I’ve written my notice. Someone tell me I’ve done the right thing...

[readyplayer2]

I’m due back to work in 4 weeks time after being on maternity leave for 14 months.

I work in a large office and my employer throughout the whole pandemic hasn’t sent anyone to work from home!

I’m 35 have a BMI of 40 and I’m asthmatic, I also have psoriasis for which I am unmedicated.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

I’ve written to my employer as asked if I can wfh but today have received a written response to my request which states that due to business requirements, I will need to be back into the office.

I’m due to work 3 days a week and my son will go to nursery.

I’ve weighed up my risks and I feel like it’s too much of a risk me being in the office and my son being at nursery.

My husband wfh and has done since last March!

I feel like my son would benefit so much from nursery but I just don’t think it’s worth the risk to me, especially if it means I could leave him without a mother.

I was hoping I would be vaccinated by the time I go back to work but I haven’t heard a single thing, I had a Drs appointment last week and they confirmed I am group 6 and need to wait my turn.

I can’t extend my return to work date as I’ve already done this and used all of my annual leave allowance.

Hate what Covid has done to us all :(

'Business requirements' sounds like 'I don't trust my staff' or an excuse for a micro-manager

It can be, yes, but without an impartial account of the business needs we can't know if that applies here
It may even be that the employer feels they've already given enough - especially if other staff are okay with going in - and it's one of the reasons why I said further reluctance could lead to OP's decision being made for her

I think you are making a mistake. It's going to be so hard hard to find another job. Will your work place be covid secure? Could you take unpaid leave or annual leave for a couple of weeks/months until you have had the vaccine

But if I’m office based and my son in in nursery then it’s inevitable I’m going to get it

This is absolutely not the case at all, I think you've made the risks far bigger than what they are, do you know the cases per 100k in your area? They're probably a lot lower than you think!

I have a child in nursery and have worked in an office since June after my maternity leave and I haven't had it, nobody else in my office has had it either, and nobody in my daughter's nursery! I'm also group 6, I was vaccinated today, you'll be vaccinated in a couple of weeks latest. Do you watch a lot of news, use excessive social media? Because if you do that won't be helping.

If your bigger worry is your son at nursery than you in the office, you could look to see whether you can find a childminder. It's a much smaller bubble, one adult and a couple of children only. I do get that it's scary and stressful but I think it's risky to be out of a job in this market.

[quote BungleandGeorge]@WhateverJudy why are you supporting sexism in the workplace? People working part time are paid only for those hours, maternity and paternity leave are a legal requirement, as is being able to request flexible working. Often if you treat your employees well they reward you with loyalty. It’s also pretty inconvenient when people leave jobs every year or two to career climb. Also inconvenient when people take time off sick repeatedly. Pre-judging based on sex should not be tolerated. If you have an individual employee who is shirking responsibilities go through a legal process to get rid of them[/quote]
I’m not really clear on what point you’re making here but I’m absolutely not advocating sexism in the workplace and I’m not quite sure what gave you that impression. I’m arguing exactly the opposite. For women to stop accepting sexist treatment from their partners and to behave equally in the workplace. Then one day we might be treated equally.

I would go for it and hand in your notice. This virus is not going anywhere soon and as you say you are in the high risk so I think you are wise.

Your employer does not sound very fair - why can't you work from home?

Anyway that’s not really the point of the thread so I’ll stop banging on. It’s just bloody depressing that the OP hasn’t set foot in the workplace yet and has decided her employer is going to take the hit on all the occasions her child is ill.

It sounds like you need to take a step back and really look at how you are assessing the risk.

• It’s not inevitable that you’ll catch COVID by going into the office. Find out what measures they’ve taken, have there actually been any outbreaks in your office over recent months?
• It’s not inevitable that your child will catch COVID in nursery, me and thousands of other have had children in nursery throughout/ when permitted. In the case of our nursery there has been on case of COVID over the past year, and no one else in the setting caught it as far as anyone is aware (of course asymptomatic is a possibility.

Even if the, far from inevitable, worst did happen and you caught COVID the chances of you being serious ill from it, even as clinically vulnerable, are very very low. Far lower than activities you likely take without thinking of them, or living with a high bmi. (And I say this as someone CV, with a high Bmi and children in school (soon) and nursery). You’re likely to make yourself far more vulnerable through unemployment than you’ll ever be from COVID.

