · 31/03/2021 07:38

I know I’m vaccinated, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get Covid and it’s not 100% guaranteed that I won’t get seriously ill or die.

OP posts:

LadyPenelope68 · 31/03/2021 07:40

You’re being totally OTT, just get in with it.

SmidgenofaPigeon · 31/03/2021 07:41

@fireflylanegirls sorry to be blunt but actually it does mean you’re more likely to get seriously ill and die of a great many other things other than covid.

beginningoftheend · 31/03/2021 07:42

@fireflylanegirls

I know I’m vaccinated, but that doesn’t mean I won’t get Covid and it’s not 100% guaranteed that I won’t get seriously ill or die.

I am very covid-cautious, but I think the scientific evidence is that your age + the vaccine means you are extremely unlikely to die, very unlikely to get very sick and most unlikely to show any symptoms at all.

If you do come into contact with the virus you chance of transmitting it is halved.

parietal · 31/03/2021 07:42

The vaccine really does protect against serious illness. Among vaccinated people in the trials, NONE were hospitalised with covid.

You really are much safer than you think.

RJnomore1 · 31/03/2021 07:44

You’re probably more likely to be killed or injured in a road accident getting there. However I think you’re very brave admitting you feel like this and there will be countless others whose mental health we have entirely ruined in this way. Good luck with the CBT.

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 31/03/2021 07:46

Hmm, this is not right.

I get what people are trying to say, but covid is real, so the OP is not imagining things.

Covid is real but this reaction to it, and the perceived level of risk, for someone already vaccinated and who was never in a high risk age group is clearly driven by anxiety.

wtfisgoingonhere21 · 31/03/2021 07:50

Op is just coming back after maternity.

She's gone from a bubble of precious time with a baby during a lockdown where we've been seperated from our family and friends etc.

I'm not surprised she has anxiety and is struggling to Wade back into the real world.

My dsis who has always had agoraphobic tendencies is now nearly a recluse and her anxiety and depression is at its worst ever.

It's going to take some people a lot more than having a word with themselves

To those posters that say just get on with it clearly have never suffered with the mind crippling anxiety that convinces your brain of things.

It's frightening and not pleasant at all.

Original poster

fireflylanegirls · 31/03/2021 08:40

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

Hmm, this is not right.

I get what people are trying to say, but covid is real, so the OP is not imagining things.

Covid is real but this reaction to it, and the perceived level of risk, for someone already vaccinated and who was never in a high risk age group is clearly driven by anxiety.

@JeanClaudeVanDammit

I am in a risk group! My BMI is 37 (was 40.1) and I have asthma (controlled but still on inahlers)

OP posts:

Original poster

fireflylanegirls · 31/03/2021 08:42

@parietal

The vaccine really does protect against serious illness. Among vaccinated people in the trials, NONE were hospitalised with covid.

You really are much safer than you think.

@parietal

I know, but several people on MN have pointed out that the trials isn’t necessarily a reflection of how the vaccine will act in the real world!!

OP posts:

JeanClaudeVanDammit · 31/03/2021 08:49

I said high risk age group. I assume you were group 6, not the CEV group. Anyway, now it’s been 20 or 21 days. Do you feel vaccinated now?

I won’t keep posting, I’ll admit this touches a nerve for me because I have really struggled with not being allowed to go to my office since last March and the isolation and pressure of wfh (at times homeschooling too) has been horrendous. I would absolutely fucking love a bit of normality and for my colleagues and I to be able to have a conversation in person. That’s not your problem, it’s mine.

I hope the help you’re seeking for your anxiety starts to kick in soon and it doesn’t transfer to something else once covid is “over”.

TakeYourFinalPosition · 31/03/2021 09:21

@fireflylanegirls In the kindest way, you’re fixating on the things that back up your fear. And people find it hard enough to go back to work from maternity leave, without a pandemic!

Remind yourself of the facts, when your brain wants to be irrational. It’s hard, but it does help if you keep going.

Realistically, Coronavirus isn’t going anywhere, at least for a few years... so most people are going to go back to work while this is ongoing. You are in a good position. You are vaccinated, and real world data is showing that drastically reduces cases of serious illness and hospitalisation. Not just our data, or just trial data, or just Israel’s data, but all the data.

And everyone else is getting vaccinated too, which reduces transmission, at least by 50%.

They are going to have a sense of comfort that you don’t yet have, as they’ve been there throughout. And they may well have different risk tolerance levels to you, just like anywhere else.

But rationally, you are okay. You’re protected. You’ve got a double-whammy of anxiety inducing situations and you’re in the early days of treatment, so take it an hour at a time, but you will get to a point where you feel less anxious.

Sunshinegirl82 · 31/03/2021 10:52

@beginningoftheend

Anxiety is not about only being anxious about things that are not real, in fact usually the things that drive anxiety are completely possible. The issue is that the concern is not proportionate to the risk.

