I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

I'm not sure if this helps you or not but I lived your fear. I am 5ft 2, asthmatic treated with steroid inhalers and currently weigh about the same as you as I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Even when not pregnant I'm overweight with a lower BMI but still overweight.

I caught covid from my daughter after an outbreak at nursery. I was ill for about 2.5 weeks and had about 3 days where I really struggled to get out of bed and I was breathless a lot of the time. I was taking nebuliser doses of inhaler at home for a few days and was given blood thinners due to the risk with pregnancy. I've now since recovered really well, no lasting effects except an increased drive to get healthy again after I've given birth.

I’m not being funny but if you can’t even go into a shop how do you propose coping with going to a vaccine centre?

As others have said speak to your GP. You can’t raise your child this way, with a mum who’s scared to go out, it’s not fair.

[quote readyplayer2]**@Kintsuji

I really really want to believe that.

I read the stats every single day. I know the numbers of deaths for my age group.
I see the amount, but I still cannot believe that I won’t die from Covid.

If I was fit and healthy maybe I’d feel better, but I’m not.

I have awful intrusive Images of being on a ventilator, struggling to breathe.😔

If there was a pill that would make this go away id take it.
But I’m scared about side effects, I’m worried I’ll get worse than I already am.
I’m worried other mums will judge me if they find out I’m on medication.

All I seem to do is worry.[/quote]
Everything @Kintsuji said is true.

How would anyone know you are taking medication? The don't make you wear a badge or anything!

You need to dig deep and contact your GP. What side effects are you concerned about? Do you think you can feel much worse? What have you got to lose in trying medication at this stage?

In the kindest possible way, the only thing you could legitimately be judged for is not seeking help when you know you need to and you are instead allowing that to impact on your sons quality of life

@RedcurrantPuff

I’m not being funny but if you can’t even go into a shop how do you propose coping with going to a vaccine centre?

As others have said speak to your GP. You can’t raise your child this way, with a mum who’s scared to go out, it’s not fair.

@RedcurrantPuff

Well I’ve been to the Drs to take my son for his vaccinations. I’ve been to hospital appointments too.

Think there’s a difference between a well organised medical facility and a supermarket.

[quote readyplayer2]@Kintsuji

I really really want to believe that.

I read the stats every single day. I know the numbers of deaths for my age group.
I see the amount, but I still cannot believe that I won’t die from Covid.

If I was fit and healthy maybe I’d feel better, but I’m not.

I have awful intrusive Images of being on a ventilator, struggling to breathe.😔

If there was a pill that would make this go away id take it.
But I’m scared about side effects, I’m worried I’ll get worse than I already am.
I’m worried other mums will judge me if they find out I’m on medication.

All I seem to do is worry.[/quote]
Honestly - I think you need to face this head on.

At the start of this I was terrified. I'm patient facing NHS and I'd cry every day on the way to work. I'd strip off in the garage before seeing my kids. I'd watch the news of the hideous scenes in Italy and I was convinced it would be me.

However as time has gone on I feel better. I'm not blasé. I had COVID. But I manage my risk and anxiety best I can.

I think you'll feel better getting out and seeing people. Can you start going to the supermarket? Meeting a friend for a walk?

@sylbunny

I'm not sure if this helps you or not but I lived your fear. I am 5ft 2, asthmatic treated with steroid inhalers and currently weigh about the same as you as I'm 32 weeks pregnant. Even when not pregnant I'm overweight with a lower BMI but still overweight.

I caught covid from my daughter after an outbreak at nursery. I was ill for about 2.5 weeks and had about 3 days where I really struggled to get out of bed and I was breathless a lot of the time. I was taking nebuliser doses of inhaler at home for a few days and was given blood thinners due to the risk with pregnancy. I've now since recovered really well, no lasting effects except an increased drive to get healthy again after I've given birth.

@sylbunny

Thank you. Glad you’re feeling better.

But what if you had a small child in nursery?

But even if you wfh your child would surely need to be in nursery?

I have high BMI and am a good bit older than you. I don’t have kids in nursery but I had 2 in a high school of 1600 kids 🤷🏼‍♀️ Was I apprehensive and a bit worried , yes, but I had to get on with it

@Sunshinegirl82

You need to dig deep and contact your GP. What side effects are you concerned about? Do you think you can feel much worse? What have you got to lose in trying medication at this stage?

I’m worried they might make me just feel numb?
Emotionless.

[quote readyplayer2]@Kintsuji

I really really want to believe that.

I read the stats every single day. I know the numbers of deaths for my age group.
I see the amount, but I still cannot believe that I won’t die from Covid.

If I was fit and healthy maybe I’d feel better, but I’m not.

I have awful intrusive Images of being on a ventilator, struggling to breathe.😔

If there was a pill that would make this go away id take it.
But I’m scared about side effects, I’m worried I’ll get worse than I already am.
I’m worried other mums will judge me if they find out I’m on medication.

All I seem to do is worry.[/quote]
Look I really don’t want to be mean, but are you seriously going to screw up your family’s financial future, leave you child with a parent unable to live a normal life, and make yourself utterly miserable because actually dealing with your mental health issues is possibly embarrassing? And you’re worried about “side effects”, please tell me what side effects could POSSIBLY be worse then where you are?!

