I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

OP you are sarcastic to PP who suggest this, but seriously, it is within your control to do something about your weight. If you feel that it is not, then reach out to those who can help (eg GP). That is a risk factor that you can change.
I am a very cautious person in relation to covid, however even I don't agree with you resigning from your job over this. You can lose weight; you will be vaccinated soon. Your child will benefit socially by attending nursery. And you say you'd need to find a new job in a few months anyway - so you might be in the same situation then. Why don't you stay in this job, whilst looking for a job that you can do from home, and continue with the weight loss and hopefully get your vaccine soon.

How do you think supermarket workers etc feel ?, I think you watch the news a lot, most deaths are people over 80

If your worried about your bmi you could try and do something about it (not having a good ) , you will be surprised how much better you feel

I’m in a similar position to you, I have asthma and take a daily corticosteroid, my asthma isn’t controlled with just the normal brown one. As I understand it asthma isn’t a risk factor unless you have very severe asthma i.e daily tablet steroids and multiple hospital admissions per year.

My little girl goes to nursery (8 months) a few mornings per and they’ve had no cases. I think it can be intimidating going out after isolating for so long but I wouldn’t give up my job unless you are in a job sector where you’ll easily get a new one.

I wouldn't give up a job under current circumstances. There's consultation for redundancies going on at my work and genuinely people are rightly concerned about getting another job now.
There isn't jobs out there, so giving one up when the vaccination program is well under way seems crazy to me.

@TeacupDrama

I have no idea where you live but even if you work in worst area where cases are about 300 per 100,000 that is 1 in every 333 people that might have the virus, which means 332 out of 333 don't have it even asymptomatically, about a third are asymptomatic but 2 out of 3 have symptoms so will not be out and about for you to met even if you are with the 1 in 333 you have to be close enough for long enough but even them you still might not catch it, there are plenty of examples of people that have had it without their spouse or children catching it off them, so although there is a risk your actually risk of catching it is about 1 in 1000 maybe your risk of getting ill maybe 1 in 4000, your risk of getting seriously ill ? 1 in 10,000 your risk of needing hospital much less still and risk of dying even less than that and that is if you are in a ad area your area might be much better so the risks are tinier still obviously these numbers are an educated guess but they are not miles off There is nothing inevitable about your child getting it at nursery there has not been a single case at my daughters school in 11 months and if they do it is not a given you will definitely get it too I do not think giving in to your anxiety is going help long term even if it seems like the best right now, every day statistics are improving less positive tests less in hospital less in ICU more vaccinations etc in 2 weeks it will be better still

This isn't true. The Office of National Statistics tests a random sample of people in the community (i.e. not including hospitals). In the most recent week of results, 1 in every 145 people tested positive.

www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/healthandsocialcare/conditionsanddiseases/bulletins/coronaviruscovid19infectionsurveypilot/26february2021

@Mulhollandmagoo

Do you watch a lot of news, use excessive social media? Because if you do that won't be helping.

Yes. I do 🙁

OP I'm CEV, and have diagnosed anxiety - I get where you're coming from.

I was furloughed April to November, when I had to go back (wfh) DD had to go to nursery, I was terrified. I'd literally not left the house/garden for months and suddenly I had to send her to nursery.

I hope this reassures you about the risk from nursery - DD 4yo had been back for ONE WEEK and I had a call to say they had a confirmed covid case, one of the kids, and DD was a close contact. I was nearly sick, I cried, I panicked.

Not a single child at nursery caught Covid from that child. None. This is preschoolers - they're hugging, sharing snacks, sneezing, coughing, 'washing' their own hands after using the loo. The child developed symptoms while at nursery, and had been in for 4 days prior. It's like a perfect environment to spread it and not one caught it. It really really reassured me that if she didn't catch it in those circumstances then it's very unlikely that she will.

I also spoke to my hospital team for the condition that makes me CEV, they said they had no worries at all about DD going in to nursery - they said no one really knows why, but the younger the child the harder it is for them to catch it, they really didn't feel it was a risk to me worth worrying about at all. But they were really strict that I must shield, even to the point they advised I shouldn't go out for walks.

