I’m outside. I need a push to go in....

[fireflylanegirls]

Today is the day. I’m back at work.

My son has been at nursery for 3 weeks and today I’m back in the office.

I’m currently sat in the car park and my heart has not stopped pounding.

It just all looks so normal. I’ve seen a few of my colleagues walk by and everyone just looks the same, happy.

I don’t know what it’s like in the office in terms of Covid, I have a meeting as soon as I go in to discuss the changes.

I don’t think I have ever felt so nervous.

I’m 19 days post my 1st vaccine so not even at the 21 day mark.

I feel like turning around and going home! 😩

I completely get it op. I'm due back to work after mat leave soon and I'm terrified. I work in a school and that doesn't feel safe at all. Fortunately, I've just been able to book a jab, so I'm feeling better than I was.
My baby is 11 months old and not really settling at the childminder's, which is hardly surprising as she's barely seen anyone else since she was born.
I think your feelings are justified, and I hope you manage to get through the day.
And well done for going in. That must have taken a lot of courage. It's hard trying to get back into a society when you dont really know how it all works any more.

You'll be fine, I've worked throughout all this rubbish office based. I'm also pretty fat at this moment in time.

Where I am, we didn't have such a long lockdown as in the UK. But it was long enough to make the first few days back at work feel really odd.
Keep on going, take a deep breath, be brave, each day will be easier.

Op I have worked throughout this, in a room with the same amount of colleagues, no windows, and the inability to properly SD. Not caught it.

One of my colleagues did - she isolated once she started showing symptoms but had been around us prior to this - none of us caught it from her.

I am vulnerable but currently unable to have the vaccine.

You are being OTT. It will get easier with time.

You don't need to relax to the extent of not SDing with your colleagues, just unclench!

I remember in March 2020 I was in tears at the thought of having to go to work everyday and not being allowed to furlough. We had no PPE and were fighting over single n95 masks. I work in emergency services but not frontline healthcare so I could limit exposure to the public but would still very much be around colleagues. I am fat. And I was very scared. But a year later I have had to do this throughout. Several colleagues had COVID at various times and as far as I know I have not. Nobody has been seriously ill although some were worse than others. A year later they have plenty of PPE, most of us have had our first vaccine and they're trying to get us to wear gloves and aprons (where were they in March last year?!?!)

What I'm trying to say OP is that the anxiety and fear is far worse than the reality. Yes of course, the illness itself has the potential to be worse but the reality is it is very unlikely. Take the precautions you need but be assured we have all had to take those first steps and it was a damn sight scarier a year ago when we knew nothing, had no effective treatment and vaccines were just a distant hope. We had images of people dying in the streets of China and screams of a coverup. None of that has happened here. Good luck op. Big breath and keep on keeping on b

If it helps I lived in the same house as my mum who had covid and no one else in the house caught it, and that was with her still getting up and doing things as she normally would. It’s honestly not as easily caught as people think, just keep your hands clean, don’t touch your face and wear your mask when you’re near people, you’ll be okay!

Let's not get heavy on OP. I too am very anxious about going back to work - but then again I have always hated crowded places, and the building I work in was not built for occupant comfort either! OP - have you considered getting some help through GP etc - I am not a physician but a couple years back I was put on CBT by my local NHS MH services and it really helped (that, plus some therapy that I paid for privately and which I still do and is really helpful)

Totally understandable OP, I too would be very anxious. Could you perhaps put a few signs up around your desk explaining that you need distance and for colleagues to not congregate nearby?

If the OP has been able to work from home, why has her manager required her to be in the office at all? Which part of 'work from home if you can' is difficult to understand?

I can understand some people being happy just to be somewhere different, so the happy colleagues does not surprise me. The 'please keep away from my desk' or similar is a sensible suggestion.

@CuthbertDibbleandGrubb

If the OP has been able to work from home, why has her manager required her to be in the office at all? Which part of 'work from home if you can' is difficult to understand?

I can understand some people being happy just to be somewhere different, so the happy colleagues does not surprise me. The 'please keep away from my desk' or similar is a sensible suggestion.

The OP has been on maternity leave, not working from home.

