I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

The thoughts that come into my head are firstly, the infection levels will probably be a lot lower in four weeks time, and secondly, why are there people in the office at all? 'Business requirements' sounds like 'I don't trust my staff' or an excuse for a micro-manager. The advice is work from home if you can, and I am sure you would not have asked to do so if you could not.

Unpaid leave may be an option, but I still think you could probably wfh and indeed probably so could many if not all of those in work now, at least for some of the week. If all of the team only did one day a week in the office, distancing and shared use of facilities could be greatly minimised.

[quote readyplayer2]@Brunt0n

No it’s a performance to make themselves feel better, like people stepping out into the road when they see someone walking towards them on the pavement. It doesn’t actually do any good.

I can’t tell if you’re being serious or sarcastic..[/quote]
I was being serious.

Unless you’re working in a health care setting (when it’s good practice anyway, even pre pandemic) you don’t need to strip off when you get home.

Seriously OP, you need to get help for that anxiety. It’s going to hold you, and more importantly your son, back.

RIsk v benefit, I'd stay in work.
Be interesting to hear what your DH thinks you should do?

But even if you worked from home you'd need to put your child in a nursery.

You've convinced yourself you are going to catch covid and that is you do you'll die. None of that is inevitable.

What is inevitable though is that if you leave this job you will find it hard to get an other and so be fucked financially.

BMI of 40 is high. You really need to get that under control and then you wouldn't be so concerned over your health.

Hi OP

First of all, please accept a virtual hug and a . Your anxiety is palpable. I have trigger asthma but not had an attack for months now (allergens are dust and dander - I avoid both) so believe me, when I tell you I understand what it is like not to be able to breathe: I went to hospital two years ago and they gave me oxygen there. They suspected COPD at the time. It was one of the most frightening times of my life.
In short, I understand your anxiety.

I just wanted to let you know that it isn't a given that you will catch the virus - I have had sick colleagues and pupils throughout (I work in a school) - I had been in close proximity to many of them and have been Covid negative thus far.

I think that resigning would be the wrong thing and wiping down your phone, keyboard, hand sanitising, not entering more than two to a kitchen, having window open, wearing your mask if allowed, being polite but not socialising as such: much of that should give you back a sense of control for your work environment. The nursery, I appreciate, is a different prospect but in twenty months' time reception will be mandatory.

What does your husband think to your plans? If he supports you in the short-term, that's something but a gap with caring responsibilities makes it so much harder with applications is all I would add.

Take care x

@RampantIvy

What does your husband say about you handing your notice in? What else do you think you can you do to minimise the risks?

@RampantIvy

He thinks I should go back, he thinks it will be good for my MH, and good for our son to go to nursery.

He’s happy for me not to return if I feel like I can’t go back.

He’s supportive, always encouraging me to get out and try new things.

I know I’m not helping myself. I haven’t been to shops etc for over a year.

I caught the tail-end of a discussion recently in which the speakers mentioned that they currently have up to 500 applications for each entry-level position that they advertise - when furlough shakes out after Covid, they expect this to increase. They're a small organisation and they're at the point where they won't be able to read through the forms and CVs that they receive.

It's important both now and for the future to keep any employment until such time as something better is available (obvious exceptions).

@Undisclosedlocation

Let’s face it OP, you’ve already made up your mind. You’ve ignored or discounted every single suggestion and latched on to the very few posts that semi agree with your decision.

Exactly what we’re you hoping to achieve with these threads if you won’t even consider people’s suggestions on getting help and mitigating risks?

@Undisclosedlocation

I haven’t ignored them. Not at all.

I’ve read every single one.

On a shift so I can’t RTFT but it occurs to me that a bmi of 40 is very much likely to be able to be reduced. So you’ve not “done everything” really to lower your risks.
Why not see your Gp about a realistic weight loss plan and take some time off as extra leave to work on that? Your risk of dying younger than average due to cardiovascular disease etc is high so you face more risk than covid.

@peak2021

why are there people in the office at all? 'Business requirements' sounds like 'I don't trust my staff' or an excuse for a micro-manager. The advice is work from home if you can, and I am sure you would not have asked to do so if you could not.

Yeah well this sums up my employer pretty well.

I love my job, the company not so much.

You are indulging this way too much.

If you’re that worried, lose some weight. We’ve been in this situation for a year now, with a BMI of 40 you could have made SOME headway against that if you were genuinely concerned about your health.

That will bring your risk down and then your son can go and benefit from nursery and you can remain financially stable.

Don’t stay at home. You’re not helping your own mental health with this siege mentality.

“I haven’t ignored them. Not at all.

I’ve read every single one.”

That’s great Op, so which ones are you going to implement?

@Incogweeto

It would make no sense for us to lose a days wake from his salary for childcare.

Depends how you look at it. This is exactly why women are not taken seriously in the workplace half the time.

