The vaccine delay has really knocked me

[daisiesinmay]

For background I'm 49 and a lone parent. of course it's good about the amount of vaccines done. But right now, the sudden announcement of the delay last week felt like the final straw somehow for me.

I had already been worried about dcs back at school, but was following the news closely, looking on the vaccine calculator regularly, and -stupidly- told myself it would be in April. Feels like I was hanging on by my fingertips for that.

Since that's been withdrawn I feel so down. Most people I know seem to have got the vaccine now. I'm wondering if for 49s it will even get here in May - if there's a shortage they'll have to prioritise second doses.

I'm surprised how much it's knocked me down. Just totally lacking in hope now, thoroughly fed up, feel depressed. Anyone else get this?

Scientific studies from all over have shown that those with kids in school are significantly LESS liable to get it than those without.

Really? I don't recall seeing anything like this, so I too would like to see a link, please @Willow2017. It seems totally counter-intuitive. Also, if this is truly what multiple studies have found, why on earth were the schools closed for so long? Are you sure you haven't misunderstood?

I will be pissed off if the oldies are in the pubs and meeting up with friends and hugging and I still haven’t had my vaccination.

Schools were shut for so long to protect the oldies.

Last week on my daily Boris walk I saw a group of oldies having a lovely walk together, arm in arm, all really close. Clearly not one household. I was really pissed off thinking I can’t see my friends yet, but then I thought well, I understand why they feel safe.

Frankly, on a thread which is about people feeling really down having a space to express their emotions and share support, I don’t think that simple vaccine eligibility counting is actually helpful. I’m sure lots of us will get appointments soon and I’m sure that will be a real boost to our mental health. But we still feel the way we feel in the meantime and I’m sorry to sound like Scrooge but I’ve had enough of being told that ‘your turn will come soon enough, be patient, things are moving, other people are getting appointments’. It would be nice to just have one thread where we can express our emotions without being rationalised out of them.

Scientific studies from all over have shown that those with kids in school are significantly LESS liable to get it than those without.

This is flatly and completely NOT TRUE (hi Gav). In a kind of 'the grass is blue / earth is flat' kind of way to be fair, but still worth pointing out.

Here are some articles citing scientific studies suggesting the opposite

www.health.harvard.edu/diseases-and-conditions/coronavirus-outbreak-and-kids

www.healthline.com/health-news/kids-are-getting-covid-19-at-school-and-spreading-it-to-families

www.medpagetoday.com/infectiousdisease/covid19/88574

science.sciencemag.org/content/370/6517/691.full

www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/covid-19-outbreak-at-a-kids-summer-camp-may-be-stark-warning#Virus-spreads-to-over-40%-of-attendees

I mean, I have LOADS more, I can keep on with this all day. I've been monitoring the literature.

My take from what I've read is this - children under 10-12 (puberty basically) do seem to have a likelihood of catching and spreading it less than those over 10-12 (who have the same rates if not higher than adults) if exhibiting the same behaviours / in exactly the same situation. However as we all know on MN under 10s don't exhibit the same behaviours (especially little ones, my 4 year old likes to come and sleep on top of me for example), so unsurprisingly there are studies that show that this lower risk is outweighed by more close contact behaviour of younger children (so they're less at risk but have higher exposure basically - same true for transmitting to adults).

Based on what I've read, my 11 year old is more likely to catch from a classmate, but if my 4 year old gets it I'm more likely to be fucked because she NEEDS a lot of close contact which = high exposure to me. (Whereas my 11 year old could reasonably isolate in her room)

This is particularly important in the UK where primary schools still don't have any masking or social distancing.

Those in charge have fuck all idea of how normal parents behave or what is adequate parenting, seemingly, in that they have advised social distancing from children. Well to do so from any kids under 7 would be at the very least cruel, and under 5s dangerous.

Many studies, it should be noted, in schools are in countries who are applying the gold standard covid controls - i.e. classes are small sizes, social distanced, well ventilated and masked. In secondaries we mostly only have one out of those 4 (and only recently, we didn't in Sept-December) and in primaries we often have none - ventilation is the only option if the schools aren't going against DfE advice, so a maximum 1 out of 4 protections available pretty much everywhere else in society.

There are also, sadly, quite a few MN threads of families catching covid from their kids. e.g. www.mumsnet.com/Talk/coronavirus/4199702-I-need-a-hand-hold-in-shock-after-positive-Covid-test

I know this is not reassuring to those on this thread, however just sticking heads in sand and not acknowledging the truth of the matter is not helpful, and is not fair.

@User27aw

I'm 48, I'm pretty gutted as well. I wouldn't mind so much if it wasn't such a postcode lottery. There seems to be loads of healthy people much younger than me being vaccinated, so its seems really unfair that it depends where you live.

I agree. I’ve got friends who are younger than me who work from home and have been vaccinated.

I’m 46 and a teacher. Not even a sniff.
I lasted 4 days in school after they all came back before I caught Covid.

Great post @CallforHecate

@StanfordPines I'm so sorry to hear that, I hope you're ok.

Teachers have been treated so badly in this country, if I hadn't lived through it I'd never have believed it.

Me too. 48 year old TA.
I am scared in school.
I am totally fed up of people, who are my age and work from home, gloating on Facebook about getting their vaccine already as their area is ahead.
I was so hopeful to get the vaccine soon. Other countries are prioritising teachers, I don't get why we can't do it. I also don't agree it would slow things down - it didn't with other prioritised groups - they just put an extra category on the website.

