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Original poster

Mother's Day Rule Breaking

91 replies

Realitea · 24/02/2021 15:59

Already MIL has said she expects us to visit her in her garden which involves a motorway journey. Not just us but the rest of her children too. (and 2 grand children) Dh is being made to feel guilty and hasn't seen any of his family since last summer so is feeling really torn. I made it clear I really don't think it's a good idea but as the IL's have had their vaccine and so has Dh, she can't understand why I'm being so difficult.
They won't wait until the 29th March when it would be allowed and Dh could take just dd so there aren't more than 6
I feel really upset about this. I'm being put at risk by their decision but don't feel I can tell Dh what to do at the same time. I can tell they're annoyed with me already as I've been the only one throughout all this who seems to speak up about sticking to the rules much to their displeasure. (This happened last spring too due to a birthday and Dh went in the end but it really caused a row between us as we were supposed to be in lockdown at the time)
Any advice?

OP posts:
Fuckadoodledoooo · 24/02/2021 16:06

No advice but I'm in the same boat. It's shirt.

Fuckadoodledoooo · 24/02/2021 16:07

And it won't be the garden either. It'll be a full sit down lunch she wants.

Liveandletlive3 · 24/02/2021 16:09

Maybe you could suggest that you're happy to stay at home and he can go it alone this one time and once restrictions have eased, you will be more than happy to go and visit.

Coffeeandaworry · 24/02/2021 16:09

If it is genuinely in the garden at all times that's relatively low risk. If there's a chance it will move inside it's different.

MyBossIsATwat · 24/02/2021 16:12

You’re not being ‘so difficult’. You are absolutely in the right.

Have you asked your DH why keeping his mother happy is so important to him that he would consider putting you at risk and risking a fine for breaking the rules?

MyBossIsATwat · 24/02/2021 16:13

Sorry I’ve just reread that and it sounds a bit harsh. I’m annoyed FOR you but I’ve ended up sounding annoyed AT you instead. Sorry.

NCforSanity · 24/02/2021 16:16

My friend has got this very problem.

The poor guy has been shunned by his il's, argued with his wife but she's stood by him, and now, the il's have stopped contacting (calls, email, texts etc) my friend at all.

It seems mad to me 🤷🏼‍♀️

BlueSoop · 24/02/2021 16:16

What MIL expects is illegal and that’s the end of the matter. Tell DH you won’t be breaking the law and neither will your children, and you expect him to be a law abiding citizen also. Quite frankly your MIL needs a reality check and a bit less selfishness because it’s ridiculous to to expect people to break the law for you!

ineedaholidaynow · 24/02/2021 16:17

How far is the journey? Would toilets need to be involved?

I would be saying no as the more people that do this the more likely the Government will change the date for reducing restrictions.

Mother's Day is now mainly a commercial exercise, so can't you just move the actual meeting to when it is allowed.

wasthataburp · 24/02/2021 16:17

Ffs just go and see her. She hasn't seen you in months.

Original poster
Realitea · 24/02/2021 16:41

I won't be going but it's still putting me at risk because if he caught anything there (his sister works in a hospital in a very close contact job), he would bring it home to me.
I expect if the weather was bad they would move indoors without thinking about it and toilets would be involved as it's an hour away and dd is only young.
I suggested it being moved to when it's allowed but they're not having it. Can't understand moving it at all. I really feel like no one gives a toss about the risks any more.
Me and dd haven't had a vaccine, I don't want her and dh to break the law. We can't afford a fine. I said this to Dh. He quickly said 'I won't go then' but in a way that I know he's livid about it and it'll be because of me that he can't go. As though I've said he "can't" go. Then his family will go crazy
I've said I'm not getting involved as it's the only way I can think of stopping this from becoming the next massive family argument. I'll just have to put it down to 'them being them' I guess..and hope for the best

OP posts:
Notaroadrunner · 24/02/2021 16:44

I wouldn't be happy and would be pissed off with Dh if he went, vaccinated or not. No way would my kids be going. The rules will ease soon enough. Why can't they just accept that the rules apply to everyone, not just those who are awaiting vaccination.

joanneg36 · 24/02/2021 16:53

I'll disagree with most on this thread and say you should go and see her.

She's been vaccinated and assuming she's vaguely elderly, then the risk of her dying of something else - heart disease, cancer etc - in the next few months is not nothing, and significantly higher than either her or your risk from covid. She's entitled to want to see her family and she's right to do so. Spending time with your family should not be against the law, and this is where I feel our lockdown has got it wrong.

