I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

@NoSquirrels

OP made her mind up before she even posted this thread. This is her second post on the topic and last time she was told the exact same thing yet she went for round 2 hoping people would be more sympathetic.

Actually MsHedgehog it’s much more likely she posted again because she KNOWS it’s anxiety and wants to be convinced not to give up her job. But the anxiety is winning.

OP - can your DH take any time off to care for his DS while you go back initially, allowing you to delay nursery?

Can you ask the GP for something for the anxiety?

Can you look into a nanny on a short-term contract?

Can you talk to HR or a manager in person by video honestly about your anxiety and waiting for the vaccine and temporary parental leave until this happens?

@NoSquirrels

DH can take two weeks off, but I’ve already delayed nursery. My son was supposed to start mid Feb (end of my mat leave)
I changed this as my employer allowed me to take leave from mid Feb until the end of March.

Nursery won’t allow me to change the date again without paying for his dates as they have reserved the place.

The thing that’s frustrating me is I really want him to go to the nursery we’ve picked.
I’m just so frightened of me getting Covid .

@Twisty333

With an attitude like this you would be doing your employer a favour if you resigned anyways so my vote is go for it!

@Twisty333

I’m not sure what you mean by this?

I wanted DH to give up his job in a busy supermarket last year when covid was spreading around the UK, because I'm clinically vulnerable and was scared I'd die if I caught it.

We had a long talk and I accepted it wasn't practical as we needed the money.

I caught covid and all I had was a runny nose and my taste was off.

I'm so glad he didn't give up his job as we'd have been up shit creek for nothing.

I would say no, don't hand in your notice, but it's entirely your call.

@Haffiana

I know I’m not helping myself. I haven’t been to shops etc for over a year.

I think this is the root of all your problems. You have institutionalised yourself. Of course you can't cope with the thought of going back to work if all you have experienced for a whole year is the inside of your own home.

If you cannot break out of this now there is a very real risk you will pass this fear on to your child. It needs you to make small steps right now.

Tomorrow, get up and go to the supermarket and buy some food - buy anything. Make yourself do it. Do this small thing so that you have a normal future. A vaccine will not help you unless you can get out of your house. You will find there will be a new reason not to do it after the vaccine, a new reason to not engage with life. You need to address this now, because each day it will get harder.

@Haffiana

I can’t. Honestly. I really can’t.

I’ve tried but I just cannot go to a supermarket.

I feel like Covid is everywhere. It’s in the air.
If I breath I could be breathing in Covid from the supermarket.

I’d just worry for days after that I’d got symptoms.

It’s not worth the worry. 😔

There is no proof of one vaccine having greater efficacy in overweight patients than the other. I think @HShorror was being hypothetical

@LIZS

Or when you go back then . Why did you not follow up on the zoom team meetings?

@LIZS

There haven’t been any yet, not that are relevant to my department.

I think you're making a big mistake. If you're already overweight I can't see that getting any better being at home all the time. Most people I know who wfh or sahm already overweight just get fatter (me included!)

I worked when my dc was a baby and then later in went on to being a sahm. I'm so glad I worked when dc didn't really know who was looking after them, I had a lot of extra disposable income and it made life a lot easier. Dc and me have the best bond so no issues arose from it.
Your risk is very very low and also vaccines are being rolled out. One more thing, your psoriasis could get much worse if you end up in a stressful predicament financially too.
Anyway I hope it all goes ok but I do think you're making the wrong decision.
Personally I'd go into the office for a first day or one of the days back you can get after maternity leave before your in ft and then quit if I I truly thought it wasn't safe for me but given you reasons you're already in some unhealthy categories as it is and not working is more likely to exasperate your existing conditions than going back to work or covid.

@readyplayer2

Stay with me on this one. I still think you need some medication but you need to start working on getting out.

We're working with my son on a fear of toilets. We're starting with super baby steps. The first step was to step into a toilet for 1 second, then 5 seconds etc.

Tomorrow, drive to the supermarket, park as close as you can, get out of your car for 1 second. Drive away.

The day after, step outside for 5 seconds, the next day take a step towards the shop.

Decide on the min you will do each day and see how far you can push yourself.

Don't quit your job! You know it's not the right decision.

If you really can’t go to the supermarket, then I can’t see you getting out of the house to go to work.
What are you going to do?

Did you see gp in person or over phone? How do you plan to get your jab? Get dc to nursery or mil? Try taking a short walk outside , within sight of home. Gradually go further. Your ds needs fresh air and a change of scene.

Sounds to me like anxiety and unfortunately people on Mumsnet/MSM government etc has caused this so people are shit scared

I really think you will regret giving your job up there will be a massive crash
I am anxious and you can get help

You could get anti-anxiety meds from your GP. You could pay privately for urgent therapy starting this week - throw money at the problem. Even if you spend £1000 on urgent therapy it would be cheaper than giving up your job.
You could pay for your son to go to nursery while you stay at home so that you don't lose your place. But you fear he'll bring Covid back to you.
If you can't face going to a supermarket, where you pass everyone quickly and never spend more than 2 mins near the same person, you'll never make it to work and sit in an office each day.
So you either pull up your big girl pants and tackle this anxiety with everything you've got. Or you lay down and let the idea of Covid being a threat defeat you. In 6 months you are likely to have worse MH because you have to attend interviews and your family will have money worries. Despite your DH being supportive, you are in denial if you think this won't affect your relationship.
You wrote an identical post last week. So many people have tried to help. But you are the only one who can fix this.

I really wouldn’t give up your job. You are probably weeks from vaccination.

OP can you ring your GP on Monday and get an urgent phone appointment to discuss anxiety? The fear you are describing around supermarkets and your assessment of your own risk of getting ill is way way out of proportion.

