I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

You also risk your life every time you get in a car. This is the same thing. You are sure you are careful, you block it out and do what you need to do to get on with your life.

*He’s not opting out of parenting, he’s in a much higher position in a higher paid job.

It would make no sense for us to lose a days wake from his salary for childcare.*

Depends how you look at it. This is exactly why women are not taken seriously in the workplace half the time. My husband earns more than me and absolutely does half of any sickness/pick ups. Because I value my work and would be embarrassed to behave so unfairly to my employer. If you’re not going to share the load when it comes to being a working parent then I would imagine your employer might prefer you to hand in your notice.

Sorry if this sounds harsh but this attitude drives me nuts because it affects all women and how we’re perceived at work. I would be fuming if someone who worked for me took all the necessary days off while their husband’s employer never had to put up with that.

You have a lot to think about and as part of that I would urge you to think again about setting yourself up as the default parent.

@Schoolchoicesucks

OP, you have now said that you are more worried about your child being at nursery. Are you? What are your worries about that? For the child catching covid or for you catching it from your child?

My main concern is that my son will catch it and pass it to me, I will be severely ill or die.

I know that makes me sound selfish because I’m sure most people are more worried about their kids than they are themselves 😔

but I know that he will most likely be fine if he catches Covid.

I am anxious about going to work, I don’t want to sit in an office breathing in other peoples Covid particles.

But at least at work I can distance. My son can’t distance at nursery.

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it.

It absolutely isn’t. Even in high risk environments like schools where crowds of hundreds, sometimes thousands have been coming together every day with no masks or social distancing, most people have still not caught it.

If you can’t afford to quit your job you can’t quit your job. But think very carefully about what ‘afford’ means to you because I’ve often found that people who say they can’t afford to do some things that I do just aren’t prepared to make the sacrifices I make in order to facilitate it. Not trying to sound snotty or up myself - just that I stayed at home when mine were little but worked from home at night for low money, didn’t ever go on any holiday let alone abroad, ran one old car, didn’t have haircuts or new clothes - etc.

What about parental leave - speak to ACAS

I think you’ll regret it. It’s normal to have a wobble before going back to work. Are you sure your worry about covid isn’t masking the fact you just don’t want to go back?

Jobs will be very hard to come by next year, and 6 months will go faster than you think.

Personally I think starting a diet 6 months ago would’ve been helpful, but I know that’s the benefit of hindsight! Never too late to start though, and I’m sure you will be vaccinated relatively soon.

I only read the first page.

I have asthma, erratic immune system( diagnosed by Consultant in top hospital) and his blood pressure. I am 63 and haven’t been called yet. Last year I felt very anxious of being back at work and went in for a meeting no proper distancing, no mask to be worn and children holding hands with staff on the playground. Due to that and another matter I resigned in the summer holidays as I couldn’t face the risk. I am pleased I did so especially when the numbers in that area became the highest in the country at one stage.
Next doors work colleague has died age 37 no health complications. NHS worker but not medical or porter. I understand your anxiety and you will be feeling protective towards your child.

Do what you think is right for you and your family. You can always get another job in the future if you decide to resign.

OP, sounds like you’ve made your mind up. This is your second post about this in a week, both times trying to get people to tell you you’re doing the right thing and both times everyone has said it’s a terrible decision.

No matter what we say, your mind is made up and you want to do something which is completely irrational and has the potential to affect your career and your home life for a long time, so your second post was completely unnecessary. I really hope it works out for you.

Well if you’re in group 6 it will be very soon as they’re aiming to have everyone vaccinated by July.

I would speak with work, explain the situation and discuss 2-3 months unpaid leave. You can always re assess then, but it depends how willing they are to accommodate you.

The risk to you is small, but I understand your concerns because I was there. I chose leave and I’m still on leave now. We cancelled nursery.

@maddiemookins16mum

Oops, posted too soon. I also think this is more about your ML ending and your little lad than Covid.

@maddiemookins16mum

Oh god, seriously! It’s NOT.

I wish I could let you all into my fucked up brain and you would see that this IS about Covid.

I know it’s hard to believe, but that just proves how much of a mess I am 😭

I can’t work out which is the higher risk to me, my office or my son being in nursery.

Of course you can't because you haven't been into the office. Ask for a KIT day, go and see what it's like there.