If you are afraid of flying because the plane might crash well, it might. Planes do crash. BUT the chances of that happening to you are incredibly, incredibly small. So small that most people won't give it a second thought. Anxiety distorts your perception of risk so that you end up reacting disproportionately to that risk and believing that it is almost inevitable that if you get on a plane it will crash and you will die.

That's what makes anxiety so blimmin awful and hard to deal with.

Onjnmoeiejducwoapy · 31/03/2021 10:53

Could people who have not seen the repeated threads of OP’s extreme and irrational anxiety please check those out before blindly reinforcing her.

MazekeenSmith · 31/03/2021 10:57

These threads are feeding your anxiety. People responding are not actually helping.
The best way to get over your anxiety is to do the thing that makes you anxious- which you are. Well done.

Sunshinegirl82 · 31/03/2021 10:59

@fireflylanegirls

No one here will be able to reassure you, anxiety doesn't work that way.

Please contact your GP to review your medication and reach out to the people conduction your talking therapy for support.

You've done really well to get this far, you didn't think you would be able to send your child to nursery and you've done it. You can do this but too.

waterlego · 31/03/2021 11:42

Reassurance doesn’t cure anxiety because anxiety is irrational and does not care for your attempts to reassure yourself. It will simply circumvent the reassurance and find other ways to get to you.

When I had awful health anxiety, I visited the GP regularly, and even got referred for scans and extra checks because I was absolutely convinced I had cancer. I did not have cancer but the clear scans did not convince me of this. Because...

‘What if the screening equipment was faulty? ‘What if the person doing the check was not very experienced or made a mistake?’
‘What if I didn’t have cancer when they did the scan, but the cancer has now appeared since the appointment?’

And on and on. Eventually I realised that unless I had a team of specialists living in my house along with a variety of expensive screening instruments and machines, I could never be reassured. (And even if I did, the anxiety would have found some other way to get at me).

Luckily a GP saw what was going on and put me onto the right treatment, which for me was a high dose of Sertraline along with some CBT. It worked, but took quite a while. While I waited for it to work, I tried my best not to Google symptoms; not to talk about my health excessively and not to seek reassurance.

Anxiety is exhausting. Ironically (given that health was the focus of my anxiety), my anxiety actually began to make me feel physically ill. I suffered sinus problems, gastric symptoms and other issues. The more anxious I got, the more ill I felt and the more ill I felt, the more anxious I got.

OP, perhaps you’re already doing so but I would strongly advise you to distract yourself from thinking or reading about Covid (easier said than done, I realise). Are there any activities you can absorb yourself in during quiet times of the day? Crosswords? Crochet? Meditation? Yoga? Something you can focus on that might help to distract you for a while. Good luck and hang in there. I know it’s terrifying but you CAN beat this. 💐

Original poster

fireflylanegirls · 31/03/2021 12:25

I admit I have anxiety, I’m getting help and treatment.

But what I’m trying to get some opinions on, is not my anxiety, but my office.

I spoke to the Hr manager this morning.

So basically my department there are 11 of us in this room.
Next door there is another department that has 6 members of staff.

All of us are classed as a bubble. Next door come
Into our office to use our kitchen facilities.

We don’t have to wear masks in our office next door don’t have to wear masks when they come
In to use the kitchen.

We only have to wear masks if we go into the reception area: which we have to do to leave the building.

I told Hr no one in the office is distancing and she said they’ve all been working together for over a year and they’re happy to not distance!! 🤷🏻‍♀️

I’m sat right by our little kitchen (probably 3 meters away) and people stand and make their lunch together or a drink and have a chat!

People come to my managers desk, right by my desk and talk to her!!

I can’t help that I don’t feel comfortable with all of that.

I’ve been off on maternity for so long and I thought when I came back it would all be massively different or strict.

It’s not.

Yes everyone is cleaning things they touch, using sanitiser.

But all that’s useless if there’s no distancing!!!

OP posts:

waterlego · 31/03/2021 12:29

If people are distancing themselves from you, I don’t think you can have a say in whether or not they distance from others 🤷🏼‍♀️

waterlego · 31/03/2021 12:31

And I disagree that this isn’t about anxiety. If everyone in your office started distancing properly, your anxiety would likely find something else to feed off. That’s just how it works. I’m glad you’re getting help and I hope it helps you.

Original poster

fireflylanegirls · 31/03/2021 12:34

@waterlego

If people are distancing themselves from you, I don’t think you can have a say in whether or not they distance from others 🤷🏼‍♀️

@waterlego

But when they come to the kitchen or my managers desk (our desks are pushed together but we’re 2m apart) and they aren’t wearing a mask, it’s putting me (and others) at risk!!

OP posts:

MarcsBlondePussy · 31/03/2021 12:35