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Original poster

Young children disengaging with grandparents on Zoom

103 replies

Tobebythesea · 14/03/2021 20:07

We’ve got a young school age child who is (non-Covid times) close to their grandparents. They haven’t seen them now for 5 months due to changes in tiers and 2 lockdowns.

Since Christmas the disengagement via Zoom has got increasingly worse (getting up in the middle of the conversation to watch tv, say they want to go frequently) and today fir the first time our child refused to talk to them or come to the camera. It’s sad, rude and embarrassing (to us) but we just don’t know what to do.

Is anyone else having this? Any advice? Do we wait it out until we can actually meet up outside in a few weeks?

OP posts:
ComDummings · 14/03/2021 20:09

How often are you doing video calls?
One of my children is like this, he doesn’t enjoy video calls. I can’t say I blame him, I understand it can be a little embarrassing but at the end of the day there’s not much you can do apart from talk to your DC about the behaviour afterwards. Maybe cut down on the zoom calls as maybe it’s too much for them.

Elsia · 14/03/2021 20:10

Mine are like that to be fair. Adore my mum but cannot be fucked with zoom calls.

HeyGirlHeyBoy · 14/03/2021 20:10

I remember when my dh worked away for a while my ds found it very hard doing facetime.. So near and yet so far.. It was easier for him not to have it than seeing his dad but not being with him. Even if it's not that I'd probably let it go after a quick hello at the start of the call.

SonnetForSpring · 14/03/2021 20:11

Personally, I wouldn't worry about this too much. It's completely acceptable for a child of that age to be disengaged on zoom. It's not reflection of their feelings towards their grandparents. Hopefully, not long now until they can see them in person.

RMRM · 14/03/2021 20:11

Zoom calls are quite boring for children and if they've been doing them for school since Christmas, I can't blame them for being totally fed up. It's just not the same as in real life.

LizzieSiddal · 14/03/2021 20:12

Have you tired to think of this from their point of view? They probably wants to give their grandparents a cuddle and finds the zoom calls really upsetting.

I’d have a chat with your child about how the zoom calls make them feel.

Original poster
Tobebythesea · 14/03/2021 20:12

It’s once a week.

OP posts:
Orangedaisy · 14/03/2021 20:13

Works best for us if the kids are doing something at the same time. Hama beads, even zooming over a meal. Goes really wrong if we just expect them to sit there and chat. Also grandparents read a story their end which works well. I’ve also occasionally photographed the whole school reading book and WhatsApped it to granny, then she listens to the reading. That works well and I don’t have to put up with biff and chip.

Ttbhappy · 14/03/2021 20:13

Young kids find it hard then just wait till you meet up with them. Zoom can be boring they are not adults.

britespark1 · 14/03/2021 20:15

My 3 boys HATE video calls and the ones we had with family in the first lockdown were just cringeworthy. We gave up.

camelfinger · 14/03/2021 20:16

Mine are the same. To be honest, they didn’t really engage on the phone pre-pandemic. I think I was probably at least 11 before I was good on the phone with anyone. It’s a bit of a lost art. Also, my youngest hated the school video calls. I think it’s another example of where we’re pushing behaviours that we as adults take for granted, when it’s just not how children would choose to engage.

ComDummings · 14/03/2021 20:16

@Orangedaisy

Works best for us if the kids are doing something at the same time. Hama beads, even zooming over a meal. Goes really wrong if we just expect them to sit there and chat. Also grandparents read a story their end which works well. I’ve also occasionally photographed the whole school reading book and WhatsApped it to granny, then she listens to the reading. That works well and I don’t have to put up with biff and chip.
I agree with this, it does work better if they’re doing something and can pop on and off to chat as they like. Once a week would be too much for my DC so perhaps maybe try once a month. I also don’t make my DC the focus of the call if that makes sense, I sit and chat to my parents and the kids can come and chat or show off their toys then vanish as they please. It seems to work well this way. If I try to sit them down and make them the focus it just doesn’t work.
Souperspooker · 14/03/2021 20:17

Yes exactly this. Also I've been v concerned with DD anxiety about school and tbh most things atm. My dm suggested she call her on the house phone and that went down really well.
'coincidentally' I had taught her how to answer the phone by herself earlier in the day so it was both a nice surprise and a new skill boost you up type of thing too . . reccomend giving that a go. .

