I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

This sounds harsh, but it honestly sounds like you don't actually want to go back to work and now covid is a convenient excuse - you can say your employer wouldn't let you wfh so you had no choice as you are so vulnerable.

But you do have a choice, and I think it would be a big mistake giving up a 3 day a week job at the moment. Because it will be hard to get another in a few months when there are people desperate for work who can do any hours, any days and will be happy to be an in an office.

Your employer granted your flexible working request to reduce your hours, so I'm not sure how much they actually even need to consider a second flexible working request to work from home (depends on policy, but where I work, you can make 1 flexible working request per 12 month period, any others may be granted / considered if possible, but it doesn't even need to be considered until after 12 months since the last one).

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it.

Really, no. I am a senior leader in a school and have been in work throughout the lockdowns. My children have been in school and childcare by necessity during this time, and have each had to isolate a few times due to a positive case in their bubble. Unless we all had it asymptomatically, we have not yet been infected. Obviously I’m not suggesting that my anecdotal experience is binding but nor is your catastrophising assumption.

I can’t afford not to work and neither can you. You need to get help for your anxiety.

OP.. I'm vulnerable, older than you, can't work from home, neither can my DH, have a child in primary and another in a huge secondary... Weve worked/been in school through & this live in G Manchester so have had very high rates for a very long time...
I haven't had covid, neither has anyone in my family that we are aware if, despite very high local levels...
Your anxiety is ruling your head here... You need to go back to work.. The HSE and EHO have reviewed many workplaces, there is detailed guidance... Its an office environment.. Not the front line...

Bite the bullet, swallow your fear, Go back to work... Follow the best practices..
Good luck 🍀💐

I'm struggling to understand why your boss wants you back in the office if you can easily work from home. TBH it sounds like poor management, or the other members of staff are piss takers. I have been WFH for 11 months now, and it has worked very well.

OP - you can't afford to be a SAHM, so don't quit in panic, when you have a 3 day week job sorted.

Tasks to do - are you able to contact any other colleagues ? Ask them if you could chat, what's their view of the office being covid secure? Have colleagues been sticking to the rules? Have many been sick?

Look at the government data for your postcode, is it an area with high cases or not? You won't be sitting breathing in their covid particles if no one has it.

Contact your GP, can you get booked in for your vaccine, explain you are due back at work and your BMI. Also see if you can speak to them about your anxiety- this is massively out of proportion to the risk.

Finally, the risk is due to your BMI, the vaccine will mitigate this, but there are many other health risks from having a BMI that high. Perhaps use this as the shake up you need to change. Theres no point quitting your job and putting your family in a precarious financial position due to worrying about something that is a low risk to your health and then do nothing about something that is high risk to your health.

Oh how ridiculous. 10% of people have symptoms for 12 weeks or more doesn't mean there's a 10% chance of a 35 year old getting intense fatigue syndrome-like effects. Symptoms can be anything, and most commonly for covid the sequelae are respiratory in nature -- like any pneumonia. They're also more common in the old than the young, so again, taking a population-level number is not useful for a 35 year old, even an obese asthmatic with psoriasis (a club I also belong to!)

This kind of "be extra afraid beyond your actual risk" sort of fearmongering is unhelpful. Go back to work. MANY moms feel the tug of "I don't want to go back and leave my child at nursery" even in a regular year (I literally screamed and cried into my pillow the night before I had to go back to work). Consider that your covid anxiety may be in part a reaction your body is having to keep you close to your child. Try it for a week or two and see how you feel after getting out into the real world, where real people have been really living as essential employees since the beginning.

Sorry but this is another vote for it being a mistake. I have all your vulnerabilities except asthma but I do not perceive my risk as being anywhere near as high as you do. I think this is about risk perception and you are shooting yourself in the foot out of fear of something which is very unlikely to happen.

Practically speaking, it is a bad idea to leave a job you can't afford to do without in normal times but even more so at a time like this. If you can't bring yourself to return to this job or use a nursery at least look for a job where you can work from home before you hand in your notice.

Can you take unpaid Parental Leave for a month or 2 until you are vaccinated? Speak to HR.