Your judgement of what is going on here is massively clouded. You need medical intervention to see reality. You are the only thing right now that is standing in the way of your child having two happy, healthy and prosperous parents.

PLEASE STOP saying that you wouldn’t be anxious if you didn’t have risk factors. They are irrelevant, you are irrationally obsessed because you have HEALTH ANXIETY. Which you need to stop denying and treat, before it completely ruins your life.

I’m worried they might make me just feel numb?
Emotionless

Modern antidepressants and anti anxiety meds don’t work in this way.

Beliefs are not facts.

So if the side effects are worse than living like you are, then you get them adjusted. Or stop taking them even. You seem intent on just dismissing every route to getting well

You owe it to your family to try to get better

Numb? Emotionless?
So what? Give them a try. After 6 weeks if they don't agree we you speak to your GP. You aren't being force-fed them forever.

@Mucklemore

I think you'll feel better getting out and seeing people. Can you start going to the supermarket? Meeting a friend for a walk?

I met a friend for a walk on Friday.

We went to a local park. I took a flask of coffee, sat on a bench (distanced) and we talked whilst out babies slept.
I know you’re not supposed to meet to socialise, but I really, really needed to do that.

The sun was shining and it was a really lovely morning.

I feel okay outside, I did have a bit of a panic when I got home and started to worry I’d gotten close, but I knew I hadn’t and was able to be rational
about that.

I honestly feel great! I feel like myself again. I enjoy my DC more, my DH more, my job more (and work was a huge anxiety trigger for me pre medication). I still have worries but they are proportionate and not all consuming.

If you do feel there are side effects that are intolerable you can try alternative medication or come off them altogether.

In the nicest possible way you are now so anxious about everything that I really think you will need medication to get on top of this. In a few weeks you could feel like a completely different person, I felt better within days. Speak to your GP.

Surely you can see that refusing to get essential medical help (even when not doing so will have a massive negative impact on your family) is massively unreasonable of you? And selfish?

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

Surely you can see that refusing to get essential medical help (even when not doing so will have a massive negative impact on your family) is massively unreasonable of you? And selfish?

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

I’m not refusing to get help. I’ve spoken to my GP and I was referred for CBT.
She didn’t even offer any medication.

Op YABU

You are letting your anxiety get the better of you. If you quit your job then you may start getting anxious about not getting a job. I say this as someone who suffers from anxiety - as soon as something awful doesn't happen my mind races to the next thing that might. I ignore these thoughts - otherwise I will be a nervous wreck.

As an aside my BMI is down to 32 as I have lost 16lbs since New Year. My asthma is still awful (admitted annually due to attacks but not CEV as never been in ICU). I take 4 daily medication for my asthma.

Now I do wfh but DS attends school (well he will do once they back) and DH works in an office. I go out without issue.

Good luck OP but please be sensible

I think I might have missed this but I’m slightly confused...even if your employer did agree for you to WFH what are you doing about caring for your son whilst working from home? Surely he still needs to go to nursery to allow you to work? Or are you suggesting to your employer that you will be childcare and working. In which case I’m not surprised they have said no

The first time I spoke to my Gp they referred me to an online self help service. I called again after two weeks and told them I was at the point of not being able to go to work because I was so anxious and I needed medication and I was prescribed it immediately. You need to be really honest, don't try to put up a front. They won't judge you.

OP, how would you feel if your DH did this? Imagine if he resigned, was too afraid to go the supermarket and stopped your DS attending nursery. Even though statistics didn't support his fears. Imagine that lots of people advised him to tackle his health anxiety, but instead he was afraid to take anti-anxiety meds IN CASE he felt numb. He also hung around in a waiting list for free CBT instead of investing in private therapy. Wouldn't you think what a bloody selfish dick - sabotaging our family and refusing to help himself?

You need to go to your GP and tell them the truth: this has taken over your life, you’re not able to go in a shop, you’re not able to work, you’re getting anxiety attacks about really basic things. You need medical intervention immediately. You are having completely innacurate distortions of reality.

The above is what an a objective observer can easily say about your behaviour. This is what you need to tell the doctor, not “oh I’m feeling a bit anxious, but just as a rational response”

@Whatelsecouldibecalled

I think I might have missed this but I’m slightly confused...even if your employer did agree for you to WFH what are you doing about caring for your son whilst working from home? Surely he still needs to go to nursery to allow you to work? Or are you suggesting to your employer that you will be childcare and working. In which case I’m not surprised they have said no

@Whatelsecouldibecalled

Yes I’ve already answered this.

If I wfh, (until the vaccine) my mil would have our son.

She wouldn’t do this long term as she has Copd and becomes very breathless, so running around after a 1 year old wouldn’t be easy for her.

Short term 4/5 weeks would be manageable.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

You need to go to your GP and tell them the truth: this has taken over your life, you’re not able to go in a shop, you’re not able to work, you’re getting anxiety attacks about really basic things. You need medical intervention immediately. You are having completely innacurate distortions of reality.

The above is what an a objective observer can easily say about your behaviour. This is what you need to tell the doctor, not “oh I’m feeling a bit anxious, but just as a rational response”

Absolutely this. Having anxiety recognised by professionals and trying medication and / or therapy can be life changing.

Your anxiety is only going to get worse if you find yourself unemployed in a tanking economy in far more crowded than usual job market.

This is critical now - it's affecting your mental health, employment prospects, finances and family life.