This is not a good time to be out of work, but worse than this is the concern is if you don’t get out and start engaging with the world, your anxiety is going to get worse and worse which will in turn make it difficult to parent or get another job.

I think you mentioned you are getting CBT? Can you get it privately to speed things up? I do also think you should talk to your GP about some medication. I think it’s really important to do some work like CBT alongside it, but medication could really help reduce your feelings of panic so doing that work is more in reach. I think also it’s anxiety making you anxious about medication - lots of people take it without major side effects and find it very useful indeed.

Please ring you GP on Monday for both your and your son’s sakes.

@Haffiana

I can’t. Honestly. I really can’t.

I’ve tried but I just cannot go to a supermarket.

I feel like Covid is everywhere. It’s in the air.
If I breath I could be breathing in Covid from the supermarket.

I’d just worry for days after that I’d got symptoms.

It’s not worth the worry.

Ok, do NOT send your resignation just yet. You need to speak to your GP asap, and tell them this - that you cannot even go to the supermarket. You need help OP, and it is OK, you can be helped. But you need to be absolutely honest with your GP and you need to do this now. First thing Monday morning.

And then you need to be just brave enough to do what your GP recommends - no if or buts.

Get help from your GP, get meds for your anxiety. You should not be that worried about dying of Covid. People in your age group are not dying in droves, there’s always going to be risks to life. You cannot avoid them all.

My kids have gone to nursery/school all the way though this pandemic and I’ve worked in our company office as a key worker all the way through. We have no had Covid as far as I know.my daughters school and nursery have both only had one case in that time.

I’m asthmatic, group 6, I was obese but since Jan have been losing weight and I’m not just ‘over weight’.

So it’s not a given you will get it, and actually losing weight will make a huge impact on your BMI, in 4 weeks I’m sure you could get it under 40.

Don’t quit your ideal job at what is probably the start of a huge global recession.

I’d just worry for days after that I’d got symptoms

And then you'd see that you had none.

And you would have learnt that it is not "inevitable" that leaving the house means death.

So the second time you would worry a bit less.

And less again the third time.

And less again.

That's the only way you break this cycle.

Please don't resign, OP, not while you are gripped in such anxiety. You'll regret it. Go to your GP and insist on meds - I take 150mg of sertraline (Zoloft) and it has saved my life. I understand entirely why you'd feel the way you do, but I promise you, you can get better. Really. In the short term see if you can be signed off with anxiety. But please, please don't resign. There's also a terrific book called "The Chemistry of Calm" by Henry Emmons which was a game changer for me.

I wish you the very best OP; please deal with your anxiety and don't resign.

I think the issue is your mental health and not actually returning to the office or nursery. They are just the things you are focused on at the moment.

Focusing on addressing the mental health issue, anxiety or whatever it is will be more useful than trying to look at ways to avoid going into an office.

What if you were allowed to work from home. Do you think you’ll feel better going out when you are vaccinated or do you think the worry will continue?

@LIZS

Did you see gp in person or over phone? How do you plan to get your jab? Get dc to nursery or mil? Try taking a short walk outside , within sight of home. Gradually go further. Your ds needs fresh air and a change of scene.

@LIZS

We go for a walk every single day.

Today we went to the park. I even put my son on the swings, which believe me, was a huge deal for me.
I’m fine outside. I feel less anxious outdoors.

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety

I haven’t denied anything, yes I’m anxious, but that’s because of my risks to Covid.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.[/quote]
You might not be any less anxious OP. Yes there are risks, but your anxiety is disproportionate to the amount of risk you are actually in, statistically given your risk factors. The way you speak you think that catching covid is a certainty and that dying from it is very likely for you. Neither of these statements are correct. The statistics don't match this. Your perception of the risk is not accurate. I'm not saying that because I think telling you the logic of the issue will help. I'm saying that because you are denying the role anxiety is playing. You say you'd be less anxious if you didn't have these risk factors but your anxiety is disproportionate to your risk factors. Your anxiety not covid risks is informing your choices and limiting your life and your families life.

My eldest ds and I both suffer from anxiety, it's a horrible place to be trapped inside your mind feeling like this. You mentioned being on a waiting list for cbt. Have you considered or tried medication? Your anxiety is massively limiting your life, your DC life, your DH life. Even if covid was gone tomorrow this level of anxiety won't just disappear. You need help with your anxiety. PPs have suggested you might be able to access tele counselling through your work, though I suspect this won't be specialised enough for your needs. In your situation I'd be speaking to my gp about medication, at least just to get through till you can start cbt.

@AIMD

What if you were allowed to work from home. Do you think you’ll feel better going out when you are vaccinated or do you think the worry will continue?

I can’t say the worry will be gone, but I really
do think I will feel much happier when I’m vaccinated.

None of us can tell you whether you’ve done the right thing but I personally wouldn’t give up my job. For me it’d mean a certainty of not being able to provide for my family vis a vis a very small risk of serious harm with Covid, even with the health issues you have.

Jobs are really, really hard to come by.

I advertised for an admin officer job, pay 20k. I had over a THOUSAND applications! Mostly really qualified people who would be accepting a drop in salary compared to their previous job. There are no jobs out there and unemployment is going to hit crazy levels.

@Kintsuji

I really really want to believe that.

I read the stats every single day. I know the numbers of deaths for my age group.
I see the amount, but I still cannot believe that I won’t die from Covid.

If I was fit and healthy maybe I’d feel better, but I’m not.

I have awful intrusive Images of being on a ventilator, struggling to breathe.😔

If there was a pill that would make this go away id take it.
But I’m scared about side effects, I’m worried I’ll get worse than I already am.
I’m worried other mums will judge me if they find out I’m on medication.

All I seem to do is worry.