OP I think the risk to you is very low (have you actually looked at the current infection rates in your area to see what they are like?), but I also think your employer is being unreasonable. The government guidance is "work from home if you can" and you are also clinically vulnerable.

But I think you need to visit the office and see what it is like - you might be very surprised at how "safe" it feels.

OP I can see you are worried. But I too have a BMI of 40 (and I’m working on it, a stone off since the start of the year). I’m asthmatic and have psoriasis. I’m also over 60. I’ve been working right through the whole year, mostly with a team of 10 but meeting multiple members of the public daily, admittedly outdoors but many don’t keep a 2m distance or wear masks despite our request. We also have an adult son working from home in our house, and he travels to his office once a week and mixes with many other people. I know I’m relatively high risk, but I’m also healthy, and balancing it up life must go on.

I’m being vaccinated this week as I’m over 60, but cases in my area have been very much higher for the past year than they are now and I’ve not caught it. Interestingly, neither have any of my team, who range in age from 18 to 61. Some have small children in primary (we are key workers) and some have teenagers who have been in school at times.

Your anxiety is massively overplaying the risk. Get back to work and let your son socialise at nursery. And keep up the good work on your weight.

I would go for it and hand in your notice. This virus is not going anywhere soon

The fact it's not going anywhere is exactly the reason she shouldn't give her notice in. She can't afford not to work and Covid isn't going anywhere so she will need to learn to accept it eventually and live with the small risk (like we live with in regards to all sorts of things daily, other illnesses, car accidents etc...).

People have completely lost perspective during this pandemic. It's not surprising when you watch the fear mongering which goes on on the news daily etc... But seriously, this reaction is crazy.

OP you seem to believe it inevitable that you'll end up with Covid and leave your son motherless if he goes to nursery. It is not at all, in fact it's not even likely, or remotely likely.

For example, one of our DC brought it home from school. Not a single other person in the household got it, including his brother who shares a room and pretty much everything else with him.

I'm not saying that's the case for everyone but it just goes to show that it's absolutely not inevitable that anything disastrous will happen even if your son did catch anything at nursery.

On the other hand, we have all been struck down by about 5 normal colds since they went back to school!

You need the job, so why give it up?

Just go into the office and take precautions - take your own hand sanitiser, wear a mask, distance from colleagues.

OP, I understand your anxieties about going back, but now just isn't the time to be throwing away a job and trying to get another one. And it's always a good idea to retain some kind of financial independence when you're a mum with young children.

I actually cannot believe that you’re willing to torpedo your family finances because you’re too stubborn to get treatment for your mental health issues. Think about that, in black and white, and how selfish that sounds.

Sorry for being rude, but it’s necessary at this point (yes wasted my time being nice and helpful on your first thread). Seriously, just get the mental health help that your husband is telling you you need.

OP I'm really sorry but I agree with everyone one else I think you are making a mistake .

I'm happy to be corrected but I'm pretty sure I treated psoriasis caused no concern. It's the medication to treat it that's the issue.

I also have a high BMI ( but tackling it ) and am on maternity leave so I understand your anxiety but I have friends in the job market now and it's not kind.

One lovely friend was made redundant from her 3 day a week that fitted around childcare job. The only thing she has found is a 5 day a week in an office job. No wfm. You mention you currently work 3 days a week. You may really really struggle to find a part time job like that again.

I appreciate it's scary out there but if you can't afford to be without a job don't leave.

@MMMarmite

Did you actually read your link?!

Your statement that in the most recent week of testing 1 in 145 tested positive is a complete misinterpretation of

* During the most recent week of the study1, we estimate that 373,700 people in England had the coronavirus (COVID-19) (95% credible interval: 346,400 to 401,300). This equates to 0.69% (95% credible interval: 0.64% to 0.74%) of the community population in England or around 1 in 145 people (95% credible interval: 1 in 155 to 1 in 135).*

@Twizbe

You've not answered whether you've asked your work place what covid secure measures they have in place

Sorry - so, they have said all desks are 2m apart.
In the office I’m in, there will be 12 of us (more in the building)
Wipes and hand gel are available.
Our office has a toilet just for us 12 to use.
No one is allowed to leave the building at lunch time.
Our office has a microwave and toaster so we don’t need to use a separate canteen and mix with the rest of the building.

