I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

Aha so you do have insight into your behaviour.

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety, then get wounded and say “don’t say I’m making this up, I have health anxiety.”

The problem is you’re not getting help for the health anxiety, and your solution here is not dealing with your health anxiety. DEAL. WITH. YOUR. HEALTH. ANXIETY

Oh and I forgot to say, have you asked your employer about their covid safe measures or to see their covid risk assessments? I discussed this with a new mum anxious about coming into work this week and she said it was very reassuring, she's also doing a quick trip into the building next week to try and boost her confidence and see the COVID safety measures herself before coming back to work.

Morbidly obese means a dangerous condition likely to lead to premature death. I think they put it starkly so that people take it seriously. Don't take it personally OP.

It seems that you having just got your priorities mixed up. Focus on losing weight as that will help with everything. Check when you can have your vaccination (but do it before your BMI goes under 40).

It's worrying that you said you missed your vaccination. How do you know this? I think you could get it this week if you have already been offered, surely that's the first thing to sort out.

If you get private health care there must be a counselling service and probably an online one at the moment. Why not engage with that before making a big decision like handing in your notice?

You’re clearly struggling OP and it sounds like you really need urgent help with your mental health. If you won’t do it for yourself then do it for your husband and son. To hand in your notice and badly impact on your family’s quality of life in order to live like a hermit and deny your son development opportunities would be a tragedy. And sorry if this is brutal but if you did all that and you all suffered the consequences then you’ll still be morbidly obese and at serious risk of other health issues despite not leaving the house. Please look after yourself and get the help you really do need.

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety

I haven’t denied anything, yes I’m anxious, but that’s because of my risks to Covid.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.

Don't do it yet! You almost certainly will have had the vaccine in 4 weeks from now or at least have a date and then after 3 weeks you have really good protection. Faced with the hassle of recruiting someone new and waiting a couple more weeks at most surely your firm will wait, if grudgingly?

Meanwhile, please get yourself some mental health support. This will help you on your way to be less anxious and meet your goals. You have the next 5 years or so of your little one bringing home all sorts of bugs and the fitter and less anxious you are, the happier next years you will have where you will truly be able to enjoy him.

Good luck OP. A better future awaits....

baffled

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety

I haven’t denied anything, yes I’m anxious, but that’s because of my risks to Covid.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.[/quote]
You'd be less anxious about covid perhaps, but something else would be making you feel like this

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety

I haven’t denied anything, yes I’m anxious, but that’s because of my risks to Covid.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.[/quote]
REALLY struggling to stay patient with you here. So you admit you have serious health anxiety. But now you claim it’s actually a rational response WHEN YOURE NOT EVEN THAT VULNERABLE.

Look seriously just see a doctor. You’re acting so irrationally.

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

OP the problem with what you have said here is that you spend the entirety of the thread denying this is because of health anxiety

I haven’t denied anything, yes I’m anxious, but that’s because of my risks to Covid.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.[/quote]
But you’d still have anxiety. You’d just fixate on something else.

You need to tackle the cause of the problem. Your mental health is the issue, covid concerns are just a symptom

@MrsBrunch

It's worrying that you said you missed your vaccination. How do you know this? I think you could get it this week if you have already been offered, surely that's the first thing to sort out.

I went onto the online booking system as I saw a post on here which said group 6 could book online.
I entered my NHS number and it came up with a message to say I’d missed my appointment and would need to rebook.
I clicked to book but it asked if I’m a carer, frontline worker or CEV (which I’m not) so it then said I’m not eligible to book online.

I called the Dr and told them what it said online about the appointment but they said nothing had been booked and I’d be notified when they had appointments.

@WhateverJudy

You’re clearly struggling OP and it sounds like you really need urgent help with your mental health

Urgent...

Not sure if you saw my pp but I’m waiting for CBT.

[quote readyplayer2]@Twizbe

You've not answered whether you've asked your work place what covid secure measures they have in place

Sorry - so, they have said all desks are 2m apart.
In the office I’m in, there will be 12 of us (more in the building)
Wipes and hand gel are available.
Our office has a toilet just for us 12 to use.
No one is allowed to leave the building at lunch time.
Our office has a microwave and toaster so we don’t need to use a separate canteen and mix with the rest of the building.