I agree they should have prioritised teachers. They could just prove it in the same way carers have to, surely. Also agree about people younger who've had it. I've gone beyond being able to be pleased for people at the minute, I really want the system to be rolled out fairly. If it was a matter of a couple of weeks that's obviously fine. But if the rest of everyone under 50 has got to wait until at least May then it's a postcode lottery and with everyones tension this high it's not easy to shrug off.

Yes, @CallforHecate. However well the vaccine programme is doing, my feelings of anger, disappointment, helplessness are still valid.

I'm in Belgium and over 50. No idea when I will get my vaccine. All I hear is vaccine wars and jingoistic nonsense on here. U.K. is doing well. Be glad about that and know you will get yours soon. Sooner than many people.

I'm really sorry if my post about getting my invitation has upset or annoyed anyone. I had posted on this thread previously because I was really anxious about having to wait, and I just wanted to give others a little hope. I realise now that it was probably insensitive, and I apologise.

Please don't apologise Alexa I've been on other threads with you on this subject, so I know how you've been feeling and how much anxiety this causes. Pleased for you, as I know how I'd feel.

@Avondklok it must be so hard, with this extraordinary politics going on about European vaccine supplies. I can’t imagine how frustrated and upset I would feel in your position. It must be even harder then for those of us in the U.K. who are still waiting.

*THAN for

As I've said before, if I lived in a country with sensible measures in schools then I wouldn't feel as disappointed as I do and would feel happier to wait. It's because we're not getting any other protections and rates will shoot up again just as they did in December: in schools, nothing is different.

Alexa I really don't think it's your post people are upset by - I'm thrilled for every woman who's been anxious and has got their appointment.

I'm not so keen on the head-pat and 'don't worry' bland 'reassurance'. It's insulting.

I also find the 'lots of people are even worse off than you, that should make you happy' comments unhelpful. 125,000 people have died in this country - all of them are worse off than me and it certainly doesn't make me feel any better, quite the opposite.

I feel the same as you op. I’m 47 and I’m unlikely to be vaccinated until May as my area is behind with the vaccine roll out. My dh is 50 and has not been vaccinated yet and as we are in Wales there is no online booking, we have to wait for our appointments. I’m so worried as the kids have gone back to school and I just feel like we are sitting ducks. I just feel so despondent.

No need to apologise Alexashutup you were just saying you never know.

It's the government who raised expectations, going on about how well it was all going, leaking to the Telegraph that 40s would be done by mid April, and then by suddenly changing it but not having the balls to actually explain the delay properly or acknowledge the difficulties it might cause, especially with parents of school age children. And then you get the people saying what are you moaning about, you should just be grateful others are having it etc as IloveJKRowling says.

It's still confusing as to exactly what's going on really. Some clarity would save people a lot of stress

Thank you all for your kind words and for understanding my intentions. I sincerely hope that you are all able to get your vaccines very soon.

I would feel happier if schools were safer but my kids have to go into primary school with essentially nothing that will stop them catching covid.

My DC had to shield last year. We spent five months not leaving the house. At all. Then kids were removed from the list but still told to take care. How exactly am meant to 'take care' for my DC when they cannot have a vaccine, their teachers cannot have a vaccine, we as parents cannot have a vaccine and there are no mitigations in school?

I was desperate for the vaccine as it seemed that trying to ensure dh and I were protected and able to care for them was the only thing I could do and now realistically it's half a term of risk and worry before we get even that. I am finding all the stories of younger people in other areas getting it very hard to take. Even harder is friends who have had their jabs now pushing for more to open up for their kids now they feel safer, things that will only increase the risk of the virus circulating in kids making it even worse for mine.

@Swirlingasong , that sounds so stressful. It's incredibly hard for families where dc were originally told to shield. You and your dh should have been higher up on the priority list.

I agree that schools should have been made safer too, and teachers should have been prioritised.

@Swirlingasong - that must be so stressful. It's not ok how families like yours have been treated. And yes, the people who have had vaccines and pushing for lots of jollies / sleepovers / parties where kids from different schools will be mixing is throwing vulnerable children under the bus. I've never been more depressed about the seemingly utter selfishness of the majority of people.

Can you get a vaccine as a carer? Is the school supportive? I hope they do not tolerate kids in your DC's class with ANY illness / cough etc (unless a negative PCR test has been done). Do your kids / will the school allow your kids to wear masks? (the ffp2 ones in particular do seem to help a lot with catching it from what I can tell from studies). Depends on their ages of course.

It's one thing I've been astounded by in my DD1s primary. It's a CofE school and they have assemblies about selflessness and sacrifice yet the HT is totally unwilling to mandate masks in KS2 (particularly yr 5 & 6 I honestly can't see an issue and keep pointing out that this is what is being done in pretty much every other country and ALL the scientists recommend). There's no social distancing in the classroom at all and there ARE vulnerable kids and parents in that school. The hypocrisy is totally overwhelming and my DD - who would like to wear a mask but won't if she's the only one doing it and even the adults aren't - recognises this and is incredibly bitter and sceptical of the religious aspect now as a result. They won't make the minor sacrifice of masks to protect the most vulnerable in the school society. I'm pretty sure Jesus would wear a mask.

I wish the description of ‘carer’ was clearer. DH is ECV and has had his first jab. He still isn’t leaving the house and his own work OH said he’s not to return till he’s had his second. So I am doing all the shopping and prescriptions. I’ve been on the online booking and I feel bad saying i am a carer though as it’s not official.

@sidewalksue consider what would happen to your DH if you were suddenly incapacitated. Would he suffer or be forced to put himself at risk? Would he require someone else or multiple other people to help him with anything? If yes then you come under the category of carer.