@NovemberR

For those telling you that you are ridiculous - I wasn't clinically vulnerable. I wasn't particularly poorly with Covid. Yes - it was like mild flu.

I am now in long Covid and suffering chronic fatigue. There are days when having a shower means I have to crawl back to bed. My body aches constantly, I have banging headaches. I have no energy whatsoever and my concentration level is zero. I cannot focus on reading, or watching tv or talking for long. To add to all this fun, I have insomnia and struggle to sleep which adds to my chronic exhaustion. I get out of breath very easily. All of these are recognised as symptoms common to long Covid now.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Those people who constantly re-iterate that we have to learn to live with Covid like the flu - this is from the Office of National Statistics

Around 1 in 10 respondents testing positive for COVID-19 exhibit symptoms for a period of 12 weeks or longer

Do you want a 10% chance of feeling like I do for 3 months or more? I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do re work/finances - but what I would say is that people scoffing about Covid not being dangerous to most people don't really understand what you could end up living with.

* what I would say is that people scoffing about Covid not being dangerous to most people don't really understand what you could end up living with*

They aren’t scoffing. It’s plainly true. “Most”

Oh how ridiculous. 10% of people have symptoms for 12 weeks or more doesn't mean there's a 10% chance of a 35 year old getting intense fatigue syndrome-like effects. Symptoms can be anything, and most commonly for covid the sequelae are respiratory in nature -- like any pneumonia. They're also more common in the old than the young, so again, taking a population-level number is not useful for a 35 year old, even an obese asthmatic with psoriasis (a club I also belong to!)

Beat me to it @WombOfOnesOwn. Agree.

Sorry if I've missed this, but even if you are allowed to work from home your son will still have to attend nursery surely? You can't expect to wfh with your child there? Sorry if you have already explained this...

I’m worried too as have som who has neutropenia and therefore minimal natural immunity

But I need a job

It will be far harder to find a new one

I’m just glad they are allowing me to do 3 days a week which means I still get to enjoy some time out of lockdown on my days off

I would give it up if maybe I didn’t need to work but I do

For those scoffing at the OP, maybe she is more risk averse than you are?

Although, I agree that she can do more to lower the risk - which she is already doing.

@TheyIsMyFamily

OP is morbidly obese with a BMI of 40, not to mention asthmatic. She is not healthy to begin with.

Alright, calm down.

I hate that label “Morbidly obese”.

Yes I’m fat but that term is vile.

I’m 5ft 3” and I’m 15st 13lb (was higher but lost 4lb this week)
I’m a size 18, I’m not a size 28!

Not denying my situation but I just hate labels and stereotypes.

On a completely separate point re your psoriasis. I suffered from psoriasis/eczema from being a baby. Big patches in my back or scalp etc I was never formally diagnosed with anything but was given hydrocortisone cream and betnovate but whilst it would clear for a few hours it would come back within the day

I had a revelation when someone told me it could be allergy related.
I cut out wheat for 2 weeks so no bread or pasta or anything that had a wheat product listed in the ingredients list. It was so hard it after 2 weeks my patches of psoriasis/eczema were noticeably less then alongside no wheat I cut out dairy for 2 weeks and within 10 days I was completely clear. (I also lost weight)
I haven’t eaten wheat or dairy since.
Apparently you are supposed to give up eggs for the following 2 weeks if the first 2 don’t work. Then mix and match 2 then 1 of the categories to see which gives the most relief

Good luck as I found the eczema/psoriasis more debilitating than my weight

I’m sorry I am a bit lost. On one hand you have requested to WFH but on the other you are most afraid of your son going to nursery. So that means you want to work from home and keep your son at home. Which is basically getting paid for the work of child care for your son. You can’t have it both ways (I think we all agree that child care is work). So on that basis YABU I think. Hand in your notice though in my opinion it’s a mistake and will be bad for your MH in the long run.

* Alright, calm down. *

I hate that label “Morbidly obese”.

Yes I’m fat but that term is vile.

It’s medical terminology.