OP, I get it: you've been hyper vigilant for a long time about this, and letting that go is hard. The good news is that even with one shot, you have a significant amount of coverage. And it will get easier every time you do it.

We'll done for getting back OP! I remember your other thread.
Every day will seem easier. Keep up your fitness and weightloss, vitamin D and online therapy. You've progressed so much. I'm sure you'll feel even better soon.

Well done for going in, feel really happy that you’ve accomplished this! You’re doing great, just relax and stay away from people.

Are you the lady who has been posting about this for weeks? Well done for getting back in; but did you make any arrangements to see someone about your anxiety?

I am back to work tomorrow in a school after maternity leave. I am super anxious about leaving my baby but covid hasn't really entered my mind, probably because all I can think about is leaving her. I had covid a few weeks ago though and was super mild. If it makes you feel any better my baby didn't catch it. Hope you feel a little less anxious after getting through first day.

@DishingOutDone

Are you the lady who has been posting about this for weeks? Well done for getting back in; but did you make any arrangements to see someone about your anxiety?

Yes & yes.

@crankycow80, reported. That was really unnecessary. Why resort to name calling.

OP I'm really glad you've got yourself to work, I remember your other threads and how stressed you were. You've already built excellent immunity against the virus, your feelings are irrational but that's anxiety for you, one day at a time.

I get it personally I was having panic attacks all weekend because I needed to get two tyres on my car Monday morning its vile getting used to interacting with humans again

I get that it's worrying OP, but at some point with vaccines we are going to have to learn to live with this thing. There are lots of other things that you are probably more at risk of statistically, remember we take lots of risks everyday without giving it a second thought. I think it's now about getting risk in perspective and with the vaccine, current low numbers and mitigation in your workplace you have a minimal chance of getting seriously ill from Covid.

OP well done for going in! I also remember you from previous threads and I think it’s great that you are pushing yourself to do this (assuming as a PP said that you can’t do the job from home but I think you explained previously that it wasn’t that sort of job) despite your anxieties.

In your shoes I would have a word with your manager and say that you are alarmed that people do not seem to be sticking to social distancing and aren’t having to wear masks in a communal working area (this is not what govt guidelines suggest for a COVID secure workplace I don’t think). I’d also ask if you can move desks to somewhere that you aren’t in everyone’s direct path to and from the kitchen. I’m a GP and we all wear a mask at all times even in the corridor unless in a room completely alone, this includes admin staff who work in the same room.

One of my colleagues had COVID very badly (we had an outbreak quite near the beginning when I think I had it too before we even had the first lockdown) and obviously in my job you deal with people and their relatives who have had a bad course of COVID, and my sister has long COVID, so it can be a serious illness and I don’t think OP is being OTT about this at all, although I agree OP is more anxious than most people. So am I! But I don’t think I’m being paranoid just careful. Having said that I have improved with time in this new weird situation (not to forgetting about measures but to doing them as second nature and not overly panicking if one person steps slightly close on one occasion etc) - you should absolutely remember that you are relatively young and have had your first vaccine and case rates are currently low so compared to a year ago the risks are significantly mitigated even without social distancing and masks. But your company should be adhering to these rules and reminding people if they are being lax about it. If nobody else cares then this may have slid over time, it did for us until someone would pipe up that it was stressing them out and we’d all get reminded by the manager. Get the manager to have a word!

Just wear a mask and whatever else makes you feel comfortable. You’re also lucky enough to have been vaccinated as many in workplaces don’t qualify yet.

Your child is in nursery so no different and an office likely has far more distancing etc than childcare.

I completely get where you’re coming from OP. I’ve had huge problems with anxiety throughout this past year, but I’m lucky in that I am able to work from home and will continue to do so until I’m vaccinated. I went into the office a couple of times last summer, and although in some ways it was lovely to be back and have a bit of ‘normality’, in my experience once people are back in that environment they just revert to normal office behaviour and struggle to maintain social distancing. It really bothered me that people were not following the ‘rules’ and I didn’t feel safe. I hope you have a different experience and will feel at least a bit reassured that you have been vaccinated.

I don’t like it and I really feel like I don’t want to go back. :(