I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

Quitting your job isn’t go to help your anxiety. It just means your family finances and your mental health will suffer until you deal with the actual underlying issue.

If it helps you my kids nursery has had no cases, kids have been all the way through. No issues.
Won't you have to pay back your maternity pay if you don't return to work?

OP I totally get how you are feeling, health anxiety is hard to live with in normal times let alone during a pandemic. We hear so many stories from friends and colleagues about younger people with no health conditions losing their lives to Covid it feel like pot luck as to whether if you caught it you’d be ok or not.

You have underlying conditions that put you in group 6 so of course your worried, all completely normal. Don’t let people tell you otherwise! You are waiting for cbt which I’m sure will help greatly.

As for quitting your job if you can’t afford to in the long term before you do send the letter can you go in and see what measures are in place, can you open windows, doors to get some air flow? Are your colleagues sensible and will adhere to social distancing etc. Pack up a lunch and some drinks that mean you don’t need to use communal areas. Anti bac or wipes to spray/clean the flush handle, taps and door handle before/after you’ve used the toilet. Just thinking about our risk assessment and everything included to make it as covid safe as possible.

"I’ve printed my resignation. I don’t see any other
way out of this fear."

There are other ways, plenty of them on this thread.

You can't afford not to work. You will regret this. What happens if you put your notice in this week and then you get called up for your vaccine?

You need to deal with your mental health and not hide behind your fears.

You will regret this.

But even if you reduced your bmi, had a jab, had well controlled asthma, did not have a toddler going to nursery, worked from home, you would still feel this way. If it wasn't covid it would be something else. You need to address the underlying anxiety. Working may be a step towards this. Keeping yourself and your ds shut away is not going to help your mh.

[quote readyplayer2]@Iliketeaagain

This sounds harsh, but it honestly sounds like you don't actually want to go back to work and now covid is a convenient excuse

Perhaps you (and many many others) don’t understand what it’s like to live with crippling anxiety.

I’ve worked my whole adult life, I went to university to qualify in my field, why would I want to throw that away.

I’ve been offered 3 days a week, I get the use of a company car, I get private medical care, I get a quarterly bonus. Why would I not want to return to that?

3 days a week is such a great balance, 3 days to enjoy my job, 4 days to enjoy my son and family life.

My reason for not wanting to return to work is because I’ve spent a full year at home, believing that I will catch Covid and die if I leave.

I’ve done lots of outdoor things but nothing indoors and the thought of sitting in an office or my son mixing with babies and adults petrify me.

I don’t want to die, like others don’t, but my beliefs and fears are so ingrained it’s hard to believe anything else.

It’s so upsetting when people say I’m making excuses because I don’t want to work.

It just shows how very little people understand mental health.[/quote]
Read this again OP. I have anxiety, I empathise. Anxiety is not rational, you are not being rational right now because of your anxiety.

Anxiety almost always latches on to something where there is a genuine risk it might happen, it's just that your brain can't rationalise the risk and so the response becomes disproportionate.

With me I convinced myself that my baby would die from herpes because he would come into contact with someone with a coldsore. Now that could possibly happen, but the risks are very, very low. At the time it felt inevitable to me. I spent hours looking at pictures of babies with herpes online so I could identify it when it happened. Obviously it never did.

I'm on medication for my anxiety and it has made a huge, huge difference. Please see your GP, you don't have to feel this anxious all the time.

@readyplayer2 Yes that’s right, and frankly I’m disgusted with a lot of the responses you’re getting.

I used to think like many of these posters regarding obesity. Then, I educated myself.

The fact is, if a person with a healthy BMI smokes, drinks etc - they are unlikely to be much healthier.

Anxiety is soul destroying and like you say, crippling. Have you tried self referring for therapy?

You’ve said that the thing you’re most worried about was your DS going to nursery. So what was the plan, WFH while looking after him? If so, I really can’t blame you’re employer for turning you down

@readyplayer2 the other way out of this fear is speak to your GP about medication.

@InsideNumberNine

So after this mammoth thread and the majority of people saying you'd be mad to give up a PT job, what are you going to do?

OP made her mind up before she even posted this thread. This is her second post on the topic and last time she was told the exact same thing yet she went for round 2 hoping people would be more sympathetic.