And rather hypocritical you telling a poster to calm down about the very real risk presented by your obesity versus what your OP is about

I think it’s a huge mistake. Unemployment is going to increase massively once the furlough scheme ends. I think you like your little bubble. Your DH is wfh, and you have got used to having your family unit being with each other 24/7, and you’re now trying to find an excuse not to go back to work. If your company is not allowing any staff to wfh, can you imagine the drama it would unleash if they allowed you to? You must do what you feel is right for you, but I don’t think the company is to blame at all.

@Chewingle

* Alright, calm down. *

I hate that label “Morbidly obese”.

Yes I’m fat but that term is vile.

It’s medical terminology.

And rather hypocritical you telling a poster to calm down about the very real risk presented by your obesity versus what your OP is about

As PP said, that is a medical term to denote the fact that your weight is going to significantly reduce your lifespan.

Nobody is being rude by using correct medical terminology. It is not a label, its stating a fact. You don’t have to like it. But that doesn’t make it any less true

4 weeks is a while away. You need to work, you’ve been off for over a year and you have no idea what the set up is at work and are making decisions based on zero evidence, giving zero chance to the employer to prove to you your work place is safe.

You need to go in and give them a chance. They just think you’re trying to take the piss, and it does all stink to high heaven tbh.

Please understand that employers are under huge strain in terms of revenue and performance and will be looking for ways to cut their overheads. If you can’t afford not to work, then you need to show your employer that you’re committed.

In short, you’re not doing anything to help yourself here. Make changes and give others the chance to live up to their promises

OP if you had of been allowed to wfh, were you intending to send your child to nursery still? If so then what’s the song and dance about not being allowed to wfh when you say you’re most worried about nursery? Or were you planning to keep your child at home and decline a place at nursery, tell your employer you can’t get childcare and then fail to do anything like your actual work because you’re caring for your child but getting paid for it?

[quote readyplayer2]@TheyIsMyFamily

OP is morbidly obese with a BMI of 40, not to mention asthmatic. She is not healthy to begin with.

Alright, calm down.

I hate that label “Morbidly obese”.

Yes I’m fat but that term is vile.

I’m 5ft 3” and I’m 15st 13lb (was higher but lost 4lb this week)
I’m a size 18, I’m not a size 28!

Not denying my situation but I just hate labels and stereotypes.[/quote]
If you’re not ‘morbidly obese’ then why do you think you’re going to die? You know that’s what morbid means right?

@Iliketeaagain

This sounds harsh, but it honestly sounds like you don't actually want to go back to work and now covid is a convenient excuse

Perhaps you (and many many others) don’t understand what it’s like to live with crippling anxiety.

I’ve worked my whole adult life, I went to university to qualify in my field, why would I want to throw that away.

I’ve been offered 3 days a week, I get the use of a company car, I get private medical care, I get a quarterly bonus. Why would I not want to return to that?

3 days a week is such a great balance, 3 days to enjoy my job, 4 days to enjoy my son and family life.

My reason for not wanting to return to work is because I’ve spent a full year at home, believing that I will catch Covid and die if I leave.

I’ve done lots of outdoor things but nothing indoors and the thought of sitting in an office or my son mixing with babies and adults petrify me.

I don’t want to die, like others don’t, but my beliefs and fears are so ingrained it’s hard to believe anything else.

It’s so upsetting when people say I’m making excuses because I don’t want to work.

It just shows how very little people understand mental health.

It's not the best time to give up a job tbh, there's not a lot of them about, especially part time ones like yours. I work in HR/ recruitment and I can tell you many women find it really hard to get a job again after giving up a job to look after their kids.

Are you very risk averse to everything or is it just covid? Because you probably have a similar chance of dying in a car accident than you do of dying of covid - have you stopped going in cars?

Group 6 are being vaccinated now so if you'd be happier going back to work after a vaccine pps suggestion of requesting 4 weeks parental leave is a good one and you could add on any unused annual leave or ask for some ad hoc unpaid leave too.

Btw I had long covid and it's not always for ever- took me 5/6 months to get back to normal again, not great but people shouldn't think long covid is for ever.