I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

I would not resign, I would go back to work.
I have been working all throughout.
I do not think we can hide from it.
Yes, do our best not to spread it, but we cannot lock ourselves away till it passes.

OP, you are worrying a lot more than you need to.

Yes, your weight increases your risk - but at your age it's still a tiny risk. If you had covid chances are you'd either never know it, or feel a bit ropey for a week. When you've been at home for so long, it's easy to get into viewing the outside world as scary - I think once you get back to work you'll forget about it and be fine. There is no evidence offices are key transmission centres (seems to be hospitals and schools).

I would honestly think twice about resigning before you get another job, the economy is not going to be in a good place for a long time.

Op i feel for you. Your employer is being crap. If you could have wfh you should be able to. But
Even if vsxxed today it would take at least 3w to work.

It does sound like you are in grp 6 just for weight (asthma is just hospitalised before or 3 lots of steroids).

Im also very worried about covid.

We dont know how long the vaxs will work for and the other strains etc. So you need to achieve the weightloss so you can feel less worried. What if you are given AZ jab and that doesnt seem to work as well for eg.
Things like t2 diabetes can be serious too.

I disagree with others as no office will be covid secure unless you are in there alone. And really we should not all be having to take risks at work (most of us havent chosen to be army or police etc)

Have you made sure you have got vitamins as some deficiencies increase anxiety etc. (B12).

And yes nurseries are risky too the kids are just symptomless.

I found my fitness pal really good for weightloss.

I actually do agree with you, having had covid badly i dont want it again so im limiting what i do till i get a vax. Worst case scenario for me is ending up disabled and not being able.to.work.or even look after the dc. And for me that isnt that unbelievable

OP made her mind up before she even posted this thread. This is her second post on the topic and last time she was told the exact same thing yet she went for round 2 hoping people would be more sympathetic.

Actually MsHedgehog it’s much more likely she posted again because she KNOWS it’s anxiety and wants to be convinced not to give up her job. But the anxiety is winning.

OP - can your DH take any time off to care for his DS while you go back initially, allowing you to delay nursery?

Can you ask the GP for something for the anxiety?

Can you look into a nanny on a short-term contract?

Can you talk to HR or a manager in person by video honestly about your anxiety and waiting for the vaccine and temporary parental leave until this happens?

Sorry this sounds awful. If you get private health care with your job will that help speed up some help?

If you work from home, you will still need to use a nursery. So if the nursery is the biggest concern could you use a childminder that has fewer contacts and may be a lower risk for you? Or a nanny?

Not having gone anywhere for 12 months has allowed your anxiety to run rampant. Avoidance is the worst thing you can do, and the government has told you to avoid this - and so now that you do need to ‘take a risk’ for a few weeks you are terrified. But you’ll feel much better once you’re back at work and the baby is at nursery because you’ll have faced the fears and they will start to recede.

You do need to challenge yourself on this, because it will really adversely affect you if you don’t maintain your career (also because you’re saying worrying stuff about you being the one to always take time off not your DH etc and it’s a slippery slope to maintain independence after you’ve had maternity leave).

Good idea actually as parental leave can be claimed by men as well as women! He can ask for up to 28 days a year, or he may have holiday to use? Presumably he didn’t take any of the optional paternity leave so his employer may well be receptive to that

With an attitude like this you would be doing your employer a favour if you resigned anyways so my vote is go for it!

I mean this is a kind way but I'm not sure it will actually read that way, sorry.

The risk to you so is still very very small. I'm not going to try and dig out statistics but you're probably at higher risk of cancer than dying of covid.

I have found that people who have been able to completely isolate from the world (particularly on maternity leave) lose a little bit of the bigger picture and proportionality. If you hadn't been on maternity leave you would have most likely muddled through the uncertainty and fear, gotten used to it, and been entirely fine by now.

I think you should give work a try before you write it off, it's probably not as apocalyptic as you think out there.

You are an amazing parent. You put the needs of your family first. You chose your health and the welfare of your child over the needs of a business.
Your driving force and reasoning behind the decisions you make are very healthy.
Contact ACAS, Maternity Action and pregnant then screwed. Demand help with the decision you're making.
Trust your gut.

@Sunshinegirl82

I'm on medication for my anxiety and it has made a huge, huge difference. Please see your GP, you don't have to feel this anxious all the time.

Would you mind saying which one? I’ve never been offered medication before. I’m really scared to ask for some as I’m worried about side effects.

@TingTastic

You’ve said that the thing you’re most worried about was your DS going to nursery. So what was the plan, WFH while looking after him? If so, I really can’t blame you’re employer for turning you down

@TingTastic

MIL would watch him in the short term ie, if I wfh for 4/5 weeks until I was vaccinated.

Long term she cannot as she has COPD and would he unable to manage chasing around after him.

So why cant mil watch him while you go to the office, on kit days?

I know I’m not helping myself. I haven’t been to shops etc for over a year.