“ It would make no sense for us to lose a days pay from his salary for childcare.”

Please reconsider this point. You are both parents equally, it’s unfair on your employer as well as you and your career for the entirety of the emergency childcare to fall on them/you.

Covid is going to be around a while. It’s a huge move give up your job and struggle. Most officers are extremely covid secure!
You cannot be scared of the virus- we have to live with it (I’ve had it, to me it was just like bad flu) I think you’re being a bit dramatic

Personally (& I expect to be told in being harsh) I think you are being ridiculous!

Yes, this ^^

Sorry OP but I think the reasons you've given are mad. Especially given you can't actually afford to give up your job.

The risk is low, you're about to be vaccinated, your work have already said they have put measures in place.

You need help for your anxiety before you put your family in a precarious financial situation over such an over reaction.

I'd be pissed if my husband did this over the reasons you've given.

Are you sure it's not just because you don't want to go back to work? You seem pretty determined not to.

You've not answered whether you've asked your work place what covid secure measures they have in place.

What if they told you they had screens up at all desks, antiviral wipes and hand gel, masks etc ....

What are nursery doing? My kids have been at nursery the whole time they can and not one case (I'm in London) they've not had hand foot and mouth or chicken pox this year either ....

You need some serious help with your anxiety. Medication type help.

Also I saw you say that your DH can't take time to help when DC gets ill because he's the higher earner - nip that in the bud now. He can and must help out with drop offs, collection and sick days.

@tillyandmilly

I would go for it and hand in your notice. This virus is not going anywhere soon and as you say you are in the high risk so I think you are wise.

Your employer does not sound very fair - why can't you work from home?

And then what does OP do in six months time when she has run out of money and there are no jobs left to apply for?

It’s really down to how you truly feel. Nobody can tell you what to do. Seems you’ve had a long time off work and that’s been ideal for you to basically “shield” and that isn’t a bad thing, but now the thought of returning to a life somewhat normal is going to be scary.

To put it into perspective, my brother tested positive for covid and all of my household had to shield. My sister has bad asthma, she didn’t catch it from him, I have a low immune system as I have psoriasis too but I’m on Injections due to the severity of it and I didn’t catch it. I’m classed as needing to shield but have spoken to my doctor who allowed me back to work if I chose to. I did return last year when everything opened up and I managed to stay safe and not catch anything. I work in retail, deal with the public all the time and my workplace ended up with a covid case but the team didn’t catch it.

It’s so easy for our mental health and anxieties to say WHAT IF!!! But you need to try and push through that barrier and give it a go. I’d personally say to request a day to visit the office and see what procedures they have in place. If you truly feel unsafe, it’s down to you whether you give up work or not.

You’ll make the choice that’s right for you. I personally couldn’t take the financial burden and my mental health is now suffering from being inside too much. You’ve got this and do what’s best for you x

You say you can’t afford not to work.

So how are you going to find a part time, wfh job?

I’d take your chances with what you have. Rates are so much lower now.

I’ve been extremely careful, limiting social contact, avoiding supermarkets etc since last year.

What would have really helped is losing weight

especially if it means him losing his mother”

Statistically much more likely due to a condition made more likely by being very overweight

I know it’s harsh OP, and it is so frustrating to read about people on the one hand saying how concerned they are and on the other hand talking about it weight gain / being overweight.

If they said you missed an appointment to be vaccinated you need to check that out as they won't offer you another one. If it's an error, they will probably get you in as soon as they can. I was at work when I got asked to go that same afternoon. It's possible that they could do the vaccine on Monday if you get in touch with them.

Your employer sounds shit. I would not want to be going into the office to do a job that I can do from home, and I don't have any of your risk factors.

I think you need to think seriously about whether you'd be able to get another job in a few months' time, once you're vaccinated. How in-demand is your field? Do you know how many vacancies and applicants there are at the moment?

@tillyandmilly

I would go for it and hand in your notice. This virus is not going anywhere soon and as you say you are in the high risk so I think you are wise.

Your employer does not sound very fair - why can't you work from home?