What are nursery doing?

Key worker will collect DS at the gate, all his belongings will stay there (his bag etc)
Regular temperature checks on staff and children.

No mixing of staff from different rooms.

Also I saw you say that your DH can't take time to help when DC gets ill because he's the higher earner - nip that in the bud now. He can and must help out with drop offs, collection and sick days.

DH will be collecting DS every night.

I just meant that should DS be ill at nursery, I would be the parent that they would call.

Do not give up your job if covid is your only reason!! Jobs are hard to get right now

So after this mammoth thread and the majority of people saying you'd be mad to give up a PT job, what are you going to do?

@Muskox

Honestly OP the risk to you at your age is very very low, even with the other conditions. I think you're making a mistake.

This is not true. OP is morbidly obese with a BMI of 40, not to mention asthmatic. She is not healthy to begin with.

My LO has went to nursery throughout this whole thing and there hasn’t been a single case in her nursery. I think the risk of your son bringing it home is low. I actually think if he can go to nursery at the moment he is one of the lucky ones as he’ll have some normality. This isn’t going away and the longer you take to go back to work the more severe your anxiety will be. I had PNA when my LO was first born and it was going out and doing the stuff I was worried about which helped (that and medication). I do a mix of wfh and office, everyone in the office have been working under covid for so long now that it’s just natural to keep our distance, wash our hands all the time and wear a mask if we need to get closer to one another. I don’t feel unsafe if I have to go to office. I feel more safer than going to the shops or for a walk as people seem much more lax about social distancing etc. in those situations.

@InsideNumberNine

So after this mammoth thread and the majority of people saying you'd be mad to give up a PT job, what are you going to do?

It’s her SECOND of these threads 🤷‍♀️

* I can’t work out which is the higher risk to me, my office or my son being in nursery.*

The higher risk is your very high BMI
But even then not to covid. To the many many conditions made much more likely as a result of a high BMI

OP it just doesn’t make sense to see covid as the shadow in the room. The shadow in the room is your weight.

Gets your son in bursary
You return to work
You focus on diet and exercise to really genuinely improve your life chances

To be honest, even in your position I’d get back to work, having used all of our savings a couple of times on maternity leave, it’s not a good position to be in.

Ok so your biggest concern is your son being at nursery - because as you say, you can distance at work, wear a mask etc. So if your work had agreed that you could work from home, you would still be in the same position. Your child would be going to nursery and potentially exposed (and exposing you)

Not necessarily; on the last thread it was widely felt that once the WFH arrangement had been agreed the nursery place would be declined, and OP was very vague in replying to this

Which left some of us wondering if the employer's twigged the same thing

For those telling you that you are ridiculous - I wasn't clinically vulnerable. I wasn't particularly poorly with Covid. Yes - it was like mild flu.

I am now in long Covid and suffering chronic fatigue. There are days when having a shower means I have to crawl back to bed. My body aches constantly, I have banging headaches. I have no energy whatsoever and my concentration level is zero. I cannot focus on reading, or watching tv or talking for long. To add to all this fun, I have insomnia and struggle to sleep which adds to my chronic exhaustion. I get out of breath very easily. All of these are recognised as symptoms common to long Covid now.

I wouldn't wish that on anyone. Those people who constantly re-iterate that we have to learn to live with Covid like the flu - this is from the Office of National Statistics

Around 1 in 10 respondents testing positive for COVID-19 exhibit symptoms for a period of 12 weeks or longer

Do you want a 10% chance of feeling like I do for 3 months or more? I wouldn't dream of telling anyone what to do re work/finances - but what I would say is that people scoffing about Covid not being dangerous to most people don't really understand what you could end up living with.