If you or your husband work in a high profile profession like law or the military where breaking the law on this is especially high risk, then fair enough. Otherwise, I'd do it, much as I would break the law and drive at 71 mph on the motorway if I needed to, to get there in time.

People have lost all sense of perspective on what is right and important. There are going to be a lot of old people dying this year who never got a last chance to see their family because it was 'against the rules'.

joanneg36 · 24/02/2021 16:54

I should say, if you are clinically vulnerable, that would change my view. But if you are not, then your risk is tiny, theirs (having been vaccinated) is even tinier, so personally I would do it if it's important to DH and his mother.

Crazycatlady83 · 24/02/2021 17:12

I would agree with you. Everyone is an adult and can understand the purpose of the rules. Whether you agree or not, isn’t really the issue. We have to put up with them. It’s only a couple of weeks - can’t see the difference.

People’s livelihoods are seriously “on the line” - the more “rule breaking”, the higher cases there will be and the more vulnerable people will be at risk having not had their vaccine (or only recently had it without the full protection)

Also, given its Mother’s Day - I assume you want to spend time with your DD so it’s selfish of him to take her away for the day!

Just ignore his strop, as I said he’s an adult - sounds like he is also trying to manipulate you into feeling bad.

Sixmonthson · 24/02/2021 17:12

My mum is over 90 and I haven’t seen her since last September, despite her living just 12 miles away.. She lives alone and has had both her vaccines and is 3 weeks clear of the second. I have had my first a few weeks ago. I’m fully intending to visit her on Mother’s Day to take her some flowers and hopefully have a chat in her garden for a few minutes. I don’t care if it’s slightly pre-empting the change in rules as she needs to see me and at her age I’m not prepared to wait any more when I consider it safe enough.

I know it’s hard for people in homes but it seems to me that people like my mum who live alone have been forgotten - the only company she has is when my brother drops her shopping in, he lives very close so when we were all being told to ‘stay at home’ it made sense for him to be in her bubble rather than me. However, he doesn’t stay for long and I know this winter has been very hard for her. Enough is enough

HSHorror · 24/02/2021 17:18

Rubbish isnt it op. Im sure we will be similar soon as the gp are almost all vaccinated now. But we are early 40s. So all depends on the order of under 50s.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 24/02/2021 17:20

@Notaroadrunner

I wouldn't be happy and would be pissed off with Dh if he went, vaccinated or not. No way would my kids be going. The rules will ease soon enough. Why can't they just accept that the rules apply to everyone, not just those who are awaiting vaccination.
I wouldn’t be letting mine go either and DH could stay elsewhere for 14 days after.
SeraphinaDombegh · 24/02/2021 17:22

@BlueSoop

What MIL expects is illegal and that’s the end of the matter. Tell DH you won’t be breaking the law and neither will your children, and you expect him to be a law abiding citizen also. Quite frankly your MIL needs a reality check and a bit less selfishness because it’s ridiculous to to expect people to break the law for you!
This. She can expect all she likes, she won't get it.
VinylDetective · 24/02/2021 17:28

I’m going to see my son on his birthday, 18 March. It will be four weeks after my vaccination and I’m not prepared to let him spend it alone. It’s a 50 mile journey and I think the chances of being stopped and fined are infinitesimal. The number of cases is pretty much halving every week now.

Figgygal · 24/02/2021 17:29

Mother’s Day is a hallmark bullshit day I’d not be breaking any laws to please her on the day that the card industry tells me is significant

joanneg36 · 24/02/2021 17:29

To all those saying 'it's only a few more weeks' - you could plausibly have said the same thing in May last year. In parts of the country, it has been illegal to have your family in your house for all of the year except a few short weeks in July. It is hopefully only a few more weeks, but let's say schools going back causes a sharp increase and that puts the date back, or a new variant arises... I am genuinely curious just how long people are willing to go without seeing their family for? Two years? Three? Five? If the law suddenly told you couldn't hug your husband or children because of infection risk - would you?

Also, even if it is 'a couple more months', a couple more months is not really that short a time in the life of someone in their seventies. It could potentially be the entirety of their remaining life, or certainly a significant proportion of it.

OverTheRainbow88 · 24/02/2021 17:31

@Realitea

I suggested it being moved to when it's allowed but they're not having it

Out of interest Why do you think this will be safer?

user1487194234 · 24/02/2021 17:33

You must of course do what you want ,but you can't stop your DH going ,and surely he has as much say in whether the DC go

user1487194234 · 24/02/2021 17:34

Mothering sunday was a day long before hallmark and i celebrate it as such