What are nursery doing?

Key worker will collect DS at the gate, all his belongings will stay there (his bag etc)
Regular temperature checks on staff and children.

No mixing of staff from different rooms.

Also I saw you say that your DH can't take time to help when DC gets ill because he's the higher earner - nip that in the bud now. He can and must help out with drop offs, collection and sick days.

DH will be collecting DS every night.

I just meant that should DS be ill at nursery, I would be the parent that they would call.[/quote]
That's pretty secure. They have done pretty much what they need to.

I'm sure you could wear a mask as well at work if that would help.

Nursery are doing well too.

You need to get this anxiety dealt with. I can tell you now no vaccine will make that go away.

How about you keep the job and go private for CBT? Will still be way better financially for the family

@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

YOURE NOT EVEN THAT VULNERABLE

Are you a Dr....

Get signed off with stress Once vacc all clear go back.

[quote readyplayer2]@WhateverJudy

You’re clearly struggling OP and it sounds like you really need urgent help with your mental health

Urgent...

Not sure if you saw my pp but I’m waiting for CBT.[/quote]
You need some medication not just CBT. It's so crippling that you need to quiet that anxiety so you can think rationally.

You've already said what a great job you have abs you know you're fortunate to have the part time you want

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

YOURE NOT EVEN THAT VULNERABLE

Are you a Dr....[/quote]
Look, we spent the better part of the last thread going over this for 7 pages, your death stats as absolutely minuscule. You have seen this, so you start a new thread to get away from the facts

[quote readyplayer2]@Onjnmoeiejducwoapy

YOURE NOT EVEN THAT VULNERABLE

Are you a Dr....[/quote]
PLEASE just deal with your mental health issues. It’s actually pretty straightforward, ad unlike denial it won’t send your family finances into a tailspin.

If I were fit and healthy (no asthma, high BMI or auto immune problems) then I’d be less anxious about my outcome to Covid.

You know that’s not true. That’s not how anxiety works.

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it.

It absolutely isn’t and this is what makes me think you are being irrational.
You’ve been living in a bubble for a year and I honestly think the best thing for you to is to out in the world again. I could possibly understanding your argument if there was a vaccine which you are likely to get in the next fortnight if you are in group 6.
Don’t throw away your career for the sake of a few weeks. Ps I work in a nursery (as a subcontractor not staff) and in this one not a single child or staff member has tested positive the whole time.

So like many others, I will ask you this again. What would you like to happen? Because I can assure you it sounds like you know how lucky you are to have a part time flexible job with good benefits. Nobody can help you as much as you can help yourself. There are always going to be sacrifices to any decision you make. Just like there will be benefits. If you really do not want to return to work then give your job to someone who will jump at the chance to have the flexibility and opportunities that you have. 14 months off is incredibly generous.

@Frazzled2207

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it.

It absolutely isn’t and this is what makes me think you are being irrational.
You’ve been living in a bubble for a year and I honestly think the best thing for you to is to out in the world again. I could possibly understanding your argument if there was a vaccine which you are likely to get in the next fortnight if you are in group 6.
Don’t throw away your career for the sake of a few weeks. Ps I work in a nursery (as a subcontractor not staff) and in this one not a single child or staff member has tested positive the whole time.

Wasn’t a vaccine That should read

@Wineandshine

So like many others, I will ask you this again. What would you like to happen? Because I can assure you it sounds like you know how lucky you are to have a part time flexible job with good benefits. Nobody can help you as much as you can help yourself. There are always going to be sacrifices to any decision you make. Just like there will be benefits. If you really do not want to return to work then give your job to someone who will jump at the chance to have the flexibility and opportunities that you have. 14 months off is incredibly generous.

@Wineandshine

I really don’t know 😞

I would like for Covid to go away and for the last year of my life and maternity leave to have been “normal”.

I sometimes just wish I could step off of the world for a while. This isn’t what I signed up for.

I feel so sorry for my son and husband.

I’ve printed my resignation. I don’t see any other
way out of this fear.

I can’t possibly get my BMI to a “non risk” level by the time I go back to work, and my asthma isn’t going away.

I know I could’ve done something sooner with my BMI but to be honest food is the only happiness I’ve had. 😔