No matter what anyone else tells her, she believes her actions are perfectly reasonable. Wonder how she’ll feel in a few months when there are no jobs, and even if she is lucky enough to find one, they will want her back in the office!

Sounds like covid is being used an excuse to avoid going back to work altogether.

My reason for not wanting to return to work is because I’ve spent a full year at home, believing that I will catch Covid and die if I leave

Then you seriously need to seek some help from your GP OP.

Quitting a job you cannot afford to quit and leaving your family in a potentially tricky financial situation will do nothing for your MH.

Trust me I really do appreciate what it's like living with anxiety. But from an outsider's POV which I appreciate is easier to give, you need to tackle this via support and your GP not by hiding away and making your situation worse.

Easier said than done I know but you asked for opinions and I believe you'd be making a terrible mistake doing what you propose.

@TingTastic I asked that but the OP pointedly ignored me which gives a fairly clear answer. The same question was dodged on her previous thread. I feel for you OP but this makes for very frustrating reading. If you find yourself long term unemployed and your marriage were to fail, what’s your plan for supporting yourself and your son? Even if your marriage doesn’t fail, you have said yourself that you as a family can’t afford for you to quit work so quite how to you expect your husband to deal with your decision? It sounds like a recipe to cause severe strain to a relationship. I’m sorry you’re going through this but I don’t think anyone can help you any more than they have tried to on this thread so I’ll wish you well and bow out now.

@TingTastic

You’ve said that the thing you’re most worried about was your DS going to nursery. So what was the plan, WFH while looking after him? If so, I really can’t blame you’re employer for turning you down

Exactly! WFH whilst looking after a toddler is simply absurd and no employer would allow it on a long term basis.

[quote readyplayer2]@MrsBrunch

It's worrying that you said you missed your vaccination. How do you know this? I think you could get it this week if you have already been offered, surely that's the first thing to sort out.

I went onto the online booking system as I saw a post on here which said group 6 could book online.
I entered my NHS number and it came up with a message to say I’d missed my appointment and would need to rebook.
I clicked to book but it asked if I’m a carer, frontline worker or CEV (which I’m not) so it then said I’m not eligible to book online.

I called the Dr and told them what it said online about the appointment but they said nothing had been booked and I’d be notified when they had appointments.[/quote]
This is a system error I believe as seen that on another thread. You've not missed it, round here gp's are booking group 6 not the online system.

Quitting your job won't fix the anxiety. It will reinforce it and make life harder.

You do realise CBT will be about getting you to leave the house? There will be homework tasks to go out and about. Quitting your job to run from the anxiety is literally the opposite of what you'd be advised to do in CBT.

It will also be challenging the circular logic and distorted though processes you're using to make this decision.

Don't sabotage yourself even more in the meantime.

4 weeks is time to start working on exposure therapy strategies and negative thought challenging. There are free online resources (CCI resources for one) you can use.

You do have choices.

@readyplayer2 try calling 119. Grp6 are being notified by text here.

@readyplayer2, you have 4 weeks before you are due back to work, correct? But you are thinking of giving them 4 weeks notice?

So you might get a text or call tomorrow inviting you to book your jab and might in the same or next day!

Part time jobs in a field you enjoy, with good benefits are hard to come by and it sounds like you can't really afford to stop working.

Wait and see if you get vaccinated, if you get vaccinated in 2 or 3 weeks then you'll have resigned for nothing. I

Infections will be a lot lower in 3 weeks too hopefully If its only an office of 12 with 2m distancing, hand santiser and they won't let people out at lunch they are taking a lot of precautions too. So even if you're not vaccinated you may be less anxious because the risk of catching covid will hopefully be lower right now.

If you're still not vaccinated by the time you're due to work then you could see if you could get signed off as some other posters have said.

Just don't resign yet.

I have lost two jobs during this pandemic, I wouldn't suggest leaving a job when you can't afford it, it's really tough out there and will get tougher. If you can go back, hang in there and look for another job that maybe the most practical - good luck x

@NovemberR

For those telling you that you are ridiculous - I wasn't clinically vulnerable. I wasn't particularly poorly with Covid. Yes - it was like mild flu.