DH won't do zoom anymore either! Tbh I'm fine with it too..

Pinkflipflop85 · 14/03/2021 20:17

I canr blame them to be honest. Zoom calls are soul destroying. As an adult doing them once a week I often want to scream because I loathe them - I can't even imagine how shit it must be as a child.

MazDazzle · 14/03/2021 20:18

Get them to make a video instead?

My DH works away from home and my 5YO always refuses to speak to him on FaceTime. However, if he’s made something with Lego or is outside on the wing I video him - ‘wave to daddy!’ - and it seems to work well.

Orangedaisy · 14/03/2021 20:18

I’ve also had a lot of success by giving my 3 year old a sucky lolly and letting her suck it while zooming. Takes her a good 40 minutes and she’ll sit still and let mil natter on. Dentist may be less happy!! We gave candy canes to my 2 on Xmas day so mil could open presents her end with their attention almost entirely on her.....

Floralnomad · 14/03/2021 20:18

Just stop doing it , you phone your respective parents and say x sends his / her love and is looking forward to seeing you soon - job done .

Original poster
Tobebythesea · 14/03/2021 20:19

Thank you for the ideas. Granny has been really pro-active with story telling and memory games, I Spy etc but I think possibly getting her into playing or a game first might help.

Granny has also ran out of appropriate story books too so the photos of books is also a good one.

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 14/03/2021 20:19

My kids are probably older than yours and they hate phone calls, zoom calls etc with their grandparents or another relative. I think sometimes it feels like they are being questioned as the adults are trying to start conversation but as they aren't grown up enough to realise this they just give basic answers and so it becomes a questioning session. I think also in reality it is just boring for them. If we were visiting grandparents we would chat over a meal then the kids would leave to do something else while the adults continued talking so in a way them asking to leave the zoom call is actually quite normal if you see what I mean.

ltichbon · 14/03/2021 20:20

We don't allow the TV on but we do allow the boys to play while we talk. We put the laptop on the coffee table in the corner of the room facing into the room as it were. We stay near to chat and the boys play. It does mean it's easier for us to sit on the floor but they get to watch the boys play. The boys will then often bring their toys up voluntarily to the camera and tell them what they are doing.
My niece and nephew were always just too loud in their play so it didn't really work for them. But might be worth a try.

Orangedaisy · 14/03/2021 20:21

Bath time works well too for us. They love playing peekaboo over the side (6 year old way too old for it but loves it anyway).

elvislives2012 · 14/03/2021 20:21

Mine do this too. What we ended up doing was having something specific for them to do. Tends to be baking. So they make a cake together (I stay out of it) then they chat and engage then. Zoom is boring and I hate it too!

MinesAPintOfTea · 14/03/2021 20:22

Mine and cousins all enjoy doing “draw with Rob” with Nanna. Gives them something to do together. Also cousins sharing toys with each other, demonstrating “musical” skills, Lego (Nanna got out the set at hers so they could build similar things) etc.

They quickly get bored of just chatting, but I have to stop activity zooms after 1.5-2 hours because the day needs to move on and they are still entranced.

camelfinger · 14/03/2021 20:22

Maybe the grandparents need to get a load of toys and open the boxes on the Zoom call!

DavidsSchitt · 14/03/2021 20:22

"Granny has been really pro-active with story telling and memory games, I Spy etc but I think possibly getting her into playing or a game first might help."

God, I'd hate this. So would my kids. They love their grandparents but there's nothing worse than a forced, fake fun zoom game.

Just knock it on the head, you'll be able to get together soon enough I'm sure