No no. Women are not responsible for their own oppression. It is not their fault that they tend to be paid less! It’s not their fault that employers look negatively on men taking time off for childcare.

We would always risk my job before my husband’s by taking time off for childcare because like most men he earns more and we need to eat and pay the mortgage to keep our children housed.

Employers don’t look negatively on men taking time off for childcare. A lot of men peddle the narrative that they’re totally inflexible at work because they don’t want to do their bit. There are frequently posts on here from women saying that men work for them and could have flexibility but it’s only the women asking for it.

Women who have children with men who don’t do their bit and then expect their employers to put up with them taking all the required flexibility absolutely are responsible for making the situation worse for other women, some of whom desperately want to be taken seriously in the workplace.

We need to consider why many men already earn more by the time children come along. Could it be anything to do with the fact that employers are less keen to employ and retain young women compared to young men because they have repeatedly experienced women going off to have children and then coming back and taking all the sick days, early finishes etc while their husbands breeze on as normal? Perhaps if more women demanded their husbands step up then we could start breaking the cycle a bit.

Someone’s maybe suggested it but can you request unpaid parental leave to buy you another few weeks at they end of mat leave?

It would mean you’re definitely vaccinated by then.

@Isadora2007

Why not see your Gp about a realistic weight loss plan

I’ve already done this ☺️

I’ve been making some really good changes and have lost weight for the last few weeks.

This week I’ve lost 4lb, in a week.

I know I’ve a long way to go, but it’s a good start.

Your BMI probably poses more of a risk to your than Covid.

I know it's not easy but why not look at losing weight and keeping your job.

It will be incredibly hard to find a new job soon as there will be so many people looking.

It will help with your anxiety too.

Just read you’ve already asked work about leave. I really feel for you and you’re getting a lot of unnecessary stick here.

We sound really similar and I think a lot of the people telling you that you’re being ridiculous are likely the same people that think covid only affects “old people.”

You’ve got a new child and everything is scary right now, I can completely understand it.

When I was going through this my partner was alternating between encouraging me to quit and telling me I should really think about it. This made it so much harder.

@Alternista

You are indulging this way too much.

If you’re that worried, lose some weight. We’ve been in this situation for a year now, with a BMI of 40 you could have made SOME headway against that if you were genuinely concerned about your health.

That will bring your risk down and then your son can go and benefit from nursery and you can remain financially stable.

Don’t stay at home. You’re not helping your own mental health with this siege mentality.

Agree

@readyplayer2
^”I also can’t delay my son staring nursery without paying.

I’ve already delayed him starting and they let me do things foc.”^

Delaying sending your son to nursery, but still paying from the current planned settling in date, will cost an awful lot less than you being unemployed for 6-12months (at least).

You are not certain to get anything let alone covid. I didn't catch it from DH who was coughing all over the place with no SD at home when he tested positive.

If you want to leave then leave. It seems like no one here can change your mind. I think you would be daft to give up a job that you need especially as there are far more people ready and willing to take your place in this current economic climate which will probably get worse before it gets better.

@Alternista

You are indulging this way too much.

If you’re that worried, lose some weight. We’ve been in this situation for a year now, with a BMI of 40 you could have made SOME headway against that if you were genuinely concerned about your health.

That will bring your risk down and then your son can go and benefit from nursery and you can remain financially stable.

Don’t stay at home. You’re not helping your own mental health with this siege mentality.

@Alternista

Oh gosh, why didn’t I think of this. If only I’d know it was that simple....

I know my weight is a risk. I’ve not had the best start to motherhood so haven’t really been in the right frame of mind.

My BMI wasn’t this high when I was pregnant!

Of course he think you should go back, you can't afford not to work! I'd honestly be considering leaving you if you made a unilateral decision to become a SAHP and hide over this. It should be a mutual decision.

We're in an era of huge unemployment, too.

@WhateverJudy why are you supporting sexism in the workplace? People working part time are paid only for those hours, maternity and paternity leave are a legal requirement, as is being able to request flexible working. Often if you treat your employees well they reward you with loyalty. It’s also pretty inconvenient when people leave jobs every year or two to career climb. Also inconvenient when people take time off sick repeatedly. Pre-judging based on sex should not be tolerated. If you have an individual employee who is shirking responsibilities go through a legal process to get rid of them

So, what does your husband think about him having to be the sole earner now? I would be super pissed off if my dh wanted to pack his Job in for the reasons you give.

There is nothing I can add that hasn't already been said but I think your reaction is massively disproportionate to your risk and I suggest you also see your gp, as this level of anxiety - threatening to quit your job because you're afraid of something with a minimal risk to you that you likely won't get - is not healthy. At all.

I wouldn’t hand in my notice if I couldn’t afford to. You will get your first dose of vaccine within the next few weeks. There are millions freshly unemployed and this number will only increase in the coming months - giving up a job now due to anxiety only to face financial stress in 6 mths’ time is a worse scenario to be in.

It’s not a dilemma/option if you can’t afford it.