I think this is the root of all your problems. You have institutionalised yourself. Of course you can't cope with the thought of going back to work if all you have experienced for a whole year is the inside of your own home.

If you cannot break out of this now there is a very real risk you will pass this fear on to your child. It needs you to make small steps right now.

Tomorrow, get up and go to the supermarket and buy some food - buy anything. Make yourself do it. Do this small thing so that you have a normal future. A vaccine will not help you unless you can get out of your house. You will find there will be a new reason not to do it after the vaccine, a new reason to not engage with life. You need to address this now, because each day it will get harder.

@readyplayer2

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

Do it! New opportunities will open up. 14 months is so young - you’re plenty interesting enough for him! And what a year you’ve had for a maternity. If you can afford it I would without hesitation x

[quote PricklesAndSpikes]@readyplayer2
I’ve printed my resignation. I don’t see any other
way out of this fear.

Being blunt - how's your anxiety going to be in 6 months time when you can't get another job that is as perfect as yours, and you have run out of money? Or you have to take a job that is full time and customer facing? Or you DH is made redundant? Giving up this perfect job is not the answer, nor is waiting until covid has gone away (it never will), nor is waiting until you've had both jabs and are a normal BMI, nor is waiting passively for your CBT appointment.

You need to get to your GP, get on some anti-anxiety meds, keep losing weight, take your fear in both hands with the help of meds and go back to work. Your baby boy deserves you to be happy, which means continuing you to do the job you say you love and facing your anxiety. What is not going to be fair to him, is you giving in to your fears, staying at home, getting fed up of dieting, putting on more weight, having no money, losing yourself to anxiety and depression and that is a fate far worse than being proactive and getting help from your GP and then adding in the CBT when it becomes available.

Don't do it for yourself if that won't motivate you, go and look at your baby and think what is the best role model you can be - someone who recognises they have a problem and deals with it, facing the very small risk head on or someone who sits and passively waits for a miracle you know simply cannot happen and continues to spiral downhill. Living with a mother with severe anxieties and depression is a terrible thing for a small child to have to do, I would also say (from personal experience only) it is harder than actually losing them.

Deal with your anxieties now, otherwise your poor baby is going to grow up in a terribly small world as your anxiety of HIM becoming ill or injuring himself as he grows is going to become increasingly debilitating and you limit what he is allowed to do.[/quote]
@PricklesAndSpikes

This is my biggest fear 😭

I don’t want that for my son.

@B1rthis

You are an amazing parent. You put the needs of your family first. You chose your health and the welfare of your child over the needs of a business. Your driving force and reasoning behind the decisions you make are very healthy. Contact ACAS, Maternity Action and pregnant then screwed. Demand help with the decision you're making. Trust your gut.

Yeah, that'll pay the bills. So does demanding. She's not being treated any differently from anyone else in the office, none of them is working from home.

@LIZS

So why cant mil watch him while you go to the office, on kit days?

@LIZS

I don’t have any KIT days. I’m on annual leave now.

I asked about KIT days at the end of last year and was told that they weren’t allowing anyone into the building but they’d be happy to send me PPd’s to work through and I could join some team meetings via zoom.

@daisychain01

Could you request your employer to make a concession for you to wfh until you have your vaccine?

It would make zero business sense if they wouldn't be flexible on that - it sounds like you are in a quite senior role, with qualifications. Surely they wouldn't want to risk losing you for a matter of a few weeks wfh? Are they an antiquated employer that doesn't trust their staff?

@daisychain01

That’s what I did. I put it in writing, explained I’m waiting for the vaccine and could I wfh until I’ve had it.
They replied in writing today explaining that all members of staff are required in the office.

@readyplayer2

Then you know what you must do if you are really afraid of your darling boy growing up without you. If you allow your anxiety to rule you, then your boy is growing up without his mother anyway... Just because you are not dead, doesn't mean you are living.

Or when you go back then . Why did you not follow up on the zoom team meetings?

Have you spoken to anyone that you work with ?

have you asked or could you ask how they are finding the covid adjustments in your office 🌺

@HSHorror

What if you are given AZ jab and that doesnt seem to work as well for eg.
Things like t2 diabetes can be serious too.

Doesn’t the AZ vaccine work on fat people?

@readyplayer2

Sure, I am on paroxetine, only a fairly small dose but it just neutralises that constant, relentless feeling of panic. I had some very minor side effects for a couple of weeks but honestly they were nothing compared to how bad I had been feeling anyway!

I resisted medication for a long time but in the end I realised I needed it. I also realised that I was so anxious that I would really struggle to engage with any sort of CBT/talking therapy.

I honestly think you need medication at this stage based on what you are saying. Call your GP on Monday, tell them you are so frightened of leaving your house that you feel as though you will have to resign from your job. They will understand, anxiety is incredibly common. Honestly, it can be better.

Op you really do need to get to your Gp . There are lots of things that can help but you seem to see a negative in options that are being suggested eg worried about side affects of medication

You need to get a grip of your life before it becomes even harder for you.