A. She is not high risk B. She can’t afford to C. She is suffering from anxiety. Covid worry is merely the symptom of her actual issue. Take that ‘problem’ away and it will manifest itself in a different form D. She is looking to deny her son any interaction with the outside world and his peers indefinitely. The sooner she faces her issues the better they will all be

@readyplayer2 I in no way mean this in a trolling way and understand it may not be something that is of interest of you but I was a size 16 and am meant to be shielding due to type 1 diabetes and other health conditions. I also suffer quote badly with diagnosed anxiety and depression so covid has really scared me. I decided to try and get some weight off as I'm not responsible for my health conditions but I am responsible for my weight. It has made me feel like I am more in control and doing what I can to give me a better chance if I did contract covid. Returning from maternity is always an anxious time and you're returning after living in a bubble and a pandemic for the last year. Personally if you can't afford it I would give going back to work a go and just be really careful.

It's obvious you don't want to return to work.

Good luck in 6/12 months when you realise you've been ridiculous and trying to find a job along with other people who have actually lost their jobs in this pandemic...I know who I would look at more favourably.

By the way, it is not 'inevitable' that you will contract Covid due to your son being in nursery & you in the office, if this was so then a lot more people would have been ill.

Ok so your biggest concern is your son being at nursery - because as you say, you can distance at work, wear a mask etc. So if your work had agreed that you could work from home, you would still be in the same position. Your child would be going to nursery and potentially exposed (and exposing you).

Some nursery workers will have had the vaccine now as eligible carers, so be less likely to pass on virus. They are also swab testing twice weekly so should be picking up asymptomatic cases. Even if your child did contract covid from nursery, it is not a sure thing they would pass it to you.

Could you find a nanny to care for your child at home for 3-6 months? That would reduce all of your exposure. Even if it took up your whole wage, at the end of 3 months you would still have a job and chance to switch to nursery.

@tillyandmilly

I would go for it and hand in your notice. This virus is not going anywhere soon and as you say you are in the high risk so I think you are wise.

Your employer does not sound very fair - why can't you work from home?

I’m sure if she prints off your post the bank will accept that in lieu of the mortgage.

I have no idea where you live but even if you work in worst area where cases are about 300 per 100,000 that is 1 in every 333 people that might have the virus, which means 332 out of 333 don't have it even asymptomatically, about a third are asymptomatic but 2 out of 3 have symptoms so will not be out and about for you to met
even if you are with the 1 in 333 you have to be close enough for long enough but even them you still might not catch it, there are plenty of examples of people that have had it without their spouse or children catching it off them, so although there is a risk your actually risk of catching it is about 1 in 1000 maybe your risk of getting ill maybe 1 in 4000, your risk of getting seriously ill ? 1 in 10,000 your risk of needing hospital much less still and risk of dying even less than that
and that is if you are in a ad area your area might be much better so the risks are tinier still obviously these numbers are an educated guess but they are not miles off
There is nothing inevitable about your child getting it at nursery there has not been a single case at my daughters school in 11 months and if they do it is not a given you will definitely get it too
I do not think giving in to your anxiety is going help long term even if it seems like the best right now, every day statistics are improving less positive tests less in hospital less in ICU more vaccinations etc in 2 weeks it will be better still

What would you like to happen? Life is not going to go back to how it was. You need to adapt, there are going to be many situations you find yourself in where you are going to be at risk from something. Your son could get ill and you will have to take him to the hospital? Your husband might want to start going out or doing a hobby? You might be invited to parties and weddings. Quitting your job is a short term solution. Look at how you want to live and start with small changes. You are not going to find a job easily if you resign. That is a fact. Also how secure is your husband’s job? How will he cope being the main earner? We are going to need covid vaccinations for a long time, you need to start adapting.

The risk of catching covid from a partner you sleep
In the same bad as is 50:50 (it may be more with the new variant though). If 1 in 150 people have covid, the majority will be symptomatic and won’t turn up at work or nursery your risk is not enormous, especially for a short period until vaccinated (I think you are very likely to be done before then though). Nobody can guarantee you won’t be the unlucky one who suffers badly as in reality it’s a possibility, it is really pretty unlikely though. Against that you have losing a job that has let you have the hours you wanted, you’ve worked in for over 2 years and have employment rights and the fact that you may find it very difficult to get another (even more so with the hours you want). Presumably they haven’t had any outbreaks up until now or you’d know about it. You have a lot to lose if you need the job. I think the suggestion of a KIT day above is a really good one, go and have a look it may surprise you. Also, you can take lots of hygiene measures to protect yourself such as cleaning no keyboards, but some surgical masks. You could buy proper fp3 masks to wear at work if you wanted to, cheaper than giving up your job!