It's totally normal to be anxious about going back to work and your child going to nursery. And the extra worry of Covid on top makes it a lot worse.

But you shouldn't make a decision based on anxiety, without having the facts, especially when you might struggle to get another job in these times. And in a matter of weeks you'll likely be eligible for the vaccine anyway, so chucking in your job will be premature and something you're likely to regret.

Tbh OP,I think the first step you need to do is go to the doctor for help with your health anxiety. It's clear that your son being in nursery is the sticking point. Will you feel ok/comfortable to send him when you've been vaccinated? Your tone suggests not..Hence why I'd be seeking professional help for your anxiety

It would make no sense for us to lose a days wake from his salary for childcare.

Depends how you look at it. This is exactly why women are not taken seriously in the workplace half the time.

No no. Women are not responsible for their own oppression. It is not their fault that they tend to be paid less! It’s not their fault that employers look negatively on men taking time off for childcare.

We would always risk my job before my husband’s by taking time off for childcare because like most men he earns more and we need to eat and pay the mortgage to keep our children housed.

Great about the maternity pay!

Having a job at the moment is so valuable, and echo the other posters who illustrate how difficult the employment market is. At my work there is a vacancy and had 250 applicants, and is narrowed down to 10 on the short list - all who have experience in the role, some of who have also done a masters.

Could you try going back and seeing how it goes for 3 months and then decide?

@Doireallyneedaname

Well if you’re in group 6 it will be very soon as they’re aiming to have everyone vaccinated by July.

I would speak with work, explain the situation and discuss 2-3 months unpaid leave. You can always re assess then, but it depends how willing they are to accommodate you.

The risk to you is small, but I understand your concerns because I was there. I chose leave and I’m still on leave now. We cancelled nursery.

@Doireallyneedaname

What were your reasons?

No DH can’t cover, he’s the higher earner. I would have to do that

In that case, and in the current climate, I wouldn't even think of quitting your job far less getting signed off. They've already accommodated PT working, understandably refused WFH since there are business reasons to need you there and made the place Covid safe, so can hardly do any more

Frankly, if you push you could find the decision made for you, and a new employer - even if you could find one - may not even offer what you already have

@Layladylay234

It's clear that your son being in nursery is the sticking point. Will you feel ok/comfortable to send him when you've been vaccinated? Your tone suggests not.

Yes actually I would.

I’m not afraid of catching Covid. I’m afraid I will be severely ill, die and leave my son without a mum.

The vaccine will lessen that risk.

Any chance your gp could sign you off work ?

You can apply for parental leave which is unpaid and you get up to 18 weeks. You should have been vaccinated by then (probably both doses) and you will still have a job to go back to.

There are millions of people who have lost their jobs due to the pandemic and competition for new employment will be fierce. I think it's very unwise to quit.

What does your husband say about you handing your notice in?
What else do you think you can you do to minimise the risks?

OP, i’m lending you a grip. I think you need it.

Sending your child to nursery and going back to work is a very difficult and stressful time, and at the moment you have additional stress. It must be very difficult. Many people have vulnerabilities and have kids at school/ nursery and have not have covid at all, or have had it asymptomatically. It’s very unusual to be very badly affected at your age, but no not impossible. It’s a small risk, but there are many risks in life. If you’ve been able to avoid the risk up until now it is very difficult if you have to get out there, but most people find that it’s not as bad as they thought. Your employer will have many vulnerable people working for them, what they are saying isn’t unreasonable but it is your decision whether you want to go back. Nobody can tell you what’s best for you. Would I personally resign if I couldn’t do without the money? No personally I wouldn’t, especially as you’re likely to be vaccinated very soon. It’s not the case that it has no effect for the first 3 weeks and then suddenly full protection, it builds up from the day you have it. I think you’re very likely to be vaccinated in the next 4 weeks

I said I didn’t feel comfortable working from the office when I was able to do my job from home, and if it wasn’t possible then I wanted to postpone my return. I’m lucky in that they were absolutely fine about it.

Let’s face it OP, you’ve already made up your mind.
You’ve ignored or discounted every single suggestion and latched on to the very few posts that semi agree with your decision.

Exactly what we’re you hoping to achieve with these threads if you won’t even consider people’s suggestions on getting help and mitigating risks?