I am now in long Covid and suffering chronic fatigue. There are days when having a shower means I have to crawl back to bed. My body aches constantly, I have banging headaches. I have no energy whatsoever and my concentration level is zero. I cannot focus on reading, or watching tv or talking for long. To add to all this fun, I have insomnia and struggle to sleep which adds to my chronic exhaustion. I get out of breath very easily. All of these are recognised as symptoms common to long Covid now.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Those people who constantly re-iterate that we have to learn to live with Covid like the flu - this is from the Office of National Statistics

Around 1 in 10 respondents testing positive for COVID-19 exhibit symptoms for a period of 12 weeks or longer

Do you want a 10% chance of feeling like I do for 3 months or more? I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do re work/finances - but what I would say is that people scoffing about Covid not being dangerous to most people don't really understand what you could end up living with.

Whilst I am very sorry for the horrible situation you are in, this simply isn't relevant to the OP. She's in group 6 - her vaccine will happen imminently, before she returns to work in 4 weeks time.

I think you’ve made your decision, you don’t want to go back to that job. Sometimes we make decisions that aren’t the same as other people but that’s fine we are all different. Nobody knows whether it will be the best decision you’ve ever made or you’ll live to regret it but that’s life. Some areas are experiencing a boom so depends on what sector you work in as to how difficult you find it to get another job. Many, many people are experiencing increased anxiety currently, I hope you manage to access some good support

Get yourself kitted up in PPE , have a KIT day , see how you feel and then make your decision OP . You can’t make an informed decision about your workplace without a visit .

@readyplayer2
I’ve printed my resignation. I don’t see any other
way out of this fear.

Being blunt - how's your anxiety going to be in 6 months time when you can't get another job that is as perfect as yours, and you have run out of money? Or you have to take a job that is full time and customer facing? Or you DH is made redundant? Giving up this perfect job is not the answer, nor is waiting until covid has gone away (it never will), nor is waiting until you've had both jabs and are a normal BMI, nor is waiting passively for your CBT appointment.

You need to get to your GP, get on some anti-anxiety meds, keep losing weight, take your fear in both hands with the help of meds and go back to work. Your baby boy deserves you to be happy, which means continuing you to do the job you say you love and facing your anxiety. What is not going to be fair to him, is you giving in to your fears, staying at home, getting fed up of dieting, putting on more weight, having no money, losing yourself to anxiety and depression and that is a fate far worse than being proactive and getting help from your GP and then adding in the CBT when it becomes available.

Don't do it for yourself if that won't motivate you, go and look at your baby and think what is the best role model you can be - someone who recognises they have a problem and deals with it, facing the very small risk head on or someone who sits and passively waits for a miracle you know simply cannot happen and continues to spiral downhill. Living with a mother with severe anxieties and depression is a terrible thing for a small child to have to do, I would also say (from personal experience only) it is harder than actually losing them.

Deal with your anxieties now, otherwise your poor baby is going to grow up in a terribly small world as your anxiety of HIM becoming ill or injuring himself as he grows is going to become increasingly debilitating and you limit what he is allowed to do.

Could you request your employer to make a concession for you to wfh until you have your vaccine?

It would make zero business sense if they wouldn't be flexible on that - it sounds like you are in a quite senior role, with qualifications. Surely they wouldn't want to risk losing you for a matter of a few weeks wfh? Are they an antiquated employer that doesn't trust their staff?

@BungleandGeorge

I think you’ve made your decision, you don’t want to go back to that job. Sometimes we make decisions that aren’t the same as other people but that’s fine we are all different. Nobody knows whether it will be the best decision you’ve ever made or you’ll live to regret it but that’s life. Some areas are experiencing a boom so depends on what sector you work in as to how difficult you find it to get another job. Many, many people are experiencing increased anxiety currently, I hope you manage to access some good support

But she needs the money. Her family need to eat and have a roof over their heads...

Can you face postponing the decision until you've started your CBT?

I've been on medication for anxiety in the past, and I agree with others who say that if you do resign, you may well just find yourself just as anxious as something else in the future, be it a new job, a new health scare, or anything else.

I hope your anxiety becomes more manageable soon. This has been a really difficult year for people with anxiety, not least because our government has deliberately used messaging to make the whole population feel afraid.